Unnamed Story. [Development]

[Numb]

Alright, so I have no protagonists or actual plot developed yet. Currently, I have only developed the main antagonist. I will update this with more information as I connect the pieces.

Protagonists


Antagonists
Name:
-- Donovan
"The Puppetmaster"
Age:
-- Late 30's-Early 40's.
Sex:
-- Male
Basic Description:
-- He has white medium-length hair and has bandages covering his eyes. He wears a dark-gray suit.
Weapon of Choice
-- Prefers to be unarmed.
Background Story
-- As a child, Donovan group up with a normal middle-class family. Unfortunately, due to relationship issues, his parents ended up getting a divorce. He chose to go with his mother, who he was closer too. While returning from an adventure in the forest, he was attacked by a man in the night and his eyes were gouged out with a knife. This is why he wears bandages over his eyes. Due to such trauma as a child from humans, he decided to get his revenge on them by killing every human being alive. Of course, he could not do this alone. Joining with other people who had suffered similar things, he was able to form a large team which would assist him in getting his only desire -- revenge.
Picture:
Just a quick drawing made in Microsoft Paint in a 'chibi' form to display a basic look of the character. I would appreciate it if someone could make me some actual art, colored or un-colored.

Spoiler: Donovan

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Name
-- Ivy
Age:
-- Early-Mid 20s
Sex:
-- Female
Basic Description:
-- Long dark hair, wears green some-what revealing clothing. Carries around a whip.
Weapon of Choice:
-- Whip
Background Story:
-- Not-developed yet.
Picture:
-- None Available.

 

[Daxis]

come on dude, this is less of a story as much as a character summary. Of one character. That's considerably bad as well.

Dude, a person who got their eyes gouged out will NOT want to kill all humans. I don't care what you say. That's just stupid, inane, and retarded. People suffer so much worse horrors EVERY day, and you don't see anyone become like that, and you don't see anyone doing shit like that.

And even if he DID want to do some crap like that, revenge against people that had nothing to do with him, how would it work? How would some random blind tragic guy possible assemble a large enough team that could be a threat to anyone at all?

Picture is basic and doesn't even work as a chibi form. There's nothing there that can be even used to describe a person; even in chibi form, some features could be noticed and distinguished. Even if you don't have the skills to make something like that, at least type out a description that isn't basic guy in suit that has bandages.

Main character sounds like someone that's a bit sex appealish, lara croft, and generally there for fan appeal as a female and partially sex icon. Why? 3 things: name, clothes, and weapon. Think about the possibility and realism of that beyond a female fan appeal icon

Speaking of realism, please at the very least elaborate what setting this is. It sounds like modern times, which brings up the question of WTF WOULD ANYONE USED A WHIP and how can someone really hold such a shallow and nonsensical grudge for twenty or thirty years.

If I'm too critical, sorry. But next time, read the character development guidelines, and think much more about something before saying you'll do anything.

 

[Numb]

come on dude, this is less of a story as much as a character summary. Of one character. That's considerably bad as well.

Dude, a person who got their eyes gouged out will NOT want to kill all humans. I don't care what you say. That's just stupid, inane, and retarded. People suffer so much worse horrors EVERY day, and you don't see anyone become like that, and you don't see anyone doing shit like that.

Very true. I have some ideas to redo it. I will work on this some more for sure.

And even if he DID want to do some crap like that, revenge against people that had nothing to do with him, how would it work? How would some random blind tragic guy possible assemble a large enough team that could be a threat to anyone at all?

I don't know. I didn't really think this through that much. I will redo this as well. #o_O

Picture is basic and doesn't even work as a chibi form. There's nothing there that can be even used to describe a person; even in chibi form, some features could be noticed and distinguished. Even if you don't have the skills to make something like that, at least type out a description that isn't basic guy in suit that has bandages.

That's literally all he wears though. A suit and he has bandages over his eyes. What do you mean by details exactly?

Main character sounds like someone that's a bit sex appealish, lara croft, and generally there for fan appeal as a female and partially sex icon. Why? 3 things: name, clothes, and weapon. Think about the possibility and realism of that beyond a female fan appeal icon

Not a main character. "Ivy" is only a sub-villian.

Speaking of realism, please at the very least elaborate what setting this is. It sounds like modern times, which brings up the question of WTF WOULD ANYONE USED A WHIP and how can someone really hold such a shallow and nonsensical grudge for twenty or thirty years.

Good point about the grudge. It wouldn't last that long. Hmm. I've got some thinking to do.

If I'm too critical, sorry. But next time, read the character development guidelines, and think much more about something before saying you'll do anything.

:/ Alright. Thanks for the advice. I will work on this much more #o.O