Gather around, O awkward cracklyvoiced hordes. Whether or not you
can grow facial hair in certain areas and quantities is immaterial -- I appeal here to your decency, teenagers of the world, and may you hear me well. Facial shrubbery is fun -- the very prospect of waking up each morning and scraping sharp metal across one's face sets even the calmest heart aflutter. The prospect of growing a beard or mustache and joining the exalted ranks of those such as Charles Darwin, Grizzly Adams, God, Gandalf the Grey, and our very own Sixty Ulysses Hairymanerson (or merely cultivating a five o'clock shadow and enjoying the rugged legacy of such great fellows as the Man With No Name and Doctor Gregory House) has kept many a bepeachfuzzed thirteen-year-old awake at night. However, the great road of facial growth that you, the gawky teenager sneaking glances at Victoria's Secret ads in the mall, on which you shall soon embark is laced with danger. To avoid suffering a terrible fate, it is important to know the face of the foe on your face -- and that foe is the Thin Blonde Baby Fuzz. Until the Great and Holy Powers That Be have cleansed your face of this abomination and replaced the cold husks with the full and glorious strands that were God's final gift to Man, you must not attempt to grow thine beard, for in doing so you may be seeking your own oblivion. Many disregard this, thinking that one strand of hair is just like another -- they are as dead.
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Do not make the same grievous mistake as countless pizzafaces before your time have; to wear a beard is to step closer to the divine, but to bear an abomination of slick blonde hair upon your face is deemed by God as the only truly unforgivable sin a mortal can commit.
I ask your patience in this matter, friends, and that is all.
(I would look
sweet with a jaw-beard but I'm actually going to wait until I can strike a match off the stubble. That should be the rule -- if you can strike a match off the stubble, you're ready for beard!)
(Also Guardian you look a little like Stephen King it must be the jaw or something but for godsakes do something about your habit of half-lidding your eyes. It makes you look like you have a habit of taking horse tranquilizer.)
steve buscemi's internet browsing history (chimp porn)":3rj39mkf said:
I haven't been to get a hair cut in months. I don't even wanna think about people who do weekly hair cuts let alone monthly ones :x
Ever wonder why I keep my hair long? It grows fast enough that if I ever wanted to keep it short I'd
have to make weekly or bi-weekly visits to barbers. :x