Untitled Poems of Love and Life

[dandanthedan]

I

Thou art the only flower in the sands,
Thou art the only one sacred.
The only kind ever existed on lands
In a world full of anger and hatred,
Thou beauty hath blinded me,
To see you what the eyes cannot,
Follow may what heart dictates to thee
In loving a beautiful maiden lot.
I reached the lieu no one ever could,
Olympus, fervored all the way to,
Passed the road brutal and rude
Mind not what the heart do
To love the dearest kin of Venus,
Hidden from men and impetuous.

II

To love thee or not? Or
To break free from chains?
Answers left unsaid doth
Heart should dictate.
To someone doused with dust
Love continue or halt?
Affinity afoot my door,
Love does what love is.
Thou whipped not knelt,
Disturbed yet unshooked
Rapid thunder shook me,
The truth unfolds
Clear not the voices heard
The gist, is Emily.

III

In the midst something falls
Of an ever-bounded man,
Towards the light crawls
Away from darkness ran;
Doubts shrouded the eyes
Of whom that cant see,
To judge between the lies
And of that what is me,
Thou love may give
The things that cant be given;
Under GOD, to serve and to live
The voice has long been ridden;
So, be loved better be
Than to fall into misery.

IV

Fate brings and fate takes
The bliss I savor,
Its needle pierces through
My thickened armor;
Fate brings and fate takes
The girl I longed for,
When such agony passes
To and from the door;
When you asked me to love you less
I loved you more,
Oh! The lass that I love the most
The only, the one I adore,
Face me and never elude
When love enters do not seclude.

V

Oh! Such beauty shown
A fine lass now you have grown;
Nightingales with cooing glad
Welcoming a gleeful lad;
The eastern light of the dark
Pierces through, leaving a mark.
What was once unbound
Now chained, not found,
What was once free
Now captive to thee;
The bludgeoning that felt
Bruised and broken yet unknelt;
Yet encumbered you might be
But don’t fall into misery.

VI

The reasons, the reason sought
To answer, the answer caught,
Enthused, been enthused to write
The feeling, true it would might,
If doubts shrouds what the eyes could see
Just look, look into the abyss of me;
If the things you see are the things that rot
Ponder, the eyes may fail but the heart do not,
Yonder, look what is beyond
And strengthen, to strengthen the bond;
Life may seem brutal and rude
But GOD never gives that never you could;
The breath may scamper away
But life, into the heart will stay.

VII

If thou trust shall not
Then love will ne’er be!
You know how I love a lot
A maiden made for me;
What love hath brought
May change the stars forever,
The star that sleeps has caught
To replace thee, oh I would never!
These may seem what He has spooned
But never big, too big to swallow,
Don’t fall to what was doomed
Stay way from the remnants of the shadow;
The whip that alters may fail
But whatever would it be, just sail.

VIII

Thus words out they came
Then truth with it follows,
The impact made me lame
Now walking ‘neath the shadows;
Stupid might have I become,
Crazy now have I felt;
Your love, please save me some
Pleading now, I knelt;
Yet look, look into the east
And cover the tears that fell,
To smile made me, least
The rays that made me well;
Oh! GOD how I thank thee
For letting me, letting me.

IX

You love driven by pity
To the really first you’ve ever had,
No match for its versatility
But God protected me ironclad;
Was it only because of it?
Or was it somethin’ else?
From you dimmed heart lit
Was it something that dwells?
Ajar you are standing now
You don’t know what to do,
But you have to make a vow
Only in one canoe;
Whatever may be the decision
Rely on Gods inquisition.

X

Eternal bonds seemed shaken,

For the thought that hasn’t been taken;

The time when we thought we knew,

That miracles happen on us too;

Ajar may you be now

To decide the unbreakable vow;

Wanting me you to bind

That solace in you I could find;

Reap the time to what is right

To consider love and love be light;

But then dissension stumbled on,

I just woke up on a gloomier dawn;

Now I’m lonely but not sad,

Devastated but at least not mad.
XI

Condemned for misjudgments

That’s how I am;

A winner of disappointments

That’s what I’ve become;

A simple walk that means a lot

And a chance to know you better

Turned out to show what I haven’t got

And made me into a big time loser;

The things that I have done

Haven’t done you any good,

For the things that you shun

Showed me the things that I should;

So pardon me for being so cheerful

I never knew it would turn out awful.
XIV

Into the very recesses of my mind
I delve deeper so I can find
the girl that caught me deeply
which held into my memory.
You’re a rising sun yet I’m a setting moon
in an endless chase of affinity,
your face flourished, your beauty’s boon
which beheld your divine chastity.
I love you so, just so you know
so painful as I see and watch you go,
by knowing into my heart you cannot stay
I’m again wishing you’ll come my way.
As i end this noble writing cause
hope to forget all of my loss.

XV

The innocence of thou beauty

Hath wilt my undying heart;

O when can love be desperate?

Is it to give some of thou part?

The thought of happiness

Made my mind clamor;

Entranced away from sadness

Made thou such glamour;

O! Hear the plea of a stranger,

Utter nobody of thou fairest,

Your sympathy made me stronger

Lend me your heart O dearest!

Yet my freshest, away you turneth,

Towards your Adonis you faceth.

XVI

Maria! Maria! What a sweet melody!

The angels sing in perfect harmony;

As I say your name in my highest appreciation

It speaks of only a goddess’s reincarnation;

O’er the creatures that seeks your worth

Only the greatest could only come forth

Coz your eyes shimmer like the purest gold

And your smile glitters, warming up the cold;

My weakened body strengthens in your presence

My dying heart raised by your benevolence;

Only perfect words suited for the perfect lad

Such an honor to meet you, I’m glad;

It’s simply

Victoria

just spelled in words

Clothed in white and robes of lords.

XVII

Oh! How painfully hard can it be,

Of whips and flails I cannot protect

Thee charming maiden made for me

And of joyous memories I reflect;

Roses bow as you stood eager

A scenic site behold!

And of tempests dare never

To break the bond foretold;

Oh! Thou have made me strong,

Victory! Pride is torn asunder;

Finding thee was never wrong

Loving thee is never a blunder;

No impediment will I allow

To break the love I have for thou.

XVIII





Let not question shroud thou heart

If petty disputes keeps us apart;

Zealous eyes I have seen in thee

And lovely smiles only for me;

Never shall they take you away

Nor halt the reason for you to stay;

Death is nothing but a friend

And only love will it defend;

Never will I ever try to leave

Alluring deity, only passion we believe;

Lo! All the love I’ve found

Lose not all the feelings abound;

Enthralling is the site by which we stand

Never darkness nor time will reach this land.

 

[moog]

It all seems a bit pretentious to me. Very long winded imo.

 

[Anonymous]

-tries to write the ruba'iyat, winds up sucking many cocks-

i actually tried to read these seriously but i am completely unable. people don't write like this anymore for a very good reason.

 

[DaithioDell]

A classic example of how adhering too stringently to a rhyme scheme isn't always the best idea. Several stanzas were garbled for the sake of producing a rhyme.

Often intermixed use of 'thee, thou, and thy' - they can all be pretty words when used properly. When not, they make the line trip over itself.

Also, when writing in such formal language, contractions are to be used sparingly (have not rather than haven't, do not rather than don't).

I am impressed by how prolific you seem to be, and the ideas are solid. Sonnets are not simple to write well and often require more time editing than writing to end up great.

 

[Surmuck]

Jesus, it's good to see the poetry content in this forum just gets better and better every time I come back.

Anyway, I agree 100% with everyone above; srsly either commit entirely to ye olde school writing, or don't - because really the whole poem just looks like you were trying to bring back an era of poetry that's way over, combined with trying to make yourself look like a better poet than I can tell you are.

Normally I'd go through and do my everything-edit; but it's too much poetry and I'm already bitter

-Surmuck

 

[bashful crobat]

I couldn't finish reading because my eyes started watering with the laughter.

 

[Anonymous]

I don't really know much about YE OLDE ENGLISHE but I'm prettysure 'thou beauty' is incorrect because it would become 'you beauty'.

 

[e]

Yeah, I had trouble figuring whether there was some in-depth meaning to the ever changing "thou", "you", "thee", "you", etc., or you were just as confused as I was.

 

[So fist]

it would be thine beauty.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

I really don't think anyone's written like this for four hundred years. (well, maybe that's stretching it, but you get the idea) That's your biggest and foremost problem. Many of the rhymes are forced, like these ones:

You love driven by pity
To the really first you’ve ever had,
No match for its versatility
But God protected me ironclad

Oh! Thou have made me strong,
Victory! Pride is torn asunder;
Finding thee was never wrong
Loving thee is never a blunder;
No impediment will I allow
To break the love I have for thou.

When writing, you shouldn't say too much that you wouldn't say in real life. I honestly don't believe that you talk like this, or anyone, really, so it seems very unnatural and bizarre. It also helps when you read the poem out loud to see if it flows. If you find you're tripping over yourself or stumbling, then you have a problem. I say next time you try some of these, don't adhere to a standard set four centuries ago.

I think if you tried to, you know, make it modernized, it would be much better and seem less forced. (also, toning down the length never hurts in this case)

 

[DaithioDell]

it would be thine beauty.

...Thy.

Thine means, more literally, 'yours'. 'Thine beauty' is not incorrect, just awkward.

 

[So fist]

Dalthio, tell that to Shakespeare:

From his sonnets alone:

But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,

Within thine own bud buriest thy content,

To say, within thine own deep sunken eyes,

So thou through windows of thine age shalt see,

Die single and thine image dies with thee.

To be death's conquest and make worms thine heir.

By unions married, do offend thine ear,

But from thine eyes my knowledge I derive,

Nor draw no lines there with thine antique pen;

It can be used as either and is commonly used interchangeably in either role.  How it is operating is easily divined by context. 

 

[Anonymous]

note: thine is always used before a vowel.

 

[So fist]

Yes.  Only exception being H. but that's a soft consonant that requires you to use the an as opposed to a.  So yes it appears thine is "your" for voweled object whereas thy is for an object that starts with a consonant.

 

[So fist]

so
thy beauty.
thine anger.

 

[DaithioDell]

Heck, even I didn't realize that. Good job on the research, boys.

 

[dandanthedan]

wow...i never thought id have many replies...lol...actually i wrote those poems when i was from elementary to HS...not much info yet about literature...now im already in college...i just wanted to share it to everyone...those days were gone now..i grew up..but i still consider them my written treasures..^_^

btw thanx for the criticisms everyone...^_^

 

[Surmuck]

This thread was mostly useful for people who were wondering how to use 'thine' and 'thy' and shit.

The answer is: don't. That was a long time ago, and now it makes you look pretentious (this isn't directed at you dandanthedan - just everyone).

Thank you for participating everyone D: