blueperiod
Member
UPDATE: New demo posted. Some feedback would be great.
LINUS [90 Minute Demo now available.]
- Thread starter blueperiod
- Start date
blueperiod
Member
UPDATE:
I cleaned up the topic a bit and added a video section.
Any comments?
I cleaned up the topic a bit and added a video section.
Any comments?
This demo is really tight. Lighting, music, ambiance its quite sexy in all these regards. I think you need to find ways to make the beginning more interactive, I like a well written story with complex characters with various flaws and subtleties but I also like to play them. Right now It's just walk from cutscene a to cutscene b. I particularly liked the opening with no text it was really cool, you do a good job of getting a lot of personality out of the sprites simple animations. Your music choices were exquisite and quite appropriate from scene to scene. Some food for thought on the writing:
Anyway those are some initial thoughts to chew on. I'll have more later perhaps. Also your url bbcode is not done correctly, take out the quotation marks.
When teign speaks of his crimes in war to samuel at the beginning I think Samuel should be less conciliatory and more righteous and unapologetic. Samuel seems to vacillate between steely resolve and being sensitive. I think you need to choose whether he's Fortinbras or Horatio and stick with it. I also think you can do without the father he never had line he gives the captain. The close relationship between Teign and the captain is well established by the opening lines Teign says to the captain. This would be another way to play up Samuel as a more self righteous patriot by having him demand that the captain help sharpen Teign's resolve. Also there was a chance for the Captain to have a moment with Teign that could be revealing of either character or the situation and it seemed you let it go by.
Otherwise the npc dialogues were wonderful though I think you want to try and create some class differences in language. Case in point, your slaves have very good vocabularies and dignified manner. I only say this because it seems to me you are quite capable of doing this as a writer and these little details would make the game all the more immersive.
Otherwise the npc dialogues were wonderful though I think you want to try and create some class differences in language. Case in point, your slaves have very good vocabularies and dignified manner. I only say this because it seems to me you are quite capable of doing this as a writer and these little details would make the game all the more immersive.
Anyway those are some initial thoughts to chew on. I'll have more later perhaps. Also your url bbcode is not done correctly, take out the quotation marks.
blueperiod
Member
UPDATE:
I've decided to add a Journal System (made by the amazing modern algebra over at RMRK) to the game. The idea of this system is that it acts as Linus' actual diary. This means that it will feature things that a character like him (a young boy) would have in a journal-- like scribbles, drawings, bad poetry, and little random thoughts that pertain to his personality. It won't be just a simple list of facts that summarize the events of the game (like most journals are in RPGs), but will instead offer a look into Linus' mental and emotional state as the game progresses.
The following screenshots offer a view at the system with some placeholder journal entries.
The "Journal Updated" message will appear as you speak to characters, examine objects, and advance through the storyline.
At which point new entries will appear in the journal. (This entry won't appear in the final game, as the Journal won't be accessible while you play as Teign during the prologue).
I hope to use the Journal System as a way to add more personality to the main character. Hopefully it doesn't crash and burn
Also, here are some screenshots of the next demo. They show more of the prologue.
A newly added scene during the events at the chateau.
Teign explores the derelict gardens of the Pale King's palace
Teign and his men in battle. I decided to give the different knights their own personal custom helmets.
I've decided to add a Journal System (made by the amazing modern algebra over at RMRK) to the game. The idea of this system is that it acts as Linus' actual diary. This means that it will feature things that a character like him (a young boy) would have in a journal-- like scribbles, drawings, bad poetry, and little random thoughts that pertain to his personality. It won't be just a simple list of facts that summarize the events of the game (like most journals are in RPGs), but will instead offer a look into Linus' mental and emotional state as the game progresses.
The following screenshots offer a view at the system with some placeholder journal entries.
The "Journal Updated" message will appear as you speak to characters, examine objects, and advance through the storyline.
At which point new entries will appear in the journal. (This entry won't appear in the final game, as the Journal won't be accessible while you play as Teign during the prologue).
I hope to use the Journal System as a way to add more personality to the main character. Hopefully it doesn't crash and burn
Also, here are some screenshots of the next demo. They show more of the prologue.
A newly added scene during the events at the chateau.
Teign explores the derelict gardens of the Pale King's palace
Teign and his men in battle. I decided to give the different knights their own personal custom helmets.
Hey I really enjoyed your demo. The atmosphere was great.. and if you manage to get some original music with the same feel as the the songs you used, it would be even more awesome :D. I'm also really impressed with the dialogue you have going on.. great stuff
The only problem I had was... all those names and alliances got really confusing O_o
And I feel mapping is pretty good but could be a tad bit better
Otherwise.. great job!
The only problem I had was... all those names and alliances got really confusing O_o
And I feel mapping is pretty good but could be a tad bit better
Otherwise.. great job!
blueperiod
Member
Hey all! It's been quite a while since I last logged in to this forum, but I have a new version of this game available and I thought I'd post an update to this long dormant thread. I'm always eager for any kind of feedback and the critiques and criticisms I received from this forum last time were invaluable, so here's a new version of LINUS for anyone who's interested.
Link: http://www.mediafire.com/download/r326f ... e+Demo.rar
Let me know what you think! Thanks!
Link: http://www.mediafire.com/download/r326f ... e+Demo.rar
Let me know what you think! Thanks!