Utter Devotion Is a Myth - Song Lyrics

[WeAreSuperhero]

Anybody fancy giving this a critique?

Spoiler: Utter Devotion Is a Myth

The other day I met this lady friend,
She said she’d put me on the mend,
But I said that I was taken,
She was obviously shaken,
So I gave her my phone number but then I thought that,

CHORUS
This isn’t gonna go the way I think,
This whole icebergs gonna sink,
This thing’ll be gone before you blink,
Sliding deep into the drink

Well later on when we were talking baby,
I coulda sworn that you were flirting maybe,
You told me that you screwed two guys,
That they got wet between your thighs,
I swore right there I’d take you then forgetting I was taken,

CHORUS

Next Monday was where we were gonna meet,
Making sure to make our meeting discrete,
But then something went wrong!
A barrelful of rumours went cannoning along,
So then I thought the friendship I bought was about to be sorely tested

BRIDGE
I’ve had an idea,
I think it’ll work,
The end of us, m’dear,
I’ll say with a smirk,
Think on it a second,
I still love you so,
But a lady has beckoned,
And I think you should go,
But I can’t help thinking,
That I’ve made a mistake,
Maybe fate’s just winking,
And my feelings are fake,
Because every time I hear that voice,
Can’t help thinking I made the wrong choice,

This whole things not gone as planned!
No-one seems to understand!
None of my friends by me will stand!
They’ve all left me for the birds and,
This hasn’t gone the way I thought,
The tides against me, but I fought,
All my work has gone for naught!
And everybody seems distraught,

 

[WeAreSuperhero]

Aye, point. I thought it on the spot.
I was in a creative mood yesterday, so i ended up writing two more. One of them is about... well, you can probably guess, and the other is about a friend of mine.

Spoiler: Cold Dead Eyes

Cold Dead Eyes

CHORUS
His cold dead eyes, they look at you,
But they don’t think, they look right through,
What’re they looking at, what is their view?
He is alone, he is the many, and he is the few.

This child must have some terrible affliction,
Which screws his head and warps his diction,
Is it, perchance, some horrible addiction,
His only misfortune is dereliction.

CHORUS

Is the child just looking for attention?
Is that the cause of his apprehension?
Will it ultimately cause his ascension?
Into a more welcoming dimension?

CHORUS

Undoubtedly the cause is parental neglection,
Adding to the roots are social rejection,
As if he was afflicted with some horrific infection,
I think this child needs to look at his reflection,

CHORUS

I am sure he enjoys the outcast life
Threatening to slit with knife,
Causing those round him strife,
His kind are unfortunately rife,

CHORUS

Spoiler: Anticipation

Anticipation

CHORUS
The anticipation of a meeting with you,
The temptation, pulsating in my mind,
The sensations surely awaiting be true
The good vibrations of us intertwine

One sits here alone,
Crouching he groans,
He holds his own,
And lets out a moan,

CHORUS

He thinks of her,
His minds a blur,
He wants her fur,
To make her purr

CHORUS

She’ll be his bride,
But she won’t provide,
Won’t let him guide,
His steed inside

CHORUS

His thoughts come quicker,
His feelings flicker,
His thoughts come faster,
He will be master!
His thoughts come nearer,
On fait amourir!

CHORUS

One thing i don't like about these is the rhyming structure is the same, and quite boring. I've not really encountered much, and i don't think its as creative as the first song, which had a sonnet as a bridge.