Dragon Custodis, chapters 1 and 2

[blakependragon]

Updated chapter 1. Have added a page to slow down flow it's a work in progress.

Spoiler: Chapter 1

Just another day

The sun’s light pierced through the window. It slid past the white curtains and landed on a face. Tavon decided it was too early to get up. Once he did, it only meant another day in Perdale. It was a very boring village. In part because it was small, a population of about fifty, not including the children. Life had become all too predictable. Tavon knew where anyone in the village was at any given time. To make things worse, they received almost no outside visitors. Squinting his blue eyes he rolled over to escape the light. He could hear his mother bustling about the house, humming happily to herself. Enjoying the simple tune, he started to drift off.
“Good morning, lazy boy!” his mother said cheerfully. Sally was accustomed to waking him, knowing he would sleep until midday if allowed.
Tavon groaned, but didn't move. “Not from my view,” he mumbled.
Sally was undeterred. Sleeping in was time that could be put to much better use. There were also chores to tend to. She walked over to his bed. “You had better get up if you want breakfast, young man.”
“That's fine, I'll eat lunch when I get up.” Tavon put his pillow over his head, a futile attempt to drown out his mother.
Placing her hand on her hips, Sally glared at him. This was going to be more difficult then she thought. Though it wasn't completely unexpected. Over the last few weeks he had grown especially bored with his simple life. That's why he was spending more time near the caves. With a sigh, she gently nudged Tavon's shoulder. Reluctantly accepting the soft gesture, he sat up and wearily rubbed his eyes. Sally turned and walked out, still humming.
Half asleep, Tavon stumbled over to his dresser. It was old, and the drawers no longer wanted to slide. He gave it a hard tug to free the drawer. Inside were several shirts and pants, unfolded and knotted together. Tavon worked through them, trying to untangle a pair. After choosing, he dropped the rest back in. Tavon closed the drawer, and grimaced as it ground on the metal guides. He slipped out of his pajamas and into the new clothes.
He made his way into the kitchen, it was small, with little counter space. A table stood in the center, with three chairs nestled against it. Sally was sitting in one of the chairs, nibbling on a plate of eggs and sipping coffee. She looked up and smiled. Tavon slid out the chair across from her. The plate she had prepared for him had eggs and bread, same as always. Tavon let out an in-audible sigh. Considering the circumstances, he knew he should be glad to have anything. Yet, being happy to have eggs wouldn't change their flavor, or give it any for that matter.
Sally studied his face, noting his eyes had glazed over. “What’s on your mind?”
Tavon blinked, then almost smiled, she could always tell when something was wrong. “I just get tired of the same thing day after day after day.”
“Well, next time I’ll fix sausages.”
Setting his fork down, Tavon leaned back in his chair. “Not the food, mother, the work. Every day I go fishing and hunting. I cut wood and haul wood. It gets so boring.”
Sally folded her arms, slightly irritated. “Ah, I see. Is that why you decided to play yesterday? Because you grew bored of your work?” She lifted an eyebrow questioningly.
“No! I- I was exploring. Besides, I’m sixteen, I don’t play.”
“Mmm. Well, you certainly don’t work. Not if you can help it. That’s how I’m known you know, Sally, the woman with a non-working son.” The half-joke left Tavon looking at the floor. Sally calmed herself, he was after all, still a child. “So why don’t you go to school, work for a while, then you can play, or explore to you heart’s content.”
Sally took a sip of coffee, anticipating his response. When there was none, she focused on the strange word he had used; explore. There was nothing to explore. The village was surrounded by a forest, which in turn was inside of a mountain range. He had long since learned every inch of the forest. That was the only place the younger ones were allowed to go.
Her blue eyes locked on her son again. “Just where did you explore, Tavon? Did you go up to the mountains?”
By the time she finished the sentence, Tavon was halfway out the door. “Sorry mother, time is wasting. I’ll see you afterward,” he yelled over his shoulder.
“Tavon, be back by evening! It’s nearing the middle of the month and hoarfrost will be coming.” The door slammed and Sally slowly shook her head. That boy, she thought. She wasn’t able to keep an eye on him by herself. Glancing at his plate she saw he hadn’t even finished his food.

******

Once Tavon arrived at the school he allowed himself to breathe. That had been close with his mother. If he wasn’t careful she would catch him, putting an end to his mountain travels.
He walked down a small hallway in the learning house. The school was two doors in, on the right hand side. School was describing it loosely. It was simply a square room in the learning house. Two windows on the east side, were the most interesting thing in it. Tavon took a seat on the floor, wondering if anything interesting would ever be taught in the learning house. The huge house was only for schooling and teaching skills. The men and women there instructed the children. They taught the children how to fish, hunt, cook, survive and so forth. It was all such simple things that Tavon already knew.
Ms. Bei walked in smiling. “How is everyone today?” she asked sincerely. She was a tall woman, in her fifties, with wrinkles showing her years. There was no fat on her, which gave the appearance of a walking skeleton. She walked to the front of the room and started the lesson.
Tavon tried to focus on her words. He tried like so many other times, but couldn’t concentrate. Their teacher, while nice, was amazing boring. She went on and on about nothing. She wore a simple brown dress. Her hair was always braided. He began to wonder if she was naturally boring. He chuckled quietly, no one could be that boring naturally. Perhaps she went to school to learn how to be boring, he thought. That would make sense. He could imagine the adults doing something like that. Smiling at the idea, he pictured a room full of dull teachers-in-training, taking notes on the most effective methods of boringness.
“Do you know the answer? Tavon, is something amusing?” Ms. Bei walked over to Tavon and snapped her fingers.
Tavon's thoughts scattered. Forget the answer, he didn't even know the question. “I’m sorry. What did you say Ms. Bei?”
“Class is dismissed. Except you Tavon.” She politely waited for everyone to leave. “How do you do it? You weren’t paying attention the entire session. Didn’t hear a word I said. You completely tuned me out. How do you do it?”
Tavon shrugged, he knew the lesson already. If she had just repeated the question he wouldn't have to explain himself. “I don’t mean to. It just… happens. I do know most of it anyway.”
“You do? Good.” Ms. Bei lifted her eyebrows expectantly. “Then would you mind telling me something about dragons?”
It was an easy question, but Tavon decided to humor her. “Well, they live in caves. They have a communication similar to ours. There are different types; Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire, Diamond, and Alexandrite. The different types have their own color and unique qualities. The types were named after gems--”
Ms. Bei put up her hand. “I’ll stop you there. I chose a bad subject. You have too much an interest in dragons.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “However, the gems were named after dragons, not the other way around. Dragons were around long before miners discovered gems. As you know, Diamond dragons have the strongest, hardest scales. So when diamonds were discovered, it was decided to name them after the Diamond dragon because of their indestructibleness. The others don’t appear to make as much sense. I guess after the obvious one they just named the other gems randomly.”
Tavon nodded, feeling a little foolish.
Ms. Bei continued, “also, there is no proof that their communication abilities are like ours. Few men have seen, let alone known a dragon in decades.” Gathering her paperwork, she picked up a folder. “I’ll let you go now Tavon. I have other things to do and I am sure you do as well.”
Tavon watched Ms. Bei leave. She, like most others, viewed dragons as a myth. Or they were secluded, unintelligent beasts. If only he could see one. Tavon shook his head, clearing his mind. Out of habit, he picked up his Axe and made his way into the forest. Easily navigating his way through the maze of trees, he didn’t even glance at the markers set out for the children. After walking for a full mile he finally spotted the other woodsmen.
Timothy, one of the woodsmen, looked over at his arrival. “Where have you been Tavon? There is plenty of work for you to do. We’ve already got two trees cut. Go on now, don’t dawdle.”
Tavon took his axe and started chopping the fallen trees into sections. Only the more experienced woodsmen cut down the massive trees. He had been doing this for years and wondered how much longer he would be treated as a child.
“So why can’t I start cutting the trees?” Tavon said, pausing from his work.
“You are cutting. Well, you were at least.” Jaylor said, not slowing from his work.
“I meant cutting them down,” Tavon rolled his eyes. “Why am I still treated like a child?”
Jaylor chuckled. “As far as I’m concerned you are still a child, especially when you complain like that. But, if you’d like a reason other than that, I can give you one. If you were to cut one down, you’d more than likely end up having it fall on you.”
The rolling laughter of the other men enraged Tavon. “If you’re so good then you can cut my share too!” Tavon yelled, throwing his axe down.
Ignoring the complaints from the men, he went deeper into the forest. He walked east to the mountains, where he could explore the deep caverns and enjoy the treasures he found. After an hour he reached the base of the mountainside. He walked north, looking for one of his trails. They weren’t dug out enough to make it easier, but were the best routes. Following the dirt path, he weaved left and right up the mountain. Sweat was running down his back and face from the exertion. Sitting down on a rock he unstrapped the canteen from his waist. Tavon unscrewed the cap only to find it empty. He sighed at his forgetfulness. Maybe they were right, he thought. Maybe he was just a child with foolish dreams. Everyone seemed to think so. That’s not what his mother said, but if he worked hard and applied himself he could do anything. Tavon dismissed the impossible thought. That was one of many things mothers say to encourage their children. Nonetheless, he felt better thinking of her words.
His parched throat reminded him of the need for water, and dispersed any lingering thoughts. Looking around from his high perch, he saw a pond nearby that would do just fine.
Tavon carefully worked his way down. It was steep and a false step could lead to broken bones. Once at the bottom he easily found the pond. It was unfrozen. Sitting down he filled his canteen. After he satisfied his thirst Tavon realized how quiet it was. In the village there was noise all day. Whether it be from the children, workers, or the animals. Enjoying the time alone he decided to lean against a tree and close his eyes.
A chirping robin woke Tavon up. The sun was nearly down. Looking towards the village he stood up. He was in enough trouble as it was, without getting back after sunset with hoarfrost so near.
Still, he knew exactly when it would come; in two days. He hadn't even gone deep into the mountains yet. It was a wasted trip if he was unable to recover any treasures. Especially with the trouble he would be in for skipping his duties. Indecision flashed through his mind. The slightest flash, before a smile played on his lips. They didn't know of his treasures. They already thought he was irresponsible. Why prove them wrong?
Tavon re-traced his steps up the mountain, looking for a cave that was easy to reach. The caves held most of the great treasures, buried just below the surface. Tavon entered one and began his search. A glint in the dimming sunlight caught his eye. He bent down and used a small spade from his pack to dig the object out. It proved to be two treasures in the same spot. Tavon worked carefully to free them without damage. He picked up the old objects, placed them in his pack, then set for the entrance. He thought it was a shame he wasn't able to share his ancient treasures with anyone else. There were many that thought the old things brought nothing but trouble. That the old things lead to the destruction of the people that used them.
As he walked along, Tavon took out one of the objects and studied it. He couldn't see how it could cause any harm. It was thin, long and oval. He could see through it and it seemed to have pieces inside, as a house would. There was a cover, when pulled off, revealed a tip. The tip left a black substance on his hand, similar to writing ink. There were many objects he could only guess at. This one however, Tavon was sure it was used instead of a quill.
A shiver ran down his back. He zipped up his jacket, and for once he was grateful of his mother's pestering. It was mid February and she always made sure he had a jacket.
Once again he examined a treasue. A thin metal frame held two pieces of glass parallel. This treasure he couldn't figure out. Glass is meant to be looked through. Yet when he held it so he could see through it, it only made him dizzy. With the glass in their positions, and the metal frame curving backwards, it appeared to be worn on ones' face. Tavon didn't understand who would want to be dizzy.
A warm summer breeze rushed through his brown hair, stopping his thoughts instantly. The heat at this time was unexpected. Tavon waited for another gust, hoping it wouldn't confirm his fears. It came from the north. There was no mistaking the warmth in it.
“No, it can't--” Tavon's breath caught in his chest. His mind was just as frozen.
Another gust swept over him, as he forced himself to think. There was no doubt what that meant. There were still two days before hoarfrost. It never changed, the 15th of every month. And it had been perfectly predictable, until now. A warm north wind came minutes before hoarfrost.
Not even thinking he stuffed the treasures in his pack, then stopped. There wouldn't be time to get back home. Tavon desperately searched for an answer. Standing out in the open wouldn't do any good. Not enough time to go home. Everything above a few feet would freeze. Such was the cold of hoarfrost, properly named. His thoughts wandered to the caves. Hoarfrost came straight down. If he could find a cave that went deep enough, the cold may not reach him. Snatching his pack Tavon ran. He ran for his life.

Spoiler: Chapter 2

New friends


I'm going to die. Tavon fought back tears, scrambling to reach the cave he left minutes ago. Heart pounding, he couldn't even hear the trees cracking from hoarfrost. He knew even if reached in time, the cave might not protect him.

He was moving too fast, not using caution. One rock slid under his foot. It caused a chain reaction, sending Tavon tumbling down. When he stopped rolling, Tavon looked up to see the trees freezing. With no other choice, he covered his head with his arms.

As the air turned icy, his hands went numb. Then something surrounded him, shielding him from the frost. Within seconds hoarfrost was gone. The air returned to its previous temperature.

Opening his eyes, Tavon looked up to see his shield withdrawing. It was a wing. An eight foot long wing. Tavon jumped back, and yelled in surprise.

“AHHH!” the dragon yelled. Then it stepped back, and tripped on its tail.

“Wait! Calm down. I didn't mean to scare you. You scared me.”

The dragon was smaller than Tavon expected. It was a brilliant color of green. It pulled its wings in and stood on four legs. “Sorry little human. I was trying to protect you from hoarfrost.”

“Does it not freeze you?”

The dragon shook his wing, sending ice to the ground. “Our scales can handle...” He stopped suddenly as if remembering something.

Tavon stepped forward. “Are you okay?”

“I'm not supposed to talk to humans.” The dragon said.

“But, you're talking to me right now.”

“No I'm not!”

“Yes you are! Words are being exchanged that means we 're talking,” Tavon exclaimed.

“Well, I'm not going to anymore.”

“Why?” Tavon took a breath, deciding what to say next. “My name is Tavon. Thank you for your kindness.”

The dragon looked over. “My name is Eprio. You're welcome. What where you doing so far away from one of your cities?”

“Gathering relics. I know, it was foolish of me. But hoarfrost was two days early.”

“Yeah, weird huh?”

“You talk just like us,” Tavon said excitedly. “That means I was right!”

“Now that we have spoken I don't understand why I am not allowed to talk to humans.” Eprio looked Tavon up and down. “You're so small you wouldn't even be a threat.”

“Threat... hoarfrost, I need to get home!” Tavon suddenly realized the sun was setting. “I am going to be in so much trouble for getting back late.”

“I could help you,” Eprio said, kneeling down. “Climb on my back. I'll have you home in no time.”

Tavon hesitated, torn between fear and excitement. Eprio was not much taller, but his great dragon muscles flexed with every move. Dismissing his thoughts of fear, Tavon accepted the invitation. He settled himself on Eprio's back, a leg around either side of the dragon's neck.

Eprio shifted his weight. “You'll have to tell me where I'm going. I have never gone very far into the valley.”

“My village is in the lowest area. Just over there,” Tavon pointed. Air rushed across Tavon's skin as Eprio took flight. “How fast can you go?”

“The Diamonds are slowest. They can fly as fast as one of your swift horses. Us Emeralds are the fastest. We are about three times Diamonds in the open.”

Tavon tightened his grip around Eprio's neck. Within minutes they arrived at the village.

Eprio was looking at all the human things. “It looks deserted, but this stuff is cool.”

“Everyone must be in their houses because of hoarfrost. My mom has to meet you. She'll never believe me otherwise.”

“I'm don't think I should.”

Tavon was already running to his house. “Don't worry. It'll just take a minute.”

Eprio followed, nervously looking around. Every house looked identical to him. Voices could be heard from some houses, while others were quiet. Light was glowing through the window at the house Tavon stopped at.

“You're too big to come inside, so wait here.”

Tavon opened the door and stepped inside. He saw his mother sitting in a chair. She was crying. Tavon gently closed the door.

At the sound, Tallie looked up. “Tavon!” Rushing over to him, she embraced him. “You didn't come back. I thought hoarfrost had claimed you!” she said, still trembling.

“I'm sorry, mom. It came so fast, I didn't have time to make it back from the mountains.”

The mountains. Tallie stiffened. “How in the world did you survive?”

Tavon smiled. “A dragon saved me.”

“No tall tales Tavon. How could a dragon save you?” she chided.

“He's outside if you want to meet him.”

Letting her son lead her, she couldn't believe her eyes. Outside of her house stood a dragon. It was a foot or two taller than a man. The length of the dragon was at least twice its height, not including the tail. It had a stick in its claws, drawing in the ground.

“It saved you?”

“Yes, mother. His name is Eprio. Eprio, this is my mom, Tallie.”

Dropping his stick, Eprio smiled at her.

“Then I am in your debt, great dragon. It's a miracle you were there to save him.”

“I wouldn't say that. I knew hoarfrost was coming, so I was staying close to the mountains.”

“Well, we all knew hoarfrost was coming,” Tallie said.

“No, I mean I knew it would come today.”

Tallie stared at him in disbelief. “It was two days early. How could you have known?”

“We can feel it coming, about a day in advance.”

“Wait, if this isn't the last time it is unpredictable, maybe dragons could help us,” Tavon said.

Eprio's eyes darted to the side. “Maybe I shouldn't have said that.”

“It wouldn't require much from you. If we could just be warned when it's coming, everyone can be saved,” Tavon said.

“I-I can't feel it very well yet. And the older dragons won't be so keen on the idea. Remember when I told you I wasn't supposed to talk to humans?” Eprio anxiously stepped back. “Yeah, they are somehow afraid of you guys.”

Tavon wasn't ready to admit defeat. “Can you talk to them for us? We're not a match for dragons. You have nothing to be afraid of.”

Eprio sighed. “I'll ask them.”

Flapping his wings, Eprio disappeared into the sky.

Tallie took her son in her arms again. “Come inside, dear. I'll make you some dinner.”

Tavon ate, but his mind wasn't on the food. He thought about Eprio. He wondered if hoarfrost would forever be unpredictable. That in turn led to more questions. If the dragons refused to help, no one could safely leave the village. Hoarfrost could come at any moment. The only warning is a warm north wind, minutes before it strikes.

Finished with his food, he decided sleep would be a good idea. The next morning, Tavon was eager to get up. He ran out, looking to the sky. No dragons. Quietly laughing at himself, he went back inside.

His mother greeted him with a loving hug. “I've told the village about Eprio. Of course they all want to meet him.”

“I hope he comes back. What are we going to do about hoarfrost?”

“Right now? Nothing. We will go on with our lives. There is no sense in worrying about something we can't control.”

Tavon followed his mother's advice. He went about his daily chores. By midday he was bringing a bundle of cut wood home, when a giant shadow appeared over him. He didn't want to look up, afraid it would be a trick of his eyes. A gust of wind hit Tavon. No, it wasn't wind. He looked up to see Eprio landing.

“I never thought you would be back so soon!”

“Like I said, I can fly fast,” Eprio said with a grin.

“So what did they say?”

“It's too large of a decision for one race. They have called a gathering of the dragons.”

Tavon was fidgeting with excitement. “You mean all the dragons will be in one spot?”

“No, the gathering is the elders. There are two from each race, a male and a female. When an elder dies, a new one is chosen. They represent our kind for large decisions. The Emeralds have agreed to let you go as a representative.”

“OK, wait, what?”

“I'll fly you there,” Eprio said.

“Where is there? And I'll need to ask my mom.”

“The Rubies' caves. They are north of your city Amaranth, and south of Lokihet. If you don't go, the elders will take it as an act of disrespect. They would refuse to help.”

Tavon realized he was still holding the bundle of wood. “I'm going to take this wood home, and talk to my mom. She has to let me go.”

Eprio simply shrugged. He found a wagon wheel and was rolling it as Tavon left. While walking, Tavon decided what to say to his mother. When he reached his house he had a speech prepared. He went in to find Tallie's chair empty. Tavon went through the rooms but she wasn't home. Then he remembered he was never back this early. His mom must still be doing her errands.

Tavon opened the door to leave and jumped in surprise. Eprio was waiting outside.

“Is she going to let you go?”

Tavon started to reply then stopped. If he didn't go, there was no hope against hoarfrost. Not to mention, the dragons would probably never talk to humans again.

“She said it was a great idea.”

“Alright, let's go.”

Tavon took his seat on Eprio's back. He didn't think about what his mom would say. He didn't even think to leave a letter for her. All of his attention was focused on the sensation of soaring hundreds of feet above land. Everything could be seen. The village he had spent his entire life in became a speck in the distance. A river winded around the mountains. Eventually, even the mountains disappeared. They flew over a city, Tavon guessed to be Amaranth. Forests and rivers appeared, then were gone again.

“Those are the caves,” Eprio said, slowing down. “Normally, only the elders attend. It's a great privilege for both of us. Don't talk unless they ask you something.”

Eprio landed and Tavon got down. They walked into the first cavern. The dragon elders were already there. The Diamonds had long, pointed horns. The Rubies were a dark, blood color, red. Sapphires, a light blue, had what looked like fins going back from their heads. Alexandrites were purple, with spikes on their elbows and knees.

Tavon gazed in admiration at the giant creatures. “They're huge!” he whispered hoarsely.

Eprio smiled, revealing rows of razor-sharp teeth. “Yes, even to me. The Diamonds can be 40 feet tall and 60 feet long. A gathering like this is very rare.” Eprio looked around, and noticed the subtle hints from the other dragons. “Best be silent, they are starting.”

Drake, one of the Diamond dragons spoke. “It is one short.”

“The Moonstones were informed,” Erex, an Emerald, said.

“What is a moonstone?” Tavon wondered out loud.

Drake's great head turned to glare at Tavon, who almost took an involuntarily step back. After what seemed like an eternity, the dragon turned back to address the others. “You know what we have been called for. We have seen the past human potential. Now they ask help.”

“You can not hold these responsible for the actions of their kin,” Rejenda, said defensively.

The other Diamond, Drothea, turned to the Ruby. “No? We hid in caves, once every time for over 300 years.”

“The humans have suffered greater then us,” Rozenn said, digging his talons into the soil.

“They are excused because of which?” Drothea asked calmly.

Rajenda's tail twitched, drawing Tavon's attention to the spikes on the end. “Those passed can not answer for their errors.”

Drake spoke again. ”Not here for arguing.” As his voice grew louder the caves trembled. “Diamonds will it not. Sapphires, your choice?”

Lifting his forearm, Sabri nodded. “The humans need guidance. We want to help.”

“Emeralds?” Drake asked.

Escia scowled. “The humans, when they refused our guidance, destroyed the land. We wish not to help.”

Turning again, Drake asked, “Rubies?”

Rozenn lifted his head proudly. “We desire to assist these humans.”

“Alexandrites, deciding?”

Alistaire smiled. “We like the humans. They are very resilient.”

“Settled.” The great Diamond set his gaze on Tavon. “What will humans give in turn?”

A lump appeared in Tavon's throat. “What?” He managed to squeak.

Eprio gently nudged him and whispered, “he wants to know what the humans will do for the dragons helping them.”

Drake remained emotionless. “A favor in turn requires a favor. Or have humans no virtue?”

Tavon wished he could disappear. He wished he could be doing anything besides speaking for the human race to a dragon that could bite a tree in half. Tavon swallowed before replying, “I'm sure they would be more than happy to give something in return. I just don't know what we could offer you.”

Drake nodded his approval. “Food.” Tavon's eyes went big, causing a low chuckle from the dragon. “Explained, not enough creatures survive hoarfrost. Dragons hunt and search. Humans protect their animals to eat later. In turn, humans offer dragons those.”

Nearly falling over with relief, Tavon smiled. “Our village would gladly give you some of our livestock.”

“Would we not help all humans?” After a pause Drake continued. “All human cities must agree. Return with their answer.”

“All? How am I supposed to even reach all of our villages? It would take months to reach those on this continent alone!”

“You refuse?”

“No, of course not! For all the time it took, what good would it do? Hoarfrost would keep coming. People and animals would keep dying.”

“No concern of ours. This is what your kind have made.” Drake seemed annoyed, though it was hard for Tavon to be sure.

“I could take him.” Eprio sustained glares of disapproval from the Emeralds. “I have already brought him from his village. He is funny and good company.”

Drake was reluctant to speak. “Very well. Concluded.”

No more words or explanation were given. The dragons flew away in their pairs by color. Tavon watched them in awe. The sunlight reflected on their scales. He couldn't believe a day ago dragons were little more than a myth.

“Those Diamonds are hard to understand,” Tavon said.

Eprio extended his forearm for Tavon. “They speak the old language. They seem to think fewer words are better. Are you all set?”

“I'm ready. I just hope I don't fall off,” Tavon replied.

“You did fine on the way here. Hold onto the ridges on my neck if it helps.” A swift flapping of his wings sent them into the sky.

“Eprio, what were the elders talking about? Hiding in caves for 300 years?”

“They were talking about hoarfrost.”

“You mean it hasn't always been around?”

“The older ones tell stories of a time before hoarfrost. Over 300 years ago it didn't exist. I'm only 45, so of course I don't remember.”

“Young at 45? Then how old are the others?”

“Dragons can live to be 400 years old. Some more, depending on their race.”

“Then what about who was to blame?”

Eprio slowed in his flight, as if thinking. “I think that's why they are afraid of humans.”

 

[Jking]

thats pretty good

 

[blakependragon]

Hello, I have been working on this for the last 2 weeks. I have finished chapter 1, and added chapter 2 to the original post. Already started on chapter 3.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

Just gonna go through and make some quick edits~

He could hear his mother bustling about the house, humming happily to herself. The tune flowing into him, he started to fall asleep.

"The tune flowing into him" sounds weird and unnatural. Try something like "Enjoying the simple tune, he began to fall sleep" or "Savoring the tune...", something with simpler wording.

“No! I- I was exploring. Besides, I’m sixteen. I don’t play.”

Here I just swapped the comma after "sixteen" for a period, just sounds more natural.

He went in and took a seat on the floor. The school was simply a square room in the learning house. Tavon didn’t like the school. For that matter he didn’t like the learning house. It was his second home of sorts, but a boring place. The huge house was only for schooling and teaching skills. The men and women there instructed the children. They taught the children how to fish, hunt, cook, survive and so forth. It was all such simple things that bored Tavon by thinking about it.

You have a few sentences here that could be merged together. Here are just a few small edits I did.
"Tavon didn't like the school, and for that matter he didn't like the learning house."
"The men and women there instructed the children, and taught them how to fish, hunt, cook, survive and so forth."

Their teacher, while nice, Tavon found amazingly dull.

Try something like "Tavon found their teacher, while nice, amazing dull."

Nice oxymoron. :thumb:

It's not a bad story by any means, but you should practice making the writing smoother and try some more advanced wording. It's pretty basic right now, and I think you have the capability. It just takes practice.

A few other things: Tavon and Tallie seem to be too similar names to be mother and son. They sound like something you'd name twins. Families don't tend to do this, and sometimes it's a bit tough to distinguish between the two.

Don't forget to use italics to indicate emphasis. Something like this: "He decided no one could be that boring naturally."

 

[Surmuck]

Plot feels very rushed. Within the first three paragraphs or so I felt as if you had pushed more on to me than I had ever expected in such a short time. Learn how to properly spread out a plot, and distribute knowledge about your characters and I'll give this another go.
Take note as you read novels, as well.

 

[blakependragon]

First, thanks for the replies muchos appreciated.

Thanks for the thoughts Dadevster, and I'm glad you mentioned combining those sentences, I usually have a problem with run-on sentences.
By advanced wording are you refering to complicated, long words? Or words like enigma, rather than mystery?

Surmuck; rushed? You mean the first chapter? Where all that happens is the hero gets up, eats, and I describe 2 things about what he looks like?
Um... sorry, but I think we're reading two different things. As far as chapter 1 there is almost no plot, just one or two nibbles of information. Curious what couldn't you take in all at once?

 

[dadevvtsvre]

You could always use a thesaurus to change up the wording a bit. Your sentence structure is a bit simple, but you can't really change it up without seeing some examples. Read some novels with creative styles. (I find reading classic novels really helps with this) This will help you to develop your own unique style and mix some other ones together.

 

[blakependragon]

yes, i haven't read a good novel in 2 years... i'm starting on one tonight, hope the writer is good.
but, i do use theasaurus a lot. not for every word of course, but to prevent using the same words, and to get the right word that conveys the correct feel. example; "sun’s light pierced" lesser wording would be "the sun came through the window"
maybe i need to do this more consistantly?

though, possibly less went into the first chapter, as that was started before. i'd like to think my 2nd and 3rd chapters are better

 

[Surmuck]

Okay, I will admit. Plot may have been the wrong word to describe what I meant. That's my fault, and I'm sorry.

What you do incessantly do is force, and very awkwardly, details that sound as if they could potentially relate to the plot. There is very little fluidity to how you present what is happening, and it seems that various tangents into individual topics throughout the story are very random, and semi-irrititating where it seems you could have more effectively tied them in.

Also, dialogue? Please. Re-read it and tell me that is presented fluidly.

 

[Surmuck]

As an addendum, you haven't read a good novel in two years? You should be ashamed of yourself, to take writing without reading prior for so long. People lose the natural flow of good writing when they stop reading, thus it probably would have been a hundred times more wise to have read first, and wrote later. Take careful notes of good writing traits, and what makes the writing you read good and you will be more successful.

 

[blakependragon]

Ah, interesting (darn, twice in one day i've had to say that)
ok, that helps i need to work on my flow. i know i have the main points in my head and tend to want to jump straight to them, but i have to put in fillers, fillers are my problem. maybe i yet need more fillers. :
edit: ok, that's the problem, i still don't have enough descriptive, things not really happening in there,

ok, dialogue, was the flow ok in chapter 1? i'll assume you're refering to chapter 2 when the dragons are talking. they talk different, they almost have their own language. modern, proper english has nothing to do with it. i do have traits set out for each dragon race, the Diamonds for example use as few words as possible to get the point across. the Emeralds, used to spend time around humans, and picked up on our way of speaking.

 

[Surmuck]

No I was referring to all of it. Very forced. Very undefined style.