Movies so Terrible they must be seen!
- Thread starter So fist
- Start date
I'll do another review...
Escape 2000
The first to die were the lucky ones!
Urban renewal gone wrong. This movie deals with a sci-fi class warfare tale with the maturity and subtlety of a sledgehammer wielding maniac. It may be enough to say that the name of our lead character is a new york muscle bound hair band freak named Trash. Trash is just a poor kid with no locution or emotional range. The corporate sponsored Disintegration Annihilation Squad wrapped themselves in saran wrap and murdered Trash's parents and destroyed his neighborhood so a megacorp could build high rises for rich people. I know. I'm angry too.
But Trash isn't alone. For under the Bronx is a gang of resistors that resemble a mix between the cast of Rocky Horror Picture show and a Bob Fosse Jazz ensemble. Anyway this tough crowd is led by the boisterious and effeminate Toblerone or Dablone... not even imdb knows which is the correct name for this wacky Ricky Ricardo discovers the eighties monstrosity. Anyway Toblerone makes this film with his over the top performance and rapidly changing emotions.
Trash is joined by an indie reporter lady who looks like a rat and is trying to expose the evil megacorp that would stoop to genocide, but for some reason is incapable of making a nobody reporter disappear. She provides the movie with a much needed nagging ugly annoyance to its already oscar worthy cast. From there the plot just falls apart. They need to find some dude and they do and so together with some dude's kid they decide that its important to blow something up or kidnap someone or just waste more of our time walking around. I don't know. Anyway it all eventually ends with a big battle where everyone dies except the main characters.
Pros: Big Hair. Features Trash. Toblerone. Nazis in Reynold's Wrap.
Cons: Rat-faced reporter. Features Trash.
_
The first to die were the lucky ones!
Urban renewal gone wrong. This movie deals with a sci-fi class warfare tale with the maturity and subtlety of a sledgehammer wielding maniac. It may be enough to say that the name of our lead character is a new york muscle bound hair band freak named Trash. Trash is just a poor kid with no locution or emotional range. The corporate sponsored Disintegration Annihilation Squad wrapped themselves in saran wrap and murdered Trash's parents and destroyed his neighborhood so a megacorp could build high rises for rich people. I know. I'm angry too.
But Trash isn't alone. For under the Bronx is a gang of resistors that resemble a mix between the cast of Rocky Horror Picture show and a Bob Fosse Jazz ensemble. Anyway this tough crowd is led by the boisterious and effeminate Toblerone or Dablone... not even imdb knows which is the correct name for this wacky Ricky Ricardo discovers the eighties monstrosity. Anyway Toblerone makes this film with his over the top performance and rapidly changing emotions.
Trash is joined by an indie reporter lady who looks like a rat and is trying to expose the evil megacorp that would stoop to genocide, but for some reason is incapable of making a nobody reporter disappear. She provides the movie with a much needed nagging ugly annoyance to its already oscar worthy cast. From there the plot just falls apart. They need to find some dude and they do and so together with some dude's kid they decide that its important to blow something up or kidnap someone or just waste more of our time walking around. I don't know. Anyway it all eventually ends with a big battle where everyone dies except the main characters.
Pros: Big Hair. Features Trash. Toblerone. Nazis in Reynold's Wrap.
Cons: Rat-faced reporter. Features Trash.
_
hahaha i like that review.
You forgot though that the first 20 minutes is filled with a constant droning of "LEAVE THE BRONX" over loudspeaker. Yes that is pretty much the only line used in the first 20 minutes, over and over, repetitively. It feels like it takes hours for those scenes to finish.
You forgot though that the first 20 minutes is filled with a constant droning of "LEAVE THE BRONX" over loudspeaker. Yes that is pretty much the only line used in the first 20 minutes, over and over, repetitively. It feels like it takes hours for those scenes to finish.
That wasn't even a bad movie at all. Actually it was crazy badass. And it was TRYING to resemble a bad B-movie. And it did that QUITE well. Thus it does not qualify.
Sophist is talking about actual bad movies which were made with nothing but the intentions of making a GOOD movie, but then it sucked harder than anything on the planet. But BECAUSE it sucks so much, you like it. It's funny, because it's cheesy and horrible. You laugh at their misfortune for making such garbage, and yell at your screen because you don't understand how it got any funding at all.
Like Manos: Hands of Fate or ... Well almost anything you see on the Sci-Fi channel on a weekend. Notice that a lot of Soph's examples are MST3K targets. That's a good indicator to go by!
Sophist is talking about actual bad movies which were made with nothing but the intentions of making a GOOD movie, but then it sucked harder than anything on the planet. But BECAUSE it sucks so much, you like it. It's funny, because it's cheesy and horrible. You laugh at their misfortune for making such garbage, and yell at your screen because you don't understand how it got any funding at all.
Like Manos: Hands of Fate or ... Well almost anything you see on the Sci-Fi channel on a weekend. Notice that a lot of Soph's examples are MST3K targets. That's a good indicator to go by!
It came from the future to hunt humans.
The summary in the opening credits of this movie says it better than I can:
They made abductions from earth's past.
The dinosaurs were trained as trackers
The humans were bred as slaves
Daniel Bernhardt is a poor director's Jean Claude Van Damme. Teamed up with a former prostitute turned nun, two really fat nobodies, and some extras that are pretending to be gangsters but are dressed as if they are from a south american guerrilla army they have to save poor director's Jean Claude Van Damme from forced perspective dinosaurs and the slow moving Robert Z'Dar. If the premise wasn't bad enough the movie actually has the audacity to try and take itself too seriously by having the nun have a crisis of faith and purpose amidst the otherwise retarded truth of Jean Claude Van Cheap's existence.
Anyway a more proper summary is Jean Claude Van Cheap was abducted from the past by Dinosaur wielding cyborgs. Why cyborgs that have mastered time travel would need to train dinosaurs to be trackers is beyond me, but let's suspend our disbelief on this one. Anyway Jean Claude Van Cheap comes back to earth after escaping the future where he is a slave, so obviously the cyborg's need to break the budget and send dinosaurs and cyborgs after him to get him back. Again let's suspend our disbelief. But the cyborg's also find it necessary to keep their existence and that of the dinosaurs a secret so they all have special collars that cause them to explode if they are ever killed by Jean Claude Van Cheap. Another plot hole solved by asking the audience to just suspend their disbelief yet again. You would think that it would be taxing enough to have people fight forced perspective dinosaurs, but Future War is a movie that dares you to believe that on top of all its flimsy fever dream inspired premises.
Anyway there is a lot of Jean Claude Van Cheap kickboxing and shooting of the same two or three force perspective puppets. And of course the nun character waxing philosophically about god and purpose in the manner a fourteen year old kid might if they were moved to. Anyway the authorities decide not to do anything about the dino problem despite knowing about it. So Jean Claude Van Cheap and the Nun enlist the local gangs to help them out. They go to an abandoned warehouse where we are transported back to the beginning of this movie, trapping us forever in its hideous cycle. More dinosaurs explode and random nobody's die. And that my friends is future war.
Pros: Robert Z'Dar, Forced Perspective Dinosaurs
Cons: The Audacity of the screenwriters to pretend there is some kind of deeper message to be gleaned from this film.
candle, you're a complete tit, Mars Attacks is one of the greatest films ever created... EVER... CREATED...
lets not flame, champ. ~moog
I'd say a film that's so bad you must see it, is The Dark Knight, I mean, Kieth Ledger was the worst Penguin ever... seriously, the Marvel films are starting to suck these days, and this is solid proof...
lets not flame, champ. ~moog
I'd say a film that's so bad you must see it, is The Dark Knight, I mean, Kieth Ledger was the worst Penguin ever... seriously, the Marvel films are starting to suck these days, and this is solid proof...
bashful crobat
Sponsor
that movie has teddiursa it can't be terrible
Guest
Guest
;D