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5 Most Common Writing Pitfalls

Hello.

My name is Seraph, and I will be publishing a chain of tutorials for storyline/screenplay writing. I am obviously targeting my tutorials towards game developers; however, any writer can benefit from my experience (and willingness to write a tutorial).

I would hope that my tutorials become permanently posted i.e. stickied. However, I can imagine the problem that this may create, and perhaps I will just get off my ass and create a website where I can post them all for everyone's convenience.

So today, I am going to talk about the 5 Most Common Writing Pitfalls that I see writers, and game developers, consistently falling into. I have been on various RPG Maker forums since back in the RPG Maker 2000 age (although I would be hard-pressed to remember my login name) and although the people who log in may differ, their writing styles have not.

If you like this, make sure to offer feedback and such; that way, I will know whether to continue with future editions and articles here or not. I believe that it will be a great resource for a newbie/amateur creator, and a nice refresher for the experienced. Well...here goes.

(Warning: Wall of text coming)
 
Bad Guy Notice
Please do not distribute, post, or profit from this material. This material is only allowed to be posted on my website, the forums with which I associate with, and on any webhoster/forum member's website/blog space whom has asked for my permission before posting or blogging it. Sale of this and any of my material, whether online or physically, is strictly prohibited.

Entertainment Notice
This material, and any material that I post, is strictly for entertainment and knowledge/learning purposes. It is not designed as a be-all, end-all tutorial. It is not designed to fix and/or alleviate your game or book of any negative criticism or hype, all of which should be expected when creating either a game or book. This material should solely be used as a guideline in addition to your current writing and creation style. Use at your own risk--I cannot guarantee or take responsibility for the use of this material.

Writing Style Notice
I am a very technical and theoretical writer. To me, it is just as important to know the background and theories of various subjects, supported by various examples...as opposed to, for example, listing five things that you could do to avoid cliches and character pitfalls. If you don't like how I write, move along.

Onwards.

Today's topic is going to be about story and character development. Most of us probably think that our storyline is perfect, and maybe some of us are reading this tutorial just to prove that our storyline and character development does not succumb to any of these pitfalls. Rest assured, 95% of already-created storylines and characters will reflect at least some of the pitfalls outlined below.

If you think about why role-playing games are vastly successful, you will find that:

  • a) It is not the button-mashing, frantic action that is usually associated with most video games.
  • b) It is not the real-life, simulated strategic-based play style that is associated with certain games (think Ace Combat, etc)
  • c) It is not the puzzle or brain-twisting aspect that is associated with puzzle and logic games (although it could be a factor)

If you think about why role-playing games are so successful, it is obviously because of the storyline and characters. We didn't play through Final Fantasy VII to see how many times we can press X in a single day, or because of its gripping action play style. We were truly interested to see what happened to Cloud Strife and his friends in the upcoming scenes; where his adventure would lead us, and what ultimately became of Sephiroth. Although in the back of our mind, we knew--we had a gut feeling-- that Cloud would come out victorious, and the world would be saved; who would pay for the adventure along the way? Would Cloud survive the stunning final battle that would determine the fate of the world, and of the life stream?


Pitfall #5: One-dimensional storyline

I am in the process of putting together a website to review as many RPG Maker 2000/2003/XP games, as my time allows. I guarantee that most of the games I play will have (at least, hopefully!) this basic outline:

  • a) Hero lives in a living world, with real problems.
  • b) Hero encounters a conflict, and aims to solve the conflict.
  • c) En route to solving the conflict, hero befriends [sometimes] various other characters.
  • d) Hero resolves the conflict, and saves the world/his family/his sanity/whatever.

What's wrong with this storyline? Essentially, there is nothing wrong with it. In theory, this is perfect--as a basic shell to a storyline--but it is not a complete storyline. Even if the character development is impressive, the problem lies in the first line:

a) (Ideally) Hero lives in a living world,with real problems.

That is the problem. Our hero lives in a living world. A living world must show signs of life; essentially, it must show signs of growth and change, both in our character and in his world.

Let's consider Breath of Fire III for the PSOne as an example. Throughout the first half of the story (where Ryu starred as a child), Ryu is trying to find his friends Rei and Teepo when they were separated in the fire. The developers could have easily stuck Rei and Teepo at the other end of the world, and made you travel aimlessly throughout the storyline as you find them.


While Ryu is looking for Rei and Teepo:

  • a) Mayor McNeil contracted two hit men, Balio and Sunder, to eliminate Ryu and his band of friends as revenge for stealing from him.
  • a1) Young Ryu is learning about his dragon abilities and potential.
  • b) Nina, his new friend and Princess of Wyndia, aids him in hiding from Balio and Sunder, and they successfully flee from the castle.
  • b1) Nina is tired of the castle life, and her childish curiosity longs to see the outside walls.
  • b2) Ryu sees more of his ability take shape, and learns more transformations.

  • c) They come across a large tower while being chased by Balio and Sunder at every corner, as well as other bounty hunters looking for a score.

  • d) Momo, the eccentric and absent-minded teenage genius, just finished her latest and greatest mobile rocket, which helps them escape from the hitmen.
  • d1) Momo's father’s colleague, Dr. Platt, can help Ryu locate his friends while hiding.
  • d1a) Dr. Platt is secretly in league with the hit men, and double-crosses Ryu and his friends.
  • d2) Ryu is still learning more about his dragon powers, which adds complexity and some confusion to his character.

As you can see, this storyline has a main plot, various sub-plots, and sub-plots within the sub-plots. It's not one-dimensional in any way, and every great RPG shares this factor...For contrast purposes, think about PSOne RPGs such as The Granstream Saga, or Guardian's Crusade. Both these published and released games feature a very one-dimensional storyline, involving a hero whose goal is to save the world. Within the story, there are few twists and little plot/sub-plot structure.

Back to our example from above. We will add to our hero's quest, making sure to add plot and subplots to the storyline for a real-world, complete feeling. Try to keep up:

  • a) Hero lives in an alive world, with real problems.
  • a1) Hero's country is over-ridden with a disease that is being spread like wildfire. He seeks a remedy.
  • a1a) During the course of his journey, he must find ten ancient ingredients that may aid his country.

  • b) Hero encounters a conflict, and aims to solve the conflict.
  • b1) Hero hears about four evil warriors whom he must avoid at all costs lest he be eliminated.
  • b1a) One of the 'evil' warriors may join the Hero's party under certain conditions.
  • b2) Hero must befriend the neighboring castles and towns in hopes of alliance against this new conflict.
  • b2a) One of the neighboring kingdoms agrees to the alliance, but is secretly in league with the conflict.
  • b2b) Another neighboring kingdom hears about the first kingdoms plans and conspires to stop them on their own.
  • b2b1) Those two kingdoms end up going to war during the turmoil.
  • b2b1a) The war of these two major economic powerhouses results in large price spikes of particular commodities.
  • b3) A global calamity strikes and the world bows to a new, all-powerful wizard who was behind the original conflict.

  • c) En route to solving the conflict, hero befriends various other characters.
  • c1) Friend A is a "lunatic" who raves about foreseeing the coming destruction of the world as we know it.
  • c2) Friend B is the lunatic's guard keeper who was assigned to stay with the lunatic.
  • c2a) Friend A & B are constantly bickering and have vastly differing opinions about everything.
  • c2b) Friend B slowly realizes that some of Friend As predictions are coming true, such as the "flying sun" (comet).

  • d) Hero resolves the conflict, and saves the world/his family/his sanity/whatever.
  • d1) What happens to the hero's country?
  • d1a) Did our hero collect the ancient ingredients?
  • d2) What happened to the four evil warriors?
  • d3) What became of the lunatic after the calamity strikes?
  • d4) Etc, etc.

Whew! However, all of this serves a very useful purpose. As you can see, I took a very basic plotline and added many levels of complexity to it. It took me longer to type it out then it really did to think it up---although a good storyline will make sense and the deeper subplots would aim to partly solve a larger subplot. Also, note that the plotline isn't necessarily in chronological order--only in thought-flow order. It ultimately doesn't matter, as long as the writer knows what happens when.

Note: If you really want to see how three-dimensional storylines play out, watch a soap opera/TV show, or some anime. Almost every anime has plots and subplots, with levels of complexity. Watch Dragon Ball Z/GT, Naruto, Bleach (great example). As for TV, try Heroes, Lost, Fringe, Dexter...the list goes on and on.


Pitfall #4: Pre-written Character Synopses

This is a very common error that almost every novice storyline writer/game publisher makes. Sometimes, it can become a serious problem depending on how the synopses are used. Here is an example of an average character synopsis:

Name: Jack
Age: 17
Occupation: Rogue CIA Operative
Class: Rogue
Race: Human infused with Type-1 enhancer.
Health: Superb
Description: A renegade super-agent from the Central Intelligence Agency, Jack seeks revenge for the mysterious kidnapping and killing of his wife and children.

Again, there is nothing wrong with a synopsis like this. In fact, it is great to use as a shell for a character, sort of a basic outline. However, the problem arises when we attempt to define who the character is, or how the character grows using a synopsis like the one below:

Name: Jill
Age: 18
Occupation: Lumberjack
Class: Warrior
Race: Lizardman
Health: Poor
Description: Usually despondent and tiresome. Has very poor health. Has little respect for herself, therefore avoids conflicts and is generally antisocial. Later learns to respect herself and get along with people.

Usually, when you create a shell as I just did with Jill (and it even happens sometimes with an example like Jack's), we end up creating an emotional "box" for our character. As every great writer will tell you---and you may have heard something like this before---our character grows regardless of our influence on them. They usually grow and "learn" to make decisions on their own; they feel emotions that we didn't think they would ever have; and we watch them change and transform into different characters as the situation calls for it, all while maturing before our very eyes.

To clarify this, think about a paper-and-pen game, such as Dungeons and Dragons. Dungeons and Dragons consists of at least two real-life players. One of the players is the Dungeon Master/Game Master, who determines what happens in the game. The dungeon master has no control over what the other players, the characters in the world, do. Or, what they don't do, for that matter. How they react when some conflict arises in the story. If I'm the dungeon master, and I create a monster for my players to fight, what's going to keep my players from running away? How about attempting to befriend the monster?
 
Pitfall #3: Character Development; Attachment & Detachment

In every great story, there is at least one character we love. We can't imagine reading, or watching this story unfold without this character. The character makes us laugh, and cry, feel happy for them at times, and sorry for them at others. This is what I call Character Attachment, and is a very important factor in character development. And funnily enough, sometimes we feel for a character that we didn't care much for to begin with.

Squaresoft did this beautifully with the death of Aeris. I can't speak for everyone, but *I* didn't care much for her during the storyline. While she was a decent character, I personally felt that after the adventure began she was rather shallow, and I lost interest in her. But then Sephiroth went and killed her, and while Cloud didn't shed a single tear, we could feel the sadness that he emitted, the anger that he felt during that scene. We wanted to go into the game and kill Sephiroth ourselves, and ask him why he did it, and kill him again.

And that was our (unknown) attachment to Aeris. We loved her for what she was, and while we didn't care for her much during the storyline, we definitely didn't want her dead.

The flipside of this is detachment. Using Final Fantasy VII again, we felt detached to certain characters whose presence was awkwardly accepted, at best. Cait Sith is a great example--sure, he's not a bad character, but if Sephiroth would have killed Cait Sith, it wouldn't have mattered what music Squaresoft played during the scene. No one would have really felt sorrow, or cared at all.

Now, a different example from another game, is Crono from Chrono Trigger (SNES). To me, Crono sort of served as a vessel and leader of a group of interesting and diverse characters, from Frog and Magus, to Ayla and Marla. However, because Crono himself doesn't utter a single word, nor does he emit any sort of emotion at any point in the game, we can't help but feel detached from him during the story. It's not even a conscious matter (which is evident from the death of Aeris), and the fact that this choice isn't conscious is important in itself.

So in our stories, do we feel that our characters are likeable? And not only likeable, but do they arouse an emotion inside of us at some point? Read about human emotion and how/when it arises. Think about different movies, television shows, animes and video games that made you feel a certain way. How many of us felt like we were on the edge of our seat while watching Braveheart?

How many of us cried at the end of Titanic, even though most of the rest of the movie was light-hearted and fun? (Psst: Titanic is a great example of plots, subplots, and plots within those subplots. Watch it again, and you'll see what I mean.)


Pitfall #2: Closed-ended Storylines, and End-All Be-All Endings

One of the magical things about a game such as Final Fantasy X is that the ending involved Tidus swimming to a shore, after he was sent off to Dream Zanarkand. Sin was destroyed, and we knew that Tidus was alive, and somewhere in Spira, but we just don't know where. And the story closed out, and we had to wait until Final Fantasy X-2 came out and shell out another $49.99 to find out what happened.

The fantastic thing about not having an open-ended storyline is the buzz that it generates on online websites and forums. It's sort of like when a season of a television show is over--the very next day, the forums are alive with predictions and suppositions; Who is going to die, how and why they will die, etc.

Open-ended storyline generates hype and buzz. At the end of an episode of anime, or a good television series, you are feeling a myriad of emotion and mental stimulation. For example:
  • a) You are distressed because you want the show to continue.
  • b) You are excited to find out how the show will continue.
  • c) You are thinking about the variable possibilities of the show.
  • d) You are wondering how the show will end.
  • e) Etc, etc.

How can we apply this to our home-made video games?
While I certainly don't suggest making someone play your game for 40+ hours and not giving them something that can constitute as an ending (even if you leave a few threads of storyline available for a future edition), I generally always suggest that you end your demo at a climactic point in the storyline.

For example, which one of these two endings would leave you feeling more apprehensive and mentally stimulated?

1) Jack enters the Cave of Truth, in which he will find out that his wife is actually not deceased, but a leading member of an anti-government organization that is conspiring to destroy the CIA and all of its super operatives. Jack's wife leaves a biologically enhanced monster to kill Jack, and crosses Jack off her list. Jack fights the monster and wins.
End of demo

Or:

2) Later in the storyline, Jack is searching for his ex-wife's secret organization to destroy them once and for all. While he is closing in on the base, he opens a door to find his children, alive, bound and gagged with a gun pointed to their heads.

"Move and I'll shoot, you son of a bitch!"
End of demo

While I can't speak for everyone, I think the second one would make a much better ending to a current demo, even if you have more storyline already developed. Your players will definitely remember your storyline, and you better believe that they will be clamoring for an update sooner rather than later. And you can even start a thread to have them "suggest" what happens next (generate more buzz on your game) and predict the ending, etc.

In saying that, why do I see that most demos end the first way? It's something of a mystery to me, and should be corrected, for your fans' sake! Think about the ending of a great Bleach, or Heroes episode---it ends on a cliffhanger, and you're clamoring for the next episode!


Pitfall #1: Static, and slow, story development.

Finally, this is the most common problem with stories on the market today, both novice-created and published/released. It is the rate, and flow, of which the story is being unfolded. This pitfall not only applies to big-name RPGs, including Final Fantasy VIII, parts of IX; it also applies to many books (Lord of the Rings, amongst others), movies (Rendition, amongst others) television shows/animes (Dragon Ball Z; Lost; amongst others), and pretty much any medium that tells a story is susceptible to this pitfall.

As I stated at the start of this article, RPGs are doing so well because of the story they are trying to portray. If, for whatever reason, this storyline becomes boring, hard-to-follow, or generally loses the interest of the player, they are very, very likely to stop playing your game.  Period.  It may only be for a period of time, or it may be indefinite. Let's look at an example which is sure to cause a stir of memories: Xenosaga: Episode I.

Xenosaga is the sequel to the underrated, and much sought after (especially now!) PSOne hit Xenogears. Xenosaga was HUGELY anticipated by it's fans, and it offers over 20 hours of awesome-looking  CGI-animation cutscene (Yes. 20. Hours. Of. Movie.) Now, because they are offering so much storyline, you would figure that they have an exciting, and interesting story that will grip you from the beginning and won't let go until you are watching the ending credits.

Wrong. In fact, almost from the beginning, the whole storyline is a snoozefest. This is a shame, because it was originally slated to boost sales of the PS3 by releasing six parts of the storyline: 3 on the PS2, and 3 on the PS3. We would play the first three parts, clamor for more, and buy a PS3 along with the next three parts. However, because of the failure of Episode 1, the idea was scrapped, and they hastily told the story in the following two parts. In fact, the failure of Episode I lowered the sales of the succeeding episodes, which in itself is a shame...because the succeeding two games are where the storyline picks itself up.

For our purposes, stagnation in our storyline will be slightly difficult to diagnose, but it is possible. One idea I had to find out where your storyline lose steam:

Ask fellow members to "beta-test" your game. Then, ask them to record on paper at what point they start playing, how long they play, and at what point they stop playing. Of course, the next time they play they will record the dates and times they begin playing again. This is an example of how this would work:


October 1, 2008
9:00 AM
Start playing: Beginning.
11:30 AM
End playing: After I defeated the robot and recovered the scrap metal.

October 1, 2008
12:30 PM
Start playing: Use the scrap metal to build the airship.
1:00 PM
End playing: Have access to the airship, not sure where to go.

October 3, 2008
4:00PM
Start playing: Have access to the airship, found out where to go
11:00PM
End playing: Beat the game, ending credits.


With this (horribly narrated) example, we can see that they played the game for two and-a-half hours. The plowed through the beginning, and we can assume that they enjoyed the game until they defeat the robot, and recovered the scrap metal. For some reason, at this point, they found something better to do with their time (maybe lunch-time?) but returned an hour later to build an airship with the scrap metal. Half an hour later, they had no idea what to do with the airship, and didn't play for two days.

Then, on October 3rd, they found some time in their afternoon---found out what to do to continue the storyline, and played the game for 7 hours straight until they beat it. We can assume, then, that this game needs some revision between having access to the airship and the next event, which might be to return to the characters hometown to show it off to his friends. Since we never made it clear to the player, they lost interest at this point and decide that they have better things to do with their time---and ultimately, they don't think highly of your game.

Many stories encounter some of these problems at some point, and it's important to correct the problem as soon as it turns up. Sometimes, it's a simple solution or tweaking---however, some storyline problems can take days to plan out and apply. The most important thing is to make sure that the characters remain true to themselves, and remember: they are their own being. A character will grow as the storyline moves on....he may have been talking about saving the world at the onset of the game, but he's beginning to realize the price that his family will pay at the expense of his meandering.

Hope this helped!
 
This is great stuff, Seraph, I bookmarked it right away.  I saw this on another forum, and I was hoping you would post it here as well.  I think every game maker owes it to their project to take a look at this.
 
Yeah, good stuff. There are some little exageration in it sometimes, but in common, everyone should look at these rules.
Oh, and also read the console rpg clichés article on project-apollo.net, and check every scene of your story.
Ask WHY everywhere. Think about how to make it more free, more living everywhere. And the story will be good.
 

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