dude....
that was several maple story background rips, a dark elf, and sprites from a PS2 game called Phantom Brave.
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http://www.nisamerica.com/games/pb/
Look closely, you'll see he just editted a few things around the backgrounds and stuff... Seriously.
He even said at the bottom of his post dont complain about how he uses ripped graphics about having a family and what not. Which i'm sure many others here have, and can pull off at least some custom graphics, but anyway; thats off topic.
(better credit the games that had graphical rips... or something, however...)
Constructive "criticism":
Sun god created Eden, and suddenly strange creatures popped up... Ok. Lets constructively criticize this.
1) He's god of this place called Eden. He built an entire planet. If he didnt create those creatures... are they still his?
Are you also saying he didnt know what he was doing and what would happen when he built it? And he looks like he's a humanoid type figure... not an apparition. where does sun god reside?
2) he built it for himself to admire it, and be in peace? peace from what? what caused stress? he's a god... with nothing to look over. what is the source for stress?
2) If that garden relied on light for life... then no more garden, or 'creatures'. Especially if generations have passed. No, moonlight does not contribute. It needs a light source to be able to emit light. Unless its a star. then the planet gets scorched.
3) Who is Luna? How do these creatures know if a god named Luna exists? How did they even know that the sun god existed? I mean... The sun god didnt expect 'creatures' to come from his planet. So far the weird creations seem to know more than the almighty sun god. That doesnt sound very godly to me....
King Joregon wreaks with cliche, and bullspit... sorry to put it that way, but he does. Legendary Blade? With "sunlight" that grants him massive powers? From the gods? and he's a messiah? No one cried blasphemy? No one else wants the sword? He only "found it". It doesnt seem to have a chosen one (cliche as well, i dont recommend tossing that into the mix anyway). Also, a farmer most probably would not become king. But being as this farmer boy found a magical sword with uber leet powers and what not, I'll let it slide.
Miri - the 'mechanical' genius. I hope this one person surely doesnt outsmart a full company. Especially if she's only using the company's own printed books (meaning the company already knows what she is reading; and probably more).
SypherBlade - that better be his alias. You mention the realm of mirrors once and only once in here. What is the Realm of Mirrors? How did he get in there? How did he get out? where is the realm of mirrors? and how does another realm affect another? Why was he the only one able to find out about it? what is his race? if he's part of a race, do the other tribesmen know how? if he's the only one of his kind---where did he come from? how was he born?
San - it's mentioned a base couldnt handle a head on attack. Say what?! That isnt much of a Base then. How about a weakness from the back? or something besides head on -- it just doesnt make much sense.
Garn - is he the only one of his species? if so - then how? if not, then why is it that the player cant understand him? why everyone else? and cant Garn pick up a new language? Chewie had the excuse of being a weird animal. Chewie couldnt pronounce vowels, Garn can.
Rune- "The Haze is a mysterious land for the balance there is damaged and trees and rocks float in mid air" -- i didnt understand what that meant. could you rephrase? And if they found the key for immortal life, then that means that some one has taken it. How else would they know it gave Immortal life? and why would anyone want immortal life... that'd be the most boring life ever. Though you say they only found the Key, it isnt specific to know if you were directly saying a key, or as in the recipe for immortal life. I'm not sure which. Immortal life isnt something awesome anymore, anyways.
Omega - described in the Holy book of luna? so Luna is a god? Did the sun god know about this? So wait, when you said the sun god made the garden to find peace and admire it, was he just getting away from his wife?! and he feeds off of energy.
What is the conflict in this game? The main goal? You gave a history lesson on the different nations/tribes, and some important figures... but like, no objective. the heck?
I'm not sure if you fleshed out the full story, or when you started writing it... but perhaps you should back track, re-read it, and figure out these questions that I've asked. Maybe you already have them, I dont know... But whatever you provided for us wasnt enough to know whats going on. Except that the sun went on vacation, king arthur or whoever found his super sword, and that something speaks half chewebacca'n?