Poem about an imaginary friend =3

[Xilef]

I see you, Belief
Flowing through my mind
Here with Amber, Belief
A love not like any kind

What was here has gone,
Belief was done
The world was all but safe

The people have died,
I hide inside
As the damned have risen from death

 

[Surmuck]

I don't really know this board well enough to know how etiquette to responding to stories/poems is when the poster doesn't specifically ask for it, so I'm going to just put my response to it in a spoiler tag. Sorry =/

Spoiler

I thought the ending was rather abrupt, really - and maybe could be reworded to really let me come off with a stronger feeling for the poem as a whole; as sometimes the ending of a piece will often change a readers mind as to whether they can remember the poem later or not. Otherwise though, I thought overall it was very good.

 

[serrated_colon]

I see you, Belief
Flowing through my mind
Here with Amber, Belief
A love not like any kind

What was here has gone,
Belief was done
The world was all but safe

The people have died,
I hide inside
As the damned have risen from death

I agree with the above post, but it's not just ABRUPT, it makes no sense. It's like TRYING TO BE DEEP but completely fails. I mean seriously, it's OK(apart from a few things, will talk about later) up until the second stanza, where you've got:

What was here has gone,
Belief was done
The world was all but safe

First of all, this really is a COMPLETE change of theme, which unless it furthers the previous points or introduces new points, isn't really a good contrast. What is Belief's role? You've obviously got some sort of LOVING FEELING here but I don't really see why the world is UNSAFE at all. I know the point that is trying to be made, personifying Belief, and the lack of it will KILL US ALL. But the personification is done quite badly, due to a lack of content + bad wording etc.
My second point pertains to the whole poem. No other punctuation other than a comma is used, and it is really a bitch to read while trying to interpret the actual poem. Try to use a few full stops and dashes to effect.

The intention is good, can't say the same for the execution.