Lazer Kirby
Member
Some of you know that recently, my game (Eternity's Point) was a failure mostly because of a weak plot. Now, before I move onto the game-making stage, I want someone to critique on my plot. This is just really the bare - bones of my story I formed in half an hour. I am not that good of a plot writer, but not a bad one though. So here is my plot of my new project
Kinderia
Setting: Kinderia
Kinderia is a rather large continent in the world of Lordron that two nations settled and expanded as their population grew. It had a few mountains that ware located in both nations, many forests, and a desert in the Selises' territory.
Story:
On a small part of the world in 1434, there lived two nations, the Lexes and the Selises. They first started out as a small village and soon were large, bustling, cities. The two nations successfully expanded and they split the entire continent up. The king had ordered them to expand, in order to show their power, and the growing population. Lexes was north and the Selises were at the south.
After there was no more space to expand, both nations began to train soldiers for war. Why? Because they wanted to expand even further, and to do that, they had to demolish the other nation, or force the other nation to forfeit some of their land. Another reason, the Selises and the Lexes believed in different things. The Selises believed that all citizens should be restricted to only what the government approves, so then it would be close to a utopia. The Lexes believed everyone should follow basic rules that was enough to keep violence away and to have everyone content and have their own freedom. Both countries thought the other was incorrect on the way to lead, and with this, a war occurred. Another nation joins in, the Kilts. Te Kilts crushed a small nation on another continent, sailed to Kinderia, and did not know the massive size of these two nations.
Plot:
Eldon was in his early twenties, had a disturbing dream signaling that he and his colleagues should flee to another land. He saw himself at his home, but a voice was somehow signaling to travel away from the continent. After a few weeks of deep thought, he decided to stay because, well, a dream is just a dream, right? He changed his mind immediately after the first skirmish of the war occurred. He quickly rounded his most important friends.
They discussed about the recent skirmish, but after a few arguements, they all agreed to forsake Kinderia and sail elsewhere. However, it takes them longer than they thought and they are stranded on an island with hostile natives.
Another party of four were discussing about how the Selises were planning to attack the village of Ley. Then suddenly, a few soldiers break in and attack. After that battle is over, the war reaches its climax. The party of four hurry across the Lexes empire, defending a village after another, while Eldon is shipwrecked after he hits a storm and is found on an island. Soon the Kilts join, pampered a bit by their victory on the other continent, not knowing the other two factions was nowhere close to depleting their armies. Soon, the war does end, but there is something else than lurks in...
Game Overview: Basically, this game is split into two, the party sailing overseas and the party fighting in the war. You do have a few choices to pick that will affect the storyline, such as try to attack the natives on the other island, or try to make peace. You control a party four fort each part, the first is attempting to somehow survive on the isolated island with the angry natives long enough until you can repair your ship and continuing sailing. The other part is basically a long campaign of trying to rescue villages. It's your choice - rescue them or let them be destroyed. Then you return to the sailing party and they find another island and decide to settle on there... but first, you have to explore. Then we return to the fighting party as they reveal a shocking discovery.
[spoiler="Map"(Before)]
[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Map"(After)]
[/spoiler]
Characters -
There are planned to be a total of eight playable characters.
Eldon
Age - 21
Male
Knight
The one who fled to another land. Always takes things seriously. He usually thinks before he acts, and mostly is a very patient person. Most of the time his anger only lsts a few minutes before he calms down. He is the main character, as he received an odd signal to leave his home in order to avoid a war.
Craig
Age - 20
Male
Mage
A close friend of Eldon. Talented in magic. He mostly is a very hilarious person, always trying to crack a few jokes whenever the party is in a bad mood. He jokes may also distract the enemy and Goldain also taunts. Goldain is rarely seen angry. Although his father died of a deadly disease, he tries not to think about it. He travels with Eldon, and saves the party of four from an undead attack with his magic.
Lilla
Age - 19
Female
Archer
A skilled archer. She met Eldon at a barracks while she was firing at targets. She is a calm person. Has a somewhat short temper. She also leaves with Eldon, and finds many supplies that could help them survive.
Joan
Female
Age - 20
Knight
She is a not-so-close friend of Goldain. Joan is skilled with swords, like Eldon. She is very impatient and gets angry occasionally. Like the other three above, went with them. The second she figures out that some Selises people stalked them to the other island.
Coron
Male
Age - 23
Swordsman
A former pirate, who once roamed the coastlines of the continent, looting Selises' and Lexes' ships. Now part of the Lexes army. He has brutal strength that helps him carry a large club. He has a short temper, and most of the time, seen angry. He stayed on the continent to fight in the war. The commander of a small four-man party to help rescue Lexes from a deadly war.
Seth
Male
Double-Swords Swordsman.
Age - 21
An unwilling partner to Coron, he is a skilled two-swords person. Very sly and sneaky, he can be stubborn at times. Seth is mostly an inbetween person - a kind and mean person. Both. He does what he thinks is right, and he hates being wrong. Manages to spy and uncover many plots of the Selises.
Kiera
Female
Age - 20
Mage
She is a mage that is quiet all the time. Because of this, most of her personality is hidden. She can be bothered easily. She just tagged along with the group for a little adventure.
Syreeta
Female
Age - 39
A war veteran. She knows many strategies to conquer the field. Mostly impatient and doesn't tolerate people who disobey her. Sometimes she is very cruel. She was important to the party, as she provided many tactics to help fight in some battles.
Setting: Kinderia
Kinderia is a rather large continent in the world of Lordron that two nations settled and expanded as their population grew. It had a few mountains that ware located in both nations, many forests, and a desert in the Selises' territory.
Story:
On a small part of the world in 1434, there lived two nations, the Lexes and the Selises. They first started out as a small village and soon were large, bustling, cities. The two nations successfully expanded and they split the entire continent up. The king had ordered them to expand, in order to show their power, and the growing population. Lexes was north and the Selises were at the south.
After there was no more space to expand, both nations began to train soldiers for war. Why? Because they wanted to expand even further, and to do that, they had to demolish the other nation, or force the other nation to forfeit some of their land. Another reason, the Selises and the Lexes believed in different things. The Selises believed that all citizens should be restricted to only what the government approves, so then it would be close to a utopia. The Lexes believed everyone should follow basic rules that was enough to keep violence away and to have everyone content and have their own freedom. Both countries thought the other was incorrect on the way to lead, and with this, a war occurred. Another nation joins in, the Kilts. Te Kilts crushed a small nation on another continent, sailed to Kinderia, and did not know the massive size of these two nations.
Plot:
Eldon was in his early twenties, had a disturbing dream signaling that he and his colleagues should flee to another land. He saw himself at his home, but a voice was somehow signaling to travel away from the continent. After a few weeks of deep thought, he decided to stay because, well, a dream is just a dream, right? He changed his mind immediately after the first skirmish of the war occurred. He quickly rounded his most important friends.
They discussed about the recent skirmish, but after a few arguements, they all agreed to forsake Kinderia and sail elsewhere. However, it takes them longer than they thought and they are stranded on an island with hostile natives.
Another party of four were discussing about how the Selises were planning to attack the village of Ley. Then suddenly, a few soldiers break in and attack. After that battle is over, the war reaches its climax. The party of four hurry across the Lexes empire, defending a village after another, while Eldon is shipwrecked after he hits a storm and is found on an island. Soon the Kilts join, pampered a bit by their victory on the other continent, not knowing the other two factions was nowhere close to depleting their armies. Soon, the war does end, but there is something else than lurks in...
Game Overview: Basically, this game is split into two, the party sailing overseas and the party fighting in the war. You do have a few choices to pick that will affect the storyline, such as try to attack the natives on the other island, or try to make peace. You control a party four fort each part, the first is attempting to somehow survive on the isolated island with the angry natives long enough until you can repair your ship and continuing sailing. The other part is basically a long campaign of trying to rescue villages. It's your choice - rescue them or let them be destroyed. Then you return to the sailing party and they find another island and decide to settle on there... but first, you have to explore. Then we return to the fighting party as they reveal a shocking discovery.
[spoiler="Map"(Before)]
[spoiler="Map"(After)]
Characters -
There are planned to be a total of eight playable characters.
Eldon
Age - 21
Male
Knight
The one who fled to another land. Always takes things seriously. He usually thinks before he acts, and mostly is a very patient person. Most of the time his anger only lsts a few minutes before he calms down. He is the main character, as he received an odd signal to leave his home in order to avoid a war.
Craig
Age - 20
Male
Mage
A close friend of Eldon. Talented in magic. He mostly is a very hilarious person, always trying to crack a few jokes whenever the party is in a bad mood. He jokes may also distract the enemy and Goldain also taunts. Goldain is rarely seen angry. Although his father died of a deadly disease, he tries not to think about it. He travels with Eldon, and saves the party of four from an undead attack with his magic.
Lilla
Age - 19
Female
Archer
A skilled archer. She met Eldon at a barracks while she was firing at targets. She is a calm person. Has a somewhat short temper. She also leaves with Eldon, and finds many supplies that could help them survive.
Joan
Female
Age - 20
Knight
She is a not-so-close friend of Goldain. Joan is skilled with swords, like Eldon. She is very impatient and gets angry occasionally. Like the other three above, went with them. The second she figures out that some Selises people stalked them to the other island.
Coron
Male
Age - 23
Swordsman
A former pirate, who once roamed the coastlines of the continent, looting Selises' and Lexes' ships. Now part of the Lexes army. He has brutal strength that helps him carry a large club. He has a short temper, and most of the time, seen angry. He stayed on the continent to fight in the war. The commander of a small four-man party to help rescue Lexes from a deadly war.
Seth
Male
Double-Swords Swordsman.
Age - 21
An unwilling partner to Coron, he is a skilled two-swords person. Very sly and sneaky, he can be stubborn at times. Seth is mostly an inbetween person - a kind and mean person. Both. He does what he thinks is right, and he hates being wrong. Manages to spy and uncover many plots of the Selises.
Kiera
Female
Age - 20
Mage
She is a mage that is quiet all the time. Because of this, most of her personality is hidden. She can be bothered easily. She just tagged along with the group for a little adventure.
Syreeta
Female
Age - 39
A war veteran. She knows many strategies to conquer the field. Mostly impatient and doesn't tolerate people who disobey her. Sometimes she is very cruel. She was important to the party, as she provided many tactics to help fight in some battles.
