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This is a story of hate

Yeah, that's the actual title. I wrote this after some inspiration from Hania, http://hania.newgrounds.com/
Comments: is it written too presumptuous? Too self important? References too obscure?



This is a story of hate



This is a story of hate.

This is a story about a pact that was made on a stormy night and the consequences that follow. Shadow etched upon light, thunder roaring away all but doubt and fear, there was once a house in the woods where nightmares took hold. The bogeyman slept with you, something lurked under the bed, and a path of the black cat was blazed around the rim of the house.

There were twelve on that faithful hour of hate. Ten were of the phallus, and two were of hand mirror and comb. The circle of Solomon was the evocation, complemented within the deepest abyss of the flower of life, circles upon circles, for the circle is infinite and infinity contained. Candles surrounded them, the air a tinge of the mystic and esoteric. Within this night, within this house, in the finite yet deep forest of petrified trees, the Bible of God was spoken yet it was in writ mirrored sides, abomination taken upon mortal tongue. Ghosts cried while the spectre wailed, the hour of mortality was at hand.

Blade and dagger raised, life shall not take life but death shall take life. It shall never be birthed but its cord be ripped into life. Taken from God and Devil, it was placed upon the earth. They cheered, acting like Pagan and Wiccan but with intentions nowhere as noble. Mother Earth cried and parted, for it was here. The phallus shall thrive and it did, while the child of the Firsts tried to cry but couldn't.

Its wrath had been turned and banned from it, it was murdered and put on realm most mortal, when someone dies it shall feel, when someone cries it shall bleed, it was not free. The hour of mortality was reaped from the mid of night, the sky a phantasm of raven corpse and decadent crow, and it was now here.

Thirteen petals on the flower of life, twelve were seated with Judas born. Thirteen participants at the hour of Christ, not a single one to remain within life. The Rubicon crossed by legion 13, the First Reich did be destroyed.

This is the story of hate.
 

candle

Sponsor

It was pretty good, but i dont quite get it. also, it did sound a bit too drawn out. it was like you knew what you wanted to say but decided to take a long time to say and you were trying to use so many formal words that just dont feel right. i had some trouble with the pacing of your story.
 
Certain parts are a bit drawn out; I usually don't plan details in my writing, only big pictures and scenes. I usually bullcrap things like this the first time through, cause editing is awful... I have a pretty good idea for where the story of this thingey is going, but as I form the idea, I try to fit this into the idea, and that's usually where it messes up.

It's sorta okay if you don't get it- it's something I'm going to develop into a bigger thing, hopefully. The entire thing itself was a practice in writing a different style while still trying to get my ideas into it. I've still got some things to change and do...

Like the hand mirror and comb part- I should really shorten that or change the reference or SOMETHING, that area just pisses me off.

Thx.
 
I thought it was very interesting, but you could have made it clearer. There were too many references that most people (including myself at times) won't understand. The hand mirror and comb part was one of them. It was obvious you were trying to describe something, but it didn't come through for me as well as it could have. It felt like you were kind of going around what you were trying to say, if that makes sense. It's definitely interesting, though. ^^
 
ha, that reference was damn hard, I guess. It is a totally different style than what I'm used to, and I guess I was trying too hard.
the phallus: male gender: it's represented by the male symbol, which is a phallus.
the hand mirror and comb: the oppsite gender, the females. The female symbol is represented by a handmirror and comb.
 

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