Feedback on Predevelopment Projects

[FaytXIII]

This was an idea I had earlier, partly inspired by Smash Bros.:

While her kid is at summer vacation, a mother decides to sell all of his video games, primarily made up of RPGs. Somehow or another, an ancient book that the kid happened to have happens to get mixed in the box with all the video games. When a buyer comes to buy the games for his kids, he asks if the book is included, reading a passage out of it. The mother says she's never heard of it, so she doesn't care if he takes it.

While driving to his house, the purchaser of the games suddenly gets drawn into the box itself. It seems that ancient book just happened to carry a spell that brought things to life, and by reading it, the man was drawn into this newly created, combination-of-RPG-worlds world, known as 'Box'.


Yeah I know, not a very good story, but its meant to be light hearted, so don't take it to seriously. Anyway, this game is a tactics/strategy game that features a variety of characters from popular RPGs, such as Final Fantasy, Xenosaga, Pokemon, e.t.c.

The game would feature over 100 characters, so the main point of the game isn't really to focus on who is the best character. Some of them are practically the same. However, the point is essentially to create a strategy team with your favorite characters. The game would be made so, for most series, you can have an entire team made up of characters from that series. Or you could mix and match. Either way, it would be up to the player.

It would essentially be a tactics version of SSB, except with RPG characters rather than Nintendo-only.

Sounds to me a lot like Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. But go with it, i agree with Ratty explain more about why she would be selling his games and also i think it would be cool if the main character met other humans(or whatever race he is) in the new world that he can team up with and ultimately try to escape back to the real world with. Good luck!  :thumb:

 

[eremexpee]

New game idea: Frozen

Hi, I'm new here and I have a idea for a new game.

The title for the game is frozen. It's about a young man, a gladiator. He fights in the arena to earn money. One day he has this strange dream, its just a dream about a dog chasing a squirrel, nothing weird about that. When he wakes up he just continues his daily routines. 3 days later he acually sees a dog chase a rabbit, since he has already forgotten that dream he does not take notice of it. But day after day the dreams grow more violently. These dreams also come true 3 days after the dream itself. In his last dreams he sees the whole town 'freeze', nobody moves anymore. At this point he realises that he only has 3 days to save the town.

In his journey to solve this horrible problem, he encounters an old sage who tells him about a remedy. This special powder is called 'quicksand'. The healing quicksand can only be found at 'Arzir wells'. Our hero has 3 days to reach Arzir wells and fill his phial with this sand...

This is the story so far.

Since I'm new here i could really use some help.
I'm really desperate for a scripter who can make a system for the quicksand phial: When everyone is frozen, the hero has to sprinkle a little quicksand over this person in order to talk with that person. I need a little bottle-icon in a corner of my screen that shows how much sand i still have in my phial. and ofcoarse everytime I talk with a person the bottle needs to be emptier and emptier.
A mapper could come in handy too because I don't really like it

Anyways thanks for at least reading this topic and I hope you will reply to it..

Greetings erepexpee

 

[006]

New game idea: Frozen

Hi, I'm new here and I have a idea for a new game.

The title for the game is frozen. It's about a young man, a gladiator. He fights in the arena to earn money. One day he has this strange dream, its just a dream about a dog chasing a squirrel, nothing weird about that. When he wakes up he just continues his daily routines. 3 days later he acually sees a dog chase a rabbit, since he has already forgotten that dream he does not take notice of it. But day after day the dreams grow more violently. These dreams also come true 3 days after the dream itself. In his last dreams he sees the whole town 'freeze', nobody moves anymore. At this point he realises that he only has 3 days to save the town.

In his journey to solve this horrible problem, he encounters an old sage who tells him about a remedy. This special powder is called 'quicksand'. The healing quicksand can only be found at 'Arzir wells'. Our hero has 3 days to reach Arzir wells and fill his phial with this sand...

This is the story so far.

Since I'm new here i could really use some help.
I'm really desperate for a scripter who can make a system for the quicksand phial: When everyone is frozen, the hero has to sprinkle a little quicksand over this person in order to talk with that person. I need a little bottle-icon in a corner of my screen that shows how much sand i still have in my phial. and ofcoarse everytime I talk with a person the bottle needs to be emptier and emptier.
A mapper could come in handy too because I don't really like it

Anyways thanks for at least reading this topic and I hope you will reply to it..

Greetings erepexpee

How old is 'Young man'?
If his under twenty then the story is probably going to be bad.
My opinion is that, you should not have a hero under the age of twenty. To me it seems to make the game more childish and unrealistic.
Also you should fix up this.

dog chasing a squirrel
dog chase a rabbit

 

[The Cry of Fallen Angels]

How old is 'Young man'?
If his under twenty then the story is probably going to be bad.

Funny how people like you think they know it all

You can have a 16 year-old hero, but you'll just need to treat the story differently. You're just assuming they're pulling-off-ultima's-before-they-can-walk-types. That is wrong. But seeing the story the only "special power" this guy has is being able to somehow see into the future and his fighting ability probably comes from his experience as a gladiator, I don't think you can assume it's this stereotype. Aaaand "young man" means he is probably over 18 already, the setting isn't like the present so the overall mentality differs, like if you were to go back a few decenia in history you'd be able to notice that already.

As for the story itself:

The first paragraph is a pretty nice set-up, granted you can do it well. Don't let it grow into insane proportions of misfit epicness, like the entire world is gonna freeze and stuff and you'll have to kill the evil dude doing this. The concept namely, reminds me of a Greek myth. It would be nice if you would keep this atmosphere, solely my opinion though.
What I would definately change is the sage. I just hate it when you encounter some random old dude who starts telling you everything you need to know out of nothing. Try to let the main character do some more investigation, a simple alternative for example is a library.

Also this isn't the place to ask for scripters.

 

[eremexpee]

Also this isn't the place to ask for scripters.

I posted this msg first in the wrong section, the recruitment section... My bad

How old is 'Young man'?
If his under twenty then the story is probably going to be bad.
My opinion is that, you should not have a hero under the age of twenty. To me it seems to make the game more childish and unrealistic.
Also you should fix up this.

Since this man is a gladiator, he's about the age of 25 years old...

Any other ideas???

thanks for the replies

 

[eremexpee]

BUMP FORREST, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP

 

[Actingman00]

This is a new game idea I had, it was sort of based off of I Am Legend.  Well here ya go, eat this idea apart lol.

Spoiler: Story

We brought the destruction upon ourselves.  We got too far into it, and now the Earth is nothing but a wasteland.  The Dragons own it now.

The year was 2012, December 31st to be exact; an excavation was going on in Egypt.  They had found a temple like nothing we had ever dreamed of.  It was a mistake to go in.  The team awoke Them.  The dragons.  These creatures came out of the Temple and attack Egypt.  There was nothing left within twenty-four hours.  Dragons began popping up all over the Earth. Destroying everything in their path.  Our weapons did nothing, we could not even hurt them. The greatest minds in the world got together to discuss what was going to be done, but nothing could be thought of. This was 8 days after the Dragons were brought out of Hibernation, Asia and Africa was already destroyed.  A man named Sergeant Jacob A. Meyer, living in a small California town, came up with a plan of action to get off the Earth.  This town was already mostly destroyed, it might have had 500 civilians left in it, got a space shuttle off the planet.  He brought the entire population of the town, 200 soldiers as well as some scientists, into the Shuttle to get off the planet.  It was their only chance.

The shuttle was set to go to a newly discovered plant, named *Insert Name Here*, that was just a few days past our own moon.  It had water and an atmosphere to sustain life, but it was a wasteland and had a look much like Mars.  It’s size is quite a bit less than Old Earth as well.  On this planet we found Alien technology that was abandoned hundreds, maybe thousands, of years before.  Although we could not use much of it, we learned how these people survived. 

We live in caves now.  We have no supplies, to build houses or automobiles.  Our only supplies are guns, food and anything else we can find on the planet.  Our leaders use Alien vehicles that our Scientists have learned to drive.  We have not journeyed across our new planet, which we renamed New Earth.  We are scared.  Life is different.  We must survive and maybe one day return to Old Earth.

Spoiler: characters

Sergeant Jacob A. Meyer: A Sergeant who was sent to California to defend it from the dragons. He is about 25 years old.  He is a brilliant man who will do anything to save the people.  It was his idea to leave the planet and although he had to leave people behind he knew it was the only chance for mankind’s survival. He wants to fix the world for the people and does not care about himself.  His dream is to one day return to Earth and destroy the Dragons to rebuild civilization on his home planet. 

Amanda Karg: Amanda is one of the brightest scientists of the age. She’s about 23 years old.  She is one of the leaders on New Earth but many of her intentions go farther than helping these people and rebuilding civilization.  Could she know something that Jacob and the others don’t?

Mathew ????: Mathew is a mysterious civilian who is around the age of 38.  He is a good leader, but has no fighting skills what-so-ever.  He wants to take charge of their present situation as his and Jacob’s ideas differ greatly.  Jacob wants to stay put for a while and rebuild their own community whereas Mathew wants to explore the planet and see what else we can find.

 

[Acera]

Greetings, I have been working on some ideas for a new game, but since my creativity has a limit (which is reached quite fast). Here is the idea I originally came up with.

Spoiler: The Arconian Orb

A long time ago, chaos, war and death razed through the world of Acèron. The dark wizards from the Charron Kingdom leeched life from the lands to feed their powers. A man named Piren searched for a cure to heal his homeland. His search took him to the Azerthian Mountains, just north of his hometown. He didn’t find a cure, the cure found him. But soon after he did he fell in a vast sleep, not aware of the discovery he made.

The Arconian Orb is what they call it. This orb fell onto the world and slowly replenished the worlds life. The wars ended and the effects of the orb became clear. But this came at a price, a price which wasn’t forseen by anyone. The world stopped turning…

100 years later, Piren awakes, not knowing of what happened to his world. Haunted by memories of his wife and daughter, he sets out into the world to find out more. Maybe there’s more to find out, although some things shouldn’t be known by mankind.

(end of original story)
-- (for your information and the mission)
In short, you (Piren) set out to find out more about the Arconian Orb. You are continually haunted by flashbacks of what the place looked like (desert, wasteland, etc.) and by memories of your family (who obviously died in the time you were asleep). You want to find out more, to do so you have to travel through the world of Acèron and hopefully you gain more knowledge of what happened

And the one I thought about yesterday, while mapping Acèron (yes, the place is already set, but the story isn't) ((this one has my preference atm))

Spoiler: Acèron

It is the year 1243 and the world of Acèron is in peace. Several years ago, came close to changing. The Eastern Kingdom and the Sefíus Brotherhood got ready for war. With their weapons sharpened and their tactics ready, it seemed like a war was inevitable. But 5 years ago, on the 45th day of Carnius, King Viktor (leader of the Eastern Kingdom) and Commander Corpian (leader of the Sefíus Brotherhood) sat around the table and discussed the consequences. A month later a peace treaty was signed and all remained quiet.

1 year later, King Viktor and Commander Corpian came together again, but this time in peace. Plans were being made to unite the Eastern Kingdom and the Sefius Brotherhood. From words to deeds, on the 23rd day of Xorpian, 1240, both factions were united as the world of Acèron.

Trade flourished, and guilds were rising up, now more powerful than ever. These guilds now donated gold to the city, and gave everyone (especially the poor) a descent lifestyle. In the town of Gaillus, an ordinary family lives, Brikan (25), his wife Istlyn (24) and their son, Piren (12). Brikan works as a leatherworker and owns his own shop. He works hard to give his family a good life. Piren doesn’t want to become a leatherworker (although his father would like him to be), he wants to become a trader and see more of the world.

At the age of 12 Piren applies to one of the guilds, the Yourgh guild to be exact. You are asked to run some simple errands to a town east of Gaillus. On your way to Kegil you come across several danger and you meet new people. Once you have delivered the package you return to the guild. They have a new task for you, delivering a package to the mayor with urge.

Spoiler: Attempt for a dialog

As you move towards the mayors’ house, you see 2 guards blocking your way;
Guard: “The mayor is in a meeting at the moment, and does not wish to be disturbedâ€

 

[Actingman00]

This thread blows...

 

[Ratty524]

This thread blows...

Mostly because no one likes to reply to things here. ;[

 

[Actingman00]

This thread blows...

Mostly because no one likes to reply to things here. ;[

I know

 

[sharksweetheart]

This thread blows...

Mostly because no one likes to reply to things here. ;[

I know

Pretty much.

 

[Doohblah]

I just came up with this and i need feedback about the story so i can either trash it or continue on it


Pirates 2D Intro

You are a young boy who was thrown into the pirate life by your father Captain Hobbs
Snivver. Your father was condemmed to hang by the gallows after being caught and charged
with piracy. Before he was hung these were his last words to you, "Death does not scare me.
I have fuffiled my life's goal and found it... the map to Bordelana... my boy, I trust in
you to find Bordelana and unlock the powers that it holds. Make me proud boy..." Then
they took him away to be hung. You start your journey in the streets of toruga, the
pirate capital of the world. You must make your way to Boli's Tavern and recieve the map
from Boli, Hobbs most loyal crewmate. From there your journey begins.

 

[Actingman00]

I just came up with this and i need feedback about the story so i can either trash it or continue on it


Pirates 2D Intro

You are a young boy who was thrown into the pirate life by your father Captain Hobbs
Snivver. Your father was condemmed to hang by the gallows after being caught and charged
with piracy. Before he was hung these were his last words to you, "Death does not scare me.
I have fuffiled my life's goal and found it... the map to Bordelana... my boy, I trust in
you to find Bordelana and unlock the powers that it holds. Make me proud boy..." Then
they took him away to be hung. You start your journey in the streets of toruga, the
pirate capital of the world. You must make your way to Boli's Tavern and recieve the map
from Boli, Hobbs most loyal crewmate. From there your journey begins.

So it's basically the story of every single pirate movie/game ever created?  Is there anything that really makes it special?

 

[Doohblah]

thats just the basic outline but more twists will be added later on in production

 

[BlueNoob]

This is my game idea, just a story outline, more or less and a prolouge to better understand the world of Lycian. If anyone is instrested in helping a VX noob please let me know, i have lots of experiance with XP but VX is just so diffrent and also a tad bit complicated with the mapping.....So if anyone out there is intrested weather it be help with events mapping art, animations anything...please let me know.

Angel Of Heart....

Prolouge-

Long ago in the land of Lycian a great evil roamed free. The evil was led by one powerful warrior call Grata, His army of evil marched across the land, his might unstoppable, he would lead the army into battle, and he seemed unbeatable, his campaign across the land brought him to the city of Hycia. Hycia was the capital of the Holy Empire of the Angels, The city was ready and well defended, the refugees from other cities had took residence here, and they decided to fight for the city as well, giving the city more military power than it would normally have. The battle was fierce, and just when it seemed like all hope was lost, one girl came out of nowhere and rushed onto the battlefield, she was gleaming in the sun and a bright aura came from her. She was an angel of courage, the other men fighting seen her and where suddenly filled with some sort of power, it gave them strength in battle, strength to fight against the evil. Soon more angels came from the heavens to aid them in battle. The evil power fought hard, and Grata was not going to give in so easy. He called the aid of a dark lord; the god of hate and demise, Rufius, The god gave of a evil aura as it swooped past the battlefield in the form of a Black Dragon. Tides had turned once again and the battle was again in the hands of the Evil lord Grata. The Angels where not yet defeated, they had one last chance of victory. They gathered there last bit of strength and called forth a holy beam of light, and once the beam made contact with the giant dragon it banished it into a small crystal, Without the aid of the Dragon Rufius Grata’s army fell and with it Lord Grata.


After the battle the angels gathered the crystal and destroyed it, and with it, the Dark Dragon Rufius. The people looked on in awe at the glory of the six angels that where before them, The Angel of Courage, Angel of Death, Angel of Innocence, Angel of War, Angel of Power, And the Angel of Hope, Each one wise and holy. The people presented them with gifts but they declined, they said, "We only did what had to be done, for the good of all. We must leave now never to return for it is our code to not be seen by the eyes of man kind." With those words the angels vanished. From that day forth the people all began to build shrines and chapels in denomination of the six angels, Shrines where built across the land to represent the angels and what they stood for.



The Story---

Angela, a warrior taking residence in a small chapel outside the town of Hycia is told by the Bishop there that she must deliver a urgent message to the Grand Bishop in Hycia, The message was the foretelling of the return of Lord Grata and his evil might. Angela, task complete took residence at the local inn. And that night had a odd dream, of six angels surrounding her, each looking upon her, then conjoin themselves with her. She told the Grand Bishop of this and he told her to story behind the six angels the story of lord Grata and his army and the dark dragon Rufius. Also he told her of the six angels, Also about the six shrines in name of each of them. He also told her he believed her to be the seventh angel, the legendary seventh angel, he told her she must journey to each of the six shrine’s and thus her journey began, and with it the story of the Angel Of Heart.

 

[The Cry of Fallen Angels]

The recurring evil is always a turn off for me, and with a name like Angela it wouldn't surprise me if she would be the seventh angel herself, though not neccecarily bad, it would be very predictable.

Angels giving men courage and hope, and the will to fight on is way better than the usual "launch a huge attack", in fact it's a nice touch. 'tis a pity you had to go on and do use a direct attack from the dark God, to be countered with a direct attack from the angels. In fact I don't like a God that's evil turning up at all.

It's mainly my own opinion, whatever you do with it is up to you.

 

[~R~]

My idea: (Still without name)
A prince was running from the castle, as he had a dream wich someone was calling he.
When he gets in a hills where he see another kingdom, where nobody would recognize him, he think about coming there. In his way, a dragon attack him, making he fall and lose his memories.
A woman who rescues him try to find his parents, but as she have no luck, she decides to adopt he, as in the orphanage he would feel unhappy.
Some years later, you become a soldier and hame some missions(optionals and not), where he have some flashbacks, as when he go to dragon's hills and search some thieves, or even when he deliver a package to a castle.
With some choises and how you understand your flashbacks, you can have many endings, like back to the castle and be a lazy prince or being a hero for the village.

 

[Actingman00]

My idea: (Still without name)
A prince was running from the castle, as he had a dream wich someone was calling he.
When he gets in a hills where he see another kingdom, where nobody would recognize him, he think about coming there. In his way, a dragon attack him, making he fall and lose his memories.
A woman who rescues him try to find his parents, but as she have no luck, she decides to adopt he, as in the orphanage he would feel unhappy.
Some years later, you become a soldier and hame some missions(optionals and not), where he have some flashbacks, as when he go to dragon's hills and search some thieves, or even when he deliver a package to a castle.
With some choises and how you understand your flashbacks, you can have many endings, like back to the castle and be a lazy prince or being a hero for the village.

Uhh I didn't really understand that, is English your first language?

 

[~R~]

Uhh I didn't really understand that, is English your first language?

No, it's portuguese.
Maybe a easier way to read:
A prince ran from the castle because of a dream that was calling him and he fall from a mountain when a dragon attacks, losing his memories. When he get older, the village where he will become a soldier from the village which he was living, adopted by a traveler, and you, as the player, will have to think about the flashbacks the character have to make he think about what he should do, that will change the ending.