Feedback on Predevelopment Projects

[kaze950]

I had an idea for a Mario-based MORPG....

The game would take place before Super Mario Bros., and wouldn't feature Mario, except for maybe a cameo. It would be set before the creation of the Koopa Kingdom, with Bowser portrayed as a young, koopa rebel. Players could side with either the Mushroom Kingdom or the Koopa Rebels (Although, the rebels aren't exclusively koopa.)

Although it would be an MORPG, it would have a story, the main enemies (for those who side with the Mushroom Kingdom) being Bowser and Kammy, with the main enemies for those who side with the rebels being King Toadstool, his daughter, and their allies.

You would be able to choose from 3 races:

Koopa
Human
Shy Guy

The reason I didn't include goombas is because, frankly, they can't do much and who wants to be a goomba? Koopa and Shy Guy seem to have the most variations. Most other enemies in Mario don't.

Each race has 4 different classes, 3 that are similar to each other and 1 unique.

Human
Jumpman - A unique class that has a good jump, and can throw fireballs at later levels.
Magician - Magic Class
Fighter - Warrior Class
Ranger - Ranger Class

Koopa
Parakoopa - A unique class than can fly, at the cost of FP.
Magikoopa
Troopa
Hammer Bros - Ranger Class

Shy Guy
Bandit - A unique class that can steal from enemies
Medi Guy - Magic Class
Spear Guy - Warrior Class
Spy Guy - Ranger Class


I envision it being 2D, similar to Maple Story. The story will be original, as mario doesn't really have a canon (If Bowser is killed in each game [He falls in lava in SMB1], why is he back in subsequent games?).

You would also be able to obtain Yoshis, which will be similar to Chocobos in FFXI and can be ridden from place to place.

I'm aware of Mario Passport, but it seems to be a bit different from what I envision.

Of course, these are all just ideas. I doubt this thing will ever come to fruition. Just posting it here to see what people might think.

 

[Ratty524]

@kaze: I like it, even though MORPGs would take a WHILE to make, though I'd love to play a mario-based RPG. :D

 

[Alysandir]

@kaze: Mario MMO sounds like fun since there's so much out there you could borrow on to put in your game. Stuff like the Mario Party minigames and such. It sounds pretty ambitious though.

I've been toying with the following story idea for my game, but I wonder if it goes too far in conveying a sense of tragedy. This is the opening sequence.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The game setting would be a fantasy world with two nations who are beginning the peace process after a decade long war. The main character is a captain in the navy of the victorious nation. He is anxious to return home to his family after months of service on the frontlines.

The game opens with the main character and his soldiers returning to their home city, the capital city, to a hero's welcome. I have a sort of "parade" planned out where the main character and his unit march from the port city through the countryside and then through the capital city while the opening credits roll and main theme plays.

Upon returning to the capital, the main character goes to give his debrief to the king when they are interrupted with news of a disturbance in town. It appears the house of the main character has been broken into. The main character rushes to his home only to find his wife missing and his 5 year old daughter killed. After an emotional scene of grief and rage, the main character begs the king to allow him to use the fleet to apprehend the killers/kidnappers who were seen making their escape. Concerned about what this may do to the delicate peace negotiations, the king reluctantly compromises and allows him to take only one ship and a minimal crew in his search.

We then cut to the main character leading the search aboard his ship, when suddenly the ship gets taken over by mutiny and the main character is thrown overboard and left for dead. It's also hinted at that this whole tragedy was orchestrated by the king and that they needed to make sure that the main character could not attempt to rescue his wife. Void of any further motivation to continue on after hearing this news, the main character accepts his fate. Adrift for hours and on the brink of death, he gets rescued by a passing ship and after a few scenes, he resumes his search for his wife, the murderers of his child, and for answers. Why do they want his wife? Why did his daughter have to die? Why did this happen to him?

This is where the game begins. I want the main story to focus on one man going through the worst kind of tragedy one can experience and in the end overcoming it and experiencing redemption. I'm also using the peace negotiations as a side story that will involve lots of political backstabbing and maneuvering that will ultimately serve as the motivation for the events of the intro. I dont want to spoil all of the plot twists, but it will involve gods, both good and evil who enjoy meddling in and influencing human affairs. There will also be a suikoden-like gameplay aspect where the main character has to recruit lots of people to build a nation that can stand against the main antagonist and his armies.

The main thing I'm questioning about my intro is if I'm going too far in killing off a child like that in a game, and also whether or not it will have the emotional impact I want it to have since there will be almost no time for the player to connect with the child or the wife before the events happen(there is only a brief scene involving these two with dialogue before the tragedy occurs). I do plan on using flashbacks, however, to characterize the wife and child throughout the game.

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Any thoughts?

 

[Reives]

It could work, but I'd worry more about the overdone aspect rather than how the player doesn't have enough time to know the daughter and wife to have an impact. But all that's saying is that you have to proceed with caution, it's often impossible to avoid cliches anyhow - just know that many other games are doing this and hence the need of details to set it apart.

The game play plan sounds interesting, although possibly difficult to construct properly.

 

[lunarea]

@ Alysandir:

I think you should save the part about his wife and child for a flashback sometime later in the game. The reason why I'm suggesting this is because if you include it that early on, the audience won't had the time to identify with the hero and you will lose the emotional punch this tragedy could have if introduced later.

For the most part, when you're introducing a character (such as the intro sequence), you should keep it fairly simple and try not to flood the audience with too much crucial information. The theme of your game is overcoming tragedy, which means movement and growth. Because of this, it's essential that the character is discovered at a time when he's reached a plateau.

My suggestion would be to start the game with the character drifting in the water. It is a time where your hero has nothing to do but face the tragedy. It is a great place you to explore his feelings: self blame, anger, depression, self doubt, etc. He can finally reach some kind of resolve and decide to swim to shore/boat. You've now got the hero at that plateau where you can establish him firmly and then begin to show growth.

The other elements of your intro could be introduced as you go along. For instance, the very first town he encounters could have some kind of trouble with monsters. To your hero, this is trivial and he really doesn't want to bother helping them. But if someone who reminds him of his wife/daughter asks "What would you do if someone you loved was in danger?", he may reluctantly help. When he comes back, there could be a kind of mini parade that cues in the big parade he had when he came to his home town (i.e. flashback).

The other thing I'd suggest is to perhaps approach his wife's/daughter's fate differently. Instead of coming home to find his wife gone and his daughter dead, he could find just a very bloody scene. Anyone who's looking at it would conclude that his family died. But there are no corpses. This would put your hero in such a troubled emotional and mental state, and could become an interesting struggle. On one hand, he could be harboring false hope and not be able to move on because he thinks his family is alive. On the other hand, he could be writing them off as dead and end up killing them because he didn't put all his effort into finding them in time. And if the villains of your game exploit this to shake him and make him unstable, you've really got something powerful to work with.

Lastly, I'd suggest picking someone else than the king to be the bad guy. It could be a prince who was planning to assassinate his father and blame it on the war, or a general that would be out of work if peace was established. Or it could even be the merchants/nobles who are making a profit from selling weapons to the armies. Leaving the king as the oblivious and good-natured character can give you interesting plot twists in the future.

Overall, though, you've got the right elements to make this an interesting game. So keep working on it

 

[Alysandir]

Thank you for the great comments, lunarea.

@ Alysandir:

I think you should save the part about his wife and child for a flashback sometime later in the game. The reason why I'm suggesting this is because if you include it that early on, the audience won't had the time to identify with the hero and you will lose the emotional punch this tragedy could have if introduced later.

For the most part, when you're introducing a character (such as the intro sequence), you should keep it fairly simple and try not to flood the audience with too much crucial information. The theme of your game is overcoming tragedy, which means movement and growth. Because of this, it's essential that the character is discovered at a time when he's reached a plateau.

My suggestion would be to start the game with the character drifting in the water. It is a time where your hero has nothing to do but face the tragedy. It is a great place you to explore his feelings: self blame, anger, depression, self doubt, etc. He can finally reach some kind of resolve and decide to swim to shore/boat. You've now got the hero at that plateau where you can establish him firmly and then begin to show growth.

I like this idea but are you suggesting that I keep the part about the wife and daughter as a surprise plot twist? Otherwise I'm thinking it might confuse the player if I leave out the reasons as to why he's feeling so much pain and self blame. I'm thinking of putting something vague in a scrolling text intro like "Our story begins with Joe RPG Guy. Accused of his wife's murder and stripped of his command, he is now drifting in the sea, left for dead." Those wouldnt be the exact words, but would something like that be giving too much info early on?

Lastly, I'd suggest picking someone else than the king to be the bad guy. It could be a prince who was planning to assassinate his father and blame it on the war, or a general that would be out of work if peace was established. Or it could even be the merchants/nobles who are making a profit from selling weapons to the armies. Leaving the king as the oblivious and good-natured character can give you interesting plot twists in the future.

Yeah, the queen (I've changed it to a queen) isn't the main "bad guy". She's being manipulated by someone, the same someone who needed the main character to be out of the picture for his plan to succeed.

Of course I still need to come up with a reason for the villain to keep the daughter alive. XD

 

[lunarea]

@ Alysandir

It's okay if the player is a little confused in the beginning. The audience is essentially being thrown into the middle of a story, and they don't need to know every detail right away. In fact, sometimes the mystery that surrounds the hero makes the players more interested in him/her.

Keeping what happened with his family a secret (for now at least) gives you two great things:
1) It pulls in the player because they wonder "What the heck happened to this guy? Why is he reacting this strongly?"
2) It's fantastic in terms of replayability. If the player finds out why the hero was in so much pain later in the game, they may be more likely to go back and replay the beginning.

The fate of his family isn't exactly a surprise twist, as you can (and should) hint that something happened quite a bit before you introduce the player to it. However, you should never come right out and say what happened. Showing the player will make the scene more charged and memorable. Hence why you'd make a cutscene as the hero remembers what happened. And if you introduce that cutscene a little later, the audience will be more touched by it.

Of course I still need to come up with a reason for the villain to keep the daughter alive. XD

Villains usually keep hostages as a bargaining chip. For example, if the hero manages to somehow find them and is about to kill them, all the villain has to say is "If I die, so does your daughter." The villain who just wants to hurt people would also keep someone alive because if the victim dies, they only suffer a short time. As sick as it may be, they keep hostages alive so they could make them suffer more.

It really depends on the kind of villain it is.

 

[Alysandir]

Very good points. Only one thing I'm hung up on though (sorry to keep bugging you).

If these events are going to be kept from the player for a while, they also need to be kept from all the people the main character meets including his future party members, right? I'm having a hard time coming up with a reason for why he wouldn't tell every person he could about the great injustice that he and his family faced.

I suppose I could go the "I dont want to talk about it..." route anytime someone asks him about his past...

 

[lunarea]

@ Alysandir:

It depends on your hero's general personality. How did he deal with problems before his family was taken away?

Sometimes retelling a tragic event means that the person is reliving it in their mind and heart. Initially, your hero might not be able to handle this. But he may open up with time. So, if you go with the route of him saying that he doesn't want to talk about it, this is a good reason why.

If you go with the idea that the hero was blamed for the disappearance/death of his family, he's essentially on the run and as such may be very careful about telling anyone about his past. This would include potential/present party members - at least until the point he feels that he can trust them with the information. And at that point, you can have a great cutscene that talks about the past and is a bonding experience for your characters.

Another thing to add to this is that other people's response to a tragedy will vary. It can go from pitying the hero to trying to console him, to even coming on to him (since, like all heroes, he's handsome and now suddenly available). Depending on your hero's personality, he might not want to deal with this on top of the feelings he's already struggling with.

 

[Alysandir]

Thanks so much for the help. I was about ready to scrap this whole plot, but now it's coming together

 

[Cheeze]

@kaze: That would be awesome! If You ever need help with that I would be Glad to help
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Meh..I don't Have a huge post because If I say something It will mess up the secerets in the game x_x;;

So here is the Main stuff. It's a Sandbox Zombie game (Yeah..Zombie x_x And If you dont know what a Sandbox game is, Its like GTA) and You have to save whom ever you want, However you want.

In this game It's Mid-summer and present time, In Oklahoma. You are 15 Years old and you have a 17 year old sister and an 8 year old brother.You are the child of a single parent(The parent is the mother). Your mother Usually stays with a guy for a year or two then breaks up with him and goes and dates someone else. You have never really seen your father besides in a picture.

You have 3 places to choose to Start out though. Your house, Your Grandparents, Or Your Cousins house.

Your House: Location:The middle of Fairview. Info:Its not a Big town but its not a small one. Your House is a two story building. It also has a basement.

Your Grandparents House: Location: 10 Miles out of the Fairview. Info:Your Grandparents have 10 acres of land. Your Grandpa was in the Army and your Grandma is Just an old lady. They Made about 4 of their 10 acres a farm. Around the farm area is just plains for an Acre and then its trees.

Your Cousins House: Location: 3 miles from your Grandparent's house, and 9-10 miles from Fairview. The town's name is Isabella Info: Isabella is a small town with a Post office, A Quick stop, And a run down Cafe. The town is so small you could walk the whole thing in less than hour. about 20 people live there. Maybe less. Your Cousin has A lot of Bikes, Cars, And basically Anything that goes faster than a human can walk there.

I am working on an Event Based ABS with guns and melee weapons. I'm trying not to use very many scripts but if I have to I will. Where you start out can mess with the story a bit and who you save can mess it up aswell. I am going to try to make it where you can ride Bikes and Other stuff like that. I know I am going to do the cars. The main prob I am running into is a spriter x_x

I have thought up a second Game aswell where An out of state uncle comes to Oklahoma and Tries to help and yeah o.o;;

Well? Good Idea? Yes? No?

 

[Twin Matrix]

Fairview? As in Desperate Housewives Fairview?

 

[Red Dawn]

Hey well i dont really have any big story about it, i havent really developed much of a story, im here for some help cause i really cant think of anything. Well i got bored and stopped a couple months ago, decided to start using rmxp again, i already had a little bit of a game. (like half an intro)

i just want to say, i love cliches. I dont have a problem that the storyline of a game im playing has been done before, even if ive played them. I like fantasy games, where theres an evil ruler and a peasant has to kill him, a country taking over another till a legendary weapon might change it, an imprisoned demon is released by the hero and its up to him to kill it etc.

Well in the intro some guy is sitting on a cliff with his dog, Pizo. A meteor crashes into a hill (panorama) in the distance and he wants to go tell someone. In love of cliches, the meteor will be a girl.

Beyond that, i dunno. Ive had a few ideas, namely alternate dimension things or possibly time travel, but nothing i really like. Any suggestions?

EDIT: or i could just start again, my problem is i cant think of anything interesting for the story.

 

[lunarea]

@ Cheeze:
Not much I can say about it, as you've only posted the setting. Without any background story to go with it, I can't offer any advice.

@ Red Dawn:
First of all, we all know cliches will happen. It's an inevitable effect of making a genre like RPG because the majority of the cliches are based on the very elements of what makes a game fall into "role playing" category.

What we are trying to encourage here is for the authors to present their idea in a whole new light. Essentially, we want the game to appeal to all kinds of people: from those that never played an RPGs and don't know what a cliche is, to those who've played them all and are sick of the same old plot twists.

There are a lot of ways to make an old or cliche idea interesting. Take for example your plot. It's essentially a story of an ordinary boy who becomes a hero through saving the meteor girl - complete with time travel, dimensional rifts and alternate worlds. You could change this completely by adding one simple element: the 'hero' is just a guy with a lot of imagination that gets him into all sorts of trouble.

The game, for example, could begin with the meteor crashing and the hero running to the crash site to find a beautiful girl standing there, begging for his help. Only this scene gets cut short by the "hero's" father hitting the hero upside the head for daydreaming. A stranger comes to the village seeking a man to escort his daughter to the capital. Our bright-eye hero somehow manages to get hired for the job (at this point, you can add something like the man wanting to get rid of his daughter and hiring the weakest and most pathetic man he could find).

The rest of the game can revolve around the hero trying to make his daydreams come to life - from trying to give heroic speeches, to getting swindled into buying "invincibility" charms, to get thrown into prison for trying to sneak into the castle. In a sense, he could become the "damsel in distress" where the girl has to constantly come and fish him out of trouble.

This kind of scenario still has all the classic elements (and even scenes if you want to go as far as including the hero's daydreams and fantasies) but with an original and comic twist. As such, it sounds fresh and more interesting to people.

 

[G-man]

I actually had a game planned after Genesis Saga, it would be like an rmxp mario party, when the princess of South Island gets captured, it's up to Arshes and his colorful friends to save the day. Thats all I got so far. it would feature mostly rtp or edited sprites, with char. selection and everything.

 

[Red Dawn]

Had a good idea, just wrote this.

Spoiler

The story starts with the Hero, Rayne, as he is resting atop a cliff, with his faithful dog, Pizo.
All of a sudden, the sky lights up as a meteor rockets through the heavens and crash lands in a nearby valley. ?Did you see the size of that meteor?!? exclaims Rayne to Pizo, then decides to go check it out. Upon his arrival, he discovers a young girl, about Rayne?s age, with waist-length jet black hair. ?Who are you?? he asks of her, and is returned with only silence. ?Did you come here to see the meteor?? he asks. She slowly turns to look at him, and he recoils in fright. For her eyes are red. Not tinted pink, like the albino traveller who passed through his village only a year before, but truly red, like Rubies shining in the candlelight. ?Who are you ?? he whispers, in awe of those entrancing eyes. In a haunting, musical voice, she replies; ?I don?t know.?
?Then where did you come from?? he asks slowly, almost afraid of the answer. Slowly she turns, and tilts her head towards the heavens. Rayne looks closer, and sees that, yes, she is standing in the meteor?s crater. But there is no meteor to be seen. ?Could the girl have moved it?? He wonders. He walks forwards, until he is standing only a few metres away from her. She turns to face him, and as she does, he notices her clothes are smoking. ?No?? he whispers. That-That?s impossible.? The way she was standing in the crater of a meteor, her clothes smoking, the way she turned to the heavens when he asked her where she was from, those red eyes, could only mean one thing. ?Did you come - from up there?? he asks shakily. She speaks one word; ?Yes.?

DUN DUN DUN (well that wasn?t obvious at all)

?Do you want to come with me?? he asks, for no one could want to spend a night alone in these forests, no matter where they were from. She nods silently, and he leads her home. As he steps in the door, the girl stops. ?What?s wrong?? he asks. ?What are you doing?? she questions. ?What is this place??
?It?s my house!? he laughs. ?I need to get out of the cold!?
?Yes,? She agrees. ?It is cold,? and she allows him to lead her inside. To his parents questions, Rayne simply replies that he found the girl passed out in the forest, and that she cant remember where she came from. He would try to find where she was from the next day. Dinner was served in good cheer, as usual, but Rayne noticed his father looking at the girls eyes in wonder, and his mother?s smile was forced when she served the girl a helping of potatoes. After dinner, he lead her to the spare room, and tried to question her as to where she was from, but she would give no answer. In exasperation he retired to his room for the night.

Rayne awoke to the sound of men speaking quietly, just outside his window. He gets up, and looks through his window, to find the men to be imperial troops. Imperial troops, in his village! What would the king?s best soldiers be doing in a small mountain town. He turns to the door, intending to find out, when he sees the girl, standing with her fists clenched, brow furrowed, looking through the window at the men outside. She turns to leave. ?Wait!? he whispers, and she stops to look at him. ?What are you doing??
?I am leaving,? she says.
?But why??
?Them,? she says simply. ?They must not find me.?
?Why not?? He asks. She turns to leave. ?Hey!? He grabs her arm. She spins, fast as a cobra, and strikes him so hard that he flies back and slams into the wall. With inhuman speed, she darts forward and hisses ?Killers! Slavers! They are the worst of scum. If they find me I am finished.?
?Slavers?? wonders Rayne groggily through the pain in his back from where he struck the wall. ?They are not slavers! They are the kings troops??
She turns from him. ?Wait!? He cries. ?Ill come with you. She turns to him, something flashing in her eye. Sadness? Wonder? Joy? It could have been all three, or none at all. ?Okay,? She says. ?Now we must leave.?

Well that was long!!! K that?s the intro thingy, basically they run away together, but the soldiers spot them and for a portion of the game it?s just about getting away, before you get more into the story. Heres a bit more:

Spoiler

Eventually they catch up to you, and the girl uses magic! She uses a fire spell, and kills two of the men, then they get away again. Rayne's all like WOW! and stuff, cause hes never seen a mage, only heard of them (magical power is really rare in this world). Well through the game, Rayne slowly learns about the girl (and he finds out her name! something big and complicated), and he falls in LOVE with her. Ohhhhh! In-game to be decided, but the basis of it is that the girl is taking him somewhere, and he doesnt know where! Like nearish the end, she loves him back, and i reckon ill make a nice smoochy scene on a cliff or something lovely like that :p .
Well you end up getting caught by the king, and -get this, the girl is a freaking DEMON! yes that's right, demon. The kings mage had summoned her, but it went a bit wrong and she ended up coming through from the demon realm in the sky over a little mountain town. The reason he summoned her was that she possessed the key to unlocking the seal enslaving a REALLY powerful baddie (demon god or something). So the king gets them, Rayne is locked up, girl is about to unlock the seal. Rayne gets out just as the baddie is released. The girl is lying at the side of the room, Rayne runs to her. She tells him the only way to stop the baddie is to kill her before the traces of the seal wear off. He says, NO. He loves her too much, she says that the monster will destroy everything etc etc a nice emotional scene then he kisses her (Ohhhhh) and stabs her. Bolts of energy fly out of her, hitting the seal on the baddie. It goes all color-warpish, flashing and that then It flashes white and shatters! Rayne is crying hardout, ashes in his hands (remains of demon-girl), he scoops them up into a little jar, then gets the HELL out of there. He finds a note she left him (dunno where). Says,
For Rayne: I want you to know that the time I spent with you was the best i have ever had. I will never forget you. If you happen upon my ashes, after I am killed, know that you can bring me back. The rocks of (something) have the power in them, if you take my ashes there i will be with you once again. The rocks are southwe-
(the rest of the note is cut of, all burnt up)
Rayne, reading through all excited he can bring back his loved one, is anguished to find the critical part of the note missing. He escapes with the ashes, and vows to find the rocks and bring her back. (Opening the way for a possible sequel)

Man, that was long! dunno if anyone can be stuffed reading it. But yeah. Thats my story =]. What do you think?

 

[G-man]

well you had me until the king part, I'm not a fan of knights, and kings and queens and such.

 

[Red Dawn]

Hehe i might change that, like why does the king need this super-power monster? hes the king! probably will change it, just wrote that cause its the first thing that came to mind. Yeah, itll be like a general or advisor or something, trying to seize power

 

[chiufan]

I was thinking about making an RPG Maker fangame out of the manga, Negima!

For more information, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negima

 

[G-man]

I was thinking about making an RPG Maker fangame out of the manga, Negima!

For more information, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negima

that would be an awesome rpg, but it could also be very stupid if it was made wrong.