True Love and Soulmates...

[MukanshinBlack]

This has been on my mind for a while so might as well post about it for opinions and such...

I don't feel like going into too much detail so I'll try to get to the point.  I fell in love with a girl when I was 8-10 years old.  As the years went by, I always loved her and we were even best friends.  One day, my brother tells me she tried to ask him out (he knew how I felt for her) and after he declined, the next week or so he overheard her talking to her friends saying that me and my brother were stupid.  After I heard this I hated her, feeling as if she betrayed me or something.  (To this day I don't know if my brother made this up to mess with me or if it was really true, but he was somewhat crazy with bipolar.)  She gets all sad and confused since I don't tell her why I stopped talking to her and started ignoring her, until I grab a dead frog and throw it at her and she bursts out in tears.

About two years later, I think I'm over her and we make up, and a few days later I realize I was still in love with her.  We were never best friends like before, but normal friends over the next 3 years until I moved to north Florida.  Communication with her pretty much ended, although once in a while when I visited south Florida I met/talked with her.  My feelings were the same, but I didn't want to believe/agree with it.

I moved back to south Florida after 1 year of living north, but I kind of forgot about her.  It is around this time that I start to develop a mental illness that I won't go into detail about, and finally get back to normal two years later.  It's been about an year since then (I have seen her sometimes through this time) and recently she's going out with a coke-addict and her family fell apart so I'm not too sure where she is or what she's doing.  A few days ago I had a dream about her as if she came over my house and we hung out, and I woke up and realized that I still love her, somehow.

Over all the years I've loved her, I never felt the same about any other girl (including my girlfriends) even though she isn't the perfect girl.  She has many flaws and is completely different then me, yet still she haunts me.  I hate her, yet love her...  The only girl I've ever cried over...  Even now I would throw away everything just for her.

I'm confused and lost.  I'd love to dismiss this as idiocy, but she just won't leave my head.  Could this be love at first sight, true love, or that soulmate thing?  Really, the best thing for me is to just forget everything but even though she wasn't on my mind at all I still dreamt of her.  Love sucks.

 

[FlippyD]

Here's what I've learned:

Threre's no such thing as true love or soul mates, but love, real love, lasts for fucking ever and it doesn't matter what you do cause it's never going to go away. That said, love can grow or shrink or change if you allow it. I still care about a lot of my exes even though we're not together. In most cases it's changed to a friendly or platonic situation, however for one girl I still totally love her and there's nothing I can do about it.

I should be asking though, what do you consider love? I've found some people see love differently than others, just as some love differently and feel differently. If I were you I'd try to move on to a different girl. Realize that while you care about her, you and her cannot be together right now, and for your own sake and wellbeing a different girl, one without all the problems, would make you happier.

Of course that's easier said then done. I CONSISTENTLY fuck up the moving on part.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

What I consider love...  I don't think love is true most times.  I'd like to say I don't love much anything but you can't fool the way you feel, I think.  So if I were to answer the question "what is love?", I'd say love is happiness that doesn't end when the thing you love is nearby, and love is hell when the thing you love isn't nearby.  Something like that.

And yeah, I've "moved on" but still am where I started.  :/

 

[arbiter]

;D

 

[FlippyD]

So if I were to answer the question "what is love?"

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/5/e/4/ ... 99dc4b.gif[/img]

I'd say you should try moving on. It's hard and hardly seems worth it, but it'll be better for you in the end.

 

[arbiter]

;D

 

[MukanshinBlack]

Lol, nice .gif.  XD

And yeah, I did try to move on and forget about her and everything.  But still I had that dream a few days ago which reminded me of her although nothing happened recently that would make me remember her.  Also that day I realized why I'm never feeling that "love" feeling to other girls, cause I'm still in love.  I'm still pretty confused about this all. >,>

But yeah.  Ultimately, we will never be together.

And no Arbiter, you did not mention that.

 

[FlippyD]

Yeah, they stick with you in your psyche like that. I guess all you can do is find someone new, and let your subconscious focus on her.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

Haha, yeah...

 

[Scribblette]

Eh, you could always contact her and tell her how you feel and freak her out.

Or contact her and ask her if she wants to hang out, hang out with her and try to find out what your differences are, and hopefully get a grip on the reality of who she is.

Or contact her, ask her if she wants to hang out, tell her the story about your brother so she knows the complete truth to what happened back then, discover everything's perfect and you ARE soulmates, and live mostly happily ever after until the coke addict hubby hunts you down.

It's very easy to be stuck with this feeling of them being The One. Our body chemistry is a royal giant cucumber up the posterior - and for those of us who enjoy vegetables in such places, think instead of roadwork pneumatic drills wedged under your little toe's toenail. With spiky bits. Our bodies FAKE things, so horribly well, and they become learned responses.... we can convince ourselves of pretty much anything, especially given enough time!

This is not to say what you feel isn't real. I have felt 'true love' and lost the love... and then the feeling remained. Eventually I'm morphing it into feelings of friendship, but the underlying love remains... but... really, it was a bad relationship, I was horribly unhappy with how she treated me. If we were soul mates, wouldn't it be a positive experience, wouldn't we be happy? Funnily enough, I did the same thing with a friend I've 'loved' for nearly 15 years and was always convinced she loved me too - but she didn't, nothing beyond thinking of me as an awesome friend. Even knowing she's a lot simpler and nowhere near as deep as I imagined... meh.

You're not soul mates if it's a one way street. If it's only you feeling that She Is The Right One Forever... she ain't.

If you let it, if you can let go of the Highlander mentality (that There Can Be Only One), and if you actually try to put in the effort to be a little romantic with someone else who's worth it, you'll discover that that same absolute certainty of true love CAN repeat itself. It's confusing when you still have feelings for someone else, but once you've been in several relationships you sorta figure that some people you'll always have a little love left for.

The other thing is the matter of 'foils' - if a relationship has no foil, no obstacle, it can lack tension - or rather, if you have tension to go with the feelings of love, they can be magnified so much more. Don't let a foil fake how much you love someone.

Happiness + Mutual Love ~= Soul Mates
Unhapppiness + Ignorant Object of Affections =/= Soul Mates

Blame Hollywood for making us obsess over lost loves and forgetting how to love again rather than focusing on the wonders ahead, and the wonders we have already. :|

Or something along all those lines, anyway... I got distracted because one of my pet bird keeps pooping on me! Every couple of minutes at that, she flies back to me and goes BLOOPSH. AUGH!

 

[candle]

Wow.  This is nearly like looking in a mirror.  I have been (and still am) in a similar situation.  I can't tell you for sure whether or not you love her.  Only you can figure that out, but I can tell you what I think.

Based on what you said, I don't think you truly "love" her.  Not entirely, at least.  Here's what I mean:

I moved back to south Florida after 1 year of living north, but I kind of forgot about her.

In my experience, you don't just forget about someone you "love" after one year of barely seeing them (try nine years of "never" and two of "barely"). If you truly love someone, they will never be far from your thoughts.  You may not think about them all the time, and maybe they won't even cross your mind for a few days, yet they are still there.

A few days ago I had a dream about her as if she came over my house and we hung out, and I woke up and realized that I still love her, somehow.

You only dreamed about her a few days ago?  How often do you see her in reality?  Again, in my experience, the less often you are interact with someone you love and desire to be with, the more (not less) you will dream of them.  I believe this is the subconscious's way of telling you who is important to you.

Over all the years I've loved her, I never felt the same about any other girl (including my girlfriends) even though she isn't the perfect girl.  She has many flaws and is completely different then me, yet still she haunts me.  I hate her, yet love her...  The only girl I've ever cried over...  Even now I would throw away everything just for her.

This actually makes me want to believe that you do love her, especially the throwing everything away bit.  But, my question to you is this:  Do you love her in spite of her flaws or because of them?

Could this be love at first sight, true love, or that soulmate thing?

Personally, I don't believe in love-at-first-sight.  Attraction-at-first-sight, yes, but not love.  Love is a bond created between individuals based on many things, of which attraction is only a small part.  I do, however, believe in both true love and soulmates.  To me, true love is when both parties want to be with the other, even if they can't.  They will do anything they can to see the other safe and happy.  If this means they must sacrifice themselves or their only chance of being together, then so be it.

Soulmates, though, are  different.  I don't think you have to be in romantic love to be someones soulmate.  You just need to be extremely compatible to the degree of seeming like you can read each others' minds.  You also need to be very good friends.

Now to answer your question.  As stated above, I don't truthfully believe this love.  I think it is attraction and obsession, but no one can tell you what you feel but you.  All I can tell you, however, is to take the chance if you can and find out for yourself what your feelings for this girl are.  Since she is taken right now, just be a good friend, but always look for that chance if you haven't worked out the answer by then.

Untill, then however, keep her in your thoughts, but do move on.  Go out with other girls.  You never know, you might develop feelings for one of them like you think you have for her.

If only it were that simple for me...
I hate being socially inept.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

Thanks for the replies...

Last time I saw her in person or even spoke to her was over two years ago.  I saw her sisters a couple months ago though.  That's why I think it's strange I dreamt of her.  There's no way I'd contact her...  I wish she'd just disappear.

I hate throwing around the L word, but if I do love her, it's despite her flaws.  Really I'd hate her as a person if I didn't have feelings for her.  That's what I think, at least.

And yeah, you're right Scribblette.  Soulmates are mutual lovers.  Maybe I am just overly obsessed.  Although if I am, I can't imagine why or how.  And I guess we have too little in common to be soulmates.

I'd type more but I don't think I have anything more to say...  Thanks for your long replies Scribblette and Darkfire.  Made me realize some things.

 

[Cruelty]

And I guess we have too little in common to be soulmates.

it's opposites that attract.

it seems that you may actually be a little obsessed, and if i was her i'd be creeped out.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

Lol, thanks. :O

 

[mawk]

I once knew a girl like that. Quick tip: the sooner you stop being melodramatic and using lots of ellipses when you think of her, the sooner you can move on and be a lot happier. Trust me, I was a right idiot about the issue until I sat down and had a long talk with myself.

As for soulmates, I totally think that there are pairs of people who ar just made for each other (not that they won't have the occasional fight,) but I disagree with the notion that there's only one person for everyone and if you miss them you're screwed. I've been in love a decent number of times for my age, and there are countless different ways to love someone, and many different things you can admire in them. If you meet someone you really like but don't know if it's "true love," cut out the fairytale stuff and give it a try, you might be surprised. I hate hearing people talk about "true love" like it's some huge limiting factor -- "true love" is when you truly love someone. It's not that hard. Unless you're not actually in love with that person you're holding hands with, congratulations, kid, you've found true love!

Then again, that's just my opinion. There are as many different definitions of love, true and otherwise, as there are people, I'd guess.

 

[Scribblette]

"And yeah, you're right Scribblette.  Soulmates are mutual lovers.  Maybe I am just overly obsessed.  Although if I am, I can't imagine why or how.  And I guess we have too little in common to be soulmates."

It happens. She's pretty. She represents something special in your life, some special period, etc. You like her music or you like her acting or you like her in such and such porno. It's Hollywood, man. We idolize people for a whole bundle of reasons. Don't let the "I don't know why!" mean "It must be REAL love!" when it doesn't.

Like I said, if you want to see whether it's real, meet up, hang out, be as much of yourself and as relaxed as you can, and see what happens.

As is, it's not stalkerish or creepy because you're not chasing her, you're puzzling over the feelings.