don't buy lube!
lube you buy from porn shops & drug stores are expensive. they usually smell nice, but are often messy, sticky, and not worth the trip.
the best lubes you'll find for
doing the do are probably just lying around the house!
- olive oil or grape seed oil is warming & smells savory. you only need like half a teaspoon of it. cleanup can be messy though--and, yes, you
will absorb some of the calories from it as you would from eating it. Not as much though, unless you do not clean it out after (ew).
- aloe vera gel is soothing, smells clean, and evaporates. you need about a teaspoon or so. it will not last as long as an oil, but there's no cleanup: it dries over time. it goes on cold, but warms up fine.
- your own saliva (obviously!)
- lotion works ... so long as it doesn't have lactic acid, methylparaben, or lauryl sulfates/acetates in it. these 3 things dry out your skin and can cause rashes & burns
but don't use!:
- shampoo or soap. 99% of these are heavy on surfactants, which burn & dry out skin when left on too long. and you can absorb some of the ingredients (like selenium) into your bloodstream when ingested (doesn't matter what hole is ingesting it!)--bad stuff.
- petrolatum/petroleum jelly. it is very difficult to clean out of "tight spaces", as it is entirely water-resistant and is not in a liquid form. it can also cause chafing.
- anything that has a warning on it that tells you to call a poison control center if ingested. (duh)