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good luck bad luck

he found out though, that the mall was bombed by israeli's, and as a result he couldnt buy something good. he went to the mcdonalds.
 
At the mcdonald's, he used part of the money and bought a soda. On the soda was the other half of the $1,000,000 monopoly combo. (He had the first half in his pocket)
 
He rushed home to get them out of the washer before the ticket was destroyed, and no obstacles emerged in his way. (that's lucky, right?)
 
fortunate for him though, there was an anti-fire device nearby. he fired it up (lol geddit) and tried to salvage as much from the washer as possible
 
unfortunately, the washer was somehow functioning and pours water all over his face while he is looking for stuff and drowning him.
 
so, after implying that yorkshire is good luck, the zombies tried to eat part of Jims leg. He soon realized his left leg was made of PURE GOLD! He..
 
...chopped off his leg with the intent to sell it, then realized this was a bad idea as blood gushed from the stump, driving the zombies into a frenzy.
 

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