(RMVX) Moonlight Abyss

[Freyhart]

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee22 ... ssJP-3.png[/img]


Please leave a comment upon viewing...

*Update*
Story revamped. Original story in spoiler. Please look at next page.

Spoiler

Story:

"Long ago... There was only darkness.

And The God then said, 'Let there be light!'...

Darkness was divided from light... They were called night and day.

Two heavenly creations took turns in providing light...

The sun flared during the day... And the moon beamed during the night.

The moon was special though... It has stars shining along with its serene glow.

And many fell in love with its beauty...

Thus, a tale of legends begin..."

The Solaris Brigade are known to be worshipers of the sun. They hated the moon so much, they decided to seal it.
Somehow, they were successful in achieving this goal, and soon, there were no nights.
But upon the sealing of the moon, before it was completely veiled, it sent a son that took form of a human down to our world...

People began to adapt living without nights, without the moon and stars... Many even thanked the Solaris Brigade for doing this.
Moon lovers still did not lose hope though, that someday the balance will be restored, that there will be nights and the moon shall glow again....

There are still quite a few dark areas which the rays of the sun cannot reach at certain points. These areas are rather abandoned cities and villages, or towns that rely only in electricity...

Prologue:

In a small town on the dark areas, It started snowing. And as a noble woman watched the horizons, she noticed a strange glow in the sky...
It was falling, headed towards the earth in such velocity.

As it fell, she hurried to where it landed only to find a young boy, unconscious, deep below a crater...
She helped him and brought him to their home. The boy was dazed. His eyes were open, yet his mind was asleep.
The noble woman took good care of him. She treated him as if he was her own child...

Upon growing up and gaining consciousness from a deep mental slumber, he knew that somehow, what happened was not coincidence. He felt that he had a purpose. Only he did not know what it is and where to start...

Soon, he left the noble family, leaving only a farewell note and began his adventure...

Characters:

http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee22 ... eyhart.png[/img]
Freyhart Alphonse Lancelot
He is the moon's son and the main protagonist of the story. He was adopted by a noble family, the Lancelot's, and lived in a small town on the dark areas.
Years later after leaving his foster family, he is now working as a mercenary.


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Vanessa Scarlett
A very wide-known witch (Not to mention that most guys are insanely in love with her, which she ignores or use in her advantage).
Searching for a mercenary, she encounters Freyhart in a small village where he is currently residing. She then hires him to help her retrieve a magical crystal in a cave.
The spirit of one of the seven chosen stars dwells inside her.


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Claire Linnea Lancelot
The only beloved daughter of the Lancelot's. Although she is Freyhart's foster sister, she developed feelings for him. She is very kind-hearted and generous.
She always lends out a helping-hand to those in need. She also has the spirit of one of the seven chosen stars.


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Jacqueline Leone
One of the seven chosen stars. A young naive, childish merchant who travels around the world. She doesn't get along well with Mira even though they have similar traits. One thing's for sure though, they both love money.


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Iris Celine La Fleur
Also a daughter of a noble family. She's very gallant and elegant yet bold and brave. No wonder many people admire her. Also has the spirit of one of the seven chosen stars.


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Mira Castelle
A young mischievous thief. She's also naive and very childish. She was orphaned when she was young and was raised by a group of bandits.
The spirit of one of the seven chosen stars also dwells in her.


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Sarah Lawrence
Another one of the seven chosen stars. She's very skilled in martial arts. She may be tough-looking and that one punch can knock a beast down, but she has a gentle heart.


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Yvette Grandall
A wandering warrior, searching for a lost loved one. She's very strong and knowledgeable. One of the seven chosen stars.


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Raphael Flareus Argon
Son of the Leader of the Solaris Brigade. A very devoted young man and is the heir of his father's throne. Although he may sometimes disagree with his father's commands, he still follows it willingly. He encounters Freyhart's group at some point of the story.


Screenshots:

Title Screen
http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee22 ... enshot.png[/img]

Menu Screen
http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee22 ... enshot.png[/img]

Demo:

Sorry, demo's down for the moment. I'll upload a new one with some updates.


Scripts:

Caterpillar (forgot who)

Footstep Sounds (by DeadlyDan)

Typewriter Message Sounds (by DeadlyDan)

Large Face Set (aka NeoFace by Woratana)

Target Flash (forgot who)

Custom Menu (aka Mog Menu Yui by Moghunter)

Custom Title (aka Scene Title Scene Miria by Moghunter)

+ More scripts soon

Credits:

There are too many (plus I forgot where I got some of them) to mention in the credits so I'll be brief:

Thanks to all of the people who made the scripts and resources (mostly BGM) I used.
Thanks to Enterbrain for RPG Maker VX and the RTPs.
Thanks to Adobe Photoshop CS2.
Thanks to Hanzo Kimura for the Moonlight Abyss logo.

Notes:

I made the title screen buttons, the menu layouts, background, and buttons, recoloured the original RTP character Elmer, the names of the characters, and the story.

The game actually starts not at the prologue, but Freyhart as a mercenary. The prologue will be later on shown as a flash back.

Be sure to install the font included in the package.

I know the story is cliched but, oh well...

I'll update as soon as I can.

I might also ask for help and recruit people that are interested but... I'm not sure if my game is even worthy to waste time on.

 

[Ratty524]

Why did you copy the first few verses of the Bible? Even the whole thing about "the son of the moon" relates to baby Jesus and all that. Another thing I don't get about your storline: How the hell can anyone from a medieval-ish time period destroy the moon when it's in space?

... Menu screen looks great, though.

 

[Freyhart]

Actually, I didn't copy the first few verses of the Bible exactly but yeah, I did kinda based it on that just to emphasize the story... And about destroying the moon, Mages/Wizards/Witches did it...

 

[craybest]

Xenogears also copied the first verses of the bible, I don't see any problem with that as long as it has something to do with the storyline...
nice to see something custom for VX.

 

[rikuken]

menu yui doesn't working for me other than that good game.

 

[punched2death]

I'm sorry, but I think I just read seven chosen stars. My eyes must be playing tricks on me. Oh, wait they're not.
WHY?
WHY, SEVEN BLOODY CHOSEN STARS.... WHY??????????
Do people intend to kill me? I'm sorry, but it's probably the most cliché thing since crystals.

 

[evergreen]

Personally I find this project kinda offensive... I mean, be creative and think of your own storyline, rather than copy it from a holy text that is meant for learning from. You've just turned the story of creation into something it shouldn't be. Which is bad. Very bad. Not only this, the way it is presented is also quite crappy. The seven chosen stars are, as sage of horses said, damn right cliche. They are almost as cliche as their personalities. Please, revamp this projcect now. At the moment the only positive thing is the title screen and menu...

 

[Dark Koji]

I never tried the demo, but read the background of what was posted. Unlike most others, I don't really find your story description that poor. Cliche - quite, but not awful bad. The seven stars = x number of destined/chosen people, which is an overused concept, though it can be done nicely if presented in a smooth and interesting manner.

To get rid of the moon is quite the unbelievable feat, even in a fantasy setting. You already stated clearly God created it, so logically you will require another God entity or someone equally powerful to destroy the moon. Not just mere mages, bazillion of them or not.
How about blocking out/sealing off the moon by creating a magical barrier instead? Still eliminates "night", and at least this method doesn't involve some super-galactic power of blowing up the poor moon. It makes Freyhart's job easier too, if his goal is to revive the moon.

The Menu interface is quite hard to see, so I suggest you change it to something more easy to the eyes. Loving the Title screen, and its "stained glass" look.
And on a side note, what is it with just Freyhart and the rest of his company all ladies? Is he trying to establish a harem or something?  :lol:

 

[Mazoku]

I don't see anything wrong. It's just like adapting any other STORY. I like the menu a lot it's good to see not only more VX projects, but VX projects with custom graphics. I'd be interested in seeing your mapping though. Are you planning on using custom tilesets or the RTP?

Looks promising based on what you've shown so far. Best of luck!

 

[Sic Semper Tyranosaurus]

Personally I find this project kinda offensive... I mean, be creative and think of your own storyline, rather than copy it from a holy text that is meant for learning from. You've just turned the story of creation into something it shouldn't be. Which is bad. Very bad. Not only this, the way it is presented is also quite crappy.

http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n176/m3hr/JChrist.jpg[/img]
Wall-eyed Jesus would like you to shut up and remember that not everyone takes your religion Totally Seriously. Comics, video games, theatre, and music have all been taking the piss out of/rewriting religious stories for decades. They're not about to stop, and it's unfair to harp on an amateur project just because it's not totally sensitive to your particular belief system.

EDIT: I adore Ted Neeley, but the faces the man pulls are just too precious not to point and laugh at.

 

[Freyhart]

To get rid of the moon is quite the unbelievable feat, even in a fantasy setting. You already stated clearly God created it, so logically you will require another God entity or someone equally powerful to destroy the moon. Not just mere mages, bazillion of them or not.
How about blocking out/sealing off the moon by creating a magical barrier instead? Still eliminates "night", and at least this method doesn't involve some super-galactic power of blowing up the poor moon. It makes Freyhart's job easier too, if his goal is to revive the moon.

I agree with that. I think you're right. Instead of destroying the moon, they just sealed it. Thanks!

EDIT: I changed the destroying and vanished part to sealing and veiled.

 

[Brandonn]

Personally I find this project kinda offensive... I mean, be creative and think of your own storyline, rather than copy it from a holy text that is meant for learning from. You've just turned the story of creation into something it shouldn't be. Which is bad. Very bad. Not only this, the way it is presented is also quite crappy. The seven chosen stars are, as sage of horses said, damn right cliche. They are almost as cliche as their personalities. Please, revamp this projcect now. At the moment the only positive thing is the title screen and menu...

I just wanted to post a quick comment on this post...

I don't feel you should be offended. The point of an RPG is to tell a great story. The Bible is just that, and it has may intristing parts to it. Things like this get coppied. Many of the RPGs out of Japan have parts of their religons in it, and many names you here are from the Bible as well as other books. It's always happened, and it will continue. I don't see it as negative thing.

(If you want to argue with me however, feel free to PM me.)

Also, to "Dark Koji": we aren't Gods, but we could destroy the moon with a single missle. But I do like your idea of blocking it out.

 

[JakeyZombie]

Oh god, I read up to the foster sister having a crush on her foster brother. That's still gross, I think foster siblings fall into the same group as cousins. Incest, ew.

EDIT: Oh, and aside from that just being really disgusting, a lot of your characters are horribly cliched. Although I do like the general premise you have going here (aside from the incest) and would like to see you tidy this up, and solidify your setting.

(Ah, who cares if somebody utilizes verses from the bible in their story. I doubt you would get offended if the religion you gravitated towards wasn't christianity, because to you, all other religions would just be huge fictional stories, right?

 

[Jaerys]

  There's not too much that can be said this early in development, and most of it has already been covered.  I would recommend you track down whatever credits you are missing, but that's more general advice than critique.  A lot more of a character is tied to execution than people like to admit.  Proper execution is generally is what makes the difference between something being called a cliche or an archetype, so it's difficult to say whether or not the characters will work.

  There is however one thing that streches plausibility that I'd like to hear more about.  The background gives the impression that Freyhart left the Lancelot household soon after he became a conscious entity.  When did his stepsister develop feelings for him, or really got to know him as an individual?  Is it supposed to be some sort of Florence Nightingale Effect?

 

[Fido]

Is it supposed to be some sort of Florence Nightingale Effect?

I sure hope so!

I like the way this is shaping out so far.

 

[Cere]

Male protagonist with six well-developed heroines to choose from...could it be a harem series?  You know, JakeyZombie siblings not related by blood falling for each other is not at all uncommon in animes in general and galges in particular.

 

[Freyhart]

Um... What I actually had in mind is that, YOU, as the player, will choose only ONE of the girls depending on who YOU like most. The endings would be diff for each girl. Kinda like Tales of Symphonia, Riviera, and Ar tonelico...
Although I'm not sure how to do this yet. I might need a script for this or something...

As for the Florence Nightingale Effect.... Uh... I'm not really sure...
It's just that, ever since Lady Lancelot brought Freyhart home, Claire already felt something. They were both young back then. It's sort of childhood friends becoming lovers type thing. Just like Tifa and Cloud, only Cloud didn't really live with Tifa...
Freyhart doesn't realize this unless YOU as the player make him...

 

[Fido]

If she falls in love with him when she brings him home, it's the Florence Nightingale Effect, watch Back To The Future for crying out loud.

 

[Cere]

Um... What I actually had in mind is that, YOU, as the player, will choose only ONE of the girls depending on who YOU like most. The endings would be diff for each girl. Kinda like Tales of Symphonia, Riviera, and Ar tonelico...

That's precisely what a harem series (Bishojo game) is.  No matter, it is in no way a handicap, and can be a bonus if cleverly used.  I like the idea of the Sun and the Moon cooperating to provide light, but I don't think the second line in your legend pertaining to God is necessary.  I personally like the idea of a partnership between two celestial entities more than the intervention of a divine being.   

Edit: Perhaps the Sun and the Moon competed fiercely for the role of giving light prior to their partnership, and the people of the world suffered tremendous heat as a consequence of their feud.  Finally, a mediator / prophet went to consult with the Sun and the Moon and established the partnership.  The Sun became valued for helping crops grow, and the Moon was valued for its romantic light.  You can even elaborate on why a full moon appears only once per month. 

Anyway, keep it up.  I like it so far.  It's inspiring, and the menu screen really blew me away. 

 

[Brandonn]

The Moon cannot give light without the sun...