Joke Thread

[serrated_colon]

What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

Spoiler: Here's to hoping RMXP.org is mostly white

The pizza can feed a family of four

Spoiler: this explains why your joke sucks so much

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says.....

Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food
stamps, FREE medical care and free education!"

The passer-by says...

"You are mistaken, I am Mexican"

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by.

"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says....  "I no American, I Vietnamese

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his
hand and says.....  Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an
American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks her......

"Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says....

"Probably at work!"

 

[iceplosion]

You both suck.

 

[Masquerade]

What's the difference between a black man and a white man?

Spoiler

The white man has to make lame jokes about the black man to hide his own shitfulness

You are a racist.

What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

Spoiler: Here's to hoping RMXP.org is mostly white

The pizza can feed a family of four

You too.

What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

Spoiler: Here's to hoping RMXP.org is mostly white

The pizza can feed a family of four

Spoiler: this explains why your joke sucks so much

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says.....

Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food
stamps, FREE medical care and free education!"

The passer-by says...

"You are mistaken, I am Mexican"

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by.

"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says....  "I no American, I Vietnamese

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his
hand and says.....  Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an
American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks her......

"Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says....

"Probably at work!"

You are funny, but you are also somewhat prejudicious.

 

[Dann Woolf]

I don't think anyone will get this joke, but here goes.

Why is going to Amsterdam more enjoyable than leaving Amsterdam?

Because on the way there you can listen to the radio.

 

[iceplosion]

Heh, I still think leaving is more enjoyable.  :wink:

 

[serrated_colon]

you all suck

being in amsterdam is clearly more enjoyable

 

[Dann Woolf]

you all suck

being in amsterdam is clearly more enjoyable

You hear that wooshing sound?

That's the sound of the joke flying over your head.

 

[serrated_colon]

you all suck

being in amsterdam is clearly more enjoyable

You hear that wooshing sound?

That's the sound of the joke flying over your head.

the only woosh sound i hear is from my little brother watching BRUM on cbeebies

 

[Ellie]

What's the difference between a black man and a white man?

Spoiler

The white man has to make lame jokes about the black man to hide his own shitfulness

You are a racist.

Well done completely missing the point of my joke.

 

[Aepriz]

*DUMB JOKE (but good) ALARM*
xD

Its yellow and it aint a banana
, what is it ? :D

Spoiler: answer

indeed , a banana

xD

 

[Necrile]

What the fuck? How is that even remotely funny?

 

[moog]

*DUMB JOKE (but good) ALARM*
xD

Its yellow and it aint a banana
, what is it ? :D

Spoiler: answer

indeed , a banana

xD

why the fuck isnt this thread locked yet.

 

[Anski]

One man to another: 'Because of communism I will have a plane!'

'What do you need a plane for?'

'Well what if suddenly, say, flour is being given out in Kalug. Fly for half an hour--and I'm there!'

 

[Nachos]

Here we go:

There was a man on the bus and he was sitting down when a fat lady said 'if you were a gentleman you would stand up and let someone else sit down'. And he said 'and if you werent so fat you would stand up and let 4 people sit down'.

---

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

---

Dear Editor,

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.
My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.
Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.
I love this girl very much and want to marry her.
My problem is this:
Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,
Larry

---

Spoiler: New virus on the loose!

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.


Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

 

[Dann Woolf]

One man to another: 'Because of communism I will have a plane!'

'What do you need a plane for?'

'Well what if suddenly, say, flour is being given out in Kalug. Fly for half an hour--and I'm there!'

Umm... what?

 

[shiroun]

One man to another: 'Because of communism I will have a plane!'

'What do you need a plane for?'

'Well what if suddenly, say, flour is being given out in Kalug. Fly for half an hour--and I'm there!'

Umm... what?

It refers to the fact that Chinese people only get a certain amount of food per day/week/year. This amount is specific to everyone in an area, so if flour is being given out, this man can get that flour and use it for his own needs.

 

[moog]

One man to another: 'Because of communism I will have a plane!'

'What do you need a plane for?'

'Well what if suddenly, say, flour is being given out in Kalug. Fly for half an hour--and I'm there!'

Umm... what?

It refers to the fact that Chinese people only get a certain amount of food per day/week/year. This amount is specific to everyone in an area, so if flour is being given out, this man can get that flour and use it for his own needs.

Something like that, albeit it really wasnt that funny of a joke =|

 

[Anski]

It was funny to people with a higher IQ. :D

 

[shiroun]

It was funny to people with a higher IQ. :D

That'd be everyone.

I highly doubt yours ever hits above room temperature

jk

 

[moog]

It was funny to people with a higher IQ. :D

No no no I got it and all it just wasnt funny man.

its like a dilbert joke, it tries to be overly sophisticated and fails in its own pretentious attempt