,

[Ellie]

Whirling and twirling my stomach is hurling
And deep down inside all my troubles are curling
Around me inside me it's making me sick
Burning me up all I need is a wick
Yes the reason I'm down is I still have a dick
But when all's said and done I'm just biding my time
Before all this is out and I make the big climb
To a world that is strange and unkind and unsafe
But I know this will hurt more the longer I wait
And I know if I'd thought this all through long before
My past would be behind me I'd be through the door
And yet no I'm still here in this closet of lies
Any moment of happiness quicky must die
As the madness inside me continues to try
And escape through a moment, a tear in my eye
And I know I am silly for making a mess
Of the years of my life that should have been the best
And I know that I'm stupid, a sick lonely teen
And that all of my life that my parents have been
Supportive, and kind, and here by my side
And I don't understand why I feel I should hide
It all in, in my gut, in my heart, inside me
All that I want is to look and to see
What my life would be like if I wasn't afraid
Of unleashing the truth that I still haven't said.

 

[Ellie]

In half an hour the time will come, but don't know if I'm ready yet
To take a chance, to tell my mum, and face all answers I may get
I'm in a state, my mind is numb, and through my tears my face is wet
I cannot help but ponder um, yes I will wager, place a bet
After today of this day from, I will no longer face a net
That stops me, waits me, throws, irrates me
Rips me, tears me, blows, and stares me
Until I come, and do not fret
To tell my mum who is not yet
Aware her son who is upset
Will soon become her daughter yet.

 

[Stardust]

In terms of critique, there are a few things that I saw that could be improved. For starters (and this is probably a personal opinion), it felt like the rhyming was a little forced, like here:

Around me inside me it's making me sick
Burning me up all I need is a wick

Also, a couple of typos:

Any moment of happiness quicky must die

Rips me, tears me, blows, and stares me

Definitely not bad, though. It has a very defined feeling to it. I doubt you were looking for critique, but it was posted here so I thought I'd give it. :P

(Good luck! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a PM! :3)