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Sandfall: Hope (ooc)

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http://rhinocap.net/extras/sftopic/sandfall.png[/img]
hope


Character Sign-Ups are Closed.

HTML:
<div class="topicheading">
  Arizca
HTML:
</div>
HTML:
<blockquote>
The vast sands of the Arizca nation are contained between mountain borders. To the north lies Seyenne, a land of fields and rivers, rich with life and wealth. To the south is Pacatl, the Southlands, a jungle with black soil and fearsome volanoes. Arizca is a land of a deep and troubled history, a place where magic has long ago died and where technology is beginning to rule. For generations upon generations, a brutal and powerful elite composed of the noble families ruled the nation. They systematically branded criminals as exiles, cutting them off from the cities that offered shelter from the harsh environment of the desert. As time went by, the nobles exiled more and more citizens, extending exileship to families and acquaintances of those who commited even the slightest of crimes.

It will lead to revolution.
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</blockquote>

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<div class="topicheading">
  It has yet to happen...
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<blockquote>
Sandfall: Hope takes place in the months/weeks/days leading up to the Cross Revolution. We know the results of the revolution, but the actions of our characters can lead us through how they came to be. This is not a role-playing game in the common usage- this is a collaborative story which will give us deeper insight into the canon of Sandfall.

Characters and events from this story will become a part of the canon Sandfall universe. Depending on the role you play and how things wind up, there is a good chance that your character will be mentioned in the Sandfall game; may even be a visible NPC.
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</blockquote>

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<div class="topicheading">
  The Lore of Arizca
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<blockquote>
Arizca and the Sandfall universe has been planned out intricately with a lot of details, including timelines, maps, family trees and countless other kinds of charts and information. There's a lot to it, and sticking to canon is important to me. This doesn't mean that this story has to be perfectly on. Ideally, the completed text of this story will be able to be compiled (and with a little editing) be released as an entire canonical Sandfall side story. Likely a significant amount will have to be changed, but major elements from the finished story will be adapted into the world.

Familiarty with Sandfall's canon is not required; only that you understand the general landscape and setting, including its technology, architecture, etc. Anything regarding canon that needs to be addressed I can take care of. Wumpi also knows a lot of details and has access to our secret Sandfall database. In addition, the Pacatl fathergod of the world, the all-knowing Tezcacoatl, knows about Arizca and the world of the Sandfall series more intimately than any. For the most part regarding anything about the Sandfall world and the storyline, ask on irc in #rmxp. Even if Wumpi or myself aren't around, I'm sure that enough people are there who have overheard our conversations and can shine some light on a subject.
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<div class="topicheading">
  Character Building
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<blockquote>
There will need to be some serious depth and though put into these characters; this story will be long and needs to be thought-out. Your characters need to follow three basic rules: they need to fit into the Sandfall world, they need to have real personalities, histories and characteristics to them, and you need to enjoy them enough to stick with them.

Tezcacoatl and Wumpi will be helping me with the process of approving/disapproving/refining characters. What does this mean? It's more than a yes/no? Yeah- we expect some good characters that fit well into the world that we have created, and we expect a serious characters from members who plan to stick around and really participate in something worthwhile. In most cases, I imagine that we will suggest that you revise your characters in a number of ways; but I doubt that, if everybody who joins is serious, there will be any blatant denials of entries. Mostly, if we ask you to revise something, it's not a fault of yours, but simply something that wouldn't fit into the world we have established, so don't take any offense.

This is a list of things to help keep you on track with creating your characters:
  • Everybody in the world is human. Absolutely no elves, dwarves or the like.
  • Exiles are common in the time period this story takes place in. Exiles are made by committing a crime, or automatically by being the offspring of another exile (paternally- if your mother was an exile you can be adopted into a city as long as you aren't raised by her). All exiles are branded with an particular recognizable brand- the brand, in various sizes, is on different parts of their bodies, often reflecting the severity of their crime (for example, one man who murdered a child was branded on his eyeball, most are branded on their chests or backs). Those born into exile who have not been branded are sought out by bounty hunters to be captured, branded, and released back into the desert.
  • There is no open religion in Arizca. It is taboo to openly discuss religion or faith. This isn't to say people don't have beliefs- most do, but they are kept private between the person and the God(s) he or she believes in. In Seyenne and Pacatl, there are developed religions (ask if you need to know).
  • There is no magic. Magic is dead in the world. Simple as that.
  • The nation is based on the American Wild West and Southwest Native Americans with elements of the Middle East. Pacatl is based on native Mesoamerican cultures: Maya, Aztec, Inca, etc, with some hints of African tribes. Seyenne is based around antebellum/victorian America. That should be clear enough, I hope.
  • Any specific questions, go ahead and ask. You'll likely learn more as things go on.

Rough map of Arizca
  • Caste is the former capitol (current capitol in the time of this story). It is very divided into nobles and peasants. The palace is located here.
  • Shaw will become the new capitol after the revolution. It is the most "modernized" and clean city, and is considered the home of technology.
  • Jelbediz is a massive outdoor market city, formed at the crossroads at the center of Arizca.
  • Hazaga is a city that is built into a carved-out plateau. The only way to access it is through caves in the mountainside. Ruins of ancient Arizca surround Hazaga; and it is home to a noteworthy university and many scholars.
  • Ash Fall lies at the southern tip of the Sandfall. It is home to a large tower which serves as a tourist attraction of sorts; you can climb to the top and look north over the whole sandfall.
  • There are a number of small towns on the roads between the major cities, called crosstowns. These have names and significant development to them. There are also small farms and single homes and nameless communities throughout the desert, often formed by exiles.
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<div class="topicheading">
  Character Submission Template
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</div>
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<blockquote>
You don't necessarily have to follow this; it's suggested. If you have something else in mind that works, feel free. Remember, the more depth the better. Characters with mysterious backstories or any ???s whatsoever will not be accepted.

  • Name
  • Age (don't make this unrealistic)
  • Appearance (the more detail the better: drawings are great)
  • Weapon(s) (remember the technology here: steampunk/wild west)
  • Talents/Hobbies
  • Occupation
  • Hometown (one of the ones listed above or a desert outpost)
  • Social Class (noble, middle, peasant, exile)
  • History/backstory (childhood, adolescence, etc)
  • Current story (as of where the story would begin)
HTML:
</blockquote>

Good luck, have fun. Go ahead and start posting up your characters- the beginnings of the storyline will come from what kind of people we have to work with, and from there we can take it wherever it goes. I'll be submitting my own character soon. For now, like I said, Wumpi, myself and the mysterious Tezcacoatl will be helping set things up.

Of course, any questions go ahead and post here.
 

Anonymous

Guest

Me first. Picture will come when I draw it~

Clicky!

Name: Marcel Avron

Age: 24

Appearance:Marcel is a little on the short side with dark skin and short white-blonde hair. She has many thin scars across the sides of her arms, legs and face from being battered by a sandstorm as a child. She wears a white body suit and a mask with goggles attached to a ventilator which she wears on her back. She also carries a bottle of water in a bag. The Harpact is on her right arm and can be braced to her ventilator and she wears strips of leather bound with cloth instead of what might traditionally be described as shoes. When not chasing storms she wears only the bottom half of the body suit and a white vest.

Personality: Marcel is sunny and cheerful and happy to help and expects a similar mentality from everyone. She loves the unexpected more than anything, and very much enjoys being in situations where she has to think on her feet, meaning that maybe there is a secondary motive to her storm chasing. Though she is unfond of things as they are now she is ambivalent toward change - she isn't sure that a revolution would really succeed in changing anything whatever the outcome, the death of her father leading her with the impression that a revolution would be inspired by bitterness and desire for revenge rather than desire for change. She loves rebuilding things, lacking the confidence to create anything from scratch.

Weapon(s): Harpact - A device that can shoot a barb or a hook attached to a wire. the wire can be controlled and has a reach of about 20 metres. To carry heavier weights it must be braced.

Talents/Hobbies: Marcel's main hobby is Stormchasing - she hunts sandstorms in the hope that she will get lucky and the disturbing of the sand will reveal relics of ancient Arizca. She hasn't been lucky yet. She's also quite good at tinkering with mechanics, as demonstrated by her ventilator and especially the Harpact. She lacks the confidence (and, currently, the resources) to make things from scratch, though.

Occupation: Marcel considers her current job to be her stormchasing. She is hoping to find something valuable enough to buy her niece's freedom and citizenship but she knows it is a long shot. During the time she spends in the small exile community where her brothers live she works as a hunter - the Harpact is very effective for catching animals.

Hometown: Marcel tends to wander a lot in search of sandstorms but her home is a small community (just her family and a few others who found them and stayed) of exiles in the open desert some way west of Shaw.

Social Class: Exile (previously noble)

History/backstory: Marcel and her two older brothers, Fabien and Havre, were originally from a noble family. As they lived in a very small town about a day's walk (and thus out of the immediate protection of) any of the bigger cities, their father, Ternes Avron, was increasingly concerned about the idea of a revolution. He began giving aid to exiles - offering food and shelter to anyone who seemed in danger and smuggling luxuries such as books from the city that many merchants would knowingly charge extortionate prices for if they dared try to sell to exiles in the first place. For a while this went well but the family soon came under suspicion.

Until Marcel's eighth birthday Ternes managed to avoid trouble with a mixture of excuses and flat out denial. At this point an exile was offered his son's citizenship in exchange for proving that the Avron family were aiding exiles. He sold out the family gladly for the sake of his son. Marcel and her father and brothers were driven from their home.

Unfortunately, Ternes' good deeds weren't as well known as the fact he had been a noble. The family were now exiles who were exceedingly unpopular with other exiles. One night someone, angered and looking for a fight for whatever reason, attacked Fabien. Ternes attempted to drive off the attacker but was easily bested - none of the family were accustomed to fighting. Marcel and her brothers fled. Since then they have lived as exiles. One night Marcel was stuck alone in a sandstorm. While waiting for it to clear so that her brothers could help her, she found a ruined device that had been previously hidden by the sands. Having no idea what it was originally meant to do, she went and made it do something else instead and it ended up becoming both her ventilator and the bare bones of the Harpact.

Current story:
More recently they gained two tagalongs - first Alesia, Fabien's partner and still more recently Raspail, the daughter of Fabien and Alesia. Raspail is currently four years old and they have managed to set up an somewhat permanent residence (they have been there a couple months now, which is the most permanence they've had in a long time). Though she has always been fascinated by sandstorms and the idea of finding things under the disturbed sand Marcel has, faced with being an aunt, broken away from her brothers to actively chase storms in the hope of finding something worth enough to buy Raspail's way out of exile and give her a chance at a real life. She has been working on both Harpact and her ventilator constantly while doing so, trying to get them both perfect to make her own life easier.
 
Ah, a communal tale. How delightful.

Being the Holder of the [Pen] I'm quite sure it's all right for me to stretch a few rules. Note that I will not be participating as such; my role is explaining the subtleties of the lore and relaying amusing anecdotes, as well as chronicling these "adventures" for future... cultivation?

NAME: Tezcacoatl.
AGE: I taught the hills to build the stepladders that helped them caress the sky.
APPEARANCE: I'm a snake. A big, shiny snake.
PERSONALITY: Positively chipper.
WEAPONS: The ability to tip this little bottle of ink right here and wash away everything.
HOBBIES: I enjoy knitting.
OCCUPATION: Something of a writer.
HOMETOWN: Michigan Pete's Roadside Bar & Grill.
SOCIAL STANDING: I am but a simple peasant girl.
HISTORY: When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a public execution. We stopped in a few stores on the way home, and I picked up a nice calligraphy set. One thing lead to another and after a while I gave birth to the universe.
CURRENTLY: Haven't gotten writer's block yet.

I am very interested in seeing how this unfolds, and I do wish everyone involved the best of luck. I will step in as necessary, though I hope it will not be often!
 
HTML:
<div class="topicheading">
  Claude Dallas North
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</div>
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<blockquote>
  • Age: 43
  • Appearance: Claude has a thick handlebar mustache and takes care to use wax in his hair despite his noticable receeding hairline. He wears a specialized vest that wears like a normal vest on his left side but acts as a long cape that covers his arm on the left side (picture coming when I can scan it).
  • Weapon(s): Claude uses defensive weapons: he primarily makes use of a blindbox(a specially-designed lantern used for shining concentrated beams of light into peoples' eyes). He also uses the cloak defensively against melee weapons. He is known to keep a shotgun and a revolver under the bar in his tavern, but he very rarely has to use them and admits that he is not a great shot.
  • Talents/Hobbies: Claude takes great pride in his knowledge of people. He owns a tavern in Caste that has become a sort of exile hangout for those exiles who ignore the laws, and as such has spent many nights simply conversing with people. He has intimate knowledge of the latest gossip, particularly among the exile community. He also can pour a mean drink.
  • Occupation: Tavern owner/innkeeper/bartender
  • Hometown: Caste
  • Social Class: Middle
  • History/backstory: Claude was born to a peasant mother and father in Caste. In his early teens, he found the local tavern to be his primary hangout spot and over time grew close with the tavern owner, ending up often working as a bartender. Eventually, the owner retired and gave the tavern to Claude. In time, the tavern became popular as word spread among exiles that Claude had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy concerning exileship and would serve exiles just as he would any other citizen. As time went on, Claude became friends with many of his exile regulars and soon the joint had a reputation for being an exile hangout. Word spread that Claude's tavern was friendly to exiles (Claude was known for his kindness, often providing free food and lodging to exiles with no other place to go) and a safe house for exiles in the city and its popularity rose exponentially, and soon Claude found that he had amassed quite a large amount of money, which he pours into running his business. Now, his tavern is often filled with exiles and rarely do non-exiled citizens go there. His story is a typical one of Arizca's emerging middle class as peasants work their way out of poverty.
  • Current story: On many occasions he has spoken to Archer Cross and his friends, and it was in Claude's tavern that Archer first met Amelia Cheres. He is a large supporter of the revolution that people have been talking about, and proudly boasts about his connection to Archer and company. Because of this, he has recently been the subject of the noble government's police force, but for the time being has resisted any sort of actual accusations or punishment.
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Just patching up some commas and a redundancy in word choice.  I'm pretty satisfied with him myself.  I especially like how the appearance worked out.  He's eminently more spaghetti western than steampunk, though.  He took about two days to draw up satisfactorily.
 
Name
Noel Quixote

Age : 34

Seemingly completely average in height and build, except for his blue eyes which seem to bright or vivid, even in candle light they seem to shine.  His button up shirt more of a cream now than a white, his vest formerly a brown leathered jacket now missing both sleeves.  Every piece of clothing, even his workman gloves are more sand colored then they were originally, even his boots once red now look sanded over, the sheen now dimpled after being pelted with sand for so long.
The only true pieces of color on him is the sash like belt around his waist, and the kerchief around his neck to be pulled over his nose and mouth if needed.  Both a faded red with yellow pinstripes.  The only things clean on him are his goggles, dark black and always around his head, and his equipment.
He carries lots of tin and weak metal ornaments around him, such as broken necklaces now tacked to his vest in a fashion similar to military badges and honors.  Most if not all are now rusted and tarnished.

Physically he's balding with a higher than average widow's peak with dark hair, and tries to be as clean shaven as possible.  He carries surprisingly little in the way of scars or blemishes and could have been a handsome man who got by with looks alone.

Carrying(s):
A modified shot gun, to be on par with our modern day street sweepers (striker if need be).  Automatically discharges empty rounds and reloads via a spring and lock mechanism.  Effectively every squeeze of the trigger is a new round being shot off, with no manual pumping or reloading required until all 12 rounds emptied.  A quick piston pull detaches the housing for ammunition to be resupplied, and it can be slapped back together in a moment.

Rifle similar to the Sniper-Enfield capable of shooting 1000yds (1097m) effectively.  It is capable of 10 rounds per minute.

Carries several thieving tools, mostly to get in and out of places quickly.  These include basic lock picks, rope grapple, and the like.  Carries all this, with a woven blanket stitched in twain for use as a sleeper, in an over sized duffle like bag.

Talents/Hobbies
Formerly a bounty hunter, carrying all the traits in skills one would need.  A telling memory of people's faces, the ability to read them in ways to see how to get under their skins or to placate them.  A keen eye over all.  Survival in the sands as well as a damn good cook.  Knot tying.  Enjoys antiquing.

Occupation
"Unemployed Entrepreneur", formerly a bounty hunter.

Hometown
Jelbediz, but spent much of his time between there and Hazaga.

Social Class (noble, middle, peasant, exile)
Technically middle, but now Exile?

At a young age Noel found himself a run away.  He once saw a traveling performer and thought it would be quite fun, unfortunately he found out quickly he didn't have the singers voice, or a gift for reciting poems, nor were he particularly gifted at musical instruments.  He did find he was particularly good at getting in and out of places, and was bound to be a thief it seemed, burgling the homes of Hazaga, where he found a man by the name of Mizra.

Mizra was reminded of himself when he caught the boy when he was caught with Mizra's purse, in a drunk stupor he talked Noel into a bit of an apprenticeship.  Mizra getting older could no longer hunt marks, exiles, as he used to and needed help.  To accomplish his means Mizra collected youths whose talents he had been losing, including Noel's stealthy fingers and crafty lock picking manners.

So, Noel and two others, Juventud an incredible marksman even from atop a steed, and an older boy by the name of Faumuina from a foreign island, did Mizra's work for him.  They gained none of the glory, and nearly as little in regards to rewards.  Back and forth, mostly from Hazaga and ironically Noel's own birth city Jelbediz, the group went hunting marks.

That is, of course, till Juventud was killed in an altercation.  This led to Mizra becoming more harsh on the surviving duo, and instead of each being a jack of one trade, he forced on them to train in others.  Noel won a shot contest, winning Juventud's own rifle in the process, the start of a long standing rivalry between Faumuina and Noel.

What ever Faumuina accomplished Noel tried to out do, and naturally the reverse could be said.  Mizra never favored Noel as far as the rivalry went, mainly because Mizra thoguht Faumuina's skills would outshine Noel in the end, and thus Faumuina was the one to applaud.

Eventually though things became deadly as the years went by.  Noel went on his own, by Mizra's own advice, and soon came across a bounty on Mizra himself.  Apparently Mizra himself had been involved in a slave trade, and Noel being more business than anything couldn't simply let Mizra walk.  At the same time Mizra was every bit a father to him.  So he tipped off a group of hunters who he thought Mizra and Faumuina would easily dispatch or lose, hoping that it would be enough of a warning to them so they'd go underground.

But Faumuina was captured, and Mizra fled.  This leads to of course the natural rivalry between Faumuina and Noel to explode into murderous rage once Faumuina was informed of the tip off.  Mizra too found out and took his revenge by framing Noel for murder.  The murder of a noble in the court of Caste, killed with the weapon Noel himself had custom made, a shot gun that shot rounds all too quickly.
God I really shouldn't babble so much :huh:

Current story:
Currently Noel Quixote is about trying to clear his name, avoid those hunting him, and do all that heroic stuff we so often see in our cliche stories.  To make things even more comfortable Faumuina has recently been released into the desert, branded, and has vowed blood guilt on Noel.  Faumuina is said to now have some very dangerous friends, even though he was a bounty hunter it seems his turn to assassin suits the viles of the world just fine.
He currently is lost, having broken his compass somewhere along the way when running from some random bounty hunters, trying to conserve ammo and not add to his murder charges he simply fled.  He confidently believes he is on the right heading for Caste.
 

Spoo

Sponsor

  Sounds fun! I guess I'm in.

Avery Garder
Age: 28
Tall and kind of muscular, and dark green eyes. Always wears a plain white shirt under a weathered old vest that looks like it's falling apart. His denim pants also look like they're in poor shape, held up by a belt with twin pistol holsters. His boots could be in far worse condition; unlike his bandanna, torn and weathered. He always wears it over his face, though. Even if it does him no physical good. He always has a cigarette in his mouth, too.

His shaggy brown hair is covered by a hat that is far too big. He is noted by his necklace, though. Shaped like an 'S' and made of brass.

Weapons
    Though used to brawling with his fists at any local bar, he can be a hell of a shot with his twin revolvers, custom made by the Garder regime. With explosive shells, a fast rate of fire, and of course, the sharpshooter holding them, these puppies can plug you full of holes in seconds.

Talents/Hobbies
    He has exceptional hearing, he knows several things about forging guns, and he's one of the best duelists in Azrica.

Occupation
  He makes the money he needs to live by taking the occasional bounty or working an odd job or two.

Hometown
Hazaga, stays away from his family's manor though

Class
Noble, but tries to disguise himself as a middle, to prevent any treatment a noble would get.

  Avery never liked to sit still, and as so, he disliked the way of a noble family. He started to sneak out and roam about the city during his studies when he was 16 or so. But once, as he was poking around in a local pub, he talked his way into a fight with a rather fat man. Avery owned no guns of his own, but he was determined to settle this like a man. So, being rash, he snuck into his fathers quarters and stole his prized possessions: A pair of silver revolvers. He went back to the pub.
  The fat man laughed at Avery.
"Going to act like a man, eh?" The fat man mused. "Well, step outside. We'll end this quick and easy."
  The two attracted a rather large crowd. They stepped away from each other several feet, drew their guns, and fired. A folly of bullets were fired. The fat man fell to the ground.
Avery was dubbed the youngest duelist in Hazaga. But all was not well with the bond between his father. He was furious that his son had stolen his guns. Even more so that he'd go and get into a duel in an under-class bar. After a "talk" with his son, it was all over. Avery left his rich life to live as a middle classmen. He kept his father's guns, too.  Like hell he was going to give back the very instruments that gave him his reputation.
 

Current Story
    Avery lives his life day by day, doing all he can to stay disguised as a middle class person.  He avoids his father and brothers as much as possible, to avoid any more arguing.  He'll still duel every once in a while, but only if he gets really pissed off.  He's now a bounty hunter, as it lets him go places, and it quenches his need for adventure, too. He's made several friends over his years away from his family.  Including a bartender in Caste.

Note:  Keep in mind that Avery IS NOT the best shot at long range.  He can duel very well, but everything else, he's quite mediocre.

Whew! That's a hell of a lot to type!
 
Here... I'll enter. It looks interesting.

• Name: Virgil Valiente.
• Age (don't make this unrealistic) : 21
• Appearance: Of roughly medium height, Virgil has mid-length uneven black hair and brown eyes. His skin is darker than most, a result of his unusual parentage. He wears white robes that he made to protect him from heat and sandstorms, and carries a pistol he’s modified to fire what he can find, generally small rocks. The pistol is old and worn from use.
• Weapon(s): An old pistol which has been heavily modified. It can fire a variety of objects, not limited to bullets. It’s not very accurate, but Virgil’s adapted to this and is now an excellent shot. It can’t hold much ammo, though.
• Talents/Hobbies: Stealth. Virgil has skill in creating technology, but he’s limited in what he can make. He’s an excellent judge of people’s true thoughts, and he has excellent aim. He hunts small desert animals for food, and is quite good at it.
• Occupation: Wanderer/hermit. An outcast, Virgil has survived mostly on his own these past four years.
• Hometown: A remote outpost nearby the Sand Fall.
• Social Class (noble, middle, peasant, exile): Was born into lower-middle class, is now an exile.
• History/backstory: Born in a remote outpost to a Pacatlian inventor father and a local woman, life was harsh for Virgil from the beginning. His mother died giving birth to him, leaving only his father to raise him. As a young child, Virgil had few friends, and was consistently picked on by other children and seen as strange and different because of his darker skin and strange religion. [Off-topic - I’m assuming that the people of Pacatl are darker-skinned than those of Azrica. If this is not the case, I’ll willingly revise the story] When Virgil was seventeen, his father, never really trusted in the community, died mysteriously and his work vanished. As an orphan, Virgil drifted farther and farther away from the society of the outpost, becoming reclusive and nocturnal. After a month or so, Virgil was forced to leave town because of superstition that he was ‘bad luck’, and ‘didn’t belong anyways’. Stealing supplies, some equipment and an old pistol, Virgil escaped into the night and established a shelter away from the outpost. He’s lived there for four years now, and the time hasn’t been kind to him. When he runs low on supplies, he steals what he needs to survive, but no more.
• Personality: Distrustful of strangers, Virgil is an outcast. Four years of living alone with only the desert as company have driven him slightly mad. He’s been through much hardship, and is a lot wiser and world-weary than his modest years might indicate.
• Current story (as of where the story would begin): The people of the outpost where Virgil was born have finally tired of him and his raids. They sent several well-armed people to deal with him permanently. His only option was to run away before they could find him. Fleeing north, he eventually arrived at Caste. The story finds him entering the city.
 
I'd love to participate in this, but I'm afraid I don't have the time to be able to post regularly.  Would it be all right if I just popped in from time to time and didn't get too involved in the plot so as to not slow anyone down? 
 
Noel Quixote
Like him a lot. I read it a while ago but was waiting for some other entrants before I posted. I especially like the possible introduction of a villain with your backstory.

Avery Garder
Nice base, but there are areas for improvement. Let me break this down.

  Occupation; Now he just wanders around Hazaga, with unknown intentions. How does he make money to live on? Additionally, if he is an exile, he wouldn't be able to openly live in Hazaga. Exiles often sneak into cities for short periods of time, usually at night, but sneak out again. Legally, exiles are limited to the deserts and the small townships out there.

  Backstory; He likely wouldn't have been exiled for a shootout, especially if he was a noble in a bar fight. If anything, I could see that his noble family could disown him for sneaking into an "under-class" tavern, but not the fight. If he were exiled for this event, it would only be because his family were really that pissed and pulled some strings to force him out of the cities. It is very rare that a noble would be exiled under any circumstances; often nobles are above the law.

  Gossip can occasionally be heard about a local duel involving him, but otherwise, no one hears much of him now. Some say he is a burglar, that breaks into peoples' houses and steals their money. Nothing much is known. Other than my previous comment about exiles in cities, my big problem here is with the "nothing is known". That's actually fine, common people don't have to know. But we do, and you do. I'd like to eliminate any mystery histories from the beginning. Remember, you can tell us, as your co-writers, everything while still keeping information hidden from the characters in the story.

Revise this stuff (little things, I doubt it will take long), and you're in. Great character other than this. I'm always a sucker for dual revolvers.

Virgil Valiente

  Weapon; I like the idea of a weapon modified to shoot whatever is lying around. Remember in the story to accommodate this, it won't shoot things nearly as quickly or as straight as a streamlined bullet.

  Social Class; Was born into lower-middle class, is now an exile. He doesn't sound like a technical exile. Likely he sounds like he would be wanted (if the people of the outpost town ever reported him to a sheriff in one of the bigger cities or crosstowns), but is not yet a technical exile with a brand and is not limited to the desert. Perhaps he will become a full exile during the course of the story?

  Backstory: "Pacatlan" over "Pacatlian", just a note, and yes they do have darker skin. They wouldn't be made fun of, especially in southern Arizca where they are very common. However, being in a small outpost town rather than a major city or crosstown, it is believable that the local children might not be used to people from the Southlands.

You also mention his "strange religion" which makes me curious. The people of Pacatl have a pretty intricate religion that we have established with a hierarchy of gods, and in Arizca religion is generally a taboo to speak about, but they keep it internal and often only talk about it at home with family members. Of course, this small outpost town (again) might be an exception, maybe it was settled by a small white family so they could openly share their beliefs together. That solves one question, but we're left wondering about Virgil's beliefs: is it the full Pacatlan belief, or something else? I could imagine that a merger of the Pacatlan religion with something similar would be viable, or maybe just different customs for the same beliefs that are shared by the members of this community. If you're interested in using the Pacatlan religion, which is admittedly complex, let me know and I'll give you the details of it.

Other than those, he's solid.

Sailerius
Initial instinct is yes, but my worry would be that your character would fall behind. If you want to make a character and allow it to be a "universal" sort of character that anybody (or someone specifically) can write for in their own sections of narrative, that would be awesome, and you can pop in and take over when you're around.

That reminds me, to everybody: there will be other people writing for your characters in this story. Of course it will be kept to a minimum and other people won't be able to do anything major or big, but to keep it as a fluid collaborative story rather than a game, we're going to be lenient when it comes to writing for other peoples characters. That is why I want as much information as possible in the posts. Other people won't be allowed to "hijack" your characters or anything of the story, most likely they'll just be small mentions of things to keep the story logical and avoid the way some roleplays stop at a halt when waiting for the next person to post. I hope that makes sense and will be okay.

Note to all: there are a lot of people here who are exiles or have exile relations/tendencies, which seems like it will give us a damn solid starting point for the story, and we're definitely going to be on the side of the Cross revolution in this. We also have a lot of people who seem to be amazing shots with their guns- anyone willing to change a weapon (creativity in weapons can be amazing like Marcel's harpact, it also seems like lots of these characters are inventors) or maybe admit to being a mediocre shot? Just digging for some variety, if everybody is dead-set on their sharpshooting it doesn't have to change.
 
However, being in a small outpost town rather than a major city or crosstown, it is believable that the local children might not be used to people from the Southlands.

My dear, this depends entirely on the location. Southern outpost towns, farming settlements, and crosstowns are largely populated by Pacatlan refugees - take Tlahuica, for instance - so they are much more likely to embrace people of Pacatlan heritage. The location of his "outpost town" is vague, but for the sake of clarity I'd likely place it near Carabat or Roysten.

Which reminds me - young Despain's "rough map" was not very informative, so I've taken the liberty of digging through my archives in an effort to find something more useful. It seems you're all in luck, too.

http://bb.xieke.com/files/arizca.jpg[/img]

This is a fairly aged map (the coffee was delicious) so I will further explain the cities in question.

Arizca's three largest cities are Caste, Shaw, and Jelbediz. After them are Hazaga, Carabat, Roysten, Harad, and Ash Fall. The five named crosstowns are Casson, Tlahuica, Onoak, Kayotl's Run, and Haida's Loop. The unnamed crosstown south of Harad is Michigan Pete's Roadside Bar & Grill.

Note that these are not all the settlements in Arizca. Many outposts and small farming communities are unnamed, or named after the founding family. Generally, farms are situated around the outskirts of cities, but there are many out in the desert itself as well.

I quite like how this is progressing, so I will let you all get back to this.
 
Virgil Valiente

  Weapon; I like the idea of a weapon modified to shoot whatever is lying around. Remember in the story to accommodate this, it won't shoot things nearly as quickly or as straight as a streamlined bullet.

  Social Class; Was born into lower-middle class, is now an exile. He doesn't sound like a technical exile. Likely he sounds like he would be wanted (if the people of the outpost town ever reported him to a sheriff in one of the bigger cities or crosstowns), but is not yet a technical exile with a brand and is not limited to the desert. Perhaps he will become a full exile during the course of the story?

  Backstory: "Pacatlan" over "Pacatlian", just a note, and yes they do have darker skin. They wouldn't be made fun of, especially in southern Arizca where they are very common. However, being in a small outpost town rather than a major city or crosstown, it is believable that the local children might not be used to people from the Southlands.

You also mention his "strange religion" which makes me curious. The people of Pacatl have a pretty intricate religion that we have established with a hierarchy of gods, and in Arizca religion is generally a taboo to speak about, but they keep it internal and often only talk about it at home with family members. Of course, this small outpost town (again) might be an exception, maybe it was settled by a small white family so they could openly share their beliefs together. That solves one question, but we're left wondering about Virgil's beliefs: is it the full Pacatlan belief, or something else? I could imagine that a merger of the Pacatlan religion with something similar would be viable, or maybe just different customs for the same beliefs that are shared by the members of this community. If you're interested in using the Pacatlan religion, which is admittedly complex, let me know and I'll give you the details of it.

Other than those, he's solid.
OK, thanks for the input. I wrote this at a time when you were offline and not in chat, so I didn't have the ability to ask you about these things.
As to the religion thing - I had originally planned him to follow the Pacatlian religion. I'd love the details on that, if you don't mind.

Thanks for the critique on the weapon - I tried to be a little original but still fit his story. The accuracy will be obviously his main problem, but I think I'll keep him a good shot though, since he'd have to be to use his cobbled-together gun to its full potential. I can't wait to see what'll happen if he's given an accurate pistol...
 

Anonymous

Guest

If he was given an accurate pistol he'd probably fire it at least at first as if it were the gun he was used to, thus making it even less accurate than his own. :x
 
Wumpi":2zxu6cey said:
If he was given an accurate pistol he'd probably fire it at least at first as if it were the gun he was used to, thus making it even less accurate than his own. :x
Oh, I knew that. I was referring to after he got used to it. Then again, he'd likely not even switch over in the first place, as to him other guns would be 'inferior' - finite ammunition. Silly thing to say, really.

Now, back on topic - roughly when is this expected to start? And if you say Feb 8th, I will shoot you. Seriously.
 
gratheo":ph8juufl said:
As to the religion thing - I had originally planned him to follow the Pacatlian religion. I'd love the details on that, if you don't mind.

Ah, the [Many-Headed Pantheon] of the [Acitotlacahuitl]. Anything and everything under, over, on top of, or behind the Great Sun (Oletzitli) has its own little spirit. From Huiletli, God of Guns, to Ahueyotl, God of Long Journeys (as well as Barhuibitzitli, God of Short Journeys, and Pauetli, God of Journeys to the Store and Back); from Telocotli, God of Music, to Ahuicatlitzitli, God of Good Prostate Health; from Acitotlacahuitli, God of Pacatlans, to Ted, God of the Whites to the North. I, myself, am Tezcacoatl, [Father God] and [Great Writer]. There are too many to list in one sitting, dearest gratheo, but I will make an attempt at a longer, more in-depth list later in the week.

Hopefully, this will begin soon. I believe we have enough "participants", though beloved Despain may think otherwise.
 
I'm probelly gonna make a character like Salierius.

I just had a few questions: Could you go more into what the Sandfall is? Do storms happen there alot?
Can you explain magic a bit more?
Are swords allowed?

EDIT: Tezcacoatl, will you be my new dad?
 
Powerdude247":1hajrt2p said:
I'm probelly gonna make a character like Salierius.

I just had a few questions: Could you go more into what the Sandfall is? Do storms happen there alot?
Can you explain magic a bit more?
Are swords allowed?

EDIT: Tezcacoatl, will you be my new dad?
Well, you could use the info here.
I'll try and address your questions.
It's a desert, so sandstorms are an issue. I don't know exactly how often and severe they are, but go from a rough estimate of the Sahara, I think.
Magic doesn't exist anymore... there isn't that much point in explaining it.
I don't know... maybe if you make them really steampunk.
 

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