Project Passion [Demo Available]

[Nin]

Project Passion - Working Title

Storyline:
Garret is a young man who recently moved with his beloved fiancée, Clarissa, to a town in the highlands called Vaelstaff. Unfortunately, an un-diagnosable disease ravages Clarissa's body until she passes away a day before her and Garret's wedding. Garret is devastated.

A few days later, Vaelstaff is invaded by bandits, who plunder each house of valuables. Garret confronts one of these bandits, and is consequently wounded. He is forced to watch as his precious keepsake from Clarissa is taken.

Garret recovers and declares revenge on these brigands… but a mission to sneak into the bandits’ fortress and take the memento back leads to a strange discovery, leaving various possibilities wide open. Might there be more to Clarissa’s timely death? You, the player, join Garret and future comrades on his quest fueled by passion to find answers.

Characters:

Garret
Garret is a strong-willed young man who tries to do everything within his best judgment. Quickly, through being taught the basics of combat by Aldwyn, he becomes a skilled swordsman and trusty knight.

Clarissa
Clarissa, now deceased, was the beautiful girl whom Garret was to marry. Garret is fueled by passion for her, but mysterious events begin to occur concerning this young woman even after death. Was there more to Clarissa than expected?

Aldwyn
Aldwyn is good friends with Garret's mother, who showed him her newborn son as soon as possible. Aldwyn is a wise old man, and always said there was promise in Garret.

???
Keep an eye out for this suspicious character.

Screenshots:
Paying Respects
Invasion
Vaelstaff?
Stereotypical gatesman
Watch yourself!
So much for sneaking around...

Demo v1.0:
Download Here

Credit:

Spoiler

Storyline
Me

Graphics
Me
Enterbrain
Strawberry Quartz
hoko? (Needs Citing: If somebody can tell me exactly where the battlers came from, that would be great.)

Music
The Black Mages
Ichiko Furukawa
Makoto Tonosu
Ragnarok Composing Team
S.S.H.
Illustrationism
Enterbrain

Coding
Me
xLED
ccoa
Syvkal
J-Street
cogwheel
LegACy

Mapping/Eventing
Me

 

[seven]

Let me start off by saying the title was seriously misleading. I had thought this to be some kind of dating sim, and looking at the game, it's nothing of the sort. Second, your logo's a tad hard to read, mainly due to all the overlapping, caligraphic swirls in the font. Third, in the first screenshot, it seems kind of wierd for the guy to be called "man IN BLUE", it's fairly redundant. I'd suggest either just naming him Man, or giving him a real name. Finally, (and this isn't really as much as a critique as it is forcing my opinion :p) the RTP square water autotile looks fugly. I'd suggest switching it out with ccoa's round water autotile.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

Hmm, I didn't really find the logo hard to read. Although it is as KRoP mentioned misleading, and I don't understand the "Project" part in there. Imo, just "Passion" as the name of a game is a great title. (unless that's what you were going for, in which case it's not very obvious)

I do like the story, except for the "bandits invading town and protagonist wanting revenge/something back" has been reused over and over. But I am definitely intrigued by the thought that there might have been more to Clarissa's death, and it makes me want to find out more. I might give the demo a shot later and give some comments.

And you don't need to credit yourself in the Credits, everybody knows you made the story and did the mapping and events, it makes you sound a bit conceited.

 

[Nin]

Try playing the demo.

Project Passion is a working title.

I put too much writing into the bandit portion of the storyline so it makes it look bad. I'm going to change it.

 

[miss matcha]

Hi Nin, it's supershigi from Spongen I think the plot looks interesting so far, I already downloaded the demo and will probably play through it tonight and leave more feedback. I actually don't mind the part about the bandits, I don't find it particularily cliche or anything, especially given that it culminates with learning more about the mystery behind Clarissa's death. Oh, I noticed that someone above suggested using the rounded water autotile, so I googled it for ya:

 

[Nin]

Thank you. I actually remember considering using it a long time ago but I just don't like the way the maps turn out. I guess it's a matter of taste, some like the rounded water, others like the regular RTP water.

 

[seven]

I was reffered to as "someone". :'(.
Anyway, here are some random notes taken as I played through the game. A forewarning: It's lengthy, it doesn't flow at all, and I focused on the bad bits.

Spoiler: Notes

I first assumed the sound wasn't working when I didn't hear any music during the titlescreen or during part of the introduction. Put SOME music there, so no one else is confused by that.
The screen scrolling at the beginning of the invasion was a very cool effect; just . . . neat.
It got a bit annoying that all of the bandit's words were capatalized; you might bold them instead, but that would still be kind of annoying. Just change it back to a normal font, please.
Giving Garett a half-down pose when he was attacked was also a VERY effective aesthetic.
I should mention it's not very convincing to stick two of those beds together and call it one bed. To make it look right requires editing.
Do you REALLY need to explain the controls when this is a demo only projected to people who use RM?
I like how Garret reminisced about his lost spouse when examining some objects. It gives him character. I like that.
I like the "Welcome to . . . x" picture. However it looks a bit jarring to have one small image and then having a big one pop in behind it. Having both pictures show up at once would fix that.
I find it just a bit weird that Garret doesn't respond when the kid talks to him. This applies to everyone Garret gives the silent treatment to, btw.
How do the people accross from Garret get into their house? I think you might have meant for it to be a side door, but Garret doesn't say "this door is locked" or anything like that.
I'm shocked the guardsman at the gate hasn't been fired yet. :p
There's a house to the west with a weird carpet. Carpets are either square or rectangular. The carpet I see isn't a definable shape at all.
Do I really need to know the filesize of my savefiles?
There's a path south of the west house, and Garret refuses to go down it for no apparent reason, without saying anything. Why?
I don't find the "Bandit's Skins" item anywhere in the item subsections or equip subsections; bug?
RANDOM ENCOUNTERS ARGH
These battles really are pretty boring, both strategically and aesthetically. Attack, heal, attack, heal, snore.
So the guy gets the Memento back. AND HE DOESN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT?! He seemed to care so much about it, and when he gets it back, he says nothing. Why?
The subsection for the items menu stays on the screen even when I exit the menu and walk around.
Okay so Garrett talks about the Memento later. But I still think he should comment on it immediately after finding it.
That's it? That didn't feel much like an ending, and at the same time, it didn't feel like it could go on any longer without being extremely contrived.

 

[miss matcha]

Hi Nin, I just finished the demo and I sort of took a few notes as I played, so I'll just list them here:

Spoiler

-I like what you did with the RTP; the interiors were neatly mapped and had a clean feel to them. I also noticed you took the care to do things like make the bird's flight path look more realistic.
-There was a mapping error on the roof of one of the houses (either your house or the one next to it).
-I liked how you included basic instruction in the beginning, and that you kept it succinct. This is very good for new players. It was also cute how the main character's outfit changed when Aldwyn gave him armor.
-The menu system was sleek, I liked how the windows would zoom in and out, and it was easy to navigate.
-When you take the path to the bandits hideout, I noticed a few islands in the water that would look a lot better if you made the lowest tiles look as though they were submerged in water. Right now they look a little strange just sitting there. Hm, this is easier to explain with a picture...

Spoiler: submerged cliffs

See how the bottom half of the cliffs have water going around them? This can be accomplished by lowering the transparency of the lowest tiles, or just editing the tiles using the submerged pieces from the RTP.

-I don't really like how the screen faded to white when I went into the cave, it sort of hurt my eyes. I'm used to seeing fade to white used for explosions, or moments where people are going into a flashback, or dying or something like that... when it's used for merely entering or exiting a location it feels a bit jarring.
-The battles were fairly balanced and not too difficult, which is great in the first hour of the game like that.
-I felt that it might have been a little early in the game for something like the maze... although it was straightforward enough that if you kept walking you'd find the exit, the monotony of the maze + the random battles felt extremely tedious. Usually players are a lot more willing to do tedious stuff like that once they've invested more time in the game and they've been fed more of the story... but this early on, it was very bothersome. I'd suggest making the trek about 60% as long so that the player gets to the puzzle part sooner, which I liked a lot. Stuff like that makes the player feel as though they've made progress, which is a key factor in drawing them in.
-I might suggest prompting a game save before you get to the first boss... if someone is unfamiliar with boss battles, and they don't know to use a potion at the right time, it's very likely they could die and have to redo the entire game all over again which will most likely make them quit right then and there.
-Ah, this is the 3rd rmxp game I've heard "Star Stealing Girl" in now, hehe... I do like the song though, but you know what I mean. I enjoyed the last little bit of the demo when you meet Clarissa again... that was really nicely done; it left me wanting to find out more, and I felt vicariously sad and hopeful for the main character. Have you already come up with the entire plot? I'm quite curious about what happened to her.

Overall I think you did a nice job; just a bit of tuning on the first dungeon and I think it'll be great

@KRoP: Actually I think it's a good idea that he included an explanation of the controls. He might be showing it to the rmxp community now, but it's always nice to design your game so that it's accessible to a wide audience. In the casual game industry, we always try to make things as user friendly as possible. So yes, definitely keep that part in, it was good.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

Just played the demo, here are my thoughts. (a little long, so I spoilered it)

Spoiler

For the introduction, the part with just messages, the dialogue was good, but I felt some sound effects (like when the presents were being opened) could have added some more depth.

That music you used at Clarissa's death was fantastic, it added a lot to the mood and atmosphere. The funeral seemed a little cluttered to me though, and I found myself distracted by the many plants. I suggest toning it down a little here, the main focus should be on the burial, of course.

I felt that when the dialogue was cut (when it couldn't all fit into one window) it disrupted the flow. Your best bet is to maybe extend it by one line or so, just so it doesn't get cut off so often. The music again at the next scene was really good, I actually found myself just listening to the music sometimes. I disliked the bandits speaking in all caps, it makes it seem like they're screaming all the time.

I didn't really feel much of a break in time between Aldwyn's two visits to Garret, maybe put "A week later" or something like that just to indicate time has indeed elapsed. You used the music from the Clarissa death scene here though, which made it seem like something very grave had happened when really it was just Aldwyn and Garret deciding to go get the memento back. A different sort of music would have worked better imo, it worked for the first scene because it fit really well, but here it just sounds repeated.

An explanation of the controls (more with arrow keys, talk with enter, etc.) seemed a little redundant, pretty much everyone here except people who have never touched RMXP know how to move and talk.

The village's layout was really nice, good mapping and easy to navigate. It seemed a little empty though, maybe add some more people or at least someone in the houses.

Idk if this was on purpose or not, but the music's volume raised slightly when I entered the top floor of the houes with the "+" shape. (ack, really nitpicky I know)

The battle system was a little lacking, the battlers were nice but just the default kind of turns me off. Maybe a moving battle camera could help, (Master of the Wind has this and it really adds to the battles) although I don't know if you'd be able to have the map appear in the background.

The bandit's hideout seemed awful close to the village, I don't know why they wouldn't just live there instead and kill all the townspeople.

Okay that's enough for now. Overall I enjoyed the demo, I was impressed with it. The only main problem I have with it is that Aldwyn and Garret's quest seems a little forced. It's difficult to explain, but imo it doesn't seem very probably that an old man would give another guy armor, weapons and a shield and tell him to go risk his live for a picture. I haven't played the whole thing yet, I'm still in the bandit's cave. The maze is a little boring, especially with the random encounters. Imo it should be a little smaller, or at least have some more interactive parts. But still, a good start, keep going with this.

Woops, just realized KRoP already mentioned some of my points. Way to go Dadevster!!! :pissed:

 

[friend]

I would actually like to see some flaws on the characters you have.

 

[Nin]

Thanks alot for all the pointers. I will take each of these points into consideration!

Was the maze too tedious? I will try to look that over some more.
And about the battles: It is the beginning of the game, and you only have one party member so far, so of course it will be tedious. Once more party members, monsters, and status effects are introduced I promise I will make the battles most technical as possible.

Also, the road that leads to nowhere that KRoP mentioned simply exists because there is no map for that when the demo was made. :p (There is now!)

And the menu... I got that more than a year ago and it's subject to change. It's a cool menu, but simply has too many bugs.

There is a cool dungeon half-created in the game file, but unfortunately I haven't gotten to that point to include it in the demo.

I'm trying to go with as minimal extra graphics with the mapping as possible. I enjoy making the most out of the RTP: call me crazy, I guess.

 

[Jstreet]

Nin!!! <3333333

I've yet to read any the topic, but I'm DLing the demo. All of your past works were quality and I expect nothing less from this. Although you may be forgotten by others, your name still carries a quality product behind it (to me anyways). I'll throw you my critique once I'm finished with the demo.

 

[Nin]

Thanks babe

 

[Akamarutsu]

Hey, I have a waaayy better battler for that sprite than the one you're using, if you're interested. Wanna see it?

 

[Jstreet]

Spoiler: Review

Plot:
You have what looks to be the makings of a neat storyline, but I felt as if you rushed it a bit. Things move far too quickly to get a good grasp on the situation. Your introduction could be knitted together more elegantly. For starters, the relationship between Garret and Clarissa needs more of a foundation, probably something digging into their background. Myself as a reader would like to know more about where the relationship started off, did they have their pitfalls? Was it love at first sight? Where's the reminiscence of their pre-engaged timeline? These are things to consider especially with their wedding around the corner. Yes, they do seem to have an undying passion between the two of them, but that passion seems extremely baseless at this time.

Now her death makes is what seemingly begins the story at it's core. Although tragic at the time of her death, the state of mourning seems to be yet another loose knit. Put yourself in the position of a widowed fiance/husband it's not something you just get over with in a week and although you do verify this with Garret's eagerness to protect the final gift, giving maybe a month or so before the invasion would have seem like a more decent amount of time to let Garret get back into a routine whilst still in the phases of coping with death. It would have also been another opportunity to put some background into his relationship with his beloved.

Then there is the pillage the village deal. A traditional RPG kicker of course. Giving the mourning process more time would have made Garrett's stand for protecting the gift seem more passionately courageous instead of suicidally ambitious. Another part of the story which I felt you rushed was Aldwyn and Garret. There is a little history behind them that you threw in there, but still Aldwyn was too quick to help Garret. We're talking about one of the people who cowered like the rest of the village when the bandits came. You'd think he would try to talk Garret out of going into the den of bandits, but he all of a sudden turns into a fighter mentoring Garret.

All in all you have a good concept here, but a sloppy execution.

Gameplay:
Visuals: Considering the nature of RTP, you can pretty much guess the style that the game holds. I will say that there was definitely room for more cinematic style story. It may take you some time to get that perfect introduction scene that's about 10 minutes of visuals that took 6 hours of work, but it's always worth it. The mapping portion was very nice. The maps gave a very lively vibe.

Audio: Pull some tunes from what seemed to be Black Mages, and Ragnarok; along with some others I couldn't name. For the most part they were a nice fit. Personally, I'm a fan of a single style of music in a game, but your mixture was decent.

Mechanics: Typical mechanics for the most part. The battles for the most part were button mash with the occasional potion. This is something I hope you change. The one skill you do have makes a very small difference in how easily the battle is won. I generally only noticed about a 10 point damage difference (and that was on a good hit). Simply put it requires very little skill or effort to win battles which make the few encounters you come across dreadfully boring.

The maze was a nice touch. It wasn't too overwhelming or difficult, but it's something I was willing to go through to progress through the story. Finding the locked door before the key made me head desk, but at I knew what the key was used for when I found it. (OT:Seems like you've been playing Ragnarok. Took the music from the Pyramids which is a maze and used it for your own maze of similar design.) A couple of box push puzzles, again, another classic. I don't know if there was a way you could screw yourself, but if there is you may want to consider a reset button unless it's one of those cases where you just leave the area and come back in to reset.

Overview:
The game has much potential, but it needs to overcome some writing issues while still early in development and keep consistent afterward. I would also like to see a bit more effort go into the cinematic department. Slow down and dig into the development process. Characters make scenes, scenes make a story, and a story makes a game. Using a visuals and gameplay that are quite common in the RPG community you'll probably want to lean on your story to make your project more interesting, so keep that in mind.

This was a rather quick critique and I was kinda sleepy (5 am over here in Qatar), but as promised...

Hey I helped code that title screen =D