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The Last Stand (working)

The Last Stand (working title)

(Intro, working)
“Sir, reapers incoming at 12 AU. Detected by breaking of mass relay epsilon cloak”. That was Captain Prax's favorite lieutenant. Top of his class in war academy, Lieutenant Ishan had proven himself as both a war asset and most importantly, a top secret mass detection operator. Prax knew it was the technology that did the work, but he knew he could always count on him for any mission. “Copy that, Lieutenant. Good work. I'm going to bring this report to Commander Javik. It's time for our last stand.”

The monstrous force known as the reapers had arrived to the prothean's last stand, Eden prime. All other life in the Prothean empire had been eradicated, or twisted into the reaper's minions. Killed, but slaves to the hivemind empire of the artificial collective life force. Any resistance is suicide at this point, the only hope is to hide their technology for future races. This is the story of the prothean's last stand, a love story between Captain Prax and his nonner love, and of the fall of the greatest empire history has ever known.

I. Chapter 1 – Mission to Mars
A. Mass Relay
-Prax, hides relay on mars for humans
B. Ket's Resistance
-Leader of resistance of nonner homeworld
-Escapes with refugees to station nearby Crucible
II. Chapter 2 – Unfortunate Series of Events
A. Prax's Crash
-Reapers destroy ship, crashes on nonner homeworld
-Crucible project nearby, tries to signal Pashrek Vran
B. Ket's Regret
-Regrets decision to leave stranded nonners, goes back

III. Chapter 3 – Search and Rescue
A. Search and Rescue
-Satellite Crucible Assault Force (SCAF) comes to find Prax
-Reapers still present, causing heavy fatalities
B. Ket's Downfall
-Finds own family destroyed by reapers
C. Prax locates comm link for SCAF, enroute to dropzone

IV. Chapter 4 – Unlikely Companions
A. Prax finds Ket
-Comforts loss, falls in love disregarding social status
B. Prax and Ket fight to dropzone
C. Prax and Ket evacuate to crucible, bring plans to Eden Prime

V. Chapter 5 – Purge
A. Return to Eden Prime
-Prax tries to find Javik, Ket tries to hide Crucible plans
-Neutron Purge to clear out reapers as much as possible
B. Death of a loved one
-Javik and Prax fight off reapers, initiate neutron purge countdown
-Javik gets in stasis pod, Prax goes to find Ket
-Ket is trapped, Prax fights of reaper indoctrinates
-Ket escapes to stasis pod, Prax dies in process


R&R, please be gentle. My girlfriend wants me to write fanfic and I am a horrible writer. But I need feedback to get better. I plan on releasing chapter by chapter for critique, but I figured I would iron out any bad plot now to save the trouble of rewriting pages of content.
 
I don't know what your intro is supposed to be; a summary or part of the actual story?

When writing I always find it better to show than summarize. If you do go into a summary/informative piece you need to make it more significant. If you go "this is prax's favorite leu" it breaks up any tension you may be building.

If you want to go into a backstory of a character it needs to be more setup and there needs to be more significant info.

Can't wait to see what turns out!
 

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