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Three Word Story

So. You guys know the rules. Add three words to continue the story- punctuation allowed.
Assuming we get enough, I'll compile it occasionally into a spoiler in this post.

Once upon a time, I masturbated on a turtle, and an octopus whispered romantic things as I raped the enemy team with a melon baller.

Responding longingly, an ape caressed a loose rope dangling from a black guys penis as Jason watched.

He started fapping softly, like a Daxis who just farted while in a bowl of his own semen from this morning.

He drank some turkey gravy, but it was not strong enough to stop his heart.

The nearby black person's house was nonexistant, like his girlfriend's sister's favorite rap persona, MC Abdulyarden.

Just then, the sky broke as a hammer time party started and parachute pants became the only mode of transportation around wyatt's anus.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times!?

Time is relative to the swing of the almighty foe strike thundersaw hanging within the clock of ages.

[...]

I'll get it rolling:

Once upon a
 

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