Previews/Segments

[Stardust]

I'm making this thread for two reasons:

1. If you have something big you're working on (novel, large game, etc.), you can show off. :shades: You're allowed to link to stories if you have them posted elsewhere, but you must post a preview before doing so. Don't go overboard with this, though! This will be fine unless it turns into link central. A good example of use of this would be to post a piece of what you're working on for NaNoWriMo to get people interested in it. If you've been published, please advertise in your sig, not this thread! This forum is designed to help out people who are working on their writing skills; it's not a place to promote your stuff obsessively. The general idea behind allowing links is so that you can try to get critique on something bigger by getting people interested in the segment you post so they'll hopefully read and critique the rest.

2. If you're having trouble with a particular section/segment of a story but don't want to post the whole thing, you can post it here to get feedback.

Either way, expect to get critique on everything you post. :wink:

 

[Stardust]

I'm working on a story called "Living in the Middle" at the moment. It's kinda a filler until NaNoWriMo comes around and I can work on what I have planned for that. It follows the story of a fictional character who buys a haunted house. I have to admit it's pretty boring in places, but certain scenes are pretty interesting. Here's the one that I like the best:

Spoiler: Chapter 3, Scene 2

I was sitting in an uncomfortable metal chair in darkness. I couldn't see anything beyond my arms, which were tied to the chair with leather belts. I couldn't move my legs at all. I began to hear voices and then felt like someone was approaching from behind me. A cold sweat ran down my neck and I tried to turn my head around, but the back of the chair was blocking my vision. I felt them get closer and closer and I struggled to free myself from the belts but they were too strong. Now one person became many, all rushing toward me from behind. And I was stuck. Frozen by my restraints and my fear. I struggled with all the energy I could muster, but I couldn't free myself. The people seemed to slam into the chair, but then they disappeared. It was like they evaporated when they hit it. I relaxed a little until a face appeared in front of me, hovering in the darkness, slightly luminous, without a body. It looked at me in approval, not the scorn or hatred I had felt a few moments earlier. Then other faces drifted by slowly, seeming to revolve around the chair I was sitting in like it was the center of a whirlpool.

A robed figure blasted into existence about ten feet in front of me, sending the faces scattering toward the back of my chair. This figure was the presence I had felt earlier - full of scorn and hatred, now manifested into a single humanoid shape. It tried to take a step forward, but something pushed it back, making it struggle to regain its balance. I couldn't see what the figure was. The black robe it wore covered its entire body, if it had one, and the hood was pulled over its face so it remained invisible. I was surprised I could see it at all in the darkness, which is when I realized the spirits behind me were giving off a small amount of light from behind the chair. It was enough to watch at the figure in front of me struggled to push forward, but not enough to see underneath the hood. When the figure seemed to decide it should stop trying to push through, it just stood and stared at me. After a few minutes of its intense glare, the spirits started to move forward slightly, seemingly curious. Then the figure spoke in a harsh, deep voice, "Leave."

I forced my eyes open. A figure stood in front of me, a hand outreached toward me. "Leave," it choked out.

I was sitting up now, a cold sweat making my hair drip. And it was cold. But I was alone in the room. Letting out a sigh, I fell back down and wiped the sweat from my brow. It shouldn't have been that cold. It was summer and I didn't have an air conditioner yet. I decided to take a walk around the house to calm myself down and make sure everything was locked up. But for some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched.

If you're interested in reading more, I have the whole thing posted exclusively on Discussion Abyss.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

I'm working on developing the plot for my NaNoWriMo novel, Trapped. Since I'm lazy and don't feel like typing, I'll just paste the novel description from my NaNo account.

"Ethan Roberts is a teenager who, due to a freak snowstorm, is trapped inside his high school, along with others who've been unlucky enough to get caught. But things take an unexpected turn when a few people start exhibiting signs of madness. Insanity. Doing things normal people wouldn't do. And soon, these people - the Changed - start to kill.

Now Ethan must endure a desperate struggle for survival as he teams up with the other trapped victims and look for a way out, while trying to solve the mystery of the Changed and how the hell began."

It's pretty far-fetched and I'm still fine tuning a few things but that's the basic gist of it. I want to do some really cool stuff like delving into the mind of a person undergoing the transition to delirium, although getting the novel out is the most important thing right now. I still have to work on fleshing out my characters and getting some plot twists in there.

In retrospect, that description sounds really cheesy. :x

 

[Daxis]

omfg, Dadevstar, I hate you so very much. :P


Mine's is called Memories in the Night.

"There are many coincidences in this world. One of those just so happens at Radfield High, where social cliches(and clichés) rule. One Friday night, it just so happens that eight people would appear at the school, after dark.

Entering the school, they all pass out, and when they come to, there is something wrong going on, something very eerie and strange. Entire parts of the school are blanketed with darkness, and a unrelenting fear would enter your body the moment you attempt to trespass those areas. The exists are locked, the windows unbreakable, and pale orbs of blue light would occasionally appear, giving a memory of histories forgotten or loathed to remember...

Ryan, your seemingly average schoolboy, just wants to escape, like the others, run away from this weirdness. However, as he unlocks the fear and braves the pasts, he finds out that, for once, running away isn't the answer.

In "Memories in the night," you face your worst secrets and your darkest pasts, so that you can finally walk towards a future, whether it be one of heaven or hell."

 

[candle]

So you have similar story concepts, so what? just because they are very much alike doesn't mean they have to be the same. After all Hollywood does something like this nearly every year where two or three movies come out with similar premises. In more recent years there was Aeon Flux / Ultrviolet, and Doomsday / I am Legend.

 

[Daxis]

I wasn't being actually mean or nothing, it was a joke. it was funny how dadevstar's story suddenly sounded like mine(supernatural school, trapped inside it, mystery/suspense/psychological/survival). I was just mentioning it.