Prudes ...

[Anglachel]

Hmm prudes.. Well this is more about being shy or having a lack of communication skills. My personal definition of a prude would be someone who is intentionally prudish.

I just think that guy you were talking about needs some experiance and maybe a little help Venetia lol. On that thought so do I. Maybe by your definition I would be consider a 'prude', when I wish I just didn't care what people though and could be more open and outgoing...

I honestly don't know many prudes in this day and age, thats not taking into acount anyone over 50 though :P But I do know guys who are too shy for their own good.

I worry that people spend so much time fretting over potential outcomes that they never do anything.

Unfortunately that's me.

You can't spend your life worrying about what-ifs. Sure, you may feel more guarded, but when you're all alone at 70, feeding 30 cats and you're wishing someone would visit, won't you wish you'd been more open?

And I'm scared I might end up being that guy.

 

[Roman Candle]

There's got to be a difference between a date and meeting a really good friend. Well, there doesn't have to be, if that's what you're looking for, as long as both of them understand that. There's a difference between being disinterested, and being repressed. Repressed people can be extremely frustrating, because they give off every impression of wanting something, but when it comes to it they seem like they're not interested.

 

[Venetia]

There's got to be a difference between a date and meeting a really good friend. Well, there doesn't have to be, if that's what you're looking for, as long as both of them understand that. There's a difference between being disinterested, and being repressed. Repressed people can be extremely frustrating, because they give off every impression of wanting something, but when it comes to it they seem like they're not interested.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Kraft]

Hmm...
Now that I take a step back and actually think about it... I am a little "prude" I guess, although I have greatly progressed from what I once was. (a lot worse)

I used to hate leaving messages, I would get so flustered that sometimes I would stutter, and then forget what I was saying, and then forget to leave my number, or something like that.

I have not had a whole lot of social-ish-ness in my life (up until I was about 14)
Until then, I homeschooled, and I lived in a small (3000 population) town. Both of those together made it so that I did not have a whole lot of friends.

Now that I have been through 3 years of high school (kinda... I still homeschool, but take a class there every day) I have grown to me more at ease with myself.

My main problem... is that I can get along with anyone who I have never met. I can act and talk, and whatever with someone that I have never met before as if they were my best friend, but it is the people who have known me all of my life, and that I have met, and known who I have the problems with.

Unless I know them really well, I feel... not shy... but like... not talkative around them.

And now that I am 17, a senior in high school, and can make friends with almost anyone I talk to.


The thing that I can remember most that changed how I feel and act around others, is that I remember telling myself to learn as many peoples names as I could, and talk to them, or say Hi to them or whatever... as much as I could. If you can improve your self-esteem enough to know that you are cool, that you are friendly, and to know that people like you, then life will become so much easier.

Something that I read on MSN a few days ago... was about being shy.

It said that one of the things that makes a person shy is that that person walks around acting as if there was a mirror in front of them. They are constantly watching themselves, trying to make the right move, and trying to act the right way.

The trick is to stop thinking about what others think of you, and start thinking of things you can do to become a friendly person.

Find and develop your talents, and stop thinking that you cant do anything, or that you cant ever be the best! Stop thinking that you will never *insert your talent here* the best because the people in japan are all better at everything! That will only be true if you let it!

Another thing that was mentioned in the MSN article, was that one of the best ways to overcome shyness is to Volunteer around your community. Try to volunteer at places where a lot of people will see and communicate with you, such as a food place, homeless shelter... preparing and running large events... things like that, because when you are volunteering, people dont care how good you are at tennis, or how bad you are at such and such, they care about you and your time, and that will help you tremendously overcome shyness.

Also, you will never become outgoing and non-shy if you dont actively try to, start with the simple thing of getting to know everyones names in your class or school, or church or whatever, and talk to them every chance you get!

Thanks, I hope this block of text helps someone overcome a problem that could potentially ruin your life... but only if you let it!

~Kraft

 

[Roman Candle]

That's not being prudish, that's being shy.

 

[ArisingFlame]

I guess I could be considered a prude.

I have almost NEVER made the first move on somebody, I mean never.
Example:
I had really liked this girl a lot, she was a stunning sight to see every time I saw her, so on and so forth. Well, I found out that she like me as well. (Yay). Well, several weeks passed and we had a big group of friends together at the theater. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that she had kissed me on the cheek TWICE before. So, here we are in the theater. Her best friend is trying to coach me along, and I'm not following. Finally, half way through the movie I decide to make a move after many hints (Like the armrest going up, for instance). I go to kiss her on the cheek, and I realize she's facing me. I say, "well, this could have been awkward". She says "Not really." And kisses me. Well, I never found out how the movie ended =P
Anyway, would you call that prude-ish, or shy?

Let me rewind:
The past (three or four, I can't remember) times I had liked a girl, and was so sure she liked me, from friends and her friends telling me so. And each time I finally decided to move on it, *BAM* Shut down!

Still, Prude or Shy?

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

I'd call that shy and bad timing/judgement.

I'm not a prude. I'm overly open minded and will try almost anything twice. I'm an experimentalist and don't mind trying new things. dares and all, I'm good for it.

 

[Roman Candle]

Being prudish means that you find physicallity distasteful in some way.

 

[Lene]

Warning, really personaly TMI-y response ahead! Don't say I didn't warn you.

I think I would fall under the definition of somewhat prudish.

I don't see myself having sex before marriage. I don't see myself having makeout sessions on the first date. Heck I haven't even taken anyone up on their offer on dating. It's a number of things. I either don't know the person enough to feel comfortable in that sort of situation, or I'm just not interested in pursing such things at the time. 99.5% of the time it's the latter.

I don't think I'm secretly repressed, sexually frustrated and I'm touching myself to get off or anything like that. When it comes down to it, I don't think that sex isn't something that OMGMUSTHAVE! Does that make me asexual? I don't think so? When I see people who are in this MUSTHAVEPHYSICALRELATIONSHIP!mode though, I sometimes ask myself if maybe I'm the weird one for not being like that too.

I'm not a touchy feely type of person and I don't consider myself outwardly affectionate. I grew up in a family of non touchy-feely people. I can't remember the last time I hugged any member of the family that wasn't followed with a "Peace be with you".

I have no doubt my parents loved me as a child either. They just expressed it in different ways than physical displays of affection. Maybe that is why I get really awkward at the prospect of getting physical.

It's kind of weird to have friends (and to an extent, live in a place where the culture is generally a little more touchy) who obviously don't have those inhibitions. They'll come up to me and we'll do that hug and kiss on the check greeting thing, but I'm tense as hell. I won't do the other cheek like some people do, and I'll do one of those one armed "eh" hugs. This is with my best friends and sometimes family!

I don't see myself getting in a relationship that's anything but we-plan-to-get-married!serious. This may seem like I see sex as the culimination of TWU WUV, but honestly I don't really believe that. I just can't see myself getting intimate with anyone other than the person who is wearing my ring. If someone wants to have a fuckbuddy, good for them. Just don't make me a part of it.

I think she's one of those "Not only no sex until marriage, but no kisses until then and we may hug but we better be engaged" types... except she hasn't said anything, I just assume judging by her family.

This is very familiar to me lol.

But moving on, some people's prude are another person standards. Some people just need to learn some manners.

I had some random guy in some big ass flashy car, pull over in the middle of a busy street I was walking home and ask me if I wanted to go on a "date" (I read it as: lets go fuck somewhere). I was like OMGWTFPOLICE! I shook my head, clutched my cellphone like a life line and speed walked back home looking over my shoulder.

I really don't think this is being a prude. I mean, sure there might be some people who would jump in that nice ride of his and have some fun, but honestly the thought that crossed my mind at that moment was "Do I look like a 5 dollar ho, what the fuck?" (I really hope I didn't...I was walking back from church, XD)

There was another incident where me and some girl where standing in a line and some guy comes out saying something to us that was the cliffnotes version of The Whisper Song. Now, I'm a shy person and at that I clammed up, I was like shocked and I felt a little threatened actually. The other girl totally went off on him though. "That's not how you're supposed to talk to a lady!"

I thanked her for that because I didn't even know what to respond to that. Seriously...where are the people who go for this kind of thing? Because obviously guys like these are getting encouraged from somewhere.

On a less extreme note there was this one time I was just walking on campus and a guy just came up to me and starting talking. I was like, um I'm not exactly Miss Social Butterfly but okay whatever...but then after like five-ten minutes he asks me for my phone number. I was like..."Uh, I don't have a pen." (And "Uh, I don't have paper" when he ran down some random guy to get a pen. and "Uh, I forgot my number" when he got someone to give him a paper and thought "Uh, you're really desperate aren't you?" when he gave me his instead)

Unlike the other two, this guy wasn't so bad. If I was with friends and he offered to go clubbing or something in a place with a lot of people (not the movies!), I might have said okay. But that would be the extent of my response unless the dynamic changed. Maybe in a few years I'll feel differently. *shrugs*

 

[sandgolem]

Finally, half way through the movie I decide to make a move after many hints (Like the armrest going up, for instance). I go to kiss her on the cheek, and I realize she's facing me. I say, "well, this could have been awkward". She says "Not really." And kisses me.

Awww, that's so cute.

Nothing wrong with you Lene, lots of people are like that at your age. Well, maybe not lots, but I knew at least a few.

 

[ArisingFlame]

Awww, that's so cute.

=P

Yeah, I still feel stupid ^_^