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Moon Guardians

I kinda like the backstory to it, not much to complain 'bout.
Like previously mention, afew mapping errors.
Maybe if you could improve just a tad bit more on the mapping it might look nicer. I know its still early in production so mistakes are bound to be made.

Good luck though.
 

Bobot

Member

It's cute. Nothing to prove that suicide is one's only option. If you don't mind, though, is Hotage like "cottage", or Japanese? If'n the later, it clashes. Badly.

Story? THE GODDESS IS EMO!!! Okay, anyway, creation stories are always neat, especially when the end up apocalyptic. (Except that it doesn't.) Mana Cannons, not so much. Especially ones in R&D for about three days. o_o Anyway, it reeks of ToP/S. Disguise it a little better, or something.
 

Bobot

Member

...I really don't think it's a good idea to play characters as their stereotypes (not that you are, but you might be). It limits them a lot. As guidelines? Yes, fine and dandy, but we've all have seen, perhaps cringed at, the moron who acts like a moron and is a moron because he's a moron.

I've got my languages and pronunciations all in a bunch, but if "ge" is "jay", it's just something you might want to spell it more phonetically, because it's not much obvious.

Anyway, I'm just talking about a post-apoc setting, versus one that...isn't so much. (Personal pref thing, it's not criticism.) One of those things I pretty much expect to be explained as The Big Reveal. R&D is research and development, and I suppose the cannon was actually being made during the "months", but it sounds like a very short time. Espcially in a low-tech environment, but whatever. Your setting, your rules. (I, personally, don't care to explain why R127 doesn't have planes when they have brooms and guns...) May I suggest the entire severing of limbs? That happens in actual mythology a lot.

Lastly, I'm pretty sure I got my Symphonia reference messed up (unless that Sheenadoken on disc two was an actual weapon fire). Lots of games have The Goddamn Cannon, FF7, SO2, SO3-- Just pick. It's not brilliant anymore. In Phantasia, their same-named WMD did, well, the same thing, under similar circumstances, with the same side effects: &$@#ing the goddess up (among other things). I'm not really talking about races, mind you.
 
The beginning part is great. I don't know about the rest of the story; I would have to read more, but if you do the entire game as well as your introduction, I would definately play it. For me, the storyline is what is important. That's what I look for in a game.
 
Oh, I understood that the stuff about the goddess was just the background part. I'm just saying that it was very well written, and if the rest of your storyline, whatever it may be, will probably be written just as well. I've been writing since I was twelve, and sometimes I can't get interested in poorly written stories, but I'm interested in this game you're making BECAUSE of your background story.
 
That's really a compliment coming from you

The little "tree spirit" could sort of be more akin to a "moogle" from Final Fantasy, just a cute little character to introduce the game and help you throughout journey.

I should have posted a screenshot of it, when you pull the middle lever object a giant boulder comes crashing out of the sky and smashes the poor character

The only thing I did like you was try and make the introduction to the game interesting so people don't get bored and not even pay attention. Else, what's the sense of a control thing? Mine as well just drop them into the world and let them figure it out on their own.

I mean, i used that thought about Atlaswing "the guide" in Singularity:TOoMC demo 1.. Almost identical..:-/

But your story is nice.. gets a lot of attention..^_^
 
Nah, that's okay for now! :D

YOu Photoshopped the characters' spoiler box?

Whoa, you said multiple expressions?? YOu're quite a patient guy..!

(There's no NPC faces unless their important to the story, sorry ).

hey, that IS a standard! NPCs not important to the actual flow of the game can NOT have facesets... That's fine!
 
The only thing I find kinda sketchy after re-reading the backstory is the part where it says this:
One day, this pain became unbearable, the Goddess tore from her arm a handful of her blood, as she blew this substance towards the West of the world she created a new race of people known as Magicians.

A race known as magicians. I kinda don't see that fit to good. Maybe something along the lines of Magians (Magicians+Humans=Magians..[I guess])

Doesnt have to be that, i'm just saying that's what got me.
Either way like I previously posted, great story.
 
Glad you like the Magians race, like I said its just a suggestion it doesnt have to be used.
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Can't wait to see a small demo/teaser of it.
 
-"Forced Updates"-


Alright, enough is enough. I'm in a creative slump and I just can't finish updating the story to Version 3. I give! Originally, I was not going to update this thread until I had completed the update, but, the writer's block could extend on for who knows how long. I will resume updating it every week or so, like before.

The game has taken quite a twist during this short time frame, and the new info should reflect that. The main differences, should be in my mapping, but I've also become more experienced with RPG Maker XP and am able to pull off a lot more difficult events. This update, features a lot of "random screenshots". This is how I've been working lately, just randomly creating maps that I will use later. Then jotting down notes of what could happen there, and how the characters would act there etc.

I hope you enjoy the newly updated contents for Moon Guardians. Comments, as always are greatly appreciated. :)

+ Topic updated with 10 new screens! Enjoy!
 
NEWEST NEWS:

The game has been completely and totally updated. I will be making a new thread if the moderators will allow it and have this one locked. THANK YOU to all who have visited and posted in this thread.

Your comments/criticism/input have been VERY helpful and I thank you for your time and effort writing them! Don't feel your comments were for naught, everything you have said has been put to good use, and I have improved it so that the game is just not the same game anymore.

I feel the amount of new stuff requires a new thread, and I hope that you will visit and comment on the "new" game too.

Thank you for your time!
~lorddonk
 

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