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Tindy

Sponsor

All right, I'm usually the type to go sink-or-swim, but I've had this idea in my head for a while and I'd like to get it down somewhere before I forget and get some relevant feedback on it. (My friend's are great, but I've only got so many of them that play games.)

Background
King Jole rules over his kingdom as a kind and generous soul, beloved by even the poorest peasant woman. There are festivals thrown, parades and once a year he invites a lucky few to a grand dinner in his castle. However, despite his warm and appealing nature to his subjects, a dark plot is brewing behind closed doors. King Jole comes to address his townspeople on a bright, sunny morning, and tells them that a neighboring village has tried, and failed, to take over the kingdom by witchcraft. The king has had the entire village burned and any villagers found, whether man, woman, or child, to be brought to the castle dungeon and tried for their crimes.

Now, if only someone had told the villagers before the soldiers broke in.

The dungeons quickly fills with the confused cries of the villagers. The scholars of the village were first to be tried for their crime; their disappearance from the dungeon was only barely recognized before the more villagers were called out. The numbers thin as every day one or more villagers are sent off to proclaim their innocence, never to return again.

Story
Tamirah, a young woman, was dragged to the dungeon with the rest of the villagers, becoming separated from her family in the chaos. She, like most of the villagers, has no magic powers to speak of. She plans to prove her inability in court. She knows her turn will come soon. <Something happens here that causes a big gaping hole in the foundation of the castle. I was thinking earthquake.> She and a few lucky villagers escape to the dank darkness of the sewer system under the city, and flee from the chasing guards, once again becoming separated. She is alone in a far corner when she hears weeping, and turns to see a young girl, only 8, crouched in the murkey water, tears streaming down her face. She can't leave her alone, so she stays with her until she can't hear the guards. The little girl piggy-backs as she searches for a way out of the noxious darkness. <Yeah, I haven't decided how she gets out yet. A ladder, somewhere. Or a door.>

The two set off towards the banks of a nearby water source, and sneak aboard a craft. They are quickly discovered, but the captain takes pity on them (because they're girls) and allows them to stay on until they reach their destination. Upon landing, the girls realise they must support each other as the only family they now have.

Stuff that's harder to explain in pretty prose
-Your goal is to find out if Tamirah's sister is alive, dead, still in the village, in the dungeon, etc.
-The villagers of other towns steadfastly ignore Tamirah. She must use the young girl to communicate.
-Why did the king do that? Was he really looking out for his townspeople's best interests?

Characters
Yeah, I only have 3 so far. And one of them's an NPC, so.

King Jole
The righteous king of his kingdom (which doesn't have a name yet). Easily swayed by the whims of his wife and three daughters.

Tamirah
The main protagonist. A young woman of about 20 (or so) from the village of Renne. Has no magical powers whatsoever, despite the king's impression that everyone from the town is a witch. Lived with her older sister and her mother. She worked as a farmer in the village, so she knows how to wield a scythe.

Jolie
Tamirah's new friend, also from Renne. She's eight. She can be haughty and very immature at times, but she's mostly quiet and serious, especially after the onslaught. She does have magical powers.

I'm planning on having at least 2 more party members, because I want the style of the game to be in the likes of the early Final Fantasies, Chrono Trigger, etc etc. I plan on the art style to reflect this as well.

Obviously, the story is pulling from various real-life sources, most obviously the Holocaust.

Other Planned Stuff

It will be single-continent exploration. When you dock (after escaping) you will have no idea where you are until you buy a map and start asking questions. You'll find out that you only crossed a wide river. Likewise, until you buy a compass, you won't know where you're going until you find villagers and ask them questions.

There will almost certainly be wild battles ('cause you'll be out wandering around, y'know?) Killing certain beasts will yield you meat, which will give HP (and maybe certain other ones will heal status ailments or something).

Money will come from defeating birds ('cause they like shiny things) and selling things you get from the beasts, as well as doing stuff (like helping people or performing deeds well).

You will start off with no weapons (they would've been removed in the dungeon.)
 
Alright, lemme get one thing straight here-it wasn't King Jole that starting capturing all the villagers and sending them to prison? I reread the background thing five times, thinking that Jole turned evil all of a sudden before I realized it was the other kingdom that barged in and started taking the villagers. Unless it was Jole that suddenly turned evil? I'm getting confused. :x

The background feels a little empty at the moment, maybe elaborate a bit more on the other kingdom's motivation? It feels too "convenient" right now, I'm getting the sense that the reason the other kingdom is doing this is too blurry. Maybe explaining the two kingdom's relationship a bit more would help?

Thank goodness we have a deus ex machina to help out our protagonist! :) Earthquake sounds like a reasonable explanation for Tamirah's escape.

Why does Tamirah have to use Jolie to communicate with the foreign townspeople? (Jole and Jolie are very similar names, actually) (wow way to point out the obvious Dadevster)

Is Tamirah trying to find her sister the main goal in the game? I could easily see this turning into something bigger, and with a little creative liberty you could take the "conspiracy" and involve Tamirah and co. in it. Actually, that would be really interesting to see. I can definitely see this happening.

How big of a scope do you plan this game to be? It almost feels like you're restricting it a little, thinking too small. I mean, don't get too ambitious, but like I mentioned, this could be really cool as those old-school RPG's, where you travel the world and such. I dunno, maybe I'm not very reasonable, but this could really work as one of those kind of games, and right now I'm getting the sense that you're trying to keep it small. (or maybe I'm just really tired, I dunno :| )

This is a pretty cool concept Tindy, very nice. I'd like to hear about everything really, but especially the characters and setting. I like this, and I can't find much else to comment on that could be improved. Keep going with this.
 

Tindy

Sponsor

Alright, lemme get one thing straight here-it wasn't King Jole that starting capturing all the villagers and sending them to prison? I reread the background thing five times, thinking that Jole turned evil all of a sudden before I realized it was the other kingdom that barged in and started taking the villagers. Unless it was Jole that suddenly turned evil? I'm getting confused. :x

Man, my cohereny's getting worse. xD King Jole ordered Renne to be taken over. There's only one kingdom that I've mentioned - Jole - and one village.

There *is* a reason that you have to talk to Jolie (damn, I actually didn't think of that when I wrote it. xD) , but i'm trying to tread the thin line of getting the story out without breaking suspense. Yes, that part I do have down and hopefully this game will be created and everyone will be able to find out why everyone ignores Tamirah.

Yeah, deus ex machinas.... I had really hoped that it would be something more interesting than just a "HOW CONVENIENT!" moment, but I'm really not good at thinking of those things. :X I'll keep thinking on it.

You're supposed to find Tamirah's sister by the half of the game or so (I'll add this to the main in a bit, I'm writing as I think it). She'll join your party (now I have to name her. ><) and help you find out WHY the king did what he did (he didn't. He just called it to action).

Much like its predecessors there will be a grande battle at the end when you find out who's responsible (yup, I've already got that in mind, and nope, you don't get to know yet.)

It's really hard walking that line between encouraging discussion and wanting to keep parts suspensful T_T
 
Just one quiestion (it's not that i'm confused, but i have to know this): Tamirah, is she dead? Is that why everyone is ignoring her?
 

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