Feedback on Predevelopment Projects
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Alright this is just an idea at the moment nothing is being made as of yet
well tell me what you think and remember this is only an idea, nothing is being made as of yet.
You start of as a slave on Tatioone, Your master or slave driver makes you enter the Bonta eve podrace, If you win you'll be set free but if you lose you will remain a slave for ever. After you win you have the choice to do whatever you wanted depending on your midichlorian count, if your midichlorian countwas really high then you would have the chance to become a jedi, other wise you could become a bounty hunter or something like that.
-Make your own character
-Different midichlorian counteverytime you play
- Chance to be who you want to be
- Many different worlds
- A karma system if you do bad things you will get a negative karma and vise versa
-Different midichlorian counteverytime you play
- Chance to be who you want to be
- Many different worlds
- A karma system if you do bad things you will get a negative karma and vise versa
well tell me what you think and remember this is only an idea, nothing is being made as of yet.
Hello people of the forum, or in most cases.... this thread.
I have had an idea for quite some time now about a futuristic story.
~~~HAKUYO~~~~
The year is 2153AD, and a small planet that was colinised by humans (as the Earth in this time was becoming a much tighter place to live) is given their first taste of war..... The cause, a cyborg conquorer who prefers the compony of his own machines over humans.
On his first arrival 9 years before, his assault forces wiped out almost all of the planets major cities, leaving only 3 to defend themselves. But as well as this, his forces had killed the parents of a 13 year old boy called Hakuyo Velnaan. Hakuyo was not special, not only was he named after the planet, but he also had a strange "power". He possessed an energy source that was unlimited, but at the same time unpredictable.
Hakuyo, now a military officer. had only one tool to harness this power, a sword given to him by his father just seconds before he died. No one could figure out where this power came from or how he could use it but no one else could. It was a mystery that gave him alone an advantage over just about everyone.
(At this point of my story you are probably thinking "oh it's just a rip off of Star Wars" well your completely wrong!)
There was only one other that anyone knew had this power, the Conquorer Raiga, the one man who knew all of it's secrets.
~~~JUST A GENERAL STORY MUCH MORE REFINED THAN THAT~~~~
anyway what do you guys think, should I chuck it or go with it?
I have had an idea for quite some time now about a futuristic story.
~~~HAKUYO~~~~
The year is 2153AD, and a small planet that was colinised by humans (as the Earth in this time was becoming a much tighter place to live) is given their first taste of war..... The cause, a cyborg conquorer who prefers the compony of his own machines over humans.
On his first arrival 9 years before, his assault forces wiped out almost all of the planets major cities, leaving only 3 to defend themselves. But as well as this, his forces had killed the parents of a 13 year old boy called Hakuyo Velnaan. Hakuyo was not special, not only was he named after the planet, but he also had a strange "power". He possessed an energy source that was unlimited, but at the same time unpredictable.
Hakuyo, now a military officer. had only one tool to harness this power, a sword given to him by his father just seconds before he died. No one could figure out where this power came from or how he could use it but no one else could. It was a mystery that gave him alone an advantage over just about everyone.
(At this point of my story you are probably thinking "oh it's just a rip off of Star Wars" well your completely wrong!)
There was only one other that anyone knew had this power, the Conquorer Raiga, the one man who knew all of it's secrets.
~~~JUST A GENERAL STORY MUCH MORE REFINED THAN THAT~~~~
anyway what do you guys think, should I chuck it or go with it?
Here's a story of mine....
Long ago the gods were created of the void and they set about creating world's. Their first created world was Venomia. They first created creatures and the land and finally, magic/ they created magic to be a helper to the creatures and humans, but they made the mistake of making the magic draw from the earth. Human kind and best kind warred, each willing magic to help them. and in turn the magic drew more power from the earth. the result was a cytalyst which ravaged the land and killed the peoples of Venomia. The gods set about creating a new world, that would be sustained in the skies above Venomia. They created magic this time as a webnet that encompased the floating isle. to protect this webnet they created beings called Djinn. To govern the people of this island they created immortals and set them in the tower of the immortals and gave them Ghragens a race of harpy like creatures. to throw those who would try to make contact with Venomia into the open sky.
However in Venomia the magic flowed to the center of Venomia and the planet nourished it and made it a crature named Charnoth. Charnoth brought with him a plague that consumed and corrupted those who were infected, making them serve Charnoth's devices. The plague under charnoth's bidding infected the immortals and requested that all Djinn be confascted so He could gain control of the webnet of magic, becoming immensly powerful.
Aen recacal poses the last Djinn his survival is crucial to Sryn's survival
Long ago the gods were created of the void and they set about creating world's. Their first created world was Venomia. They first created creatures and the land and finally, magic/ they created magic to be a helper to the creatures and humans, but they made the mistake of making the magic draw from the earth. Human kind and best kind warred, each willing magic to help them. and in turn the magic drew more power from the earth. the result was a cytalyst which ravaged the land and killed the peoples of Venomia. The gods set about creating a new world, that would be sustained in the skies above Venomia. They created magic this time as a webnet that encompased the floating isle. to protect this webnet they created beings called Djinn. To govern the people of this island they created immortals and set them in the tower of the immortals and gave them Ghragens a race of harpy like creatures. to throw those who would try to make contact with Venomia into the open sky.
However in Venomia the magic flowed to the center of Venomia and the planet nourished it and made it a crature named Charnoth. Charnoth brought with him a plague that consumed and corrupted those who were infected, making them serve Charnoth's devices. The plague under charnoth's bidding infected the immortals and requested that all Djinn be confascted so He could gain control of the webnet of magic, becoming immensly powerful.
Aen recacal poses the last Djinn his survival is crucial to Sryn's survival
stryderblaze
Member
Welcome to Senia, the medieval world.
Times are good; there has not been a single war in over forty years among the seven Kingdoms. The people are happy but curious about the sudden appearance of dark flowers within there borders.
Where there is peace however, darkness will stir and within one the great Kingdoms the power of the dark flowers slowly begins to take hold. It is said that a plague sweeps this land passed from one person to the next and that even the king and his royal knights have fallen to the clutches of the curse. Rumors persist that the plague turns even those of pure heart into wild-eyed madmen devoid of humanity.
So far the other kingdoms have not felt the sting of the dark power seeping from there neighbors homeland. It is only a matter of time however and the great lords and kings of the remaining lands gather to discuss how best to protect themselves from this threat. It was at this meeting that the great King (insert name here) decided that each kingdom should send its greatest hero to discover the source of this blight and how to rid it from the land.
i would like an honest feedback from you guys/gals
Times are good; there has not been a single war in over forty years among the seven Kingdoms. The people are happy but curious about the sudden appearance of dark flowers within there borders.
Where there is peace however, darkness will stir and within one the great Kingdoms the power of the dark flowers slowly begins to take hold. It is said that a plague sweeps this land passed from one person to the next and that even the king and his royal knights have fallen to the clutches of the curse. Rumors persist that the plague turns even those of pure heart into wild-eyed madmen devoid of humanity.
So far the other kingdoms have not felt the sting of the dark power seeping from there neighbors homeland. It is only a matter of time however and the great lords and kings of the remaining lands gather to discuss how best to protect themselves from this threat. It was at this meeting that the great King (insert name here) decided that each kingdom should send its greatest hero to discover the source of this blight and how to rid it from the land.
i would like an honest feedback from you guys/gals
'No offense but it's crap'. Obviously he'll take offense from that. And that was just spam, in no way constructive. Try telling him why it's crap, why you don't like it, how it could be improved.
I personally think it's terribly written, but i prefer the concept of his over yours. So maybe yours is crap.
I personally think it's terribly written, but i prefer the concept of his over yours. So maybe yours is crap.
I've been working on this backstory for a while now. I want it to give enough information, but still come across mysterious. I also didn't want it to be too lengthy either. Tell me what you think.
Long ago, on the continent of Tasin, 5 races existed. Each race lived in their own realm, barely crossing paths, except for trading purposes, and never cross-breading. Doing so would most likely result in the executions of the perpetrators as well as the execution of their offspring.
These five races have not always coexisted peacefully, however. There were once many wars, which gave the shape to each realm's boundaries. Over time, these wars became forgotten. All that remains of these forgotten wars is a little known statue of an unknown soldier.
The wars weren't the only things to become forgotten over time, however. To the east of the realm of Men, lay a realm long forgotten to all but a few in the world. The few who knew about it, considered themselves unlucky to have knowledge of such a hideous place. Therefor, it was never spoken of, even amongst each other.
But now, the world is going to have to rely on their knowledge in order for its survival. In the long forgotten realm of Brayce, an army, undetected by the rest of the world, has been building up its forces for many years. Fuled by anger and hatred for the rest of the world for forgetting, them, the Braycians have built up an army that would demolish even the best armies from the forgotten wars.
The Braycian Army is preparing to strike. Will the knowledge of the Elder, the ones who have not forgotten about these people, be enough to save the world? OR will the weak, untrained armies fall to the tough Braycians?
Only time can tell...
These five races have not always coexisted peacefully, however. There were once many wars, which gave the shape to each realm's boundaries. Over time, these wars became forgotten. All that remains of these forgotten wars is a little known statue of an unknown soldier.
The wars weren't the only things to become forgotten over time, however. To the east of the realm of Men, lay a realm long forgotten to all but a few in the world. The few who knew about it, considered themselves unlucky to have knowledge of such a hideous place. Therefor, it was never spoken of, even amongst each other.
But now, the world is going to have to rely on their knowledge in order for its survival. In the long forgotten realm of Brayce, an army, undetected by the rest of the world, has been building up its forces for many years. Fuled by anger and hatred for the rest of the world for forgetting, them, the Braycians have built up an army that would demolish even the best armies from the forgotten wars.
The Braycian Army is preparing to strike. Will the knowledge of the Elder, the ones who have not forgotten about these people, be enough to save the world? OR will the weak, untrained armies fall to the tough Braycians?
Only time can tell...
stryderblaze
Member
i like it oh red dawn thanks for your reply bout my story
stryderblaze
Member
red dawn someone on antoher forum helped me reword so it would sound better.
Red Dawn;328968 said:
--RPG Bot--
The year is 203X, a time of a new world-wide technological golden age. Cities flourish with powerful man-made energy, and the field of robotics has grown dramatically.
On the island of Meta, a young, female robotics scientist, named Dr. Sasha Ivory, has just completed the Artificial Intellegence System (AIS), which she now installs in her new, humaniod creation: Joshua(name could change if you want)
Joshua was different from other robots. He had emotions, he could nearly think on his own, he was curious as a newborn child, he seemed almost human.
Such work drew the attention of millions, and Dr. Ivory was asked to create more robots with the same type of system. Despite the pressure she would feel, Dr. Ivory agreed, and built eight new robots for the purpose of human work and benefit: Hydro Bot, the water-plant robot; Ice Bot, the arctic exploration robot; Strong Bot, the land tending and construction robot; Thunder Bot, the energy replacement robot; Number Bot, the calculation robot; Air Bot, the weather changing robot; Fire Bot, the waste disposal robot; and Color Bot, the entertainment robot. Her first creation, Joshua, was proud to see that he now has "brothers" who are related to him. Unfortunately, such company will not last for long.
Dr. Ivory, who was shopping for materials, came to her laboratory home to find that it has been completely ransacked, and her eight new creations were missing from their sleep capsules. The only robot she found was Joshua, who cried out to her that his "brothers" were taken by a "freaky old man". Just then, the image of this man appeared on Dr. Ivory's computer monitor, laughing. "Ha ha! Remember me, Ivory? I'm your college professor, Dr. Ivo Volman, the one who started the project of the AIS and the one you leeched! I'm leaving this message to let you know that I've taken 'your' robots and made them the masters of my new robotic army. They were quite easy to reason with, almost like little children, so now they obey me! I hope you had fun taking the credit for my research, darling, because now you'll pay the price! You all will!" The message ended, and Joshua said to Dr. Ivory that Dr. Volman didn't take him because he said that he was "something like a useless heap of scrap metal".
A few hours later, news reports swarmed through television of attacks by "robotic men", making Dr. Ivory feel even more ashamed and hopeless than she already has. Just then, the only creation on her side, Joshua, asked Dr. Ivory to go and stop Dr. Volman. It sounded brash, but after much consideration, Ivory agreed, and converted Joshua into a new, combat robot: now named RPG Bot.
RPG Bot dares to single-handedly infiltrate and destroy the robot fortresses; destroy the eight misguided humanoids and, if possible, bring back their parts to Dr. Ivory; and put an end to the deeds of Dr. Volman. Equipped with a titanium armor set and an arm cannon called "The Plasma Buster", RPG Bot relies on his ambition to help him win over Dr. Volman.
[what do you guys think?]
The year is 203X, a time of a new world-wide technological golden age. Cities flourish with powerful man-made energy, and the field of robotics has grown dramatically.
On the island of Meta, a young, female robotics scientist, named Dr. Sasha Ivory, has just completed the Artificial Intellegence System (AIS), which she now installs in her new, humaniod creation: Joshua(name could change if you want)
Joshua was different from other robots. He had emotions, he could nearly think on his own, he was curious as a newborn child, he seemed almost human.
Such work drew the attention of millions, and Dr. Ivory was asked to create more robots with the same type of system. Despite the pressure she would feel, Dr. Ivory agreed, and built eight new robots for the purpose of human work and benefit: Hydro Bot, the water-plant robot; Ice Bot, the arctic exploration robot; Strong Bot, the land tending and construction robot; Thunder Bot, the energy replacement robot; Number Bot, the calculation robot; Air Bot, the weather changing robot; Fire Bot, the waste disposal robot; and Color Bot, the entertainment robot. Her first creation, Joshua, was proud to see that he now has "brothers" who are related to him. Unfortunately, such company will not last for long.
Dr. Ivory, who was shopping for materials, came to her laboratory home to find that it has been completely ransacked, and her eight new creations were missing from their sleep capsules. The only robot she found was Joshua, who cried out to her that his "brothers" were taken by a "freaky old man". Just then, the image of this man appeared on Dr. Ivory's computer monitor, laughing. "Ha ha! Remember me, Ivory? I'm your college professor, Dr. Ivo Volman, the one who started the project of the AIS and the one you leeched! I'm leaving this message to let you know that I've taken 'your' robots and made them the masters of my new robotic army. They were quite easy to reason with, almost like little children, so now they obey me! I hope you had fun taking the credit for my research, darling, because now you'll pay the price! You all will!" The message ended, and Joshua said to Dr. Ivory that Dr. Volman didn't take him because he said that he was "something like a useless heap of scrap metal".
A few hours later, news reports swarmed through television of attacks by "robotic men", making Dr. Ivory feel even more ashamed and hopeless than she already has. Just then, the only creation on her side, Joshua, asked Dr. Ivory to go and stop Dr. Volman. It sounded brash, but after much consideration, Ivory agreed, and converted Joshua into a new, combat robot: now named RPG Bot.
RPG Bot dares to single-handedly infiltrate and destroy the robot fortresses; destroy the eight misguided humanoids and, if possible, bring back their parts to Dr. Ivory; and put an end to the deeds of Dr. Volman. Equipped with a titanium armor set and an arm cannon called "The Plasma Buster", RPG Bot relies on his ambition to help him win over Dr. Volman.
Characters:
name: Joshua "RPG Bot"
weapon: Plasma Buster
special abilities: Power Cannon, Copy system
bio: Joshua "RPG Bot" was Dr. Ivory's first humaniod creation to be built with the AIS and the first robot in the world to be programmed based on human DNA. He bears a friendly, naive, generally childlike appearance and personality, though when he feels that something is wrong, he can't stand it. As "RPG Bot", he volunteers to make sure that Dr. Volman receives justice for his schemes.
name: Hydro Bot
weapon: Anchor Cannon
special abilities: Spear Missle, Bubble Beam
bio: Dr. Ivory's second humanoid creation. Some say he has a design flaw due to his goofy scuba-diver/fish-like appearance. He tends to hate being called "fishy" and is a little bit clumsy when walking on dry land. Now under the servitude of Dr. Volman, he took over the Meta Island water plant and transformed it into his own, deadly fortress.
name: Ice Bot
weapon: Freeze Palm
special abilities: Ice wave, Blizzard Storm
bio: Dr. Ivory's third humanoid and "girl" robot. Intended for arctic exploration, she has the power to withstand thousands of degrees below zero, which may have given her the affinity for cold places. Aside from being very whiny, she bears the same naive personality as RPG Bot, and was shocked to find that the "evil robot named RPG Bot" was really her brother, who she plans to take him to Dr. Volman to become "good".
name: Strong Bot
weapon: none
special abilities: Power Arm, Quake Smash
bio: The fourth, bulky creation of Dr. Ivory. He was built to have powerful arm strength and be able to lift about 3 times his body weight. Unfortunately, he has more brawns then he does brains, though if you tell him such he'd get defensive and irritated. Upon servitude to Dr. Volman, he has taken over a local construction site and is using it to create destructive weapons.
name: Thunder Bot
weapon: Static Palm
special abilities: Thunder Shot, Electric Floor
bio: Dr. Ivory's fifth, more human-looking robot intended to generate replacement energy in case of blackouts. He is a playful, "cool-kid" kind of robot who enjoys cracking jokes and making fun of others. Despite his association with him, Thunder Bot likes to think of Dr. Volman as a "cranky old man with an egg for head".
name: Number Bot
weapon: Number Buster
special abilities: Digit Bomb, Number Wall, Number Hold
bio: Number Bot prides himself as being the most intelligent of Dr. Ivory's creations. He was programmed with the knowledge of several mathematic formulas and can calculate equations in a matter of half a second. He was intended to serve as the world's first robotic teacher in schools, though now he's been given a weapon to help Dr. Volman conquer.
name: Air Bot
weapon: none
special abilities: Rough Wind, Whril Wind Spreader
bio: [none thought up yet]
name: Fire Bot
weapon: Fire Cannon
special abilities: Fire Cannon, Fire Spreader, Volcano Burst
bio: Originally intended for disposing waste, Fire Bot now manages his own base inside of the Meta Island volcano. His temper is about as hot as his weapon, the Fire Cannon, and generally has a stubborn, cold personality, which may be the reason why he is not remorseful for finding that his "brother", Joshua, is his enemy.
name: Color Bot
weapon: Laser Gun
special abilities: Color Beam, Joke-in-the-box
bio: Ivory's final creation was one meant to be an entertainer for the Meta Island Robot Fair. Seemingly by nature, he's very playful and immature, and likes to tell jokes, even though they are pretty bad. He agreed to work with Dr. Volman because he thought that by joining an evil force, he would look cool.
weapon: Plasma Buster
special abilities: Power Cannon, Copy system
bio: Joshua "RPG Bot" was Dr. Ivory's first humaniod creation to be built with the AIS and the first robot in the world to be programmed based on human DNA. He bears a friendly, naive, generally childlike appearance and personality, though when he feels that something is wrong, he can't stand it. As "RPG Bot", he volunteers to make sure that Dr. Volman receives justice for his schemes.
name: Hydro Bot
weapon: Anchor Cannon
special abilities: Spear Missle, Bubble Beam
bio: Dr. Ivory's second humanoid creation. Some say he has a design flaw due to his goofy scuba-diver/fish-like appearance. He tends to hate being called "fishy" and is a little bit clumsy when walking on dry land. Now under the servitude of Dr. Volman, he took over the Meta Island water plant and transformed it into his own, deadly fortress.
name: Ice Bot
weapon: Freeze Palm
special abilities: Ice wave, Blizzard Storm
bio: Dr. Ivory's third humanoid and "girl" robot. Intended for arctic exploration, she has the power to withstand thousands of degrees below zero, which may have given her the affinity for cold places. Aside from being very whiny, she bears the same naive personality as RPG Bot, and was shocked to find that the "evil robot named RPG Bot" was really her brother, who she plans to take him to Dr. Volman to become "good".
name: Strong Bot
weapon: none
special abilities: Power Arm, Quake Smash
bio: The fourth, bulky creation of Dr. Ivory. He was built to have powerful arm strength and be able to lift about 3 times his body weight. Unfortunately, he has more brawns then he does brains, though if you tell him such he'd get defensive and irritated. Upon servitude to Dr. Volman, he has taken over a local construction site and is using it to create destructive weapons.
name: Thunder Bot
weapon: Static Palm
special abilities: Thunder Shot, Electric Floor
bio: Dr. Ivory's fifth, more human-looking robot intended to generate replacement energy in case of blackouts. He is a playful, "cool-kid" kind of robot who enjoys cracking jokes and making fun of others. Despite his association with him, Thunder Bot likes to think of Dr. Volman as a "cranky old man with an egg for head".
name: Number Bot
weapon: Number Buster
special abilities: Digit Bomb, Number Wall, Number Hold
bio: Number Bot prides himself as being the most intelligent of Dr. Ivory's creations. He was programmed with the knowledge of several mathematic formulas and can calculate equations in a matter of half a second. He was intended to serve as the world's first robotic teacher in schools, though now he's been given a weapon to help Dr. Volman conquer.
name: Air Bot
weapon: none
special abilities: Rough Wind, Whril Wind Spreader
bio: [none thought up yet]
name: Fire Bot
weapon: Fire Cannon
special abilities: Fire Cannon, Fire Spreader, Volcano Burst
bio: Originally intended for disposing waste, Fire Bot now manages his own base inside of the Meta Island volcano. His temper is about as hot as his weapon, the Fire Cannon, and generally has a stubborn, cold personality, which may be the reason why he is not remorseful for finding that his "brother", Joshua, is his enemy.
name: Color Bot
weapon: Laser Gun
special abilities: Color Beam, Joke-in-the-box
bio: Ivory's final creation was one meant to be an entertainer for the Meta Island Robot Fair. Seemingly by nature, he's very playful and immature, and likes to tell jokes, even though they are pretty bad. He agreed to work with Dr. Volman because he thought that by joining an evil force, he would look cool.
name: Dr. Sasha Ivory
age: 30
bio: Dr. Ivory is one of the many scientists who build and study robotics. Ever since she was a young child, she dreamed of robots becoming a common feature to society, and wanted to relate to them like human beings. While she was in collage, she helped and supported her collage professor, Dr. Volman, in researching and creating the Artificial Intelligence System, though Volman could never complete it. Years later she finally created the first robot to use the system, which she named Joshua. Dr. Ivory treats RPG Bot like her own son, since her real son died in a car accident.
name: Dr. Ivo Volman
age: 57
bio: Before becoming a "mad scientist", Dr. Volman worked at a University, where he taught Robotics. One of his prized projects was to develop a program system to allow robots to not just emulate human-like functions, but emotions and feelings as well. Despite his time and effort, his project remained incomplete as he was fired from his job when it was discovered that he had been building an army of destructive robots on the campus without authorization. Volman dreams to use the power of robotics to create his own empire and enslave the populace, and when he stole Dr. Ivory's robots he launched an attack upon Meta Island. He remains angry at Dr. Ivory for "stealing" his work.
age: 30
bio: Dr. Ivory is one of the many scientists who build and study robotics. Ever since she was a young child, she dreamed of robots becoming a common feature to society, and wanted to relate to them like human beings. While she was in collage, she helped and supported her collage professor, Dr. Volman, in researching and creating the Artificial Intelligence System, though Volman could never complete it. Years later she finally created the first robot to use the system, which she named Joshua. Dr. Ivory treats RPG Bot like her own son, since her real son died in a car accident.
name: Dr. Ivo Volman
age: 57
bio: Before becoming a "mad scientist", Dr. Volman worked at a University, where he taught Robotics. One of his prized projects was to develop a program system to allow robots to not just emulate human-like functions, but emotions and feelings as well. Despite his time and effort, his project remained incomplete as he was fired from his job when it was discovered that he had been building an army of destructive robots on the campus without authorization. Volman dreams to use the power of robotics to create his own empire and enslave the populace, and when he stole Dr. Ivory's robots he launched an attack upon Meta Island. He remains angry at Dr. Ivory for "stealing" his work.
[what do you guys think?]
I and my friends are making a game called "VIII". Heres the story of "VIII" so far.
The VII are in control of basically everything, crime, the king and his knights, most succecful people. But the VII are very corrupted, a lot of the world lives in poverty, only the people who have sold themselves to the VII live a good life, but from then on the VII basically own them. Most don't even know of the VII's existence, they re a myth, a rumor, a legend.
One day the VII find an orphaned baby, they believe this baby was that of the ancient prophecy, the prophecy said that a child wold be found and that he would bring the world to its knees and that hed be evil (something like that). That baby is our main character.
As the baby grew he was rained to one day become the 8th member of the VII and fufill the prophecy. He was trained in studies(smart things), magic, and weapon use. The boy had never left the fortress of the VII and he had no friends.
One day while wondering through the fortress he found a room with a piano(like 7 years old), he asked his favorite member of the VII to teach him how to play. He was amazing at it. Soon he had started playing other musical intruments.
The first line in the game is "Music was my best friend", "Music was my only friend", while we show him (age 16, age he is in the game) playing the piano in the room, while we show the flashbacks of the stuff i just told you.
So flashforward, hes 16 and oneday he learns about the prophecy and all of the evil that the VII do. He decides to escape, the first boss is one of the VII, after beating him(not killing), he demands to know where they found him, the VII member tells u. you leave.
as you head for that city u stay in a small town, u have no money and have never really met anyone. U befriend a thief who teaches you about the poverty and corruption of the world, the thief becomes ur friend, hes a dagger guy, with a lot of street smarts, hes one of the main characters. he kinda helps on ur journey accompanied by his sister, also main character, they search for ur roots and ur history and try to take down the VII.
thats it so far tell me waht u think. BTW it will have a Kingdom Hearts esque battle system.
__________________
The VII are in control of basically everything, crime, the king and his knights, most succecful people. But the VII are very corrupted, a lot of the world lives in poverty, only the people who have sold themselves to the VII live a good life, but from then on the VII basically own them. Most don't even know of the VII's existence, they re a myth, a rumor, a legend.
One day the VII find an orphaned baby, they believe this baby was that of the ancient prophecy, the prophecy said that a child wold be found and that he would bring the world to its knees and that hed be evil (something like that). That baby is our main character.
As the baby grew he was rained to one day become the 8th member of the VII and fufill the prophecy. He was trained in studies(smart things), magic, and weapon use. The boy had never left the fortress of the VII and he had no friends.
One day while wondering through the fortress he found a room with a piano(like 7 years old), he asked his favorite member of the VII to teach him how to play. He was amazing at it. Soon he had started playing other musical intruments.
The first line in the game is "Music was my best friend", "Music was my only friend", while we show him (age 16, age he is in the game) playing the piano in the room, while we show the flashbacks of the stuff i just told you.
So flashforward, hes 16 and oneday he learns about the prophecy and all of the evil that the VII do. He decides to escape, the first boss is one of the VII, after beating him(not killing), he demands to know where they found him, the VII member tells u. you leave.
as you head for that city u stay in a small town, u have no money and have never really met anyone. U befriend a thief who teaches you about the poverty and corruption of the world, the thief becomes ur friend, hes a dagger guy, with a lot of street smarts, hes one of the main characters. he kinda helps on ur journey accompanied by his sister, also main character, they search for ur roots and ur history and try to take down the VII.
thats it so far tell me waht u think. BTW it will have a Kingdom Hearts esque battle system.
__________________
stryderblaze
Member
hey guys i have a new story for you guys to critique on
HISTORY
Several centuries ago dragons and humans lived in coexistence with each other, until one fine day when the ruler of draconian castle died of natural causes and the new heir to the throne decided that the dragons should be wiped from existence over something that happen earlier in his childhood. But some of the servant’s believe there previous king didn’t die from natural causes but was murdered somehow.
Story
Centuries later draconian became a huge empire and the dragons nearly extinct with only a handful of dragons left to survive along with some humans who sided with the dragons over their kings wishes and the king exiled them to another continent to die or become food for the dragons for them to survive but one human decided to create a kingdom on this new continent and he give’s this new kingdom a name of dragonia castle and that any human or dragon was welcomed in his kingdom including hybrids a combination of humans with dragon wings on their
HISTORY
Several centuries ago dragons and humans lived in coexistence with each other, until one fine day when the ruler of draconian castle died of natural causes and the new heir to the throne decided that the dragons should be wiped from existence over something that happen earlier in his childhood. But some of the servant’s believe there previous king didn’t die from natural causes but was murdered somehow.
Story
Centuries later draconian became a huge empire and the dragons nearly extinct with only a handful of dragons left to survive along with some humans who sided with the dragons over their kings wishes and the king exiled them to another continent to die or become food for the dragons for them to survive but one human decided to create a kingdom on this new continent and he give’s this new kingdom a name of dragonia castle and that any human or dragon was welcomed in his kingdom including hybrids a combination of humans with dragon wings on their
stryderblaze
Member
sorry bout that i was planning on revising the whole thing
nick5674398
Member
Stryderblaze: your story sounds good, hope you make it into a game!:yes:
So, hey people, I'm not getting much feedback on my story in my project thread so I'll post it here.
The two kingdoms, Atlundea and The Empire, Engova, are on the brink of war, as conflicts rise up in all directions. Engova, lead by King Valdis is taking over the cities and small villages in the surrounding area, crimson red flags filling the sky. This has never happened between the kingdoms in years, since back to when their ancestors were ruling, the new kings over the years promised to keep the peace and prosperity intact.
This surprise set the people to a state of peril, even Engovas people don't know exactly what's going on, that is why King Rohan, the leader of Atlundea must retaliate, by sending his elite knights undercover to the large city of Kizere, the town that seems to be most active with the empire.
Kizere, the town of peace....well it used to be, the town just isn't the same with the strict ruling of the empires forces hounding the roads. The farmers and merchants
are more afraid to travel to the town from fear that they might get arrested for anything. They don't bother the towns people, but they put stress on the weapons and armor smiths, as there are new orders for equipment each day, hard times for the apprentice smith, Aiden.
(see characters spoiler)
It must be to much to save a typical old lady with simple fighting from a thug, because the guards quickly come knocking on the door of the church,
looking for Aiden, but he refuses to go with them, so he gets taken to the stronghold atop of Kizeres highest mountain, that they seemed to take up as a jail.
He quickly gets freed hours later by Cyrus, with no clue who the ninja is or what's going on he chooses to follow him out of the stronghold.
So, hey people, I'm not getting much feedback on my story in my project thread so I'll post it here.
The two kingdoms, Atlundea and The Empire, Engova, are on the brink of war, as conflicts rise up in all directions. Engova, lead by King Valdis is taking over the cities and small villages in the surrounding area, crimson red flags filling the sky. This has never happened between the kingdoms in years, since back to when their ancestors were ruling, the new kings over the years promised to keep the peace and prosperity intact.
This surprise set the people to a state of peril, even Engovas people don't know exactly what's going on, that is why King Rohan, the leader of Atlundea must retaliate, by sending his elite knights undercover to the large city of Kizere, the town that seems to be most active with the empire.
Kizere, the town of peace....well it used to be, the town just isn't the same with the strict ruling of the empires forces hounding the roads. The farmers and merchants
are more afraid to travel to the town from fear that they might get arrested for anything. They don't bother the towns people, but they put stress on the weapons and armor smiths, as there are new orders for equipment each day, hard times for the apprentice smith, Aiden.
(see characters spoiler)
It must be to much to save a typical old lady with simple fighting from a thug, because the guards quickly come knocking on the door of the church,
looking for Aiden, but he refuses to go with them, so he gets taken to the stronghold atop of Kizeres highest mountain, that they seemed to take up as a jail.
He quickly gets freed hours later by Cyrus, with no clue who the ninja is or what's going on he chooses to follow him out of the stronghold.
stryderblaze
Member
my intention was to turn it into a game right now I'm having someone help frankensprite some hybrids for my game and I'm still revising the story
nick5674398;331017 said:
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