Divinity Soul - [Founding Productions]

[Copywright]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsA5rLQwlkI

Storyline

Zach Roarke was in love with life. As freshman in high school, he had everything a teen could dream of. Popularity, material things, love interests, and fun hobbies. Everyone loved him. His sister on the other hand, Neariah Roarke was considered to be a crazy gullible person. She always told Zach of what was the "Big Deceiving Theory". Little pieces of information a day, and Zach would attentively listen. Until one day, she decided packed up and left without giving reason. Zach, crushed by seeing her leave, could no longer be the same life-loving kid. As he went to church, he eavesdropped on his priest praying to an unknown entity. During the priest’s prayer, he said something that forever changed his life. "I've finished with the weekly brainwashing"... A quote that would forever haunt Zach. As he tried to run, he fell to the floor like a brick, hitting himself again another priest's chest. As the priest laid two successful blows to the face, raising his fist for a final one, Neariah comes to his rescue. As they mount a narrow escape from the church in her car, he never returns to society. He becomes Zach Roarke, of the Soul Guardian Squadron from the "Avengers"… for a short time.

Characters

Zach Roarke

Age: 14
Weapon: Gunblade
Affinity: Electricity

Spoiler

Zach is a fourteen year old teen. He was once a lucky kid; he had everything he ever wanted. He was a very smart boy; he trained in Shotokan Karate, obtained a 3rd Degree Black belt and the nickname "Acefire"; he was an athletic, cool, promiscuous boy, most popular in his school. His life took a turn an unsuspected turn, when joining the Avengers. He was seemingly forced to join a squad lead by his sister, Neariah, and was forced to fight. It was either live in society, knowingly avoiding fate, or stay, knowing that this is what he had to do. Zach is a roaring extrovert, he loves to socialize and make friends. He hates being rejected, in anything.

Neariah Roarke

Spoiler

Age: 21
Weapon: Double Daggers
Affinity: Gale
Neariah's always been kicked and pushed throughout her life. Neariah was born premature. She was considered mentally challenged. She was a very shy and frail girl. From elementary school to high school, she has been physically and mentally tormented. Through it all, she's remained persistent. By her senior year, all of her signs of being mentally challenged mystically vanished. No doctor was able to find the solution. In her spare time, she found what she's been longing for...equality. She found the "Avengers". She's studied the "Big Deceiving" theory for four years, constantly informing Zach small pieces of information... just enough to keep him from getting too suspicious. Until the day she was ordered to leave. Neariah is a very strong person, which is rare in a female. She believes in structure and discipline above all. Neariah is also very loyal and affectionate to those closest to her. When comes down to it, Neariah will do what has to be done.

Benji Bidayah
ART PENDING!

Age: 21
Weapon: Double Blades
Affinity: Poison

Benji was once a troublesome and unlawful person. He was a notorious drug dealer, formally known as “Smoke”, since that’s all policemen would find when they would trail him. Until he went too far. One fateful night, he was dealing, and the customer didn’t pay. Rage in Benji’s eyes, he ran after him, and impaled him with a crowbar. After this, Benji looked down at the body, noticing that he really took a life. When the police came, he gave himself up, and spent 5 years in jail. When he got out, he found the Avengers in his search, and enrolled. He has neat and short-cut dreads and a small beard. Benji talks with a street accent, and he always chooses what he believes is best.

Spoiler

(Left=Debra, Right=Sarah)

Deborah Remington

Age: 21
Weapon: Lance
Affinity: Earth
Deborah, or as she prefers Debra, was raised in a family of strong Deceiver influence. Her mother was a politician and her father a notable priest. Debra loved both politics and her religion, and dreamt of becoming a combination of both. One day, she had a dream that proved to be life-changing. She dreamt of her mother and father, slaying civilians in a forest. Scarred by her dream, she investigated, by following her parents in secrecy. As it turned out, her dream was all too real. She ran away from home, and was found by a member of the Avengers, while begging in a city area. She was taken in, and immediately made a name for herself. She was known as the “Atomic Athlete”, excelling in all physical activity. She is a very social and smart person. She loves to work out and cook; she is a real thrill-seeker.

Sarah Remington

Age: 14
Weapon: Staff
Affinity: Mind

Sarah was always frail and sickly. She was always locked in her own social bubble, and only made connection with one person, Debra. She and Debra would have long discussion and have fun. Sarah often got into arguments with her parents, since her grades weren’t the best, despite her huge amount of knowledge. One night, after Debra’s departure, her parents were fuming with Sarah. They were throwing blows at Sarah, leaving many bruises. When they raised their hands about to give the final blow, Sarah’s subconscious started to control her. In the end, her parents were left dead, and Sarah ran off. Debra, hearing of this, ran off to find Sarah, and recruited her into the Avengers. She completely transformed into a happier and healthier girl. She is still very shy, but she loves to talk and do fun activities.

World

Divinity Soul takes place in a modern-day world. Two organizations are at war, unknown by society. The “Deceivers” and “Avengers’ are constantly on the battlefield, both looking to outdo each other. The Deceivers runs practically everything in society, while the Avengers own advanced technology and extraterrestrial areas. Neither of them knows much on each other, both have an ambition to find out.

ENCOUNTER SYSTEM
--Pre-emptive and surprise attacks based on using skills on them or getting used on
--Button-smashing 'Power Struggle'

CONVO SYSTEM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-UwbFGzhJI

LABYRHYTHM
--Exp used to buy Stat and Skill Advancements
--Custom Grid

RELATIONS SYSTEM
(Mind out of the gutter...)

--Chased when in 'Bad Blood'
--Aid in battle when in 'Allied'
--Pentagraph Statistic
--Choice of actions/words
--Choice affects personality choice

MINIGAMES
--Swordfighting --
-- FPS --
--Karate Training --
--Racing --
--Variety of Sports --
--Acting --

SAVE SYSTEM
--Save points -- walk into them, animation, press a button to enter save screen
--Safety Saves -- from menu, deleted upon load, return to beginning of area

MENU SYS
--Button on-map display
--Full Screen PDA
--Touch screen display, cellular like

 

[gRaViJa]

"Zach was an average fourteen year old kid. He took karate for 5 years and was a 3rd degree black belt in Shotokan"
Not so average in my opinion. Also, is he 14 years in the concept art? because he looks 24. I don't like super fighters who are only aged 14 or 15 either. Lastly his last name is strife and he has spikey hair... can it be any more obvious? Apart from that, i do like the character art. I just hope he is older than 14 years and i also hope you will change his last name.

 

[Copywright]

"Zach was an average fourteen year old kid. He took karate for 5 years and was a 3rd degree black belt in Shotokan"
Not so average in my opinion. Also, is he 14 years in the concept art? because he looks 24. I don't like super fighters who are only aged 14 or 15 either. Lastly his last name is strife and he has spikey hair... can it be any more obvious? Apart from that, i do like the character art. I just hope he is older than 14 years and i also hope you will change his last name.

He is indeed 14. Also, the artist who did the art for me, made him to muscular and tall. I like the art, but a more suitable version is to come. In the story, taking karate is mandatory for kids at his school. He isn't a super fighter either, he is capable, but far from super. If your a Fire Emblem fan, he is like Ike in terms of capability.

 

[gRaViJa]

Hmm, okay. Still a 14 year old isn't capable to whatever a main hero does in an rpg. I strongly advice to make him at least a few years older like 17/18 years. Also, are you planning chaning his surname? Using names from famous rpg characters is a big no.
(i'm not bashing you, you have some good stuff going on, but these are a few obvious misstakes i'm pointint out)

 

[Copywright]

Hmm, okay. Still a 14 year old isn't capable to whatever a main hero does in an rpg. I strongly advice to make him at least a few years older like 17/18 years. Also, are you planning chaning his surname? Using names from famous rpg characters is a big no.
(i'm not bashing you, you have some good stuff going on, but these are a few obvious misstakes i'm pointint out)

That'd require lots of editing, too late. Last name can go. Naruto was 13, that was a hit.

 

[GiveMeASpicy]

Naruto exists within a very fantasy-ish world that allows for ninjutsu, spells, summoning, etc. From what we have read, your world is pretty much exactly our world. Which brings me to a few of my points.

First, you seriously need to reorganize your first post. While its nice to see your own progress, the organizing by dates makes it very confusing to read and it looks really disorganized. Create clear, concise sections to put your information in, and I think a lot of more people will be receptive to responding.

On the same note, your chapter is a giant wall of text, and that not only seriously turns people off from reading it, but it becomes very difficult to read. Either reduce the size, or at least break it up into paragraphs so its easier to read.

As for your story, what exactly is it about? You haven't given us any background story on the overall plot, the world it takes place in, the organization that runs this 'church'. We know nothing about your world, how it works, or why its unique in any way from ours.

Gravija made the appropriate points about your character's name and age.

Hope this helps. Best of luck

 

[Copywright]

Naruto exists within a very fantasy-ish world that allows for ninjutsu, spells, summoning, etc. From what we have read, your world is pretty much exactly our world. Which brings me to a few of my points.

First, you seriously need to reorganize your first post. While its nice to see your own progress, the organizing by dates makes it very confusing to read and it looks really disorganized. Create clear, concise sections to put your information in, and I think a lot of more people will be receptive to responding.

On the same note, your chapter is a giant wall of text, and that not only seriously turns people off from reading it, but it becomes very difficult to read. Either reduce the size, or at least break it up into paragraphs so its easier to read.

As for your story, what exactly is it about? You haven't given us any background story on the overall plot, the world it takes place in, the organization that runs this 'church'. We know nothing about your world, how it works, or why its unique in any way from ours.

Gravija made the appropriate points about your character's name and age.

Hope this helps. Best of luck

Editions will be made. You also have to take into account that it's the first chapter, and that there's tons more.

 

[GiveMeASpicy]

While I realize that, it does bring up a question. Why are you releasing the chapters in text format? Isn't this supposed to be a game? Why are we going to play through the game if we can read the entire story in your first page?

You may be better off just posting the background info, and letting the players actually 'play' out the story through your releases.

 

[Copywright]

While I realize that, it does bring up a question. Why are you releasing the chapters in text format? Isn't this supposed to be a game? Why are we going to play through the game if we can read the entire story in your first page?

You may be better off just posting the background info, and letting the players actually 'play' out the story through your releases.

It's the first chapter. It's only to get a grasp of the story and just to get you excited.

 

[Copywright]

Huge Update. This project is far from dead.

 

[Copywright]

Any comments?