FAIL.

[Luminier]

Syphonmax's misadventures involving members of the fairer sex are both gaudy, and entertaining. The feelings of awkwardness is surpassed only by the general atmosphere of "Never-gonna-get-laid-ness"(oh, and don't bother taking issue with that last bit, as I already know exactly what you're going to say).

Oh, Syphonmax, when will your years of awkwardness be rewarded with a sitcom? I would title it "Every Girl Hates Syphon'".

Hey, at least that way, you'd be on TV, right?

 

[mawk]

And the ratings skyrocket. Another job well done, men. Let's dine on jetpacks.

 

[Seafoam]

I have a few

When I was five, me and my friends would jump off a picnic table in my backyard pretending we were famous divers, so we would do all these crazy moves and stuff. One time I went to the very edge because I wanted to do a really cool move, but I sort of stopped mid jump and landed one one of my arms (idrk how it happened) and it broke in two places. All I remember after that was me screaming my head off, my friends running away (they were my neighbors) and them peering over their fence.
FAIL

I was six or seven, and me, my brothers, aunt, uncle, and cousin were at this kind of river place, and there was a big rock that you could jump over and land in water (the place was full of people). At the bottom there was a seperate kind of kiddy-jump, and on the way there (I don't really remember it that clearly) there was a pole sticking out of one of the rocks so you had to duck to get under it, but I forgot, and smashed my head off it and fell into the water, so my uncle had to get me out. The second time my aunt said "watch out for the pole this time", but I smashed my head yet again and fell into the water. The third time she actually came behind me and when I got to the pole she said "Now duck." but I smashed into the pole and fell in the water.
(that was written badly sorry)
FAIL.

I had a school trip to a waterpark, and while I was in the wavepool the strings to my bathing suit top came off and I didn't notice.
FAIL

About a year ago at school, I was sort of enemies with this girl Nicole. One time me + her were arguing or whatever, at the top of the stairs, and I told her off really well. But when I was walking down the stairs all proud I tripped over my own foot and dropped all the books I was carrying, my pop which exploded all over me, and banged my funny bone against the floor which made me go "AAGHGH" in this really retarded way. And yes, she was still standing at the top. With all her friends. Watching.
FAIL

 

[united washcloth express]

Seafoam, you amuse me o_o

 

[mawk]

Actually, Clizzz, I'm curious.

Whatever happened to "Sixteen years of womanless sorrow...?"

 

[Clizzz]

Well, to be truthful, It's still nearly 17 years of Womanless sorrow. I'm more successful in the field, but they always seem to slip outta' my hands. They move away, or they can't wait anymore, or they just plain lose interest ... (Well, okay, they don't lose interest, they just move on.)

Because you see, I'm not a gangsta type kind of black dude, who just goes and presses up on some womans booty, making lewd remarks about how he wants to hit it. That's just not me.

And apparently, that's what girls now these days like. Also, there's a severe shortage of women round my parts. I mean, who seriously wants to go out with a 13 year old? They've no experience.

So, I'm stuck in a rut, which can only be expressed in a lyrical poem of sorts.

*Fine Woman walks by*
Rick Says: Oh, Lord, Will I ever ...
Fine Woman says: No, little boy, never ...

@Lummy: Alway's the critic huh? Well, we've yet to hear about the multiple women you have hangin' from yer' arms there youngin' ...

 

[mawk]

There's a reason for that, Clizzz. Some people prefer to keep it in their pants during a conversation. Some dudes have restraint... and some I'm still waiting on to rush into some completely unrelated thread and shout "I GOT LAID!" in bold and a twenty-something font.

Your mature and superior voice, might I add, is hilarious. Put some work into it and you'll be laughin'.

Because you see, I'm not a gangsta type kind of black dude, who just goes and presses up on some womans booty, making lewd remarks about how he wants to hit it. That's just not me.

And apparently, that's what girls now these days like. Also, there's a severe shortage of women round my parts. I mean, who seriously wants to go out with a 13 year old? They've no experience.

You sound a little bitter there, dude. Self-medicate more, that's my suggestion.

 

[Clizzz]

Of course I'm bitter dude. I mean, come on. All the fine women go for teh losers, and then when they're empty vessels half used up, ladened down with illicit children born out of lust and ignorance, and then are forced to grunge in the dirt like mongolian death worms, they complain about how "Men are such dogs" or "Men live for only one purpose, to hit it" or something of the sort. Suddenly You find your self being stereotyped 'cuz your black, and everybody thinks that your just out for the "ride".

On a more self-medicated note. I don't really worry about this anymore. I've figured that people can believe what they want. When "she" comes, then I'll live my life to the fullest. Until then, I'll continue to pound upon my breast, with righteous and holy indignation (and prepare for college entrance exams). Amen.

 

[united washcloth express]

Unfortunately, guys like us usually get women when we're 26 and successful. :/

Unless we get lucky and a girl takes a chance though ^^

 

[Red Dawn]

Wait... Clizzz is black?

 

[mawk]

Of course I'm bitter dude. I mean, come on. All the fine women go for teh losers, and then when they're empty vessels half used up, ladened down with illicit children born out of lust and ignorance, and then are forced to grunge in the dirt like mongolian death worms, they complain about how "Men are such dogs" or "Men live for only one purpose, to hit it" or something of the sort. Suddenly You find your self being stereotyped 'cuz your black, and everybody thinks that your just out for the "ride".

On a more self-medicated note. I don't really worry about this anymore. I've figured that people can believe what they want. When "she" comes, then I'll live my life to the fullest. Until then, I'll continue to pound upon my breast, with righteous and holy indignation (and prepare for college entrance exams). Amen.

: P

Life is wonderful. People are dicks, but life is wonderful. Living it is pretty damn fun, if I do say so myself. And since getting rid of people in general is genocide (and I understand that that's frowned upon,) it's better just to learn to live with people, maybe find a select few who are awesome.

 

[TwistedDragon]

Yeah, this time is for.. Not so long ago, at school, I've been spending my time trying to get "Neutral" with the Bullies at school, not by giving them or doing stuff for them, but just to be with'em and talky the talk.

Well, suddenly 3 of the Biggest bullies came towards me when I were standing in the corner (Its air condition there, but most people at my school doesn't know that xD), the stood in front and on my sides and before they were GOING to say  that "Hey, Twisted, This girl is in love with you", I snapped and panic, First I SLAPPED everyone and then I were yelling "I'M GETTING RAPED!!", ... All that time just went Down the Drain.. Man, I miss the 2nd grade.. >_<

So it did end up with a broken nose, and some cuts and shizzle.. Mostly on me..

 

[Grathea]

Oh, twisteddragon. Then again, you probably deserved it for using a phrase like 'talky the talk'.

...Now that I read that again, I'm puzzled. You panicked because someone said a girl liked you, and you said you were being raped?

 

[Luminier]

@Lummy: Alway's the critic huh? Well, we've yet to hear about the multiple women you have hangin' from yer' arms there youngin' ...

Call old-fashioned, but I think I'd prefer to wait for someone that I actually care for. I'm not gonna go out, and get some random chick to bone.

"I'M GETTING RAPED!!"

:lol: Pwaha! That's damn funny.

 

[TwistedDragon]

Oh, twisteddragon. Then again, you probably deserved it for using a phrase like 'talky the talk'.

...Now that I read that again, I'm puzzled. You panicked because someone said a girl liked you, and you said you were being raped?

No no no, I didn't know that they were going to tell me it, They just stood next to me.

I have NEVER(EVER) reacted like that..

@Lummy, Yeah I thought that would be funny for ya' guys..
@gratheo, talky the talk ,Also, well, err..

 

[syphonmax]

I AM GONNA BE ON TV!! =D

I can't wait! SO at this moment in time I'll go out and get another ridiculous fail XD

Dude clizzz you gotta get a girl, forget about other women there's sluts you can go for, or you've already found a girl, but you can't get her because she's married

rofl I'm sorry I watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean again and a lot of scenes stuck in my head oh, the memories of when I was 10.

 

[Clizzz]

@Lummy: Well, great minds think a like I guess, that's one of the reasons I haven't found any women. I want someone I actually care about.

@Miek: Hey, for me, this is one of the best times of my life (Besides the loads of work I have to do in AP classes). Finding out about RMXP/VX and this community has been one of the most rewarding discoveries of my life. You guys are life family to me now. (Everyone, 'cept Despain  :tongue

 

[Venetia]

Owwhh baw, everybody.

Chicks dig confidence. It doesn't matter if you're fat or ugly or riddled with backne (that's like acne, except on the back), or if you play a fishwife in the school play, or if you accidentally got a boner while standing in front of class giving a speech, or if you suck so bad at football, you're more likely to get it planted in your maw than catch it in your hands.

I won't lie; if you're ugly, you're unlikely to get the gorgeous, popular chicks. If you're a clumsy oaf, it's kinda defeatist to shoot for the athletic, sporty girls. If you're fat, it's probably silly to only chase after Size 0 tail. But that's not to say you can't find anyone.

All you have to do is be confident. Chicks like dudes who demonstrate that they're in control, while being soft enough to let loose on the reigns once in a while. It's not cute for a dude to get bashful and avoid the first kiss. It's not fun to have to force a guy to talk openly about sexuality or what he wants to do.

It's a double standard, but it's cute when chicks play hard to get, and it's just plain frustrating when men do. Sorry :/

My best advice is to get in there, suck it up, stifle the blushes, and be a man!

 

[Scribblette]

Yep. Which is why I got de NADA in high school for having zero experience and always being the shoulder and nary more, but the moment I left school and turned into the 'college dude' all the last year high school girls went nuts for me. o_O And I mean the HOT ones. Yai. And I was dressed in ANCIENT FLANNELETTE SUPER CRAP jumper jacket things!

It may have helped that they knew I'd been kicked outta home and stuff... maybe they thought I was 'dangerous'. o_O

Once you get past your first kiss it gets a lot easier. My first took me an hour and a half of attempted asking - literally, me saying "Uh, could I... what if... have you... would you like... if... maybe..." for that entire time - before she got pissed off and dragged me away and did her best lizard impersonation.

Man that was a confidence boost. "Okay, so I know I'm nervous about kissing, but at least I picked SOMETHING up from the movies, lass! Go for the old style romantic open mouth movie - GLURGLEGLURGLE"

Um.

Summary: Fake confidence can work, but best is genuine faith in yourself - being happy with yourself, knowing you kick arse at something you're proud of BUT not rubbing it people's faces. Most of all, being happy with yourself means you're not desperate to please them. Nothing seems to turn off girls faster than a guy constantly desperate to please them. Cute things as a friend is different. Desperation = BAD.

 

[shiroun]

Once you get past your first kiss it gets a lot easier. My first took me an hour and a half of attempted asking - literally, me saying "Uh, could I... what if... have you... would you like... if... maybe..." for that entire time - before she got pissed off and dragged me away and did her best lizard impersonation.

Maybe she just wasn't right, or it was bad timing. For me.. it was all natural.


Anyway, I've been having massive issues with the same girl, and I can finally resolve it.


the fail?: If I screw up... I'm dead.

Is this like my 15th page snipe? Fuck yea! Thats a fail!