Politeness

[coyotecraft]

So there's this gay guy I work with that's always flirting with me. I get really annoyed and angry by it. I'm too serious to play along. And filing sexual harassment would be too serious, I just want him to stop not get him fired.
Is there a polite way to tell this guy to fuck off?

Speaking of work, and widening the discussion more; How do you think guests at a restaurant should behave? I've seen some pretty arrogant people that go out and eat. (Usually women) Who seats themselves at a dirty table and complains about it? We have to be accommodating to guests so we can't say things like "why would you seat yourself there in the first place?" Or "Can't you read the sign 'Please wait to be seated' ?" Then there are guests who order food, not like it, and think they don't have to pay for it when there's nothing wrong with the food.

My grandma didn't raise me for these situations.

 

[Gray]

I'd tell the gay guy to leave me alone or I'd file sexual harassment. Then he should take the situation more seriously I think.

Also, I'm wondering how you notice the resteraunt thing. Do you just casually see it and remember it somehow? Meh. Anyways, I agree with you here.

 

[Venetia]

I'd tell the gay guy to leave me alone or I'd file sexual harassment. Then he should take the situation more seriously I think.

that's a good way to build up a lot of negative sentiment.

it's a better idea to either take it up with a neutral 3rd party (HR), or else to simply try to avoid him and see if the message gets across. Don't overreact to his advances but don't act positively. Just frown and walk away. I've had to deal with flirty co-workers before, and only the most ignorant or unrelenting folks will still try to flirt even after you give them negative signals.

Otherwise, there's no way to force people to be polite or civil or use good judgment. You try to tell them to, and you're considered an asshole. All you can do is ignore and walk away.

 

[MCsephiroth13]

Yet sometimes you're still an asshole if you walk away. There's no way to win in this world

The only way to solve this is to play along. That way, you'll become jolly good friends and he'll get to know you more and flirt with someone else.

 

[Ellie]

Just say your not interested :|

 

[Guest]

;D

 

[Incognitus]

Are you SURE he's hitting on you? I know a good few guys who flirt just for the sake of flirting. If he's one of those guys, all you you'll probably have to do is to ask him to stop.

 

[Twirly]

Just say your not interested :|

Ditto. d
If nothing else works use my sig.

 

[Venetia]

Just say your not interested :|

well he might not be OBVIOUSLY flirting. coyote might just be reading signals wrong. if he's not flirting and that's just his way of being friendly and he says he's not interested, then that'll make shit real uncomfortable between them for quite a while.

which probably doesnt sound that bad but IMO it is real fuckin shitty to have an overtly uncomfortable relationship with your coworkers. it's almost better to just be occasionally discomfited than to always be awkward.

 

[Ellie]

get pics of a girl and stick them on your desk

pics of kids with said girl would be better

 

[Venetia]

once i thought this dude was flirting with me. it wasn't BAD or anything but he caught me at a bad moment, and i said, "look, i'm seeing someone, alright?". then he got a weird look on his face and was all "what, no, i'm married, i wasnt trying to ask you out ..." and then he started avoiding me and it was really awkward and horrible for like 3 months because we sat right next to each other :x blarg

 

[MCsephiroth13]

Oh! I know what to do! Literally ask him "Are you flirting with me?" That way, you'll prompt him to tell the truth about what he's doing and it will ultimately result in him either saying "Yes" and you'll engage in a conversation that will be beneficial to the situation, or he'll say "No", giving you the relief that he isn't.

 

[Venetia]

How would that make things less awkward o.O

 

[NexS]

that's a pretty crappy situation. especially (as people have mentioned here) if you don't know if you're being hit on for sure.
I suppose one way of resolving the issue would be to take the guy aside at one point and just explain to him that some things he has been doing/saying have made you uncomfortable.
that would save un-necessary conflict in the workplace and you should be able to continue working effectively together.

Or you could make out with a girl during one of those times that he's flirting with you lol

 

[coyotecraft]

It's not subtle flirting. He'll hug me from behind and say shit. I know he's not serious(at least I hope not) he barely remembers my name. But he'll do it in front people which make it even more embarrassing cause they have to watch my reaction. Like whoa, I didn't know you were like that.
I usually walk away silently, or say something like yeah. sure. whatever. :|: :|: :|:
Then he'll be "Whats wrong? Are you angry with me?"

Then he'll just act all friendly around me and the cycle continues.
Maybe you wouldn't call that flirting, but it's not normal for someone you hardly know to be that friendly. As far as I've seen he's only like that with me. If it continues I'll take to up with management.
Even if he stops the problem is how I should act around him. I'll avoid him but he'll still approach me. I don't want to encourage him by acting like it doesn't bother me, and like Ven said I don't want to make an enemy out of a coworker.

Anyways. No one's really said anything about the restaurant thing. I guess it was a dumb discussion. I was kinda hoping someone might explain peoples actions. Like why do people get angry when you card them for drinks? Unless looking young is a bad thing, shouldn't you consider it a compliment?

 

[NexS]

OH! i was gonna write about the restaurant thing!

i think there should be paid arseholes. what i mean is people that get free meals or what ever so they make a big deal of peoples stupid actions like that. EG: someone sits at a dirty table as you've said and whines about how it's dirty. 'please wait to be seated' signs and all. and this other guy goes "didn't you see the sign that says to wait until seated by the doorman" etc. Kind of like the under-cover police of the hospitality industry

 

[Venetia]

yeh.... he sounds like one of those happy-go-lucky types who don't understand personal space. i worked with one when i was in retail. he was really boisterous and joked all the time and was free about hugging and giving pats on the back or whatever. we all thought he was totally gay, but then one day he walked in with his [female] fiancee o.O. so either he was in the closet or else he was just had a really flamboyant personality.

anyway he rubbed a lot of people the wrong way, but transversely, had a lot of friends, too. so honestly it's just a sticky situation no matter what way you look at it, but if it becomes too much of a bother, i'd really recommend just politely mentioning it to HR.

 

[Zelfouz]

From your descriptions, you've never explicitly told him to stop. Tell him to stop flirting with you. In those words. "Please don't flirt with me, it makes me uncomfortable." How the hell should he be able to read your mind if you won't explicitly state that you want him to stop?

Speaking as someone who can't read minds, people like you who seem to expect it make me very angry. If you have a problem with him, explicitly tell him what it is in order to fix it, or quit whining.

eta: Also, people who have such issues with personal space that they can't handle a pat on the back need to stop being stupid. Seriously. Stop acting as if the back-patter just groped your genitals, because they didn't.

 

[Brewmeister]

It's not subtle flirting. He'll hug me from behind...

Do this all very quickly....
Lean forward and bend your knees to about 90 degrees. Continue to lean forward as you straighten your legs very quickly. You should end up in the "toe touch" position. If done right, he will go sailing through the air & land flat on his ass.


Simlilar to this, but he is already behind you. (If that doesn't animate, try clicking on it.)

Give him a moment to soak in the humiliation, then help him up saying, "Sorry, dude. You shouldn't sneak up on manly straight guys like that!" :scruff:

Anyways. No one's really said anything about the restaurant thing. I guess it was a dumb discussion. I was kinda hoping someone might explain peoples actions. Like why do people get angry when you card them for drinks? Unless looking young is a bad thing, shouldn't you consider it a compliment?

Speaking of work...

I'm guessing you work in a restaurant?

Here's the thing: Some people are "assholes". They actually believe that they should be treated better than they treat others. They can't be bothered to read signs or wait for a table, and consider it a major imposition to reach into their wallet for ID. They will complain about whatever they can, and they probably aren't going to tip well regardless of how hard you try to please them. (So don't bother trying.)
Treat them the same as you'd treat any other guest.
Can you do anything about it? Maybe. But you have to be creative lest ye be terminated.
Don't get upset about it, find humor in it or consider it a challenge.
If you can get them to assault you, the technique above or another like it can be effective. Just make sure you have witnesses.
Talk to the other servers & cooking staff. I'm sure they have creative ways of dealing with assholes, and ensuring that they don't return. :biggrin:
I've found a meat injector & a little Dave's Insanity Sauce in a single bite of their meal to be amusing. Once they eat the spiked piece, the evidence is gone. Their friends will taste test the normal portions, and tell the guy what a wimp he is.
You can also watch the movie, "Waiting" for additional inspiration.

Be Well

 

[Venetia]

I've found a meat injector & a little Dave's Insanity Sauce in a single bite of their meal to be amusing. Once they eat the spiked piece, the evidence is gone. Their friends will taste test the normal portions, and tell the guy what a wimp he is.

ahahaha thats brilliant