AbyssalLord
Member
I will be writing a story here in parts, and I will post an update everytime a new part is out. I have no idea how this will begin or end because I'm writing it as I go. I wonder what this will turn into...
I am very open to constructive criticism because I would very much like to improve my writing.
Part I
The trees cast long, swaying shadows as the crisp wind blew through their leafless branches, and the orange sun sank below the horizon. The slowly fading laughter of children could be heard in the distance as the dim glow faded into the peaceful darkness of evening. A faint light emanated from the dirty window of a small wooden house, and from its chimney smoke mingled with the thin, grey clouds lazily drifting in the breeze.
Xavier brushed his thin brown hair out of his eyes as he looked out the window at the peaceful night sky. The soothing crackle of the fire in the fireplace made him drowsy as always, but he could not seem to fall asleep. No matter how heavy the atmosphere weighed on his blue eyes, the intensity of his excitement for the following day refused him the comfort of slumber. The ceremony would be in only a few short hours, but to Xavier, it seemed an eternity.
Never before had a boy of only seventeen been nominated, let alone elected, as the town's advisor and leader. Tomorrow, he thought, Tomorrow. It's really tomorrow. His mind began to wander, as it had for the past few weeks since being elected, to how he would address the people; many of whom were his elders. Of course, he had prepared a speech (an excellent speech at that), but he was still nervous; about what, he couldn't be sure. You'll do fine, he convinced himself, there's nothing to worry about. With that, his eyelids grew heavy and slowly covered his deep pupils, welcoming the darkness.
Part II
When he finally awoke, the sun was already high in the sky, and the light blazed through the shattered window. Hmm…that’s odd, he thought as he looked at the glass spread across the dark wooden floor. He stared at the broken glass for another moment and then shrugged it off, telling himself it must have been an animal or something. A strange feeling penetrated his mind, a feeling that something was off, but he could not place what.
He rubbed the remaining drowsiness from his eyes as he entered the small, sweet-scented room that was the kitchen. A small pale note rested upon the sturdy oak table in the center of the room, and a plate of bacon, freshly cooked, sat next to it. Xavier walked slowly up to the note, recognizing it as one of the many notes that his mother had a tendency to leave for him. He picked it up; the paper was still crisp, and the ink fresh. His eyes wandered over the letters scribbled across the page.
Xavier,
I am leaving to meet your father; he is finally returning after his three year voyage, and I would like to welcome him home. We may not return to our house for a while because I want to show him all of the things that have changed since he left. Don’t worry, though; we will both attend your ceremony. Don’t forget to go yourself!
~Mom
P.S. I made you some bacon.
He put down the note as he realized, all of a sudden, why something felt odd. Although a very important ceremony would be taking place in only a few hours, the town was silent. Not even the wind dared to make a sound as it gently caressed the bare branches of the trees outside. Why isn’t there anyone outside, he thought, running his long fingers through his soft hair. Usually when something this big is going on, there are people out partying and celebrating all day, his mind crept through the different possibilities, each more morbid than the last. Finally, he dismissed the thoughts that plagued his mind, not wishing to further worry himself.
Xavier decided, instead, to venture out into the town himself to disprove his fears. He quickly got dressed, putting on a thin cotton shirt, worn with time. He pulled on his normal tattered work pants, stained with the dye from crops. I don’t really need to be dressed up to look around town, he thought as he slipped his foot into a leather boot. The boy looked like a farmer, as he had been before being elected, and, satisfied with his appearance, walked to the front door. The bright sun warmed the house, and he felt no need to take a coat with him. The sunlight shown bright in his eyes as the door swung open, and he squinted for a moment, before heading out.
Part III
Xavier stepped out onto the soft grass of his small yard, his eyes scanning his surroundings, hoping that none of his earlier morbid thoughts had come to pass. The only thing that seemed out of place was the body of a bird laying on the ground beneath a broken window. Idiot, he thought to himself, now I have to replace that window. Inside, though, he felt relieved that it was only an animal after all.
With some of his confidence restored, he proceeded to head towards town. The shuffling of his feet on the dirt road kicked up a familiar cloud of sandy dust into the air, and everything once again seemed normal. You were just being stupid, he told himself, your imagination just went wild. Everyone is fine. His excitement for the ceremony now overcame him, and he hastened his pace, observing every sound and movement as he walked. The faint sound of burning wood met his ears, and he could not help but wonder why anyone would have a fire going on a such warm day.
Not until he saw the thick, black smoke rising into the sky did he feel that terrible anxiety rise in him again. His pulse quickened as he stared at the foreboding cloud covering the blue sky. He wanted to turn back, but his legs kept dragging him forward with greater and greater speed. Everything seemed a blur; nothing else existed. No more ceremony. No more silence. No more anything. Only the terrible cloud of smoke remained as it grew nearer.
Only when he came to the gate of the town did he stop, exhausted and out of breath. What he now saw made the flames and smoke seem insignificant; his mind went numb. Through the gate, his blue eyes slowly took in the gruesome scene. I must be dreaming, he told himself, not knowing what else to think. The bodies of his friends and companions lay crippled on the ground throughout the murky streets, blood pouring from gaping wounds. Screams could be heard coming from the general store as flames licked the sides of the building. Everyone who was not yet dead soon would be. Then the worst of it yet. What if his mother and father were in there burning to death?
He couldn’t bear the hideous thought, and he broke down into tears of remorse. There he lay, useless, and unable to help anyone. He could not stand up; nor could he hear the vicious sound of the flames that tore apart the town. Only his sobs were audible as he pictured his parents burning, trapped inside the store that had supplied them for so many years of his childhood.
A sharp pain.
The cold steel ripped itself from Xavier’s shoulder, and his hand immediately replaced it, dark blood seeping through his fingertips and mixing with his salty tears. Then, a voice.
“It’s just another peasant.â€
I am very open to constructive criticism because I would very much like to improve my writing.
Part I
The trees cast long, swaying shadows as the crisp wind blew through their leafless branches, and the orange sun sank below the horizon. The slowly fading laughter of children could be heard in the distance as the dim glow faded into the peaceful darkness of evening. A faint light emanated from the dirty window of a small wooden house, and from its chimney smoke mingled with the thin, grey clouds lazily drifting in the breeze.
Xavier brushed his thin brown hair out of his eyes as he looked out the window at the peaceful night sky. The soothing crackle of the fire in the fireplace made him drowsy as always, but he could not seem to fall asleep. No matter how heavy the atmosphere weighed on his blue eyes, the intensity of his excitement for the following day refused him the comfort of slumber. The ceremony would be in only a few short hours, but to Xavier, it seemed an eternity.
Never before had a boy of only seventeen been nominated, let alone elected, as the town's advisor and leader. Tomorrow, he thought, Tomorrow. It's really tomorrow. His mind began to wander, as it had for the past few weeks since being elected, to how he would address the people; many of whom were his elders. Of course, he had prepared a speech (an excellent speech at that), but he was still nervous; about what, he couldn't be sure. You'll do fine, he convinced himself, there's nothing to worry about. With that, his eyelids grew heavy and slowly covered his deep pupils, welcoming the darkness.
Part II
When he finally awoke, the sun was already high in the sky, and the light blazed through the shattered window. Hmm…that’s odd, he thought as he looked at the glass spread across the dark wooden floor. He stared at the broken glass for another moment and then shrugged it off, telling himself it must have been an animal or something. A strange feeling penetrated his mind, a feeling that something was off, but he could not place what.
He rubbed the remaining drowsiness from his eyes as he entered the small, sweet-scented room that was the kitchen. A small pale note rested upon the sturdy oak table in the center of the room, and a plate of bacon, freshly cooked, sat next to it. Xavier walked slowly up to the note, recognizing it as one of the many notes that his mother had a tendency to leave for him. He picked it up; the paper was still crisp, and the ink fresh. His eyes wandered over the letters scribbled across the page.
Xavier,
I am leaving to meet your father; he is finally returning after his three year voyage, and I would like to welcome him home. We may not return to our house for a while because I want to show him all of the things that have changed since he left. Don’t worry, though; we will both attend your ceremony. Don’t forget to go yourself!
~Mom
P.S. I made you some bacon.
He put down the note as he realized, all of a sudden, why something felt odd. Although a very important ceremony would be taking place in only a few hours, the town was silent. Not even the wind dared to make a sound as it gently caressed the bare branches of the trees outside. Why isn’t there anyone outside, he thought, running his long fingers through his soft hair. Usually when something this big is going on, there are people out partying and celebrating all day, his mind crept through the different possibilities, each more morbid than the last. Finally, he dismissed the thoughts that plagued his mind, not wishing to further worry himself.
Xavier decided, instead, to venture out into the town himself to disprove his fears. He quickly got dressed, putting on a thin cotton shirt, worn with time. He pulled on his normal tattered work pants, stained with the dye from crops. I don’t really need to be dressed up to look around town, he thought as he slipped his foot into a leather boot. The boy looked like a farmer, as he had been before being elected, and, satisfied with his appearance, walked to the front door. The bright sun warmed the house, and he felt no need to take a coat with him. The sunlight shown bright in his eyes as the door swung open, and he squinted for a moment, before heading out.
Part III
Xavier stepped out onto the soft grass of his small yard, his eyes scanning his surroundings, hoping that none of his earlier morbid thoughts had come to pass. The only thing that seemed out of place was the body of a bird laying on the ground beneath a broken window. Idiot, he thought to himself, now I have to replace that window. Inside, though, he felt relieved that it was only an animal after all.
With some of his confidence restored, he proceeded to head towards town. The shuffling of his feet on the dirt road kicked up a familiar cloud of sandy dust into the air, and everything once again seemed normal. You were just being stupid, he told himself, your imagination just went wild. Everyone is fine. His excitement for the ceremony now overcame him, and he hastened his pace, observing every sound and movement as he walked. The faint sound of burning wood met his ears, and he could not help but wonder why anyone would have a fire going on a such warm day.
Not until he saw the thick, black smoke rising into the sky did he feel that terrible anxiety rise in him again. His pulse quickened as he stared at the foreboding cloud covering the blue sky. He wanted to turn back, but his legs kept dragging him forward with greater and greater speed. Everything seemed a blur; nothing else existed. No more ceremony. No more silence. No more anything. Only the terrible cloud of smoke remained as it grew nearer.
Only when he came to the gate of the town did he stop, exhausted and out of breath. What he now saw made the flames and smoke seem insignificant; his mind went numb. Through the gate, his blue eyes slowly took in the gruesome scene. I must be dreaming, he told himself, not knowing what else to think. The bodies of his friends and companions lay crippled on the ground throughout the murky streets, blood pouring from gaping wounds. Screams could be heard coming from the general store as flames licked the sides of the building. Everyone who was not yet dead soon would be. Then the worst of it yet. What if his mother and father were in there burning to death?
He couldn’t bear the hideous thought, and he broke down into tears of remorse. There he lay, useless, and unable to help anyone. He could not stand up; nor could he hear the vicious sound of the flames that tore apart the town. Only his sobs were audible as he pictured his parents burning, trapped inside the store that had supplied them for so many years of his childhood.
A sharp pain.
The cold steel ripped itself from Xavier’s shoulder, and his hand immediately replaced it, dark blood seeping through his fingertips and mixing with his salty tears. Then, a voice.
“It’s just another peasant.â€