I have a couple chapters done so far, but I'll show you the first.
What is the story about? Well, it tells the story of Verita Alzanev in first person view. Themes in the story include that of symbolism, realism vs. romanticism, and more. These aren't really explained in the first chapter, but later on it gets better.
Table of Contents:
Part 1.
Chapter I: An Encroaching Threat
Chapter II: A Dishonor
Chapter III: Revelations
Chapter IV: Freedom
Chapter V: A Cause Worth Fighting For.
Critique, please.
What is the story about? Well, it tells the story of Verita Alzanev in first person view. Themes in the story include that of symbolism, realism vs. romanticism, and more. These aren't really explained in the first chapter, but later on it gets better.
Table of Contents:
Part 1.
Chapter I: An Encroaching Threat
Chapter II: A Dishonor
Chapter III: Revelations
Chapter IV: Freedom
Chapter V: A Cause Worth Fighting For.
Chapter I: An Encroaching Threat
It was the morn before the Harvest Festival when I recieved the news. Clouds gathered upon the eastern edge of Raffenhaus, amidst a dull violet sky. Albeit it seemed to be the regular clouds of storms, it blazed with a maroon hue- flashing violenty.
A storm, perhaps? It hovered over the plain with a vexacity one couldn't explain; though. I began to focus upon my work, though.
I was atop a dark horse, galloping among the town square to see after preparations for the festival. The bazaar had been set up, and grand ships gathered in the harbor. I was preparing to travel home, until a messenger rushed up to me, lacking the breath to talk.
"Are.. you mister.. Alzanev?" he finally gained a breath.
I jumped off my stallion and spoke to him, "No, but I am a member of the family. What seems to be the problem?"
He spoke with a mournful look upon his face, "Sir, a caravan has been sacked by a group of bandits."
I sighed, then replied, "I.. see."
"They attacked too quickly for us to gain a foothold in the battle."
"Any ideas of who the bandits are?"
He stood up straight, "No sir, they are foriegn to this soil."
"I see. Were there any survivors?"
"Yes sir, they are at the infirmary as we speak. I request you consult the Raffenhaus Council about this matter."
"I shall try." I replied, "But they are rather hard to reach these days." I straddled upon my horse.
"One last question sir, why is your horse black?"
"You like it? It.. is a reflection of my personality. It brings fear into my foes. It symbolizes pain."
"Farewell, sir." he saluted, standing with a firm posture.
"No need to salute, friend." I saluted back, and he sprinted back to the infirmary. The last of the preperations for the festival had been completed, and I decided to set off to the Council House. Again, I looked towards the bleak sky.
Still the cloud grew nearer; I took it that tomorrow was going to hold a blightful dawn. Trying to easy my mind off the matter, I cantered towards the Council House and abandoned my horse at the gate. The central spire, capped with a gilded dome, towered over me like a gargantuan as I came closer. Despite being so far in architectual advancement, the Council House was among the eldest of all the town's buildings.
I passed through the oaken gate, and traveled up stairs, marble adorned with gold lining. I ventured to the top floor and entered the consulate; ruler presided over by a trio of elders. They do say the wisest deserve to be at top.
The dome shone down upon the room strange hue, like a stagnant indigo. The room was glowing with wisdom nonetheless; towering cases decorated with lexicons elder than the men themselves and other instruments of creativity were scattered throughout the dome. I walked up the carpet, with a regal red hue, and consulted the elders.
"Forgive me for this sudden intrusion, sir." I gulped in nervousness. "But there is a pressing issue that must be adressed."
"Calm yourself, boy. What is the trouble?"
"I request an envoy of fifty men. A caravan was attacked during the twilight hours while I was looking upon the Festival preparations. There were only few survivors left- they spoke of foriegn bandits." I continued, "On a different matter, a virulent cloud flashing red is coming our way. I believe it is a sign of trouble ahead; so I request permission to investigate it."
The elders talked among themselves, I grew more nervous- fearing denial. It was always my personal goal to lead men into battle, only then could I fufill myself as a symol of the people.
The men ceased talking and arose.
"As you wish boy. Tomorrow we shall post fifty men in the town square to form a search party. What you do with the bandits is to your own bidding."
"Thank you, elders." I bowed to them, "I shall be on my way." I walked down the stairs and out of the building, and jumped upon my horse again. I looked to the eastern sky and the clouds grew ever nearer- now teeming with an ashen smoke. I feared for the worst.
Streets were empty around this time of night; and no lights luminated the streets. I wandered about for a bit before I ended on main street. Then I rode to the Alzanev Manor and posted my horse; I wiped my feet at the mat before the grand maple gate. I opened the door to the regal cerulean color of the carpet- the Alzanev color. I continued to my room and rested upon my veridian bed.
They always said green was the color of nourishment and fertility.
----------
It was barely the stroke of dawn when I awoke; a sharp light penetrated the room and luminated it. A few minutes passed before I gathered the energy to pull myself out of bed. I then shuffled down towards the pantry, and asked the servant to prepare breakfast. I sat down at the oaken dining room table, and awaited my meal.
During the time it took for the food to arrive, I began to think about what was going to happen later. I had no clue as how numerable the enemy would be. I figured it would be a band of robbers attacking an unarmed caravan, but I was not permitted to take chances. If it were to be a large group of bandits, I could perhaps glory myself and my men, and become a revered figure. A swooping charge and a glorious victory- as it always was in legend. I stopped thinking about later though; it's a jinx to think that way. Just let events flow.
My father, Turen Alzanev, entered the room. He sat at the opposing end of the table and rested his elbows upon the regal blue tablecloth, stirring a cup of tea. He spoke in a quiet voice-
"So, you are going to capture the men who attacked the caravan yesterday?" He continued, growing ever more worried, "You do realize why I don't allow you on combatic missions, correct?"
"Yes father, I am a bar sinister- I've heard it plenty a time." I replied.
He took a sip of his tea, added more sugar and continued, "Indeed you are. I still regard you as my son, but my wife would be rather.. pleased with your missing. It still angers her that you are the son of a mistress. And if you are captured.."
"I realize father, I do. I'm making it top priority to avoid capture."
"As would everyone, it's only natural. But if you are captured, the rest of our family would just turn their heads away and keep on with their business."
"Don't worry father; I'll make my victory glorious. It is foolish for this family to underestimate me- I'll embarrass them when I march into town with flags waving, and the cheer of citizens portrudes the ears of all. I may be an illegitemite, but that does not withold the glory teeming inside of me. I am naturally fit to be a leader; even you have acknowledged this. All people need a leader, and I am well suited to fit this role."
"Indeed I do acknowledge these leadership skills; but through political prowess your chances are better, son." He took another sip of the tea.
"Political leaders are all but corrupt, father. To gain the support of all the people, one must know how to form a concrete leadership. You must be with the people, gaining their trust. People are the symbols of a country, not the leader themself."
"But to be a leader, one must be tactful in the political field."
"But to be a icon father, one must be tactful in everything."
He took one last sip of tea. "Very well then, I must attend to matters pertaining to the Taron family; good luck."
"Farewell, father."
As soon as my father left, the servant came back into the room with a platter of food; delectable fruit foriegn to this land, and flatcakes cooked to perfection. Along came a goblet of wine from the Alzanev vineyards. I enjoyed my meal and headed towards my room again. I dressed myself in armor decorated with the Alzanev regalia. I had to brush the dust off; it was rotting in my wardrobe for years. Yet it still fit as if it were the day I recieved it.
After I fitted the armor on me, I headed to the armory shed and fetched a leather-hide box, inside a steel blade with inscriptions foriegn to all in the land. A hilt formed to the shape of my hand, and a sheath durable enough to act as a weapon on its own. I left the armory.
I walked to the stable and jumped upon my horse, and set out to the town square.
Turning my eyes to the horizon, I saw that the vexating cloud still remained; seeming to not have come nearer. It seemed rather.. troublesome. Its red progressed into a deep shade of burgundy, flashing violently still.
I hoped it was going to be a enemy not too formidiable.
I made it to the town square, where my fifty men stood there at order. I saluted them all, and presented them the news. They stood ready and alert. I explained to them that we were to make a swift approach to the enemy. After delivering the orders, we headed out. Civilians saluted to us as we left the gate.
The troops and I took the eastern route out of town and traveled about five miles. At that point, we were directly under the cloud. The atmosphere was rather.. brooding. It was as still as a monolith, the air stagnant and lifeless. Nothing appeared to be destroyed or damaged, but it demoralized the men. Everything appeared to be a facade.
I ordered a scout to scan the perimeter, and ordered the troops to stand guard. As the scout searched, the our entire squad stood still- sweat cascading down our faces. No breeze moved the grass, no breath gasped loud enough to be noticed, and besides our squad- not a single creature roamed the area. The scout came back.
"Sir, there are a group of men over that knoll. They were scavenging an old caravan." He saluted.
"Thank you, sir. I shall take a look."
I walked up the knoll and spied upon the men. There were about twenty in total- not a match for us. They looked rather foriegn though- features unknown to the denizens of this area; unshaven and filthy. It appeared as if we were going to face a rough enemy, though.
"Erfurt."
"Yes sir?"
"Take twenty-five men and gather on the left flank. I will take the other twenty-five and gather upon the right flank. When I order it, sweep in and take as many prisoners as possible."
"Affirmative, sir."
We split the forces and gathered upon both sides of the barbarians. They seemed unnoticing, and I valiantly ordered.
"Attack!"
As I uttered the order, we charged. The enemy finally took notice and scrambled for their weapons. As we ran to them, they assembled into a defensive poise. We drew ever nearer, and unsheathed our weapons. When our two opposing forces clashed, it created a thunderous sound, backed up by the screams of men. Weapons clashed and shields bumped. A man drew near me and I quickly slashed; creating a mess of his body. He lain on the terrain choking on blood. Soon enough, I downed another. It was with ease also- it wasn't my first time killing a man.
None of my men had fallen yet, luckily. Another enemy neared near me, and I dodged his blow and struck him in the back. He quickly fell, and I struggled to pull the sword out of his spinal column- having to put my foot on his back for support. As I pulled it out, all the men we attacked were defeated.
I shouted loud, with a distinct tone, "Victory!"
The men, moralized once more, cheered and celebrated. We gathered plundered materials to take back into town, and a few victory trophies. We sat there for a few minutes and applauded ourselves. The feeling came back though- the stagnant air and deathly silence returned. An ominous chill traveled about.
"Men, it is time we head back to Raffenhaus. We aren't welcome here."
Agreeing, the men gathered the spoils in a cart and we traveled back. It was about half a mile from town when the cloud starting traveling again- nearer to Raffenhaus. Along with the cloud came a fear-inducing noise- thunderous drums banged and gruff screams portruded our ears; creating a scrutinizing anxiety.
"We must travel quick, men." I exclaimed, "We're almost to town."
"Aye, sir!" they shouted back.
After ten more minutes of travel, we arrived safely back into town. Civilians cheered and applauded, and my father came. With the arrival of my father, the crowd drew silent. About a few more seconds of silence passed before he stared me into the eye.
He clapped, and shouted, "I congratulate you, son. Our feast tonight is in dedication to Verita!"
Along with his cheers erupted the civlians, and I blushed from the attention. I raised my voice, then-
"We brought back the lost supplies, and even more important- my men are safe." I then continued, "I believe there are more men, though. On the horizon I hear drums thundering. We must mobilize again tomorrow with tenfold the amount of troops."
"And that I shall do!" my father exclaimed.
"Nevertheless, it shall be a victory with ease. Now we must feast!" the crowd cheered again, and we continued to the banquet hall, civilians with us. Along the way they shouted, "Hail Verita!"
I never experienced it before, but the taste of glory was sweeter than the sweetest fruits, more tender than the best filets, and more rich than the most expensive of wines. Although it was just a small taste, I longed for it evermore. I planned to unleash a more fitting victory for me, tomorrow.
But for now, I cheered along with the men, and planned to have a grand feast.
They carried me through the dining hall, and seated me next to the head of the table, my father. Along with us were the families Tarons and the Naelrons. We were seated at a enormous table- fit for giants themselves. It was fitted with a veridian tablecloth just as magnificent- woven by hundreds of women. The first course came- with hundreds of roasts brought out from the kitchens. Before everyone began to eat, my father stood up and shouted to the whole room-
"I pledge a toast to my son, Verita. The bold, fine young man who led our soldiers to victory. He truly carries Alzanev blood. Now, begin eating!"
The crowd shouted back, "Hail!"
After my father uttered that statement, my step-mother stared at him with a scrutinizing stare, and was filled with a fury unimaginable. Eh, she was a bitch anyways.
After the third course, I went to my father and stated,
"I'm going to the house, I'm rather tired."
He replied, "Okay, Verita. You might want to take these.. female escorts. Things become rather dangerous at night." He winked.
"You got it."
I left, and three women followed me. When we got to the house, we went into my room and slept on the veridian bed.
They always said that green is the color of nourishment and fertility.
It was the morn before the Harvest Festival when I recieved the news. Clouds gathered upon the eastern edge of Raffenhaus, amidst a dull violet sky. Albeit it seemed to be the regular clouds of storms, it blazed with a maroon hue- flashing violenty.
A storm, perhaps? It hovered over the plain with a vexacity one couldn't explain; though. I began to focus upon my work, though.
I was atop a dark horse, galloping among the town square to see after preparations for the festival. The bazaar had been set up, and grand ships gathered in the harbor. I was preparing to travel home, until a messenger rushed up to me, lacking the breath to talk.
"Are.. you mister.. Alzanev?" he finally gained a breath.
I jumped off my stallion and spoke to him, "No, but I am a member of the family. What seems to be the problem?"
He spoke with a mournful look upon his face, "Sir, a caravan has been sacked by a group of bandits."
I sighed, then replied, "I.. see."
"They attacked too quickly for us to gain a foothold in the battle."
"Any ideas of who the bandits are?"
He stood up straight, "No sir, they are foriegn to this soil."
"I see. Were there any survivors?"
"Yes sir, they are at the infirmary as we speak. I request you consult the Raffenhaus Council about this matter."
"I shall try." I replied, "But they are rather hard to reach these days." I straddled upon my horse.
"One last question sir, why is your horse black?"
"You like it? It.. is a reflection of my personality. It brings fear into my foes. It symbolizes pain."
"Farewell, sir." he saluted, standing with a firm posture.
"No need to salute, friend." I saluted back, and he sprinted back to the infirmary. The last of the preperations for the festival had been completed, and I decided to set off to the Council House. Again, I looked towards the bleak sky.
Still the cloud grew nearer; I took it that tomorrow was going to hold a blightful dawn. Trying to easy my mind off the matter, I cantered towards the Council House and abandoned my horse at the gate. The central spire, capped with a gilded dome, towered over me like a gargantuan as I came closer. Despite being so far in architectual advancement, the Council House was among the eldest of all the town's buildings.
I passed through the oaken gate, and traveled up stairs, marble adorned with gold lining. I ventured to the top floor and entered the consulate; ruler presided over by a trio of elders. They do say the wisest deserve to be at top.
The dome shone down upon the room strange hue, like a stagnant indigo. The room was glowing with wisdom nonetheless; towering cases decorated with lexicons elder than the men themselves and other instruments of creativity were scattered throughout the dome. I walked up the carpet, with a regal red hue, and consulted the elders.
"Forgive me for this sudden intrusion, sir." I gulped in nervousness. "But there is a pressing issue that must be adressed."
"Calm yourself, boy. What is the trouble?"
"I request an envoy of fifty men. A caravan was attacked during the twilight hours while I was looking upon the Festival preparations. There were only few survivors left- they spoke of foriegn bandits." I continued, "On a different matter, a virulent cloud flashing red is coming our way. I believe it is a sign of trouble ahead; so I request permission to investigate it."
The elders talked among themselves, I grew more nervous- fearing denial. It was always my personal goal to lead men into battle, only then could I fufill myself as a symol of the people.
The men ceased talking and arose.
"As you wish boy. Tomorrow we shall post fifty men in the town square to form a search party. What you do with the bandits is to your own bidding."
"Thank you, elders." I bowed to them, "I shall be on my way." I walked down the stairs and out of the building, and jumped upon my horse again. I looked to the eastern sky and the clouds grew ever nearer- now teeming with an ashen smoke. I feared for the worst.
Streets were empty around this time of night; and no lights luminated the streets. I wandered about for a bit before I ended on main street. Then I rode to the Alzanev Manor and posted my horse; I wiped my feet at the mat before the grand maple gate. I opened the door to the regal cerulean color of the carpet- the Alzanev color. I continued to my room and rested upon my veridian bed.
They always said green was the color of nourishment and fertility.
----------
It was barely the stroke of dawn when I awoke; a sharp light penetrated the room and luminated it. A few minutes passed before I gathered the energy to pull myself out of bed. I then shuffled down towards the pantry, and asked the servant to prepare breakfast. I sat down at the oaken dining room table, and awaited my meal.
During the time it took for the food to arrive, I began to think about what was going to happen later. I had no clue as how numerable the enemy would be. I figured it would be a band of robbers attacking an unarmed caravan, but I was not permitted to take chances. If it were to be a large group of bandits, I could perhaps glory myself and my men, and become a revered figure. A swooping charge and a glorious victory- as it always was in legend. I stopped thinking about later though; it's a jinx to think that way. Just let events flow.
My father, Turen Alzanev, entered the room. He sat at the opposing end of the table and rested his elbows upon the regal blue tablecloth, stirring a cup of tea. He spoke in a quiet voice-
"So, you are going to capture the men who attacked the caravan yesterday?" He continued, growing ever more worried, "You do realize why I don't allow you on combatic missions, correct?"
"Yes father, I am a bar sinister- I've heard it plenty a time." I replied.
He took a sip of his tea, added more sugar and continued, "Indeed you are. I still regard you as my son, but my wife would be rather.. pleased with your missing. It still angers her that you are the son of a mistress. And if you are captured.."
"I realize father, I do. I'm making it top priority to avoid capture."
"As would everyone, it's only natural. But if you are captured, the rest of our family would just turn their heads away and keep on with their business."
"Don't worry father; I'll make my victory glorious. It is foolish for this family to underestimate me- I'll embarrass them when I march into town with flags waving, and the cheer of citizens portrudes the ears of all. I may be an illegitemite, but that does not withold the glory teeming inside of me. I am naturally fit to be a leader; even you have acknowledged this. All people need a leader, and I am well suited to fit this role."
"Indeed I do acknowledge these leadership skills; but through political prowess your chances are better, son." He took another sip of the tea.
"Political leaders are all but corrupt, father. To gain the support of all the people, one must know how to form a concrete leadership. You must be with the people, gaining their trust. People are the symbols of a country, not the leader themself."
"But to be a leader, one must be tactful in the political field."
"But to be a icon father, one must be tactful in everything."
He took one last sip of tea. "Very well then, I must attend to matters pertaining to the Taron family; good luck."
"Farewell, father."
As soon as my father left, the servant came back into the room with a platter of food; delectable fruit foriegn to this land, and flatcakes cooked to perfection. Along came a goblet of wine from the Alzanev vineyards. I enjoyed my meal and headed towards my room again. I dressed myself in armor decorated with the Alzanev regalia. I had to brush the dust off; it was rotting in my wardrobe for years. Yet it still fit as if it were the day I recieved it.
After I fitted the armor on me, I headed to the armory shed and fetched a leather-hide box, inside a steel blade with inscriptions foriegn to all in the land. A hilt formed to the shape of my hand, and a sheath durable enough to act as a weapon on its own. I left the armory.
I walked to the stable and jumped upon my horse, and set out to the town square.
Turning my eyes to the horizon, I saw that the vexating cloud still remained; seeming to not have come nearer. It seemed rather.. troublesome. Its red progressed into a deep shade of burgundy, flashing violently still.
I hoped it was going to be a enemy not too formidiable.
I made it to the town square, where my fifty men stood there at order. I saluted them all, and presented them the news. They stood ready and alert. I explained to them that we were to make a swift approach to the enemy. After delivering the orders, we headed out. Civilians saluted to us as we left the gate.
The troops and I took the eastern route out of town and traveled about five miles. At that point, we were directly under the cloud. The atmosphere was rather.. brooding. It was as still as a monolith, the air stagnant and lifeless. Nothing appeared to be destroyed or damaged, but it demoralized the men. Everything appeared to be a facade.
I ordered a scout to scan the perimeter, and ordered the troops to stand guard. As the scout searched, the our entire squad stood still- sweat cascading down our faces. No breeze moved the grass, no breath gasped loud enough to be noticed, and besides our squad- not a single creature roamed the area. The scout came back.
"Sir, there are a group of men over that knoll. They were scavenging an old caravan." He saluted.
"Thank you, sir. I shall take a look."
I walked up the knoll and spied upon the men. There were about twenty in total- not a match for us. They looked rather foriegn though- features unknown to the denizens of this area; unshaven and filthy. It appeared as if we were going to face a rough enemy, though.
"Erfurt."
"Yes sir?"
"Take twenty-five men and gather on the left flank. I will take the other twenty-five and gather upon the right flank. When I order it, sweep in and take as many prisoners as possible."
"Affirmative, sir."
We split the forces and gathered upon both sides of the barbarians. They seemed unnoticing, and I valiantly ordered.
"Attack!"
As I uttered the order, we charged. The enemy finally took notice and scrambled for their weapons. As we ran to them, they assembled into a defensive poise. We drew ever nearer, and unsheathed our weapons. When our two opposing forces clashed, it created a thunderous sound, backed up by the screams of men. Weapons clashed and shields bumped. A man drew near me and I quickly slashed; creating a mess of his body. He lain on the terrain choking on blood. Soon enough, I downed another. It was with ease also- it wasn't my first time killing a man.
None of my men had fallen yet, luckily. Another enemy neared near me, and I dodged his blow and struck him in the back. He quickly fell, and I struggled to pull the sword out of his spinal column- having to put my foot on his back for support. As I pulled it out, all the men we attacked were defeated.
I shouted loud, with a distinct tone, "Victory!"
The men, moralized once more, cheered and celebrated. We gathered plundered materials to take back into town, and a few victory trophies. We sat there for a few minutes and applauded ourselves. The feeling came back though- the stagnant air and deathly silence returned. An ominous chill traveled about.
"Men, it is time we head back to Raffenhaus. We aren't welcome here."
Agreeing, the men gathered the spoils in a cart and we traveled back. It was about half a mile from town when the cloud starting traveling again- nearer to Raffenhaus. Along with the cloud came a fear-inducing noise- thunderous drums banged and gruff screams portruded our ears; creating a scrutinizing anxiety.
"We must travel quick, men." I exclaimed, "We're almost to town."
"Aye, sir!" they shouted back.
After ten more minutes of travel, we arrived safely back into town. Civilians cheered and applauded, and my father came. With the arrival of my father, the crowd drew silent. About a few more seconds of silence passed before he stared me into the eye.
He clapped, and shouted, "I congratulate you, son. Our feast tonight is in dedication to Verita!"
Along with his cheers erupted the civlians, and I blushed from the attention. I raised my voice, then-
"We brought back the lost supplies, and even more important- my men are safe." I then continued, "I believe there are more men, though. On the horizon I hear drums thundering. We must mobilize again tomorrow with tenfold the amount of troops."
"And that I shall do!" my father exclaimed.
"Nevertheless, it shall be a victory with ease. Now we must feast!" the crowd cheered again, and we continued to the banquet hall, civilians with us. Along the way they shouted, "Hail Verita!"
I never experienced it before, but the taste of glory was sweeter than the sweetest fruits, more tender than the best filets, and more rich than the most expensive of wines. Although it was just a small taste, I longed for it evermore. I planned to unleash a more fitting victory for me, tomorrow.
But for now, I cheered along with the men, and planned to have a grand feast.
They carried me through the dining hall, and seated me next to the head of the table, my father. Along with us were the families Tarons and the Naelrons. We were seated at a enormous table- fit for giants themselves. It was fitted with a veridian tablecloth just as magnificent- woven by hundreds of women. The first course came- with hundreds of roasts brought out from the kitchens. Before everyone began to eat, my father stood up and shouted to the whole room-
"I pledge a toast to my son, Verita. The bold, fine young man who led our soldiers to victory. He truly carries Alzanev blood. Now, begin eating!"
The crowd shouted back, "Hail!"
After my father uttered that statement, my step-mother stared at him with a scrutinizing stare, and was filled with a fury unimaginable. Eh, she was a bitch anyways.
After the third course, I went to my father and stated,
"I'm going to the house, I'm rather tired."
He replied, "Okay, Verita. You might want to take these.. female escorts. Things become rather dangerous at night." He winked.
"You got it."
I left, and three women followed me. When we got to the house, we went into my room and slept on the veridian bed.
They always said that green is the color of nourishment and fertility.
Critique, please.