Joke Thread

[Olivia]

The other night I was invited out for a night with 'the girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. 'I promise!' were my last words.

Well, the hours passed and the Margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3:00 a.m. and a bit loaded, we piled into a cab and headed for our respective homes. Just as I got through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Realizing my husband would probably wake up, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times.

I was particularly proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution to cover my tardiness. (Even when totally smashed ... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos ... MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight.

He didn't raise an eyebrow or anything and continued to read the morning paper.

Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, 'I think we might need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'Oh, f##k,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'


This joke isn't mine, but made me laugh like crazy.

EDIT: Ah, this is a joke, not a riddle, silly me. Well I hope it made you giggle at the very least. xD

 

[Spoo]

But yet, this is not a game.  Reported for a move.

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

Actually I'm hijacking this thread to be a joke thread - but not in forum games, but rather general discussion.

As long as I don't hear Cassy or other staffers complain, this is now a joke thread, now post your jokes here.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."

 

[shiroun]

60.25, she a virgin? ._.

 

[iceplosion]

^ It was a joke Shiro (I'm calling you Shiro from now on)
I like this thread, I don't really know any jokes but it'll be fun to read.

 

[Ratty524]

shiro means "white" in japanese, and I don't know what shiroun is supposed to mean.

What do both of these names have in common? They both make shiroun a "shi!

HAHAHAHAHAHA I MADE A JOKE THAT WAS NOT FUNNY!

 

[Mittens2317]

What's great about sleeping with ninety six year olds?

Spoiler

There's 90 of them!

That one still cracks me up!

 

[Faeroe]

Haha, lame jokes are the best.



Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Spoiler

It died.

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

Spoiler

It was stapled to the monkey

 

[Mittens2317]

Haha, lame jokes are the best.



Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Spoiler

It died.

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

Spoiler

It was stapled to the monkey

Haha, that really did have me laughing out loud. Love 'em, and I intend to kill them.

 

[e]

Eh, got one lame joke for you :

Why did the little girl fall from the swing?

Spoiler

Because she has no arms!

One for programmers (more of a quote, but it made me chuckle) :

Spoiler

Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS’s is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.

A last but not least, the kid who wanted cookies :

Spoiler

Once upon a time, a small child, Billy, stormed into the kitchen where his mother was gently preparing supper.

"I wan' cookies!", cried Billy.
"Well, take them, hon", replied his mother, ever so gentle.

"But I. Wan'. COOKIES!", he answered, furious, stomping his little foot.
"I heard you, honey. Just take 'em out of the pot.", his mother said, her voice calm and steady.

"But...I WANT COOKIES!" yelled Billy as he fell down and started crying.

Smiling, his mother turned around, wiped her hands on her apron and bent down.

"No arms, no cookies!", said she.

 

[Mittens2317]

Wow, I really love these. You can only find this shit on the internet. Keep 'em coming.

 

[Faeroe]

How do you pick up a gay programmer (for computer junkies)

Spoiler

C:## (read that out loud.)

Tim missed a day of school one day, and he came the next day, his teacher confronted him.

"Why weren't you here yesterday, Tim?"

"Well miss, my grandpa got burnt."

"Oh, I hope he wasn't hurt too badly."

"Yeah, they don't fuck around at those crematoriums."





A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

 

[Ellie]

What's white and can't climb trees?

Spoiler

A fridge.

What's green and falls out of trees?

Spoiler

Pool tables.

 

[syphonmax]

A drunk man wakes up his wife while she's sleeping in the middle of the night.

He says "Honey I need to go toilet"

The wife replies "For fucks sake you wake me up for that crap"

The man says "But I really need to go"

Wife replies "Godamnit then go toilet"

Man says "Can you come with me"

Wife says "NO! Go toilet"

Man says "Fine!"

So the man walks out the room and goes to the toilet, a few minutes later he comes back and says astonished "WOW!! Our toilet is magical everytime I open the door the lights go on and everytime I close it the lights turn off"

Wife replies "What?"

The man says "Come and see"

So the man takes his wife to the "toilet" and opens the door, the wife replies "YOU JACKASS YOU PEED IN THE FRIDGE!!"

Kinda lame but whatever

 

[Yggdrassil]

1. John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said John.

'I did. You're back to work on Monday.'

2. I rear ended a car this morning...the driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
That's how the fight started.

^ It was a joke Shiro (I'm calling you Shiro from now on)

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:RMA ... ttp://tn3-[/img]
Toshiro!

 

[Ratty524]

>What's fat, has drugs, and has no airplane?

Spoiler

TELOCH!

>Why did the chicken cross the road?

Spoiler

To get to the other side

Why did it want to get to the other side?

Spoiler

To go to the bathroom

Why did it want to go to the bathroom?

Spoiler

So it can see it's cock.

 

[Grathea]

OK, here's a bunch.

Spoiler: What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ!

Spoiler: What comes before part B?

Partaaay!

Spoiler: How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two - the hard part is getting them in the lightbulb.

Spoiler: Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

They're terrible, I know.

 

[Luminier]

How many scorned Yivyn's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

Two.

One to screw in the light bulb, and one to call upon 4chan to spam our forum.

  :lol:

 

[bashful crobat]

How many scorned Yivyn's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

Two.

One to screw in the light bulb, and one to call upon 4chan to spam our forum, but fail in an utterly anti-climactic way.

Fixed :D

 

[Despain]

holly your avatar is adorable