Perihelion
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Post dreams here. There's an old thread, but it hasn't been posted in since like Jan, so I figured I'd make a new one.
I had this crazy dream last night, so I'm gonna tell you guys about it! It's more graphically violent than my dreams usually are, possibly because someone was telling me about really gory car crash pictures right before I went to bed, but it's a good example of how my dreams are often long and involved and have plots.
So there was an island with these two evil wizards on it. One of the wizards was this Viking-esque dude--big and muscled and with long red hair and a beard to match--and the other was tall and gangly and bald and pale and creepy as fuck. Anyway, so they kept some slaves for whatever nefarious purpose, and I was one of these slaves. But I, being dissatisfied with slavery, did some research, and I somehow came up with two power words: one paralyzed the wizards, and the other caused them great pain. So I went to their house, found the Viking guy, and said the words. He collapsed in the hallway, but it didn't quite work as I'd intended it to--he could still move his arms, and the pain didn't incapacitate him, it just made him really pissed. Whoops! I tried to get past him because the other wizard was in the room behind him and I had to get him too, but he managed to grab my pants and tried very hard to knife me, except I managed to frantically pull away, and the pants tore (sorry, guys, just the leg) and I got past him.
So I said the words to the creepy guy in the room beyond that, but he was more powerful than the Viking guy, and he could still move. Again, it pissed him off more than anything. So I was like "shit shit shit" and tried to escape out of a window, my wonderful plan to kill the wizards and free the slaves a grand failure, except he nailed me with some evil spell on my way out. Also, it turns out the window actually led to a cliff overlooking the water! So I fell into the water and died, sort of, except the spell was a curse that kept me half-alive and stuck in place. So I was at the bottom of this bay for a few decades until I managed to escape the restraining part of the spell and swim back up to the island.
The island was mostly deserted by this point--the wizards were gone, I assumed because I fucked them up, and so were the slaves. I wandered around for a while and found a little house, so I went in and looked around for a while. Then someone was coming, so I hid on top of some furniture, and the person I heard came into the room.
It was this little gnome guy, except he reminded me more of a miniature Buddha than a gnome. His skin was pale gray, and he had this axe, silver and very big and very sharp. He knew I was there, so I came down, and we sat down and talked for a while. He was pretty nice to me even though I was some bizarre half-rotted undead creature by that point. I was like, uh, I probably shouldn't be here, because these evil wizard guys are after me, and I don't wanna get you in trouble. He said, oh yeah, one of them came to the island last week and murdered all the former slaves. He mentioned you and said he was gonna come back for you on his next trip to cause you an eternity of suffering. Naturally, I was a bit put off by this, so I asked him what we should do, and he said, don't worry, I'm an executioner, and I can help you out!
So a week later, the creepy wizard comes by, and we set a trap for him and captured him and tied him up. The gnome gave me his axe, and I tried to decapitate the creepy guy. I hit him on the back of the neck and severed his spinal cord, but I couldn't get it all the way through, and the guy was still moving and trying to get up even with his head half off. So I was like 0_0 and kept hacking until he stopped moving, and his head was mostly off. I asked my gnome friend, so is that it, are we done? And he said, nah, you gotta destroy the brain and scatter the pieces, or his friend can perform a revivification ritual and bring him back. So I was like, er, okay, and I bashed his face in with the axe for a while until his head was mostly destroyed and there were bits of brain leaking out. I said, okay, is that good enough? And the gnome was like, ugh, give me that, so I handed him the axe, and he took what remained of the skull and diced it up into really little pieces. He handled that thing like you'd handle a kitchen knife to chop up a melon, and it went through the bone with no more difficulty than a knife going through melon rind.
So by this point the creepy wizard's head was in very small pieces, and the gnome said, okay, good, now we have to separate it so he can't be revived. Go to the kitchen and get some jars; they're in the third cupboard from the left over the stove. (He said left, but it was actually the third one from the right because apparently I cannot tell the difference between left and right.) I went into the kitchen and looked in the specified cupboard, but there weren't any matching jars with lids, so I looked in his pantry and grabbed a mostly empty thing of peanut butter and an empty jar of maple syrup (why it was in a little jar I couldn't tell you), rinsed them out, and went to bring them back to the gnome. But when I went through the other room to go out to where the gnome was, I found that the Viking wizard had shown up and was between me and the gnome, and boy was he pissed that I'd just chopped his friend up into little pieces!
And then I woke up. It was more surreal than scary, actually--I don't really get scared by dreams.
I had this crazy dream last night, so I'm gonna tell you guys about it! It's more graphically violent than my dreams usually are, possibly because someone was telling me about really gory car crash pictures right before I went to bed, but it's a good example of how my dreams are often long and involved and have plots.
So there was an island with these two evil wizards on it. One of the wizards was this Viking-esque dude--big and muscled and with long red hair and a beard to match--and the other was tall and gangly and bald and pale and creepy as fuck. Anyway, so they kept some slaves for whatever nefarious purpose, and I was one of these slaves. But I, being dissatisfied with slavery, did some research, and I somehow came up with two power words: one paralyzed the wizards, and the other caused them great pain. So I went to their house, found the Viking guy, and said the words. He collapsed in the hallway, but it didn't quite work as I'd intended it to--he could still move his arms, and the pain didn't incapacitate him, it just made him really pissed. Whoops! I tried to get past him because the other wizard was in the room behind him and I had to get him too, but he managed to grab my pants and tried very hard to knife me, except I managed to frantically pull away, and the pants tore (sorry, guys, just the leg) and I got past him.
So I said the words to the creepy guy in the room beyond that, but he was more powerful than the Viking guy, and he could still move. Again, it pissed him off more than anything. So I was like "shit shit shit" and tried to escape out of a window, my wonderful plan to kill the wizards and free the slaves a grand failure, except he nailed me with some evil spell on my way out. Also, it turns out the window actually led to a cliff overlooking the water! So I fell into the water and died, sort of, except the spell was a curse that kept me half-alive and stuck in place. So I was at the bottom of this bay for a few decades until I managed to escape the restraining part of the spell and swim back up to the island.
The island was mostly deserted by this point--the wizards were gone, I assumed because I fucked them up, and so were the slaves. I wandered around for a while and found a little house, so I went in and looked around for a while. Then someone was coming, so I hid on top of some furniture, and the person I heard came into the room.
It was this little gnome guy, except he reminded me more of a miniature Buddha than a gnome. His skin was pale gray, and he had this axe, silver and very big and very sharp. He knew I was there, so I came down, and we sat down and talked for a while. He was pretty nice to me even though I was some bizarre half-rotted undead creature by that point. I was like, uh, I probably shouldn't be here, because these evil wizard guys are after me, and I don't wanna get you in trouble. He said, oh yeah, one of them came to the island last week and murdered all the former slaves. He mentioned you and said he was gonna come back for you on his next trip to cause you an eternity of suffering. Naturally, I was a bit put off by this, so I asked him what we should do, and he said, don't worry, I'm an executioner, and I can help you out!
So a week later, the creepy wizard comes by, and we set a trap for him and captured him and tied him up. The gnome gave me his axe, and I tried to decapitate the creepy guy. I hit him on the back of the neck and severed his spinal cord, but I couldn't get it all the way through, and the guy was still moving and trying to get up even with his head half off. So I was like 0_0 and kept hacking until he stopped moving, and his head was mostly off. I asked my gnome friend, so is that it, are we done? And he said, nah, you gotta destroy the brain and scatter the pieces, or his friend can perform a revivification ritual and bring him back. So I was like, er, okay, and I bashed his face in with the axe for a while until his head was mostly destroyed and there were bits of brain leaking out. I said, okay, is that good enough? And the gnome was like, ugh, give me that, so I handed him the axe, and he took what remained of the skull and diced it up into really little pieces. He handled that thing like you'd handle a kitchen knife to chop up a melon, and it went through the bone with no more difficulty than a knife going through melon rind.
So by this point the creepy wizard's head was in very small pieces, and the gnome said, okay, good, now we have to separate it so he can't be revived. Go to the kitchen and get some jars; they're in the third cupboard from the left over the stove. (He said left, but it was actually the third one from the right because apparently I cannot tell the difference between left and right.) I went into the kitchen and looked in the specified cupboard, but there weren't any matching jars with lids, so I looked in his pantry and grabbed a mostly empty thing of peanut butter and an empty jar of maple syrup (why it was in a little jar I couldn't tell you), rinsed them out, and went to bring them back to the gnome. But when I went through the other room to go out to where the gnome was, I found that the Viking wizard had shown up and was between me and the gnome, and boy was he pissed that I'd just chopped his friend up into little pieces!
And then I woke up. It was more surreal than scary, actually--I don't really get scared by dreams.
