Fire Stone:Legend of the Dragon Family

[edwards64]

Fire Stone:
Legend of the Dragon Family.

Fire Stone is a tale about a legendary beast, the Fire Dragon, that was sealed inside a stone like three other beasts. Until one day it was released and wreck havoc on the enitre planet until it's a Attack on a Capital City lead to its demise and having it's power stolen. And the monster disappered and hasn't been seen for years..

Many years pass and an army has been coming to power Dark Skull and his Army have been on the strike preparing to find the Fire Stone!

Characters

Spoiler: Rod Dragon

Rod is an orphan found on the night the Fire Dragon's power was sealed. He is raised as a Weapon Smith and is called on a Job and eventually is taken to the Capital that is under Attack by Dark Skull's Army.
Name: Rod Dragon
Class:Weapon Smith
Weapon:Rapier
Home Town:Genan
Age: 17

Spoiler: Gillee Mayer

Gillee is the big time body gaurd of Fire Stone Capital. He lives there with his twin brother Chris. He is a big time rival with the attackers from Dark Skull's Army. He works hard to protect the city and in fact saved Rod's life.
Name: Gillee Mayer
Class:Monk
Weapon:Hands and Feet
Home Town:Fire Stone Capital
Age:22

Spoiler: Chris Mayer

Chris is the older brother to Gillee Mayer. He is a very intelligent and is the defense technicion of the Capital, and is often used as a healer.
Name: Chris Mayer
Class:Monk Healer
Weapon: Quarter Staff
Home Town:Fire Stone Capital
Age:24

Spoiler: Xavier Stone

Captain Xavier Stone, as he would perfer to be called, he is a Captain to the Dark Skull's army. And it is his platoon that continously attacks Fire Stone Capital. He and Gillee have been rivals for a long time.
Name:Xavier Stone
Class:General
Weapon:Broad Sword
Home Town:???
Age:30

Spoiler: Scott Dragon

Scott is a major defensive unit for the Fire Stone Capital City.
He was not at the Fire Stone Capital City when the attack happen when Rod came to the City, but he and Rod turn to become close friend as they both wish to find their lost families.
Name:Scott Dragon
Class:Theif
Weapon:Knives
Home Town:Fire Stone Capital
Age:17

Spoiler: Ryan Slammer

Ryan is a one of two children of the legendary Slammer Family until the day came where he was banished by his father. He hides from his kingdom until the day comes where his father's tyrant acts cause him to to attack against it.
Name:Ryan Slammer
Weapon:Axe & Gauntlet
Home Town:Dayne I Castle
Age:26

Features
Materia System by SephirothSpawn
No Equipment Stats by Leon
Level Up Box By Akxiv
Large Party by Dargor
Side Battleveiw by Minkoff
BattleStatus Modification by DerVVulfman
Super Simple Vehicle System - Enhanced by DerVVulfman
Limit Break by DerVVulfman
FFVII Menu by AcedentProne
Multi-slot equipment script by Guillaume777

Play my demo and give me some feedback i could use it. Thanks.

All comments are welcome!


Demo Link


SCREENSHOTS

 

[ebhz.Ash.4rm]

Well this doesn't look to bad but it doesn't look too good either. Some points you should take note of, this is concept dev. you should have a lot more information about your characters and story as that's what this section is mainly for, what you have now looks like it was intended for PD but I'll assume it wasn't.

Your story makes no sense, if the dragon was sealed in a stone, then released, then defeated how can this Skull Army be looking for the stone? Shouldn't they be looking for it's remains or something? Is this Army attached to a country? What is the politics and geography of the world they're in? Who are they preparing to strike on?

Some of your sprites look like they got some paintbucket work done on them, you should look up a couple of tutorials so you can do the shading on them. The battleback from the second screen shot does not work, there's one character on there who looks like he could actually be standing on something, you should definitely fix that. Oh and the title screen is quite terrible, you really should get someone to do you one cos that is a gruesome put off.

Some things to look at.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

I'm gonna go ahead and move this into Project Discussion for now. Concept Development is for posting early concepts of games and getting critique on the non-programming parts of games (that is, character profiles, plot, setting, etc.)

If you want this back in Concept Dev then give me a PM, remove the screenshots, and elaborate more on your characters and plot. Make sure you know the rules of the forum you're posting in next time, and thanks.

 

[Fireworksinc]

Just a heads up - your features section is a list of scripts in your game, and there's a lot of debate about that.
I think reading this thread: http://www.rmxp.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=63662 might held you to decide what to and what not to include in your features list.

 

[Roxas]

Right now your main character is just another typical cliche, orphan boy who becomes a hero. You other character's aren't that fleshed out either. Give a bit more description on them, tell us what makes them unique to your game. The sprites you're using aren't really fantastic, especially the green cloaked guy, he needs serious work, especially if you're going to use them for battlers, which IMO you really shouldn't. This game may have potential, but fix up the story and your characters first.

 

[Guest]

;D

 

[aidmac11]

What battle system are you using in this?

 

[killergermel]

Man... You have a long way before you can call this a game, I stopped playing after about 15 minutes because of a bug caused during your first battle as this orphan against ghosts - the message that you have skill limits or something like that kept repeating itself, a piece of information you already gave us earlier when fighting the dragon.
I'm sorry to say that I am thankful to the bug for I would have kept torturing myself playing this for another wasted 5 minutes, and then surely I would have quit it...

Technical problems: You actually raped the English language and I had to spend more time trying to understand why you wrote "women" instead of "woman" or "over ran" instead of "overran", or why you used slang like "1st" or "u" instead of "first" and "you". This is just the tip of the iceberg... The use of this poor English was a real turn off... Another thing is that I saw an occurrence in which you talked to some guy and the name of the orphan was shown instead of the guy when he talked...
Another thing is that there were no uses of commas and periods, don't EVER skip that part.
The mapping was terrible - the introduction showed the placed where the stones were hidden - the borders between land and sea and desert and grass were very unauthentic and unimpressive.
The mapping in the castle (in the beginning) was too empty, there was nothing except the castle itself (no torches or flags no accessories no nothing).
The positions and locations of the dead soldiers were too linear and shouldn't consist of two lines of bodies... The soldiers did NOT die hugging each other or something so they should be scattered all over the area.
After you kill a group of enemies one of them doesn't disappear (another bug)...
Another thing is that the just born BABY is in the battles (or maybe in just some of them)... WHO PUTS A BABY WHO WAS JUST BORN IN A BATTLE?! no wonder he died! he cant even walk!! and then after he died in the battle he grows up! I was introduced to him again when he was level 7 and he talked (about him being a weapon smith or something) while he was in DEATH status (because he died as a baby in the battle versus the dragon)! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
When he goes to the town the people are standing outside of their houses... I could never appreciate games in which people can't even map some interiors for their npcs...
So many bugs and misuse of the English language, and that's even without talking about the content of the storyline, which is bad enough for itself...
I really can't imagine why anyone would want to spend 255mb of their hard drive for this...
Another thing is that this grown orphan looks just like his father (or grandfather, I don't really care) from the last scene fighting the dragon. He was even wearing the same clothes and armor... Use different sprites for the father and his grown son!
Another thing is that the unknown man and woman who took the second baby said they should rebuild the city so that the baby will have a good place to live. Who rebuilds a CITY just so an orphan would have a good place to live in?! They should move. It shows that your npc's are either immensely stupid, or you didn't have anything to write there.
I won't even get into the abominated storyline...
This is just my opinion but I think you have a long way ahead of you before you can call this a demo of a decent game (and I didn't even play through the whole demo)...

 

[Guest]

;D

 

[bashful crobat]

Technically: You actually raped the English language

heh

 

[Mundane]

@Arbiter: I guess not.

I could be wrong, but it seems an eleven year old wrote and designed this game. It just cliche and plain lame, dude. I mean there isn't much room left for originality, but this game has been done countless times before, I can assure you. Try thinking of some more elaborate plot devices and definitely some cooler character names and whatnot. You have to try harder than this? Right?

 

[moog]

Although killergermel's post is really hard to read, he's exactly right. This looks pretty horrible, for obvious reasons. Take some time to make sure everything is well put together before just slapping it on a thread.

Nothing looks redeemable about this so far, but Id like you to prove me wrong.

 

[killergermel]

Okay I edited my earlier post a bit so it would have... Emm how did you call it? sentences? no im kidding it just needed a little touch.
Anyway im just saying this guy needs some time to think before he maps everything and write the messages... You need to think before you write and make it relevant to the plot, don't just go around and say nothing unless that's the purpose of the message, or it was meant to thicken the plot. Think again about your storyline, see that it's original and not chewed up and spit out, or people just won't play it, but more importantly, THINK... THINK about your storyline before you throw it into the game, before even you start a game you should write it all down on a piece of paper or something.