Ultima VeritÃÂ

[Xephyr]

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... nner-5.jpg[/img]

Update 12/8/07: Thread and Basic Info Posted
Update 12/9/07: Posted Zex System, Rewrote Zex's Bio


Well here's my new game.  I'm afraid to see what Luminier posts *hides under covers*

Well, here goes.

Spoiler: Story

Lenna was born with the blessings of the Valkyrie.  Ever since she was born she's been unusual.  However, there's a little problem with Lenna.  She can't harness the power of the Valkyrie.  Due to this, Lenna is very weak.  Her petit nature and small body leaves her powerless to most people.  Still, she pursues a life as a Valkyrie and respected warrior.
One day, Lenna's mother is attacked by a band of Kobold thieves, and is almost killed.  The village doctor tells Lenna if she can't collect 15,000 Kren soon, her mother will die.  Lenna, determined to save her poor mother, decides to build a robot with newly discovered Artificial technology.  The creation is successful, and she creates Zex.
With her new robot Zex, Lenna sets out to slay the Archneck dragon, who's scale is worth 20,000 Kren.  Unbeknowest to her, however, with the dragon Lenna shall find a terrible secret about the Valkyries and the new Artificial technology.  Lenna must quickly relay the secret to the world, until a terrible disaster destroys her world, and possibly her chances of saving her mother.

Spoiler: Characters

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Bulldawgboy2012/lenna.png[/img]

Name: Lenna
Age: 17
Weapon: Spear
Occupation: Valkyrie
Story: Lenna is a poor girl who's very weak.  She has trouble lifting her spear, and even more trouble striking with it.  However, if she can harness the power of the Valkyrie, she may turn into a powerful warrior.


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... 12/zex.png[/img]

Name: Zex
Age: 2 Weeks
Weapon: Laser
Occupation: Robot
Story: Lenna finds a stash of old AIZ, the component used to make robots out in a field.  With the help of her friend Jaster, she manages to create Zex with it.  Zex is prety much like every odinary robot, except that Lenna managed to give it a weapon.  However, his systems may be faulty because Lenna used very old AIZ.  Due to the usage of the old AIZ, Zex can't communicate much or express many feelings, so he's really just a lifeless robot that protects Lenna....for now

Spoiler: Screenshots

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Bulldawgboy2012/sreen1.jpg[/img]

Intro


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... sreen2.jpg[/img]

The battle.  Includes the custom animation for Zex's lasers @_@

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... sreen3.jpg

The new Intro map.  WARNING: BIG

I think it's better.  Agree?

Spoiler: Features

-EXTREMELY cool skilll system.  More on that in a couple days.
-RTAB battles that require quick thinking and elemental advantage knowledge.
-Unique puzzles and systems in dungeons
-IMMENSE dungeons that will have TONS of treasure
-A unique story experience
-Cookies.  Seriously.  Cookies are one of the healing items.  Heck yeah.

Spoiler: I write up on the Artificial Tech

With thanks from kiearaphoenix for help on the AIZ.  ^_^


A couple years ago on the game's world, (Sicila, in case I haven't said that), a strange group of unknown creatures landed from space in a mysterious craft.  A group of wizards took their time studying the powerful technology the "aliens" had in their craft, and after a long while of examination, they copied the technology and began distributing the Artificial technology across Silica.

Spoiler: Customizing Zex

For now, I'll only give you Zex's skill system.  Lenna's is much different.

You find docking stations all over the world.  At docking stations, you can upgrade any of Zex's stats (that's the only way to make his stats higher.  When Zex levels, up, all he gets is a tad more HP.)  You can upgrade any one stat for 10 points.  Pretty decent, but after that, the docking stations is prettty much dead.
Also, at each Docking station, Zex recieves a skill of your choice.  So far, it's pretty linear of an upgrade system.
You also find chips around the world, which slightly upgrade the robots stats.  Overall, Zex's strengths are up to you.

I'll post Lenna's soon.

 

[006]

Your maps could use some work.
The maps are pretty bare, try adding more trees, plants, etc.

 

[Xephyr]

Your maps could use some work.
The maps are pretty bare, try adding more trees, plants, etc.

I'll take that into consideration and add some to that map.  Thank you for the feedback ^_^

 

[Luminier]

Well, I'm here.

First, I'm gonna take issue with your protagonist 'Lenna'. I'm sorry, but it's awfully sexist for her to be so weak that she has trouble even lifting her spear. Sure, a lot of people probably couldn't lift a spear, but since this is an RPG, you don't have to be so realistic. I like female characters for main protagonists, but this one seems to be based way too much on the stereotype of the weak female. I'm sure that she'll grow stronger as the story progresses(and she 'harnesses the power of a Valkyrie.'), but right now, she's just too pitiful. You could at least make her average. In fact, if someone was that weak, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't opt to fight with a spear. A bow, maybe, as you wouldn't need to be right up in the enemy's grill to hit them, or a sword, because it's easier to pick up, and use.

Side bar: Spears are throwing weapons. If she needs to 'swing' the spear, then she's not really throwing it, now is she. I'm thinking the word you're looking for is 'Lance', or more generally 'polearm'.

The robot thing is kinda... far fetched. Even for an RPG. If she's a 'poor' girl, then I doubt that she would be able to afford the tuition for a good school. And yet, she's somehow able to invent a fully-functional robot, complete with lasers, and artificial emotions(I'm kind of jumping to conclusions here, though.). Oh, yeah, and 'Artificial technology' sounds really stupid.

Uh, don't you think that if Lenna could invent a super-cool-laser-wielding-robot, that she would just sell it for the money she needs to pay for her mother's procedure? Or at least make another one, and sell that one. And, if that didn't occur to her, then why didn't she just make more than one robot to help her kill the dragon? I'm sure that would've helped.

Also, I recommend you read up on your Norse/Scandinavian mythology, before you go on with a storyline that has Valkyries as a central theme. They don't have to be the same exact thing as the real mythological(oxymoron much?) Valkyries, but they should at least be more similar than how they are represented here.

Other than that, looking at your features, I'd day that you're biting off more that you can chew. You don't have to have a bunch of super-unique features to make a good RMXP game. Look at Master of the Wind, for example. Anything groundbreaking, in the way of features, there? Not really, but it's still one of the best(if not the best.) RMXP games anywhere. The way you have it right now, it looks extremely doubtful that you'll get very far with this.

Lastly, your map is pretty bad. There's not a whole lot that you can do with that tileset, but you should still add some more ground detail.

Does this satisfy you?

 

[Xephyr]

XD i wouldnt expect anything less from the king of critics.

Anyway, I think you misread some things.  She's not selling the robot, she built it for self-defense and help, because the thing she's selling is the scale of the dragon >_>

And she's not poor as in money-wise...poor as in, she has a pretty sad life, with her hurt mother and the depressing fact that she can't harness Valkyrie powers.  And the features isn't really much.  I just make lots of 30x30 maps for dungeons, including a lot of puzzles.  The story is obvious.  The RTAB and battles are just....easy.  The only thing that may be really hard to do is the skill system.  I'm an amazing eventer though, if I say so myself, so it won't be tough.

Oh, and another thing, she got help from a friend in making the robot.  He's the village nerd if you will :P

Hope that clears some light on the things you pointed out. 

 

[Luminier]

Dissection time, if you don't mind:

Anyway, I think you misread some things.  She's not selling the robot, she built it for self-defense and help, because the thing she's selling is the scale of the dragon >_>

No, I didn't misread that. I was saying that if I had the ability to make a super-advanced robot, and my mother was sick, but her operation, or whatever, cost so much money, then I would sell the frickin' thing, and save my mom. Duh.

And the features isn't really much.  I just make lots of 30x30 maps for dungeons, including a lot of puzzles.  The story is obvious.  The RTAB and battles are just....easy.  The only thing that may be really hard to do is the skill system.  I'm an amazing eventer though, if I say so myself, so it won't be tough.

Okay, but I still say that you shouldn't try too hard. It might make your drive to complete this game dissolve.

[quoteOh, and another thing, she got help from a friend in making the robot.  He's the village nerd if you will :P[/quote]

That's... still very unrealistic.

Hope that clears some light on the things you pointed out. 

Yeah, it kinda did.

 

[WeaponOD]

I think this could develop ionto something good, but the whole robot thing just seems very absurd. I like the fact that you have a female Hero though, when many people just stick with the male.

 

[stryderblaze]

i agree with weaponod

 

[Luminier]

i agree with weaponod

This comment was so constructive, and added so much to the conversation, that I literally, literally pissed in my pants.

On topic:
I am anxiously awaiting the detailed explanation of your skill learning system.

 

[Aran]

i agree with weaponod

This comment was so constructive, and added so much to the conversation, that I literally, literally pissed in my pants.

On topic:
I am anxiously awaiting the detailed explanation of your skill learning system.

Yer fukkin' crazy.  Y'know when yer not pissin' me off, yer actually makin' me piss in my pants... that's a compliment, wiki that.

 

[WeaponOD]

i agree with weaponod

This comment was so constructive, and added so much to the conversation, that I literally, literally pissed in my pants.

I literally laughed out loud just then, but yeah Stryderblaze, there was no point in saying just that, you need to give a comment that helps the Thread starter with his/her project, I know that you may feel the same way as others sometimes, but you need to add more than " i agree with weaponod"

Dude, just because Luminier can be a harsh when he posts, don't take it seriously, it's just the way he is.

 

[Luminier]

Dude, just because Luminier can be a harsh when he posts, don't take it seriously, it's just the way he is.

Yes, that is just the way I am. I'm actually a good person, once you get to know me.

Also, OD(I'ma call you that from now, on.), please don't double post. There're two different buttons for editing your posts, you know.

Okay, now, no more off-topic stuff. Okay?

 

[Aran]

Dude, just because Luminier can be a harsh when he posts, don't take it seriously, it's just the way he is.

Yes, that is just the way I am. I'm actually a good person, once you get to know me.

Also, OD(I'ma call you that from now, on.), please don't double post. There're two different buttons for editing your posts, you know.

Okay, now, no more off-topic stuff. Okay?

Hmm... I guess this could be true...  Despain used to be like that, but he hasn't been around for a while so I've fallen out of sync with your "kind".  Okay!

 

[Luminier]

Hmm... I guess this could be true...  Despain used to be like that, but he hasn't been around for a while so I've fallen out of sync with your "kind".  Okay!

Okay, I know that this is off-topic, but... What?

What do you mean he hasn't been around for a while?

He's been out, and about for, like, ever.

Haven't you seen him post? He also went by "Solid bro", and "Milk Bro", in case you didn't know.

Or am I misunderstanding what you said?

 

[Sabao]

Cool it, you two.

 

[Aran]

Hmm... I guess this could be true...  Despain used to be like that, but he hasn't been around for a while so I've fallen out of sync with your "kind".  Okay!

Okay, I know that this is off-topic, but... What?

What do you mean he hasn't been around for a while?

He's been out, and about for, like, ever.

Haven't you seen him post? He also went by "Solid bro", and "Milk Bro", in case you didn't know.

Or am I misunderstanding what you said?

Really?! Actually, I think I have been seeing his name again...

Cool it, you two.

yiz, mi'am. zorry.

@xephyr14: Overall, your prelude/preface is C+ material.  I liked it all the way up till she found out something about Valkyries with the Archneck dragon-part, at which point, I felt like I fell off of a cliff.  But the story that gives Lenna the incentive is good in my opinion.

However, there are some issues I have with yor characters.  First off, you refer to Zex as "him" and I didn't know robots had genders... Second, Zex's character seems pretty temporary seeing as she built 'him' only to go look for this dragon.  I just think it'd be better if Zex's character had some deeper roots in the story that make him have his own story, too.  I know this is an Early Project, and I'm only tryin' to help, but explore your story and your characters a little more, em-k?

 

[stryderblaze]

try developing your story some more get more info into your story and develop your characters other wise your story is just plain boring

 

[Xephyr]

>_> who says I already don't have plans to develop Zex?  Don't jump to conclusions people.  He's actually key to the story >_>
Why is the part about findin the secret at the dragon bad?  Just wondering


>_> why do all my topics turn into arguments?

 

[Luminier]

>_> why do all my topics turn into arguments?

Hey, at least this time, it didn't happen because of you. 

Also... He started it!!  :P

Umm, could you answer this question for me? Will Zex... cook? Pleeease, oh please tell me that you're gonna have a robot chef! (Heh, "Iron" chef.)

 

[Aran]

Well, because you gave a pretty, for lack of a better word, stupid description of it.  If he's important then you should at least hint at it being important.  All I gathered from its bio is that it was built to help Lenna and that no one knows anything about it. But of course no one's going to know about it if its only been up and running for 2 weeks, right?  The way you worded it makes it seem like no one knows about it because its only recently been built, NOT because its supposed to be mysterious.

I assumed because of the lowsy facts you gave me about Zex.  And I'm not being rude, but seriously, you should define his character a bit more, but without telling us everything about it.

And, actually, there's nothing wrong with discovering all those facts after Lenna meets the dragon, but what's so special about the dragon, hm?  What about the dragon?  I don't know diddly-squat about it.  Is it an ancient dragon?  Can it talk?  Hint at how this dragon divulges this information.

@Luminier: nuh-uh! 

Hey the website's gotten cooler, people!  It tells you when you submit a post if someone has replied before you and allows you to revise your post before its finally submitted.  Cool, huh?!