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The Rise and Fall of Martin IV

What happens when you ask a second-grader about his aspirations, then fail to crush his hopes and dreams? The answer is found in The Rise and Fall of Martin IV.

I participate in something called SPEECH which is basically a bunch of kids saying words in front of judges. The following piece was written by myself for the category of Original Works. It is an optional reading category so I pretend to read it out of a little black binder while doing pirouettes and walking around and jumping and stuff. I recieved third place last Saturday out of ~fifteen kids when I did this piece!

I have put parts that are said in a DEEP VOICE in bold because the fact that they are said that way is important to the story! Also pretend that a male young adult is prancing around and basically making a fool out of himself while reading this.

The piece is about six minutes long.

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"When I grow up," announced Timmy, "I want to be an astronaut!" "When I grow up, I want to be a ballerina," explained Suzie. Lenny wanted to be a firefighter, while Ashley was determined to be a police officer.

And then everybody looked at sweet little Martin, who was wiser beyond his years. The entire class was trying to figure out what Martin would aspire to.

Martin stood up and raised a fist. "I want to be... an EMPEROR!" The other children's eyes grew wide as Martin marched up to the front of the room and stood in front of the whiteboard. The teacher asked him to sit down. Martin stared at her, pointed a finger and bellowed "SILENCE IN THE NAME OF EMPEROR MARTIN THE FOURTH!". He had a strong voice for a second-grader.

Martin, with the assistance of a step-stool, began drawing a grand castle, although it was less a castle and more a spaceship. Actually, it could have been better described as a collage of lines and circles, but we'll give the kid a break and call it an alien fortress. "This is Grandcastle, my flying tower!" declared Martin, determined eyes venturing deep into the souls of his fellow seven-year-olds. Nobody dared interrupt this exposition of a possible tyrant.

"Suzie!" barked the kid emperor, and the suddenly dutiful girl stood beside her leader. "You are my queen, and--". Martin seemed distracted, but rightfully so, as every girl in the room except Suzie now either started crying or glaring. Between the sobs and hisses, Martin the Fourth decided it in his country's best interest to marry each girl and have a wide range of queens.

The teacher asked where Martin the Third was from. With a flourish, Martin assured her that "my father hailed from the paradise of Utah!". The teacher was not surprised.

With all the queens in a row, braiding each other's hair, Martin devised a way to choose an advisor. To the young men of the class he asked, "what is 7 + 3?". Lenny said that it was seventy-three. Another boy declared that it was ten, but Martin deemed him incorrect. Finally, Timmy yelled "TWELVE!". This was the correct answer; Martin the Fourth was born on December 12th. His teacher rolled her eyes.

(pause/chapter end/whatever; this is a second-long INTERMISSION I guess)

And now, twenty-five years later. Earth has been divided into nine continents: Asia, Africa, Erope, Australia, South America, North America, the Artic, Antartica, and Martinland.

The United States sold Utah to Martin the Fourth; he bargained and only had to pay twenty-five yellow bricks, six blue cubes and long, flat LEGO board. Within a few years of negotiation with France, England and Germany, an eleven-year-old Martin ammased a workforce of Irish laborers 3,000 strong.

On Martin's twelfth birthday, Martinland was founded. The laborers weren't able to bild a flying fortress to be Grandcastle, sadly. "Erect a treehouse on the palace grounds, with plumbing, and a Gilette Mach 3!" was Martin's reply to the failed Grandcastle designs. The treehouse itself was for altitude while the razor was for facial hair... Timmy, the advisor, suggested that Martin was the emperor simply because leaders in the books always had beards, and Martin's puberty had hit very early.

Unfortunately, his puberty came back to bite Martin's face off. A 32-year-old Emperor Martin IV was clearing whife number 267--or was it 594...?--whichever wife it was* out of the snack cabinet when his face started to melt. A recent news report disclosed that Emperor Martin IV's early puberty had caused his hormone level to increase significantly throughout his short life. Eventually, the birds and the bees pecked and stung him as his voice got so deep that wehn he said something suggestive to the wife in the snack cabinet, the vibrations from his voicebox made his skin crawl off--literally.

Suzie, the now-famous ballerina and wife number one, promptly usurped the throne of Martinland. She turned Grandcastle into Barbie Palace.

It is said that every December 12th, all of Martinland is cursed by the tragic ghost of Emperor Martin IV. The air smells like Old Spice deodorant, voices become deeper, and all math problems are solved with "12".

And on that date each year, Martin's old teacher visits Martinland. Suzie gives her a fine room in Barbie Palace, and the teacher writes self-help books on what to do if you're born a power-hungry polygamist.

*This really works much better when read aloud.

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Yeah. It's written to be READ ALOUD, not READ IN YOUR HEAD... but hopefully you can enjoy it just the same.
 

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