The red man and the blue man.

[kaze950]

This is a short story (if you can call it that...I would call it a children's book without pictures) I just wrote for fun. It's not completely original and was inspired by something, but what isn't these days >_>

If you know what inspired it the similarities should be fairly obvious. Anyway, I'd just thought I would post it. So here it is:



A long time ago, there was a red man.
The red man was rich. He had a wife, children, and plenty of money and food.

A long time ago, there was a blue man.
The blue man was poor. He had a wife, children, and hardly any money or food.

The monster walked up to the red man.
"You have much wealth, but you will not forever. Give me a gold coin, and I will give you one more year of life."
The red man agreed, and gave the monster a gold coin. Not one, not two, not three - much more.
He gave the monster all of his gold, so he could live forever.

The monster walked up to the blue man.
"You live in sadness - you have but a few gold coins and can barely get by. Give me a year of your life, and I will give you 100 gold coins."
The blue man agreed, and gave the monster a year of his life. Not one, not two, not three - much more.
He gave the monster much of his life, so he could be rich.

A long time ago, there was a red man.
The red man could live forever, but he had no money.
Soon, his wife left him.  He couldn't provide for her.
Soon, his children left him. He couldn't provide for them.
Though he could live forever, he had no money or food.

A long time ago, there was a blue man.
The blue man had all the riches in the world, but was on his deathbed.
Soon, his wife left him. She couldn't bear to see him die.
Soon, his children left him. They couldn't bear to see him die.
Though he had many riches, he was soon to die.

"Curse that monster!" said the red man. "I should never have made that trade!"
"Curse that monster!" said the blue man. "I should never have made that trade!"

The red man had no money for food. Though he could live forever, he starved to death.
The blue man's lifespan was almost out. Though he had over a thousand gold pieces, he died in his sleep.

A long time ago, there was a green man.
The green man had a wife, children, and enough money and food to live.

The monster walked up to the green man.
"If you give me a year of your life, I will give you 100 gold coins. You could be the richest man in the town."
The green man said "No, I have enough money to live. I am happy."

The monster walked up to the green man.
"If you give me a gold coin, I will give you a year of life. You could live longer than any other man."
The green man said "No, I will die when I die. I am happy."

The monster tried to barter with the green man.
But each time, the green man simply replied, "No, I am happy with my life."

A long time ago, there was a monster.
The monster walked up to a red man. The monster walked up to a blue man.

 

[Ceroscuro]

Though he could live forever, he starved to death.

If he starved to death then he couldn't live forever :x

A long time ago, there was a monster.
The monster walked up to a red man. The monster walked up to a blue man.

Is that supposed to mean the monster dies too?  That kind of confused me.

Otherwise, pretty good, although quite cliche.

 

[seven]

Yeah and all children's books have to make the point blatantly obvious. T_T

 

[kaze950]

If he starved to death then he couldn't live forever :x

Well, I didn't want it to get too complicated, but basically "live forever" meant that he wouldn't die of old age or something. He could still die if he lacked nourishment or if he got killed, something like that.

Is that supposed to mean the monster dies too?  That kind of confused me.
That line is there simply to show that "the red man" and "the blue man" are not actual people, but representations of people and that the monster would continue to deceive most people throughout the ages.

Well, thanks for the comments. Just something I wrote up quickly, so I wasn't expecting raving reviews.

 

[serrated_colon]

this reminds me of that indian speech, "the red man and the white man"

i thought this story would be american propaganda

 

[Venetia]

it was a little too redundant, even for a kiddie's book, but if you trimmed out some of those repetitive lines and added some cute pictures, it'd make a good little fable for the kidlets.

 

[Grathea]

I quite liked it, honestly. Reminds me of the stories my father used to read me when I was little, a bit.

And I second the 'kid's book with illustrations' thing. It'd be pretty badass.