Children, Religion, Deception...

[Roman Candle]

I had a little informative book called "Where babies come from" when I was small. How is that traumatising? And, Kraft, that doesn't mean swearing all the time. Vulgarity, (fantastic as vulgarity is ) doesn't have anything to do with it, because sex isn't vulgar, disgusting, or perverted. Knowing about sex doesn't make you perverted.

 

[Red Dawn]

I think it would be best to tell your kids that 'different people believe different things', so say the family was Christian, you just tell your kids that other people dont believe in god, and instead believe in <insert religious beliefs here>.Oh, and i also definitely agree with what Fafnir said.

 

[Volrath]

If I were presented with the situation described in Xilef's initial post, my response would probably be pretty weird. I'm an agnostic, so I suppose my reply would be "...I don't really know." Simple enough. If pressed, I could try to explain that I've always had a tolerance for ambiguity. I'll readily admit I don't know for sure about the existence of God one way or the other...and that I don't feel I need to know. I'll find out someday...

But to the question at hand, if you don't believe in God, don't be afraid to say so. If a little kid asks, just answer truthfully. There's no need to try and logically dismantle Christianity either...it's a wasted gesture on an adult half the time, let alone a child. Faith pretty much centers on believing in things despite a lack of physical evidence...the fact that logic doesn't back up a lot of Bible stories/religious claims is basically irrelevant to the people preaching them. But there's no need to censor your own beliefs in the presence of the others....just don't be a douche bag about it. My 2 cents.

 

[lunarea]

I want my kids to stay kids. I want them to try to stay up late on Christmas Eve and wonder what presents Santa will bring them this year. I want them to wonder if that beautiful butterfly is a fairy in disguise. I want them to have a party for all hundred of their imaginary friends. I want them to play dress-up and pretend that the ratty old towel on their back is a superhero cape. I want them to believe that the moon is made of cheese and that a little man lives among the stars and paints secret messages across the sky every night.

I know I can't protect children from the harsh reality of life, nor can I stop them from growing up. But I want them to enjoy being a child: enjoy their imagination, enjoy believing in whatever they want, and enjoy having their world filled with fantasy.

And I don't want some stranger, friend or even family member taking this away from them because they believe "children should be treated like small adults and told the truth at all times."

Venetia said it best:

[A] parent has the right to bring up their child as they prefer, and a stranger has no business trying to make a parents' job more difficult.

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

I want my kids to stay kids. I want them to try to stay up late on Christmas Eve and wonder what presents Santa will bring them this year. I want them to wonder if that beautiful butterfly is a fairy in disguise. I want them to have a party for all hundred of their imaginary friends. I want them to play dress-up and pretend that the ratty old towel on their back is a superhero cape. I want them to believe that the moon is made of cheese and that a little man lives among the stars and paints secret messages across the sky every night.

Greatest thing said about children in this forum.

 

[ccoa]

And I don't want some stranger, friend or even family member taking this away from them because they believe "children should be treated like small adults and told the truth at all times."

So long as you're not attempting to convert them or telling them their or their parent's beliefs are wrong, I don't see how answering the question truthfully can hurt their childhood. As a child, I was perfectly aware that there were athiests, muslims, jews, and a slew of non-Catholic/Christian religons. It didn't affect my faith at all or ruin the magic for me, not at that young age.

It was only once I started actually thinking logically about things instead of accepting it all as given that I ran into problems (somewhere around the age of 10 or so, during Confirmation classes). I became a agnostic (specifically, a empirical agnostic) on my own, not through the influence of others.

Thus, I see no harm in answering such a question with a simple "no" or "not really" or "maybe." There's no reason to try and trash the child's beliefs, but no reason to hide your own, either. I promise that a child's world view won't be shattered by one person not believing the same thing as them.

My children are running into the opposite problem. I am raising them as empirical agnostics - that is, I don't know if there is a god or gods and I have seen no proof, but there might be proof of them somewhere/when. But they go to daycares where Easter and Christmas are celebrated in a religious manner. I do my best to explain about different beliefs and how they should respect others' beliefs, because no one really knows who, if anyone, is right. I don't really have a problem with it, but why is it "okay" for these people to display their beliefs before children who might be being raised with different beliefs, but not for an athiest to answer a question honestly? Both are fine with me, so long as you're not forcing your views on anyone.

 

[lunarea]

I may have been a little vague with my answer. I didn't mean for it to come across as saying that children should have things sugarcoated or that even a small amount of honesty would hurt them. I do think that children should be exposed to different religions, different opinions or experiences. And I realize that kids are resilient and smart. They won't change their mind completely just because one person doesn't have the same beliefs as them.

But, I don't want people telling my kids that there's no such thing as Santa or that something they believe in with all of their heart is a lie - just for the sake of being honest. Likewise, I don't want someone telling them that they're going to hell if they don't believe in Jesus or that they're sinners and terrorist if they learn about Koran.

It was more a response to this movement of treating kids as adults and making any deviation from 'normal adult belief' (such as imaginary friends or fairies) into something horrifyingly bad.

 

[Reives]

Mm, I didn't want to do a serious post here but, ah well. . .

Back when I was a child, I wasn't really taught anything at all in terms of beliefs. No Santa, no easter bunny or the like at all. Hence, as opposed to having a primary belief and individuals telling me what's not true, I had the situation of having no belief and individuals telling me what is true.

And now I passionately believe in nothing and yet accept the possibility of everything. And looking back, I think if I was not given some exposure to other possibilities, I would probably be a lot less accepting now.

I believe that if children want to believe in something, they will believe it (even if blindly) no matter what people say. If they believe that Santa exists, he will exist to them. But as 6.25's quote of lunarea's post points out, if someone flat-out tells them that something like Santa that they believe in doesn't exist, it wouldn't be very ethical to do in a way - yet I think it's not because that it would shatter their beliefs, but because it would upset them in a similar fashion to an insult.

The tradition of Santa and the like have been passed on for longer than people can remember. Through all this time, the "system" seemed to work fine, and it's highly unlikely that there haven't been many cases of children being told that certain things don't exist.

I think the bottom line is, children will stop believing in something when they are ready to stop. If they are able to reason, think and understand when they are being told something against their belief and actually accept it, it means they are able to come to a conclusion of their own reasoning, hence conjuring what is ultimately their belief, instead something they are simply told to believe in.

 

[Xilef]

I dont remember asking about where do babies come from. I dont think I really cared, come to think about it, I dont remember when I found out either.
Yes, children make up their own minds at the right age, but I still think they should be told the truth rather than a soft lie so then they are more capable of deciding what to believe when they need to.