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Rancid: Ominious Alchemy

Story

Kabbalah, 198 A.A.M.D.(After Alchemy Mandation Degree)


The world you see is not all that meets the eye. In every little thing here, there's a hidden meaning. A mockingbird, may be an innocent little bird that eats flowers, but its hidden meaning is that it never hurts anyone. On the Contrary, it shares its beautiful voice wth everyone. A lion, a lethal predator. His meaning is to be an obstacle to the other animals in the jungle. Hence, King. A king is someone everyone fears. The only way to defeat a king is to train...or to find another king to fight him. A gorilla and monkey. The king of an exotic African jungle. They aresimple beings, just walking around all day, eatng termites. But they even have a special meaning: They symbolize easy going behavior. Only fight when necessary. The way of the Rizakas to the North. These teachings were taught to me by a man named Calid. He believed in attaining ultimate wisdom. He was an alchemist. Taught me the basics in person. However, he left 6 days later. I never saw him again, but he left me books on Alchemy. I learned about converting lead to gold, solids to liquids...hell I learned how to make oxygen from nitrogen. I kept learning for years.

Another thing I learned about from a bland alchemy book named Levas va Camil is the art of equivalent trade. To gain something, you must give something of equal value in exchange. I discarded that pathetic lie, because not only was it untrue, but because I realized Levas va Camil was a book where you were supposed to use alchemy as a philosophic way of life. A religion. Bah! My father lived a bland life. He did nothing in his life, only had to see work as his escape from reality. He grinded for 20 years, until he finally joined the Army. There, he met my mom, and had me and my siblings. See, I would've believed in equivalent trade if that's how it ended. He got killed in battle soon after. What'd he do to trade his life for? He had nothing else! I swore at his funeral, I'll never live like him! Feh, and after what happened to me, I was even more convinced that equal trade was a lie. I left my home to journey the land, in order to further my alchemy. I went to an Isha town, named Solimar. There I met two children, starving, dying, and beggin for food. The merchant seemed to hate them to the point of doubling the price of bread, plus the number of times he gave them freebies. So I took pity, and used the classic lead-to-gold trick. He gave them the bread. But in Isha belief, Alchemy is the "devil". So they told on me, and now I'm stuck here in Kabbalah for 8 years. I hope the 8 in the sky will save me.


Journal, 204 A.A.M.D.
I can't take it anymore. They're trying to kill me here. They want to break me down, and brainwash me. I've finished 6 of 8 years, but this whole sentence was crazy. I go to jail, just for trying to help two dying kids? I know for sure now. The faith I had before is gone now. When I get out, I'll destroy the studies I made. To hell with the Isha! To hell with the world! And to hell with Alchemy!


Ramses was a military brat who swore at his dad's funeral when he was 5, that he'd never live the worthless life his dad lived. He met a man named Calid, who taught him alchemy. Ramses would continue to learn alchemy through books. WHen he was 17 (the age when you become a man in this world), he skipped town in order to see the world. But when he visits Solimar, an Isha town to the East, he meets two kids who were dying and begging for food. The merchant cheated them out of their money, saying they just paid for only 1 of the bread loafs he gave them over th past 2 years. Ramses takes pity on them, and performs a lead to gold transmutation. He pays for the old bread and enough bread to last them 2 years. But, his efforts are his downfall, as the Isha belief is that Alchemy is evil. So the kids tell the guards, and Ramses is sentenced to 8 years in Kabbalah, a Sealed Prison on an isle in nowhere where Ramses can't use Alchemy. He serves 6 years, when an explosion on the other side of the prison causes the power to shut down. When all the guards go to see what's wrong, Ramses begins to knock down the door. His efforts are a sucess, when he meets Keyani, a boy who infiltrated Kabbalah to steal documents involving his brother. The cells are filled with a hazardous fog to kill the prisoners to prevent escape (the guards are wearing gas masks), but Keyani stole two gas masks as well. The two team up to escape the isle, and head to Fort Misa, Ramses's hometown. However, their moment of relief is short-lived, as they are told the General of the Decabarbian Army,Zanzibar, wants to see them. Zanzibar brings them in by force, and demands the documents Keyani stole back. Keyani causes a scene and names Ramses an accomplice. The two escape, through an old friend of Ramses' dad, but again their moment to take a breath is short-lived: A group of men calling themselves Zen attack the two, because Keyani has history with them (this guy nows everyone some way or another). As they fight, Ramses has no choice but to use Alchemy, but he notices something: Due to his earlier rejection of the world and alchemy, his alchemy skills have changed. After they defeat the Zen lackeys, Keyani speaks of going to Wila, a city to the West, in order to give the documents to someone.Coincedentally, an old alchemist friend of his old mentor, Rhazes the Exile, lives in Wila. Perhaps he could get information on why his alchemy changed. And so, the two began their trip....

Meanwhile, in Yivon, two men appear to see Zoisimos. They want him to "relinquish his power to them". He refuses and the two engage in a battle to the death, although he's easily defeated. The two collect all his knowledge and say they're seeking Rhazes and Ramses next, because they've rejected Alchemy but still can use it, which hwe calls "Rancid Alchemy".

Pt. II coming soon!


Characters

Before I begin, please note that there are a ton of other characters




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Ramses
Age: 23 in Pt. I
Nationality: Decabarbian
Birthplace: Dosen't know since he's a military brat, believed to be Fort Misa
Birthday: December 15
Alchemist
Ramses swore that he'd never live the worthless life his dad had. He left home to see the world and further his studies. He was arrested for using Alchemy in Solimar, and was sentenced to 8 years in a prison. He only served 6, before Keyani blew up a part of the prison, and the two teamed up. WHile he was in prison, he rejected the world, rejected the cultures, and rejected Alchemy, his one true love. When he had no choice but to use it again, he noticed that his Alchemy completely changed. This newfound power intrigues him, and causes him to return to Alchemy again. He's journeying to Wila to meet Rhazes, an old friend of his mentor.

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Keyani
Age: 23 in Pt. I
Nationality: Isha
Birthplace: Jihadia
Birthday: January 6
Outlaw
Keyani lived in Jihadia until he was 20, when his brother was arrested for attempting to create the Philosopher's Stone. He then began to drift away from his family, until he finally left with a group of his friends. His connections probably started here, as he traveled to many places and befriended, and antagonized, many people. He then heard his brother was planning on escaping, and began to intensively work on a plan to get him out as cleanly as possibly. His bad connections started to grow here, as he kept on leaving many people for dead when he found someone better to use. He finally led a group of bandits to Kabbalah, and killed a few guards to get in. Keyani's plan is to steal the documents involving his brother's arrest, and to replace his brother with a dead guard, pretending like the prisoner killed himself. His brother made it out safely and went on ahead to Wila to regroup with his alchemist friends. Keyani, however, left his other comrades for dead, but teamed up with Ramses to escape. The two are currently traveling to Wila, to rendevous with Keyani's friends.

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General Zanzibar
Age: 42
Nationality: Decabarbian
Birthplace: Laguna
Birthday: October 30
General
Zanzibar is the direct descendant of Colonel Kimaly, a Colonel who fought with the legendary Thurgood Pirates and Cain against Vincent, and the Durgians. Zanzibar has fought in 4 other wars, and hates Alchemy as he sees it as being unwarrior-like...when in reality it's cause he can easily get overpowered by it. Zanzibar is also the Minister of Foreign Affairs, and when he gets wind of the documents of Keyani's brother stolen, he immediately puts guards in every corner to capture anyone who fits the description. He, in truth, knew Keyani's brother, and thought that someone wa trying to steal his secrets.

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Calid
Age:31(18 years ago)
Nationality:Spinolard
Birthplace: Lav Teja City
Birthday: May 28
Master Alchemist
Calid is a maser alchemist from Spinola. He stayed in Ft. Misa for 6 days because he was waiting for a Zeppo to take him to Yivon, a very alchemy-influenced city. While he was there, he met a boy named Ramses, who seemed vey curious about alchemy. While he thought Ramses would waste his time, Ramses finally caught his attention when he solved a difficult equation for his little brother. The next 5 days were filled with teaching the basics, the philosophies, and diffrent transmutations of alchemy. On the last day, he thought it was a shame that Ramses wouldn't be able to learn about alchemy any further, so he left a number of his books for Ramses to learn more about Alchemy. He left them at their usual meeting place in the morning, and left for Yivon. He was never seen again.

Actor32_a_raf.jpg

Rhazes the Exile
Age: 38
Nationality: Half Rikaza, Half Durgian
Birthplace: Wila
Birthday: August 20
Hermit Alchemist
Rhazes isn't very social, living in a lab on the top of a hill. He rarely comes out, and no one likes talking about him, causing him to be the equivalent to the Boogie Man to kids. He has only one person who he actually sees on a regular basis, his apprentice Parka. Rhazes was said to be even more wiser in alchemy than Calid, aand Ramses seeks to ask him about his changed Alchemy, and to ask where's his old master.

Actor57_raf.jpg

Maxi
Age:25
Nationality: Rikaza
Birthplace: New Jian Huji
Birthday: July 4
Outlaw Star
Maxi is the old friend of Keyani, and an anarchist. He loves nothing more than bothering his partner Alexus, who is always the buttt of his jokes. Keyani and him reunite at Figla, a town 4 plains and 2 cities before Wila.
Maxi wanted to overthrow the Rikazan government 5 years ago, but was sold out by his own men and village. He's been hiding out in Decabarbia ever since.

Actor33_a_raf.jpg

Parka
Age: 21
Nationality: Durgian
Birthplace: Wila
Birthday: November 1
Apprentice Alchemist
Parka first met Rhazes after seeing him perform a transmutation a sinkhole, making a solid surface to walk on. She then disguised herself as a delivery person to meet him for real. Afte 2 years of begging, he finally submitted to her. She's been learning various skills with him for 6 years. She admires Ramses for his skill in teaching himself alchemy, as she gets lost in big books. She wants to become the wisest person ever so she find her true role (causing everyone, mostly Rhazes, to as, "Did your parents love you as a child?").


Other Characters



Loki
Age:???
Nationality: ???
Birthplace:???
Birthday: March 22
The Enlightened Sage
Loki is a complete mystery, but there are many legends aabout him. The only legend that appears to be true is that he meditated under a giant tree for 50 days. He suddenly awoke aroused, and disappeared, only saying, " I must defeat those who have rejected the very same power they use, in order to kill those not born of human skin." He's never been seen since. They say he's finally acheived Ultimate Wisdom.



Actor21_raf.jpg

Orpheus
Age: 31(chain-bound)
Nationality: Gangian
Birthplace: Aubrey
Birthday:Febraury 29
The Convict of Time
Orpheus has lived a long time. He lived to see the Seraphim War, and even lived with the Seraphim Hero's town. During the War, he met an enemy beauty who he began to fall in love with. The last time they met, he killed her. So he gave his soul to Seraphim(Angel of Life) to be able to enter the underworld and revive her. There was a condition that he couldnt look back at her until he reached the living world again. He forgot that, however, and looked back to check on her when they were almost to the top. Now he's immortal, and performing various tasks. This time around, he's allied with Loki to defeat a certain group...

Small Lessons in Spiran history
The world of Spiris's source of power drastically changed on 10 B.A.M.D. when the world's previous power forms, the Attika, returned to the sky, as the 8 in the sky finally realized the destruction they caused. However, the Greater Attikas were too large and the rogue angels, Seraphim and Kage, attempted to destroy them while they were still rising in the sky. They kind of failed, since the Attikas instead blew up into the air, where they would fuse with the rain. The rain poured onto everybody who was outside watching the battle, and everything out there. After the battle, no one could use Attika power, and there was no actual power flow (streetlights were out, no power basically) anywhere for years. There were strict curfews, and basically life was rough since no one held on to the old ways.
This is where the study of Alchemy was actually worldwide known. Alchemy was first discovered by guards who caught scholars trying to sneak to late night meetings. At first, Alchemy was shunned, because world leaders found labs where various Rogue markings (Seraphim and Kage symbols) were, and this went against religion. Then, in 2 B.A.M.D., Hermes of Durge formed the First Transmutation, where he used a giant transmutation circle to transform the waste of Durge City into giant generators. His partner in crime, Rudolf, finished his creation of Rune Seraphim vas Vadare, literally meaning New Life Giver, whch is now called Haim, for the angel of power. Power was restored in Durge, and the once persecuted scence was now the savor of Spiris. In 0 A.A.D.M., the King of Durge called all the world leaders to Port Lifeway, an island for treaties, and demanded every leader to mandate Alchemy as ther country's leading science and leading phlosophy, thereby causing the Alchemy Mandation Decree. Before the new world order, came new countries being formed. Rebel armies, having saved up funds for when power was restored, attacked all the old countres, startng in 1 B.A.M.D., which caused a perod called the Rebel Period.

In Spris there are three timeline forms, the Spifeign, which is the longest runnng one. t's dfficult to understand, so it was cut to 2 portons: Before the Alchemy Mandation Decree(B.A.M.D.), and After the Alchemy Mandation Decree (A.A.M.D.)

The 8 Angels Belief:Those who believe of the 8 in the sky believe that they have all power over Spiris and are the mracle makers of SPris. Ths church s the largest, and has the most funds. They believe in the Central God, but instead call him the Lyra, which in Spiris means "abandoner".

Ishanism:The Isha believe that Ishnabi is the supreme god of the universe, and that the 8 are simply puppets used to control his rule. The 8 are their brothers, so they don't worship them as gods, but pray for their safety. However, in some Isha belief, the 8 are demons and have sealed Ishnabi from fully running Spiris. The Rogue Angels are simply the 2 who decided to betray them.

Jan-Jinism:These people believe the world is the demi Hell. The 8 are the gatekeepers to Haven, the world where the true master lives. To get to realization, you must pray for at leat an hour at a time, to fully cleanse yourself of sin. They also believe in perfect harmony.

Enlightment:These guys meditate to reach Enlightenment, a person's own unique role in life. Enlightment is the most violent religion, as it allows you to kill if you choose to Ritual yourself as a warrior. There are many tales and writings and teaching for Enlightment, which causes it to be equal to Buddhism, less violent though.

Discarders:A Discarder is one who rejects all religion, only believing in life and death. They could either be ignorant of the 8 in the sky, not fear them at all, or believe that the 8 are simply the tops of the food chain.

Features
The World of Spiris Is Back! But this time....

-An Alchemy System-Create, transmute, and attack with the powerful force of science!
-Features a large cast of characters! Control at least 4 characters at once! over 13 characters!
-Operate A Headquarters! Play, create, and organize forces!
-Kaduki characters still stand strong with A Sideview Takentai system feat. ATB!
-Kaduki Artwork


Support

Just give me a simple whoot the fact you're reading this is good enough :smile:

Tach
 
Um, could someone comment on this? I've progressed through it pretty well, but never got any constructive critism anywhere.
 
The characters seem to be well thought trough. Despite there being quite a lot of text, I haven't encountered anything that made me go "hey this doesn't seem to make any sense". Every piece looks like it fits somewhere.

There's isn't that much of a plot so far though. You have successfully established a goal for both Ramses and Keyani, but beyond that I have no clue what the story is going to be about. Something about Loki flipping out maybe?

BTW, I found it hard to give you constructive criticism. The characters seem to be very solid and there isn't really anything I can see that's in need of improvement and you have barely described anything else than the characters. Sure, there's the bit about Spiran history, but I'm more interested in how the history ties into the plot rather than the history itself.
 
Crystalgate":1snj5z6w said:
The characters seem to be well thought trough. Despite there being quite a lot of text, I haven't encountered anything that made me go "hey this doesn't seem to make any sense". Every piece looks like it fits somewhere.

There's isn't that much of a plot so far though. You have successfully established a goal for both Ramses and Keyani, but beyond that I have no clue what the story is going to be about. Something about Loki flipping out maybe?

BTW, I found it hard to give you constructive criticism. The characters seem to be very solid and there isn't really anything I can see that's in need of improvement and you have barely described anything else than the characters. Sure, there's the bit about Spiran history, but I'm more interested in how the history ties into the plot rather than the history itself.

Thank you. So I know now I should put more story in right? ...Although you kinda hit it on the mark.
Alrght then.
 
this seems like a really good idea, cant wait to see this in game form.

did you draw the characters? Beucase there good!
 
Okay a few things to chew on to give your world some more flavor. Why do the Isha believe alchemy is evil? What is there rationale? How is alchemy going to work from a gameplay perspective? What motivated the main characters drive to become an alchemist? If alchemy is an "objective science" how can it be rejected? How can that rejection cause your skill to change?
 
The Isha ibelieve that only God and the 8 have the power to change things. But they believe that the 8 angels are devils who sealed God (Ishan name Ishana) away from us. So they participate in absolutely nothing remotely linked to the 8. Alchemy is primarily used to change somthing by destroying it then remakng it in most cases, and creating otherworldly potions, causig it to hae a god like feel....like humans have stepped beyond the boundary. Therefore, Alchemy is forbidden in the Theocracy of Isha, and is severely punished.

Alchemy will be used to create items, work with in dungeons, be the main magic, create certain vehicles...basically, it'll be a powerhouse.

Ramses was a very curious child...his brothers kept old school books, and on days when it rained (which is very common because of Misa's tropical area), he'd read most of these books. He met Calid in the library and decided to ask how to do it shocked by the way Calid transmuted the table leg. Calid refuses, thinking that he was just a kid who wouldn't understand, but decided to after Ramses helped his brother out with an equation. Really, it was his old childish curiosity that made him who he is.

Alchemy can rejected when someone has doubt. Most people can't just get up and do a transmutation because the transmutaton circle is activated by power. When you have doubt or fear, your subconscious sends it o your body, causing it to not have enough power to generate it. Ramses rejects Alchemy when he is in jail because Alchemy got him in it, and no matter what he did, it made things worse in jail. So he believed he couldn't do it again.

Although once rejected, Alchemy can't be used again, some people can. Ramses does this by meditating and taking some control of his subconscious....although y doing this, he somehow manages to gain more power over his brain by 10 percent, which allows him to not need a transmutation circle...and being able to transmute nearly impossible transmutatble things. For example, he could now transmute water vapor into ice. Or transmute a fire with just a cigarette. So far, only 6 men have been confirmed to be able to use that power.

Does that answer your question, Sophyz?
 

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