Alchemy: The Exfell

[Kodi Hammon]

Alchemy: The Exfell
I'm am currently in process of making a Game which is Alchemy The Exfell...(Dont ask what exfell means I really don't know.. :S)

There is One Character

Spoiler

Leo
Age:15
Class: Aprentice Mage
Description:Leo was a only child in the small village of Sterrihire. He helped around the Farm but always Had dreams of beinging an Alchemist/Mage. When he was 15 or so He heard of a New School of magic and Alchemy had opened up,but When he went by The Cost was way to high for a Farmboy... So thus with that he went out to do things to get 100 copper(In Sterrihire thats alot of money)(Other places not so much)

Screenshots

Spoiler

The House

Motty the Trader

In front of the School of Magic and Alchemy

In the School of Magic and Alchemy as a Student

Story

Spoiler

Leo is a Farmboy on the Continet of Numen in the Small village of Sterrihire. He had always had dreams of going to learn magic at the School in the North but he never had enough Copper, thus he still is not at the School. Even though Leo has been saving up he only has 21 of the 100copper pieces.

At the Age of 15 right before his 16 birth day he had gotten admission into the School and was in the school for 3 years before he ever got out and he was just a "Mage" and "Alchemist". Hes goal was to get better and become a Master Alchemist and a Wizard.

Thank you for reading, Cya

 

[Zephyrsword]

You don't know what Exfell means? Well unless there is exactly an underlying reason, I.E the game is a mysterious, enigmatic, phycological thriller, then a title unbeknownst to the author and the players would make a lot more sense than for a game with what seems like the purge to become the worlds greatest pokemon master.

The maps are somewhat tasteless, distributing a bland, confused feel. I can't recieve the atmosphere you are trying to portray in your game (if at all). It just seems like poor mapping done in RPG maker XP (I know thats stating the obvious in retrospect, but many very good games make me question that momentarily, being that they are presented in a most stunning way).

The title is not half bad, its a bit plain around the edges and could do with a couple of touch ups, but it contradicts sorely with the representation I'm getting from the story and screenshots.

Maybe perhaps develop your concept first in the concept section, since that is the area that is in most dire need of attention and development. Make it different, make it stand out from the crowd, give it wow factor. At the moment, i get none of this.

 

[Kodi Hammon]

Ok I'm not to good at this and I'm always looking to get better; Thanks for the tips

 

[Delphinus]

The story looks well... But i'm agree with obsession, you need improved the mapping.
Oh, BTW cool title screen