I worked on these two pieces in early '08 and never got a lot of response from them on the other sites I posted them on, so since there hasn't been a single new topic (or post..) in the writing forum today, I guess I'm going to share my own 
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This is how I originally wanted to start the whole thing, but I decided to just forget it and start with the characters beginnings themselves, instead of this short intro. Although there's really no reason to critique it, because I hadn't intended on using it, feel free to tell me if you think this would make a better beginning anyway.
***NOTE that the subject matter of my piece is not up for debate.
And my beginning of choice.
.This is how I originally wanted to start the whole thing, but I decided to just forget it and start with the characters beginnings themselves, instead of this short intro. Although there's really no reason to critique it, because I hadn't intended on using it, feel free to tell me if you think this would make a better beginning anyway.
***NOTE that the subject matter of my piece is not up for debate.
It’s a concept that very few people can really understand, and even less who believe. The thought that maybe, there is some sort of fate set for all of us – and that fate purposefully intertwines and clashes two destinies together to form a more fantastic and meaningful one for the two of them. If certain people in our very own, very factual, history had not met, the world as we know it today would be significantly altered. Does it not make perfect sense to think that maybe we are brought together with people for a reason?
Maybe this story, a story of people who just needed the right push, will convince you more firmly that I speak a truth.
-
Robert lay in bed one night, staring at the dull shadows cast by the street lamp outside. Besides the deep whirring of his computer, the only other presence in the room was that of silence. Robert was the type of person who perceived many things to be entirely futile, and sleep was one of them. This was one of those nights where the sands of slumber simply wouldn't fall.
On the other side of the country a girl sits under the heat of a bright lamp, drawing quietly on a piece of paper. Her strokes are gentle, but many small lines meet together to form something more profound then their individual parts; and from that blank sheet of paper a tree sprung to life. This girls name is Alis, and although she longs for sleep (unlike Robert) – the powerful adrenaline of inspiration is too invigorating. Not yet, she whispers to herself.
Another girl, in the very center of a busy city is not sleeping either. No, instead she strums the strings of a guitar – one that she’d stolen from an unaware homeless man on the street earlier that day. For this one, named Laura, music is an escape from a life she wished she hadn’t chosen to live – and even stealing is a reasonable method of fleeing from reality. Extremes don't exist for her, not anymore.
Our final character has a far different façade then his priors. Alex is a straight A student in college, and he sleeps soundly. Although, with all his many achievements – he finds himself unfulfilled in its entirety. Unlike the other characters in our tale, who would give anything to live the life he does, he wishes to live theirs. One where excitement is all around you, and your day is always different. He, he is very different.
This is the story of four people brought together by various twists of what I believe to be, a very intentional path. And no, not everything has to be a coincidence. Not everything.
Maybe this story, a story of people who just needed the right push, will convince you more firmly that I speak a truth.
-
Robert lay in bed one night, staring at the dull shadows cast by the street lamp outside. Besides the deep whirring of his computer, the only other presence in the room was that of silence. Robert was the type of person who perceived many things to be entirely futile, and sleep was one of them. This was one of those nights where the sands of slumber simply wouldn't fall.
On the other side of the country a girl sits under the heat of a bright lamp, drawing quietly on a piece of paper. Her strokes are gentle, but many small lines meet together to form something more profound then their individual parts; and from that blank sheet of paper a tree sprung to life. This girls name is Alis, and although she longs for sleep (unlike Robert) – the powerful adrenaline of inspiration is too invigorating. Not yet, she whispers to herself.
Another girl, in the very center of a busy city is not sleeping either. No, instead she strums the strings of a guitar – one that she’d stolen from an unaware homeless man on the street earlier that day. For this one, named Laura, music is an escape from a life she wished she hadn’t chosen to live – and even stealing is a reasonable method of fleeing from reality. Extremes don't exist for her, not anymore.
Our final character has a far different façade then his priors. Alex is a straight A student in college, and he sleeps soundly. Although, with all his many achievements – he finds himself unfulfilled in its entirety. Unlike the other characters in our tale, who would give anything to live the life he does, he wishes to live theirs. One where excitement is all around you, and your day is always different. He, he is very different.
This is the story of four people brought together by various twists of what I believe to be, a very intentional path. And no, not everything has to be a coincidence. Not everything.
And my beginning of choice.
Robert had planned it all perfectly, months and months of compiled information leading up to just this one morning. Although he was awake anyway, his alarm clock beeped it's shrill tone -blinking red in the darkness “1:00â€