I have a problem...

[Hisuwashi]

I hope someone will offer some help to me. Well.. Here we go:
My friend had her bloodwork done for her heart condition, because it's been 6 months since she started the treatment. And they said she's not getting better. They discovered even more problems and there are not that many chances she will live. All they could do is say to continue the treatment for another 6 months. If it doesn't get better... I think you know the rest.

And she doesn't know what to do. Nor do I, can anyone suggest how I can comfort her? What does someone do in situations like these?

 

[madmax_vii]

Hmmmm, yeah this is a tough one. I guess in some ways it might be better if you take her mind off her problems now and then and just generally be a good friend to them, help out, be there for them, just don't put the obvious in their face about the fact that one day they're gonna die. If anything, the best idea would be to just make their life easier. (as you can see I'm crap at giving advice)

 

[Rhazdel]

First of all, I hope this is a serious post, because that would be pretty low if it isn't real (I have seen many fake things like this, and it always irks me...sorry if I sound like I am attacking you).

But when people must face their own mortality, every person deals with it in his or her own way.

Some people surround themselves with loved ones, so that they can reflect on the postive times in their lives, cherishing the time and the memories they have of loved ones. The best thing you can do be there for her whenever she needs. Maybe throw a party or have a gathering of loved ones, so that she knows just how much she is loved. BUT (!!!!) please do it tastefully. There is a fine line between gathering friends and family to celebrate her life, and throwing her her own premature wake. Be careful, if you decide to take this particular peice of advice, to try and judge how she would feel about this. Sometimes, it may just be too much, and might cause her stress and sorrow. Try and get an idea of what she thinks, without asking "Do you want us to throw you a party?" Be tactful and respectful.

Some people try to keep themselves busy, to occupy their mind. Get them out there and keep them engaged. Go outdoors, or any other hobbies she may have. Keep her interested without making her feel rushed or like she is a burden. Offer up suggestions of places to go or things to do and let her decide.

On the other hand, some people are more introverted and like to reflect. If that is the case, it is usually best to give her some space and let her deal with any issues and feelings she may have. She may need to sort out her feelings before you can help her. But, always be there for her when she reaches out and needs someone. Give her space but don't abandon her.

She may also need all/none of these things. Like I said, people cope with stress differently, and so it is up to you to judge what she needs the most and be there to support her. What I mentioned above are just suggestions based on some basic personality types, but people are much more complex than that. Some people may need to be surrounded by loved ones one minute and then want everyone to leave them alone the next. Respect how she feels and try to do everything you can to help her through this.

The best advice I can offer is to be a good friend.

 

[kip]

Well I can be the person to help you as I have a heart condition.

My best friend are always watching me to see if i don't do dangerous thing for my health. We don't talk alot about it beacuse it's hard for them although I have acepted my sole fate they don't. But hey life whorth living. Take her out go to a park lie in the snow/grass and watch the clouds talk for hours about anything but dont talk about her condition. Call her alot talk with her do stuff. If she wants to go somewhere with you go. I don't know how is your friendship between you two. But if it's her last 6 month make her forget that in 6 months she won't be there for you. As for myself, I hate when my best friends worry about me for my health, but at the end i know they care. Strangely enough the best things in life that you have is the bond of frienship its them that makes the whole diffrence who knows she maybe live an other 6 month beacuse you were by her side

 

[Rhazdel]

Oh, I forgot to ask:

How old is she?

Children, adolescents, young adults and adults all deal with things differently. The younger your friend is, the more scared this whole thing is for her.

Unfortunately, there isn't any 'cut and dry' advice to offer, other than to try and listen to her and help her in any way you can.

 

[Hisuwashi]

Thank you all very much for advice, I have told her she should try to enjoy herself a little, and I will be there if she needs help.

Rhazdel - I don't think there's anyone who would make a post like this if it wasn't serious, but you are correct, she has mixed feelings about the situation and is not sure about what she should do. She's 17... so I'd say she's coping well.

 

[kip]

I'm 18 i've learn at 16 in may that ill be dead in 6 or 7 year at that time

 

[FlippyD]

I'd gauge her own reactions and go from there. It seems like you're both young and skittish about the subject, so why waste time worrying about stuff like that? Enjoy the time you have together now, you won't have this chance again.

You want to strive for a situation where you're both happy and not worrying about this problem right now, however, at the same time your friend should know that you do realize she might not be around much longer and so dwelling on the subject of her passing should not be that important at the moment.

 

[catalyst]

Please don't shoot me for game talk, this is just the first thing that came to mind since I haven't had this sort of situation before. I actually downloaded a visual novel about two people who have conditions that are fatal, with no hope of recovery. The main guy is told in the hospital by the main girl that at this point, there's only one choice in their lives: to die at home, or die at the hospital. It kinda made me think... It seemed like such a meaningless existence. Would I fall into the despair of such an existence, or try to make it the best days of my life?

Personally, I hope to never have to think about it. Eventually we all have to resign to the same fate, but I hope that it doesn't come soon. Even if it does, I think I'd like my friends to keep me from falling into such a meaningless existence... instead of being afraid to lose me, and never letting me do anything, I hope that they help me to live my life to the fullest. Or at least have the feeling that I did something with my life.

I know that presented with the situation, my viewpoint may change, but that's my outlook on it now. Of course, we don't know your friend so it makes advice a little harder. This is just what I can think of that I'd want to do. Perhaps try to help her compile something memorable. Have a good time, and take lots of pictures. Maybe some video. Give free hugs.

Good luck to you and your friend. I hope that treatments will go well for her after all, and even if they don't, that the both of you find a way to cope with the situation together. Namaste, and good journies.

 

[Hisuwashi]

OK, I'm not going to think about her definitely going to die, she could still be alive for quite a while. (and I hope she will be...)

ixis: yeah, we'll just chat about some other things, I'm not going to mention it again to her unless she brings the subject up.

catalyst: I'm sure you didn't mean that her existence was meaningless, but I don't think it was, everyone has everything to live for, it's depressing to think of someone like her dying at such a young age. Thanks for your comfort.

I'm sorry for depressing anyone who reads this by the way. If I was in the situation, I don't know what I'd do either. I think I'd just be depressed, that's how I am really, and not want to do much, except maybe see some family and a few friends.

And again thanks for your help everyone.

 

[catalyst]

^^; Yeah, not quite what I meant. Sorry if it came out that way. Um... Translated from my head to what it should actually mean, it was something like they fall into despair and do nothing, because they're going to die anyway. It's like even before they die, their life has already stopped because they just stopped living it. Does that make more sense? That's what I think of when I say meaningless existence. Sorry, it's just kind of an image in my head and I end up with some strange ways of describing the image. Every so often I forget that others aren't seeing what I do. I was thinking about that hospital lounge in the game, where they've been told they're going to die one way or another so they sit there staring at a television without even really watching it, and rarely ever having a conversation.

 

[Hisuwashi]

Thank you, I understand what you mean. Anyway, I'm trying her mind off things, so I don't talk about it with her, and we just talk about other things. As I say I wouldn't know to do if were in her situation ^^;

 

[kip]

belive me its hard you think alot