[CODENAME] Pheonix *working title*

[Sandman53]

[CODENAME] Pheonix
*working title*

The story is still a work in progress, but I plan to tie in many political elements without making the story boring. I will also have many interesting twists, and suprises to keep the user entertained. I am not the best story writer, but I do enjoy writing. Note that the Prologue written here is subject to change as I flesh out the history of my world more and more. The characters fall under that "fleshing out" category as well.

Prologue:

Spoiler

The land of Agea is split into four different worlds, kingdoms that have existed for many years ruled by the elite. The kingdoms are known as Eventide, Biloxi, Salandier, and Cyrana. Just recently though the Eventide Kingdom has gone through a bit of unrest as its current emperor had just been assassinated and no one is to be held responsible. Until a suitable candidate can be found the counselor has been put in charge. The other kingdoms fear what the counselor may be up to and believe he plans to put someone in power that wants to gain more power. As such the other three kingdoms have started to amass armies and it has created high tension throughout the world. Some villages along the borders of kingdoms have even turned garrisons. Each kingdom now seems to fear what the other will do and everyone seems to be waiting.

Thomas and Marcus are identical twin brothers who had lost their parents at a fairly young age. They have since lived on the outskirts of a town called Cryswind in a cabin they had finished building only a few years ago. Since then they have been doing work for the local blacksmith and practicing their fighting abilities. One can't survive by not knowing how to use a weapon of some sort in this world. Marcus chose the spear while Thomas went after a large sword. Each brother has become quite proficient in their weapon skills and they have just been living day by day enjoying their quaint lives.

One day as Thomas went searching for the irresponsible Marcus and they both came upon a girl being threatened by two soldiers clad in white. Marcus thought it his duty to protect the girl and it seemed Thomas had no choice but to follow. The soldiers were from a, thought to be mythical, secret society called the Advent Order and said that the girl would lead to the destruction of the world if she did not cooperate with them. When Marcus refused to let them have her a battle ensued and the brothers came out victorious.

The girl told the brothers her name was Rosalina and explained how she found out she was the rightful heir to the Eventide Kingdom. She was told by a stranger in the shadows where to find the clues to her lineage. The brothers thought her story was impressive, or at least entertaining, and when she asked them for transportation to a nearby city they agreed since they needed to go to town anyways and pick up supplies.

All seemed to be going okay until the Advent Order captured them…

Characters:

Spoiler

Thomas
- Thomas over time had gained a logical personality. He prefers to find the best way to end a situation and has a cool temper. His goal has never been to make the world a better place, just better for him and those around him. He is ultimately good natured and loves to have fun whenever he can. He is also known for attempting to charm the ladies whenever he possible can, but it doesn't always go so well.
Class: Knight
Skill:

Marcus
- Marcus is the brother of Thomas, and the 2nd twin. Marcus is irrational and jumps at almost any chance to fight. He has no sense of responsibility and can get angered relatively easily. Known as a goofy person you can always expect to have a good time with Marcus, and at the same time expect some sarcastic remarks. Along with that Marcus does retain a certain sense of seriousness and when the need for action arrives Marcus heads into it full front in a very mature manner compared to his normal behavior.
Class: Lancer
Skill:

Rosalina
- Rosalina is s an orphan with a shady past that even she almost knows nothing about. A group called the Advent Order is out to capture her and all she wants to do is take what is rightfully hers. She is very manipulative and when something needs to get done she will tend to get someone else to do it for her. That pretty face all but helps her attain her goals, but there is a certain sweet quality she has to make even the gloomiest person grow a smile.
Class: Mage
Skill:

Eleyna
- Eleyna is a low-ranking soldier in the Advent Order. She had joined them when she ran away from home. She is a sweet girl that was thrust into armor and given a sword. She is quite light on her feet and loves to show off her new found skills. Eleyna has also been known to dabble in the magical arts because she believes the more power she has the less likely she is to become a victim.
Class: Fighter
Skill

Slater
- Slater is an ex-captain of the Biloxi Royal army he is now a lieutenant in the Advent Order. He has shown he has a keen ability with an axe and can strike down any foe in his path. His ultimate goal is to further the plans of the Advent Order, and he will let no one get in his way. He cares for Eleyna like a father cares for his daughter and usually any man that tries to go after her ends up with a broken nose.
Class: Berserker
Skill

Dredge
- A monk that doesn’t talk much. As such nothing is known about this shady character. His past is a mystery.
Class: Monk
Skill:

Naomi
- Naomi is the best fencer from a newly built school. She has worked her way up the ranks and gained the respect of everyone in her school. Although there are very few there anyways. She strives to do the best she can and dislikes it when people try to take her off task. Naomi tries to help others as often as possible as she thinks it’s her duty to help those less fortunate.
Class: Fencer
Skill:

Aethen
- Aethen is a thief from the streets. He has no manors, no respect, and no fear. He will take from anyone and keep it all for himself. He is not friendly and hates people that try to talk to him. Most of his life has been spent in solitude and many wonder what he does with the wealth he has amassed.
Class: Thief
Skill:

Screenshots:

Spoiler

Inside the cabin the brothers built!

Outside in the forest

Seems like Marcus pissed off Thomas

Battle... dun dun dun

And finally an overview of Cryswind Forest - taken from the RMXP editor

Features:

Spoiler

- Side missions become story arcs giving each side mission a meaning and purpose to the game as a whole. No more tedious missions.
- 8-way character movement with optional dash
- Real Time Active Battle(RTAB) with side-view animated battlers
- Limit break-like system called Devastation
- Cooperative Skills, it takes 3 people to cast some of the more powerful magic
- Faces and nameplates introduced in text. All main characters have facial expressions
- Configuration menu lets you edit options related to message speed, window frames, walking speed, and the battle system

Credits:

Spoiler

Dollmage
Cogwheel
AcedentProne
DerVVulfman
Dubealex
Near Fantastica
Trance
Ccoa
Gozaru
David Schooly
Kyle Carmody
Matt Verbinnen
Adam Mussell
... and probably many more I forgot to list!

 

[Dalton]

Your project looks promising so far.
In particular I like your backstory.
For my taste the plot device with some girl, that has some task for the heroes is a bit cliche, but can be executed well. I am looking forward to how you will do it.

Just one little thing about your characters section. First you write about Thomas:

His goal has never been to make the world better

Then later on you write about Marcus:

Basically he tends to be almost the exact opposite to Thomas except for one aspect. They both try to make the world a better place

Quite contradictive, eh?  :grin:

Hope this helps and looking forward to this game

~Dalton~

 

[midir4000]

Looks good. Reminds me of FFT, the good one, not advance. Especially the whole "run into the girl who's the heir to the throne, but other parties want her dead, and a background group wants to ascend her to power to use her for their own gain." FFT in a nutshell. Still, great stuff. I've replayed FFT many many times. I could probably see replay value in this too. Not much to it feature wise, but FFT was pretty simple, the job system and AMAZING story made it great. I expect no less if your going for politcal plot.

 

[harsvalen]

Sounds Like a Pretty Good Game!

Where did you get your battlers, I think I've seen them somewhere else.

 

[alywaly]

Good sprites, fair story.
You may want to work on a demo soon ^^
Looks promising!~

 

[Wencaar]

@harsvalen, those are the famous Dollmage's sprites I think...

The main thing that literally slapped me about this project was the "You look so cute when your sleeping" line. It doesn't sound brother-like at all to me... or I'm just a perv. By the way, I really wouldn't try a game with a word "your" instead of "you're". It just shows that you're rushing through your game's development or enjoy the 1337 speak (would've been "ur" in this case), both of which have a negative aspect in my eyes.

Nonetheless, good luck with the game!

Yay! My first post (yes, that's really on-topic)

 

[Sandman53]

@harsvalen, those are the famous Dollmage's sprites I think...

The main thing that literally slapped me about this project was the "You look so cute when your sleeping" line. It doesn't sound brother-like at all to me... or I'm just a perv. By the way, I really wouldn't try a game with a word "your" instead of "you're". It just shows that you're rushing through your game's development or enjoy the 1337 speak (would've been "ur" in this case), both of which have a negative aspect in my eyes.

Nonetheless, good luck with the game!

Yay! My first post (yes, that's really on-topic)

HAHA... I have not gotten to the point of QA yet my friend. I want to focus on getting a completed game and then I will go back and make the proper changes where they need to be made, but thank you for pointing that out.

Marcus is basically suppose to come off as the lovable goof. Always trying to find that next adventure and always having fun. So his speech will contain funny and mostly suggestive lines. At the same time though when he needs to be a man of action he bucks up and take control of the situation doing whatever needs to be done in a serious manner.

So far I had a burst of inspiration and created the entire outline for the game last night. Its a skeleton outline but covers the more important points in the entire game. The game will be split into three chapters, or what I will call "Legends", There is only one time leap but it must be done in order to move the story along and get everything I want to happen to happen. I also want to intertwine a romance into the game without making it seemed forced or unnatural.

I want each character to play an important role in my game. There will be no party switching system or anything like that. I always failed to see how that was any use in a game since I would make one party and stick with it, while the others would just rot and stay in their low levels. Then when it came time to make two teams I would get pissed because it would then be unbalanced. So in my game players will come and go as necessary. If someone is not in your party then there is a reason for it. At the same time the party will usually always balance out somehow giving the player access to magic and physical attacks as necessary. You should *hopefully* never feel a member is useless, or the gimp.

A little more information on the Advent Order, and possible a tiny spoiler for things to come. The Advent Orders name serves a purpose. Advent means return, and hence you get "Return Order" which works in two ways. One way is that the Advent Order controls the entire world, but in a way that fixes anything that eventually may go wrong. So essentially they return the world back to normal, or return order. You find out more about the group as you progress through the game of course.

I have yet to create the social hierarchy I want for all 3 kingdoms, but it will most likely be based on the monarchies from the middle ages. This will also help to create the class disputes and uprising I want.

The only thing I have not thought of yet... is a perfect way to end the game. I will worry about that later though.

 

[midir4000]

I can see someone like marcus saying "you just looked so cute when you're sleeping" as a mockingly innocent rebuttle, think American sitcoms, but it is NOT a good idea to complete your game THEN fix passability issues such as grammar, maps, and bugs. Release demo's in portions, and beta test through them. If you complete large portions, and THEN go back it's easy to miss random NPCs, sidequests, etc.

If you want a maturity level comparible to FF:Tactics (the first/good one) then you can't let things like "your" or modern common dialogue get out of hand.

Oh and if you make a banner or something for this at some point, post it here. I will support this.

 

[shuruka]

Good mapping, i like your forest the most, but there are parts where the stump of a tree is above the tops of other trees, you may want to fix that at some point if you can, i use a few events in places i need to with the tile as the graphic, it goes above the third layer.

 

[Sandman53]

Good mapping, i like your forest the most, but there are parts where the stump of a tree is above the tops of other trees, you may want to fix that at some point if you can, i use a few events in places i need to with the tile as the graphic, it goes above the third layer.

Just a note that's from the editor, its the only way to view the map as a whole. When you play it in the actual game all the priority takes effect and it looks fine. I should have mentioned that in the screenshot.

You make a very good point midir. I will probably end up doing what you advised and fix it piece by piece as I move along. If I do do it this way there is less of a chance of getting major errors. I will be sticking to modern dialog for the most part. I find it much easier to write it out and correct it grammatically. I have yet to decide whether one of my characters will be given an accent or not. I am not sure whether they add to immersion or simply create a hassle for people that have to read it.

Oh and Marcus can come off as, basically, a smart ass. So you can expect some sarcastic type remarks from him like that.

 

[hellhound]

Looks good so far, And I liked how you use the animated battlers, but are you sure the enemies battlers will just be a static pic of an enemy? cause It looks like your going to RM2K3 BS... anyway, goodluck.

and I think you forgot to credit Gozaru for the facesets.

 

[midir4000]

If you do decide to emulate an accent, keep in mind that as important as it is for the reader to be able to understand whats being said, it's also key to write true to their speech. If you've ever played Vangaurd Bandits you'll recognize the french liutenant as an excellent example. True that it's a hassle to read his stuff sometimes, most players in in their head or out loud along with the text, to immerse themselves in the reality of the situation. When he talks he's barely understandable, to emulate his outrageous accent. To play into his characteristics even more, when he get's upset he starts to get even less understandable and at somepoints illegible, to emulate the characters your following's point of view, in that they have no idea what the hell this guys talking about. Funny at most times, occasionally irritating, but stays true to the environment and character. Overall, it's only a good idea to try accents if you have a very good understanding or source to use depicting a foreigner's accent.

 

[boon]

As has been mentioned in some of the above, you have contradicted yourself within the story. I would also like to add that
"- A nice assortment of music from many great artists including: David Schooly, Kyle Carmody, Matt Verbinnen and Adam Mussell"

Is not a feature. Any Videogame should have music, it's not a 'Feature' it's something you'd expect in an RMXP game.

Explain some stuff, like Who are the elite?

Plus "You look so cute when your sleeping" - I'd really remove that line.

 

[midir4000]

Plus "You look so cute when your sleeping" - I'd really remove that line.

I'm not gonna lie. It really seems like no one is appreciating that line. Do you watch any anime? or sitcoms? RPGs like this are GRAPHIC NOVELS, if you can't portray things like this then your full of yourself and your story. I think the line could use a little changing, but honestly i can see someone one saying this to a brother. Sort of mocking sarcasm. He's probably not really saying he looks cute when he sleeps. Just that he's being a carefree free-spirited smartass using sarcasm to play off a serious conversations. very common.

Unless he is saying he looks cute and im giving way too much credit. If so get that yaoi-incest SHIT out of your dialogue :]

 

[boon]

"RPGs like this are GRAPHIC NOVELS" - Isn't a graphic novel a comic book or a manga?

 

[Sandman53]

As has been mentioned in some of the above, you have contradicted yourself within the story. I would also like to add that
"- A nice assortment of music from many great artists including: David Schooly, Kyle Carmody, Matt Verbinnen and Adam Mussell"

Is not a feature. Any Videogame should have music, it's not a 'Feature' it's something you'd expect in an RMXP game.

Explain some stuff, like Who are the elite?

Plus "You look so cute when your sleeping" - I'd really remove that line.

I happen to like that line, and also remember that you have not seen it in context. That is basically one random screenshot I took out a conversation going on between Thomas and Marcus. Basically it was a smart ass remark and nothing more, because Marcus didn't want to admit that he screwed up.

I think some people are blowing it a bit out of proportion personally, but its OK.

Now what elite are you referring to? The royal families controlling each nation? I have not created a hierarchy or a back story for the royal societies yet. They need to get a lot of attention since the tension will be caused and related to them. Each King, Queen, Prince, Princess I want to craft carefully so it doesn't look like I threw them in their last minute. There will be a lot of interaction between one royal family and our main character.

I really have yet to flesh out the kingdoms too much. I have some stuff written down. Mostly for the Eventide and Biloxi kingdoms.