18 And It's Over, my new Poetic Album

[OS]

This is a collection of poems I'm calling my Poetic Album. This one is named after the first poem I wrote in the collection. All poems were written in the last couple days. It's been a while since I wrote anything, so I want to know what ya'll think.

Spoiler: 18 And It's Over, a Collection By OwenSael

18 And It's Over

Your beating heart is breaking down,
I don't know what to say.
Your frozen lips are parting now,
And there my own will stay,
Until the rain stops falling
And I am pulled away.
How could you leave me crying
On this last birthday?

Final Thought

What will be my final thought?
I'm not sure I could say...
What will be the last image
I see that fatal day?
All I know is that the end
Is surely on its way.
What will be my final thought
Before I slip away?

Nobody is Happy

Nobody is happy
When everyone is sad.
Sure, it seems so obvious,
There's no need to get mad.
I'm simply pointing out
That someone needs to smile.
Cause nobody is happy.
It's been like this a while.
I would try, myself,
But I just can't seem to grin.
Why don't you give it a shot?
Let the happy in.
And when you appear happy,
The rest will follow you.
When everyone is smiling,
You'll be smiling, too.

The Sky is...gone? (working title)

I awoke to find the sky had gone.
That seemed quite odd to me,
So I stepped out of my window
And talked to Mister Tree.
He told me how the Clouds
Had come to take away the sky;
I pulled from my sleeve a rainbow quill
And wrote in the air my reply:
"Dear Sky, why have you gone?
The Clouds are selfish and mean.
Why can't you stay where I prefer you?
Why not stay where you can be seen?"
I waited a while, but no response came;
The Sky was gone and I was tired,
So I fell into dreams that were exactly the same.
The sky never came back, and I dare to say
That it never will; the Clouds took it away.

No More Rhymes

This is the only one you will find
That I have written in my spare time
That I personally pulled from my mind
That doesn't have an ounce of rhyme.
Oh, wait...dammit...

End of an Album

I'm 18, and this is Over.

Notes:

18 And It's Over - idk what I was thinking. Sometimes a story just happens in my mind, and they are usually pretty cool (see "The Sky is...Gone?"), but I was in a really dark place here. Seems to be a lot of people dying in my mind lately...

Final Thought - just something I have been contemplating a lot lately. A bit of a therapeutic thing for me to do is write down what is bothering me, and this was one way to get it down.

Nobody is Happy - just trying to get people to smile. Smiles really are contagious, you just can't do a creepy smile. So SMILE.

The Sky is...Gone? - I was in a happy place, until I wasn't. It wasn't necessarily a bad place, but it wasn't happy anymore...not while the Clouds have their way...

No More Rhymes - I realized I was rhyming in everything and thought I should stop it...well you can see how well that went, right?

End of Album - just a little bit of triva about me and my poem. Nothing special. Just a reminder that this Album is Over.

 

[Stardust]

First of all, a "How good am I?" poll usually doesn't go over well here. A poll is just too general for something creative because there are so many aspects that can be commented on.

Anyway, the poems were alright. There wasn't anything truly unique about any of them, to be honest. I can't point out any areas that were problematic, but there was nothing special about them. No "Wow!" factor. Nothing that made them different, y'know?

Of course, that's just my opinion. What you need to do to make good poetry is write something that's more than an outlet. Using poetry as an outlet is great, but you can take it another step and want to express something. I don't feel that extra step yet.

 

[OS]

Thanks for the input. I tried the poll because I thought it would get a bit more of a response than posts.

When I have more time I will begin writing like I used to, but for now I like these little things. I can see several of them evolving into stories.