I think it looks cute. I like the maps, the music, and it sets up a certain atmosphere. There's a simplicity to it, so you really feel it being told from Nathan's point of view -- and that is not a trivial thing to have accomplished. It's got a sad but hopeful theme.
Still, there are some things about the story that I think don't make sense.
- If he's never gotten a present in the past, why would he have any reason to believe there's any chance he'd get a present this year? I'm sure he would wish for a present, but I would expect him to argue vehemently against anyone who suggested it might be an actual possibility. No present for him is just a fact of life. So I don't buy that he's "waiting for it," unless 13 is explicitly special somehow.
- The present at the end doesn't make any sense for a 13-year-old boy. I was expecting a fancy bike or something. It doesn't come across as "the empty present" if that is what it's supposed to be, because of his conclusion. Plus, I can't imagine a mother giving that to a boy, unless she is clinically crazy (eg. schizophrenic). What does she expect the boy to do with it? (If you want to make her schizophrenic, that would be perfectly fine, but you'd want to show a lot more behaviors that tell the player that there is something terribly wrong with her.)
- Does the mother believe a costly present at the end is supposed to make up for years of no presents? (Are we supposed to believe that she does? It's not clear.) 13 years would be a long time for an adult, and for a kid, it might as well be 100. Kids live in the moment. If a young kid has a sibling and a Jan 1st birthday, and the sibling gets a Christmas present and they don't, they are going to be very upset regardless of whether they get presents on Jan 1st or not, unless they are extremely unusual psychologically. By 13 they could be a little more mature, but that's still a lot of years of being upset, especially when they are very young and haven't had enough birthdays to understand they always get presents then. Remember that part of it is just the *concept* of getting a gift, and getting it when somebody else is, expensive or not. (Kids are also not as good at intuitively understanding the monetary value of things. It's valueable to them if they are going to use it, whether the parent spent $5 or $50.) I think most kids in such a situation would be a lot happier getting $10 worth of gifts on Christmas and $10 worth on their January birthday than $0 and $20 respectively. I mean, the parent wouldn't have to tell them it's divided up that way, either, though they'll probably catch on (and accept) as they get older.
- Are you trying to imply that the mother actually cares about Nathan? Getting a present for Paul every year and *nothing* for Nathan is either out-of-touch-with-reality or just plain malice. Even the out-of-touch-with-reality possibility would make more sense if the mother got Nathan a present every year, but something that's broken or worthless to him. (Then she can make herself feel OK by telling herself that she's trying.) Favoritism without malice might be getting him a present, it's just that Paul's is always better. With no presents, you don't expect her to say, as if embarrassed, "Oh uh, for you, next year," you expect "What are you looking at you little runt?? You don't deserve a present!"
- Why hasn't Nathan gotten a present for 12 years when Paul is only 10?
If you're going for a happy ending where the mother cares, I think a more logical way to bring that about would be that Nathan almost dies or something, something very serious that causes her to appreciate him when she didn't all those years. Also, make sure you show the behavior that makes him an outcast. When you expand it, I'd like to see scene showing what happened with Cecille (both good times with her friendship, and the tragic accident), rather than telling it with words.
