Alright, I've seen the new Ghost in the Shell movie, and it was better than I thought it would be - waaay better.
However; it was a really fucking dumb movie and a really shit Ghost in the Shell movie. It was definitely fucked up both nostrils by Hollywood's massive cock.
The dialogue, in particular, was absolutely crap. Everything that came out of the character's mouths was really badly written and was just a travesty. If the film was muted and re-dubbed - changing the story exposition along the way - then it would be better.
Opening scene, after the "Ghost in the Shell" title appears, they are like "Yo, Scarlet, yeah, we gave you a new body - but you could call it a SHELL, maybe? Dunno. But don't worry, love, it's still *you*, your soul is in there, like, you know - your GHOST is in there. YOUR FUCKING GHOST IS IN YOUR FUCKING SHELL SCARLET, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO TELL THE AUDIENCE YOU".
The over-explaining is just out of this world ridiculous. "SCARLET DON'T DEEP DIVE WITHOUT A RUBBER. It's dangerous! You could get your brain hacked because your entire mind is exposed to the hacker and they can upload viruses, download torrents, view weird bestiality porn shit or fucking make it so it's not you or whatever. Bear with me Scarlet, I know you know all this already because you're a trained professional and you've clearly done this before, but the fucking audience doesn't know shit - probably - and our screenwriters don't know how to convey the risk involved, actually why the fuck do we need to mention the risk? But whatever, the point is - audience pay attention - this shit is dangerous, we need to reaffirm that and also fuck you Scarlet".
And the way they handled Batou was really shitty. They didn't need to do it at all, it was like "Oh shit my eyes oh no what am I going to do - I hope the audience notices this happening" and then the next scene it was like "Scarlet, fuck you, check out my cool eyes, they're like your fucking stupid eyes - probably? I'm like this for the rest of the film now, Scarlet. We had to do it this way so the audience was able to build some kind of empathy for my human nature by displaying my humanistic eyes earlier. Don't ask me how my eyes got fucked up - I've already forgotten. Feed my fucking dogs, Scarlet. Feed them bitches. Fuck you forever, Scarlet".
Aramaki 100% shows what was wrong with the dialogue because he was all in Japanese - which they could have done well by hinting or explaining how this shit works, but they don't even fucking try. It was like "Yo chief, shit's gone down, Scarlet's all gloomy and we don't fucking know why, what should we do?" and Aramaki is like 「あなたはヤクザクラブで悪人を見つけなければなりません。うまくいけば、それは映画のための良い場面を作るだろう。ファックあなたスカーレット。」and then the team is like "Gotcha, chief. Totally understood that. Hopefully someone in the audience will assume some kind of auto-translation is happening in our brains, otherwise this dialogue would appear to be really fucking dumb".
They hardly fucking explain Section 9. Clever people in the audience might be able to figure it out, but it's like "Scarlet, we put your brain in your FUCKING SHELL, IT'S A SHELL SCARLET, FUCKING GHOST IN THE SHELL, SCARLET - yeah we put your brain in there so you can work for Section 9, guess they had really shitty luck with job applicants this year. We'll explain why Section 9 in particular later. Probably. Hopefully that part doesn't get cut." and then half way through the film it's like "Scarlet, listen to me right now. You're here to stop terrorists. That could be what Section 9 does, we'll let the audience make that connection because the scene where we explained it properly was cut earlier because too much fucking explaining is going on because our AUDIENCE IS SO DUMB. FUCKING AMERICANS, WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB? Scarlet your mission is to stop terrorists, links are in the video description below.".
Oh my god the brain comms explain as well. Scarlet was like "Batou you speak in my head now, right? Got that? Mental chit-chat, you hear? You get me? The shit we've just been trained to do recently because this is an origin story apparently?" and Batou was like "Oh fuck Scarlet, you know I'm really shit with thinking in my brain and all. I just need to get used to it, because the audience also needs to get used to this concept because it doesn't have lip movement involved - I know some subtle lip and jaw movement with some eye contact (my eyes are great at the moment, thanks for asking) would have been a good way to convey that I am talking to you through your brain without sound coming out of my mouth, but fuck you Scarlet you know mental chit chat is all new to me" *Oh shit never-mind I've got the hang of it immediately. Looks like all the training we had paid off, excellent! By the way, what does Section 9 do again?*.
And the computer talk-back was insanely dumb. Man; "Computer, I'm now taking control of this big fucking robot" Computer; "Affirmative. You are now taking control of the big robot. Manual control is activated. Take the wheel son. It is yours to control now. Please be aware that this makes operating the robot a very personal task." Man; "Fucking ace, I want this to appear personal because then the audience would see that maybe I've lost control in my desire for revenge or something. Who knows lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯".
The ending exposition was massively Hollywood with Scarlet speaking over the top of footage - explaining DIRECTLY TO THE AUDIENCE - that she's finally figured out why everyone is telling her to go fuck herself all the time, and really that's what being human is all about in the end.
The technobabble was awful. It was going towards CSI quality technobabble. They could have done a much better job, but it was clearly done to avoid using complicated language that would confuse the audience.
There's more that I could complain about, but the script is all I'll mention because that was just so perfectly awful.
"Come on into my apartment. I have no idea who you are, you're probably here to mug me, but let me tell you about my personal life and start crying in-front of you after I serve you tea. By the way, what was your name? Oh? You're leaving? Please promise me you'll come back, whoever you are? Hopefully you're not going to rob me, or arrest me, or shoot me, or whatever. Fuck this has been a really awkward visit - I hope the audience is able to empathise with any of this shit."
