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Legend Of The Sword

Ill update this every 3 or 4 chapters, to view a chapter by chapter update go to phanxgames!
LEGEND OF THE SWORD

PROLOGUE


The Yarrurian army was once again marching twoard Iliel, after passing by Farrion the small town on the side of the country...
Malil was hideing, watching as the bloodshed continued through his town.


The Yarrurian army returned to Yarruria, succesful, in pride. The gates of Yarruria opend as the army walked by.

"General Valaher; report on Iliel?" the voice came from behind the gate.

"Everyone is dead, your highness, no soldier casualties they had no army to put up a fight." The man saying this was in the front of the army, he removed his helm, underneath stood a Vicious Looking face with red eyes, it looked like he was ready to speak when his the other man started speaking.

"Good, I have another mission, it seems the City of Cherin is trying to build up a rebel army, we need you to set an example for the rest of the country please go and destroy them at once." A tall man in a red robe said as he pointed to the hills.

"But sire, our army is hungry and tired we need a day to prep-"General Valaher barely finished when the other man started yelling.

"General Valaher did I get an army to have them sleep, to have them stand around all day? Bring your men to Cherin city and destroy it thats an order!"


Meanwhile...


"Malil..."

"Whos there" said the small boy with red hair and brown eyes with dirt stains on his cheek.

"Do not be afriad, im here to help"Said a female voice.

"If your so friendly show yourself!" Said Malil

"At this time I cannot show myself, it can be reaveled soon enough what my appearance is but that is not important what is, is if you want revenge."

Malil replied by simply nodding.

"To get the power you need go to Linut Cave at the very bottom you will find what you need."

"Linut cave is forbidden though!"Malil looked around curiously to try and find this voice.

A flash occured and the voice stoped talking.

"Linut Cave" Malil reapeted slowly...

CHAPTER 1



Malil paced back and forth not knowing what to do. He thought "was that voice from the Yarurrian army, or was it a neighboring village? After all the Linut cave is in Golem territory I could be killed just going there! But what if it was trying to help me, what could be in this cave thats so sacred is it treasure, weapons?" Malil thought ideas like this for about an hour, then nightfall came.

Malil stood up and shouted "ALRIGHT! Im going to Linut cave!"

As he thought to himself "I'm going to need supplies, I should check the town for anything leftover that I can use."

Malil stayed up three hours looking for supplies but all he found was a rusty sword and some potions.

"This could barely take me through the golems village!"

"I'll have to make do I guess..."

"Malil, can you hear me?" The female voice came back.

"Uh huh" Malil said quickly and confused.

"The golems shaln't harm you, I have contacted there chief they will let you through without harm."

"Goodbye Malil"

"WAI-"Malils sentance was ended briefly with a flash in the sky.

"It's late, ill need rest for tommorows journey..."

Malil slept under the stars in the middle of a village, in ruins shatterd vases, barren and desolate from society, to never again be found.

***


A giant twenty foot stone door stands the only entrance through this stone wall that stretches miles long and wide. In front stands a 10 Foot rock giant.

"Name please"Said the creature.

"(Uh so thats what golems look like)Um Malil, im here to get into Linut Cave."

"OPEN THE GATE"Yelled the giant stone man.

"Head on in Malil" The golem exclaimed smileing.

The golem pointed down a road and told Malil that is were Linut Cave is.

The giant stone creature also warned of the nasty monsters that live inside of it.
***
"Linut cave...."Malil muttered walking inside the dark uprise in the earth. Cobwebs filled the room along with bats hanging on the cieling, everything seemed dimmer inside here.

Suddenly a hideous plant jumped out from behind a rock, it had 6 roots comeing from the bottom allowing it to walk, its mouth had thorns all around it with three more rooots comeing out the middle used to grab objects and eat them most likely.

Malil quickly squng the sword but it wasn't enough the plant used its mouth roots to grab the sword and swallow it! Malil droped the shield and backed up a few steps.

Suddenly the female voice came again "You musn't be afraid, you may be in the dark but your heart always shines light! Look deep down and let out your emotions!"

Malil thought inside his head of what was going on

"My village destroyed"

That was all on his mind.

Suddenly straight from his chest a fireball came out and struck the plant, it burned up and was destroyed, Malils sword was left in the remains, coverd by a green goo suddenly it desolved into black dust from the goo, the goo burnt a hole in the floor that seemed to go on forever.

"What.... Was that thing?!"Malil exclaimed.

CHAPTER 2


The female voice quickly came back "Malil what thing, the creature or the fireball?"

"Both..."Malil responded quietly

"The creature was a ThornWhirl, and the fireball was a pure thought!'The female voice continued.

"Where do I go now?"Malil asked patiently.

"Down the corridor is a door with markings on it enter it."Answerd the female voice.

Malil walked down the narrow hallway without a problem. He entered the door as the voice instructed.

Inside the room a light shown upon a alter, on the alter sat a sword, with Blue edges and markings on it. Suddenly out of the sword came a Blue haired girl, wearing a white robe she started floating an inch away from the sword.

The female voice from before came from this blue haired girl "Malil, you have found the spirit sword, I am Mira the wind spirit. If you ever need my help in battle you may summon me with a pure thought put into this sword."

"WH-wh-what are you?!"Malil asked curiously.

"I told you I am the spirit of wind." The blue haired girl replied, smileing.

Malil took the sword and shown it up to the light suddenly a loud roar came from behind him and the marked door started closeing.

Malil turned around only to see a giant four legged beast. It had a tail made of fire, and iits eyes burned as red as the tail did. Its body made of some sort of black scorched rock, adn its head shaped like a bulls.

"CRAP" Malil shouted, and then he thought "A pure thought can summon the power of wind, maybe if I were to direct my wind thought at its tail I could weaken it!"

The creature charged at Malil and when close enough ducked down low and spun around trying to light Malil on fire. Quickly Malil jumped in the air and Shouted "POWER OF THE WIND COME FORTH" Nothing happend.

"Uh, it didn't work this time!" Malil thought to himself.

A deep male voice filled with happiness and joy came from the sword "Use the power of earth on this bad boy, it proabally could light this spark out!"

Malil barely got the words out, in shock."Woah, another one! How can I use the power of earth?"

The male voice returned to answer Malils question "You see, different emotions effect your pure thoughts"The man laughed only to continue "I am hapiness, Fire is anger, wind is Sadness, there are others too."

Malil thought deep down "Im sad my parents were killed, But im happy that these spirits are helping me"

The creature started charging again, when A huge boulder fell on his head accompinied by a burst of wind that hit his tail, the flame disappeared, the monster let out a huge roar.


***

Malil waved goodbye to the golem at the gate, Holding the new sword, he walked away twoards the hills of Cherin City suddenly Wind came out of the sword.

"Malil, why are we going to Cherin City?" Wind asked.

Malil thought a minute and responded "Cherin City is where the rebel army is.

Wind asked another question "But you arn't old enough to join an army!

"Yeah but when they see the spirit sword they will need me!"Malil replied.

"No! If you want to join the army you do it without my help!"Wind said angrily.

"You can get used to the idea on the way,...."Malil faded out as he spoke.

CHAPTER 3


Malil finally could see the castle walls in his horizon, it was mid afternoon. The sky above Cherin was red, but clear blue anywhere else.

Wind summoned herself again.

"Stop doing that!"Malil shouted at her.

"No, I think something is wrong in Cherin! Look how the sky is!"Wind replied.

"Well it looks O.K. to me, now back in the sword!" Malil said as Wind entered the sword once again.

A voice came from behind Malil. "So it's true, a boy, a kid found the spirit sword?!"

Malil turned around to see the one that lead the Yarrurian army into Iliel.

Malil pointed the sword at his neck.

Malil shouted "You are going to pay for destroying my village!"

The short man with a scar on his right arm said "Please call me General Valaher! So your from Cherin?"

Malil shook his head "I survived the onslaught in Iliel!"

"Oh a survivor, so your tough, but can you defeat me?" Said general Valaher as he pulled out an axe.

The two seemed to stare at each other for 5 minutes before Malil thought of how he wanted revenge, just then a huge burst of water flew at general Valaher.

"So your more then just a boy arn't you, you can summon the power of the spirits?"General Valaher said.

Malil paid him no mind, Valaher started to charge at Malil when Suddenly a piece of the ground came up and knocked Valaher over, next fire swarmed his armor which valaher took off to escape the heat.

"STOP HIDING BEHIND THE SPIRITS AND COME FIGHT ME LIK-"Valaher charged while saying these words, Malil simply stuck the Spirit Sword pointing near Valahers heart, Valher forgot he took his armor off through his rage.

***

"The Yarrurian army retreated, and only half of Cherin city was destroyed"
Sounds like a good day to me said Wind exiting the sword.

"No, not enough. Not for what they did to the place I live, my frineds my family..."Malil said thinking to the past.

***
"Mom! Im going out to the woods to play with Lisidar!"Malil yelled walking out the door.

A small young boy stood outside the door tapping his foot on the ground. He had blonde hair and wierd blakc eyes, half his face was red, this kid was a half demon.

"Common Malil Ive been waiting an hour!Lets go!"Said Lisidar.
 

moog

Sponsor

spoilersssss


please :D

also this is pretty bad. the dialog is pretty cliche, some of your punctuation is off and it reeks of lol jrpg-ness.

and by bad i mean so bad that you read the title and know how bad it is :(
 
While I was only scrolling down, I do indeed agree with moog. I can tell this will be bad.

Give me like an hour, and I'll edit this post with an actual revision.
Here we are:

The Yarrurian army was once again marching twoard Iliel, after passing by Farrion the small town on the side of the country...

Bad spelling makes you look bad. Really bad. Plus this is a poorly worded sentence that is hard to understand. Fail.

Malil was hideing, watching as the bloodshed continued through his town.

Freakin' more bad spelling. Your also trying to sound more cool than your writing permits. It doesn't work.

The Yarrurian army returned to Yarruria, succesful, in pride. The gates of Yarruria opend as the army walked by.

Badly worded, especially the yarruian-yarruia thing. Also more bad spelling. Get firefox + spellcheck or something :(

"General Valaher; report on Iliel?" the voice came from behind the gate.

Your not making what's going on clear AT ALL. I have no idea whats happening.

"Everyone is dead, your highness, no soldier casualties they had no army to put up a fight." The man saying this was in the front of the army, he removed his helm, underneath stood a Vicious Looking face with red eyes, it looked like he was ready to speak when his the other man started speaking.

Tried to create an interesting moment, and then you failed. Miserably. Also it makes ZERO sense. I don't know why I'm bothering.

"Good, I have another mission, it seems the City of Cherin is trying to build up a rebel army, we need you to set an example for the rest of the country please go and destroy them at once." A tall man in a red robe said as he pointed to the hills.
Poor dialog.

"But sire, our army is hungry and tired we need a day to prep-"General Valaher barely finished when the other man started yelling.

Your grammar makes this sentence worse than it was going to be anyway :(

"General Valaher did I get an army to have them sleep, to have them stand around all day? Bring your men to Cherin city and destroy it thats an order!"

Ooh, he's commanding. More dumb fluff that you've put in the piece that has no practical meaning.

Meanwhile...
Is this a script now?

"Malil..."

Ooh, dramatic.

"Whos there" said the small boy with red hair and brown eyes with dirt stains on his cheek.

Way to give a cliche.

"Do not be afriad, im here to help"Said a female voice.

More poor spelling and grammar. And I have no idea waht the scene is.

"If your so friendly show yourself!" Said Malil

O_o Okay?

"At this time I cannot show myself, it can be reaveled soon enough what my appearance is but that is not important what is, is if you want revenge."

Lol. Bad.

Malil replied by simply nodding.

I could have skipped that line and it wouldn't have made much difference.

"To get the power you need go to Linut Cave at the very bottom you will find what you need."

No backstory on the cave? Oh well, I guess thats typical.

"Linut cave is forbidden though!"Malil looked around curiously to try and find this voice.

GASP!

A flash occured and the voice stoped talking.

A flash..occurred? Lol.

"Linut Cave" Malil reapeted slowly...

Bad ending to this section

Will edit the second half if your actually serious about editing the first.

Thank you,
-Surmuck
 

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